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Me, Myself, and I

By Rita Skeeter

Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange

Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s еще to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!

RS: Hello!

BL: *growls*

RS: Do Ты mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?

BL: What’s that?

*fingers wand handle threateningly*

RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call Ты Bella?

BL: No.

RS: How would Ты describe your relationship with the man known as Lord Voldemort

*Bellatrix turns pink, then regains composture*

BL: I am his most loyal follower! I, who spent years in Azkaban for him!

RS: Riiiiight, I’m sure that was a real big help, now-

*Bellatrix reaches for wand again*

BL: Do Ты doubt me, Ты FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!

RS: uh, no, of course not, now, what would Ты say is your Избранное spell?

BL: CRUCIO!! Would Ты like a demonstration?

*Bellatrix laughs evilly and reaches for wand again*

RS: No need for that, now, er, why do Ты like it so much?

BL: It’s so much fun to cause innocent people pain! HAHAHA! And I give filthy mudbloods and half-bloods what they deserve. *cackles evilly* I also like Avada Kedavra, but not as much since it doesn’t actually cause people insufferable pain, *Cackles again*.

RS: *uncomfortably* Right, er, moving on, how do Ты feel before going out on missions for the Dark Lord? Uncomfortable? Excited? Guilty?

*Bellatrix leans вперед and looks at my Письмо pad*

BL: I CAN be nice! Like if someone begs me to kill them it’s not like I ignore that altogether reasonable request!

RS: Okay, moving on again, what are your main goals in life?

BL: To torture as many innocent people as possible, especially filthy mudbloods, kill muggles, do the Dark Lords bidding, make out with the Dark Lor-er, nothing

*Bellatrix turns pink*

RS: Mmmhmm, very interesting, now, how do Ты feel about the way J.K. Rowling has written about Ты in the Harry Potter Books? Do Ты feel she has done Ты justice?

BL: I HATE THE STUPID TITLE! The series should be called something еще like “The Dark Lords quest for blood purification and the filthy half-blood idiot who stood in his way and eventually died a painful death”

RS: Hmmm, and how do Ты feel about your death at the hands of Molly Weasley?

BL: DO NOT SPEAK OF IT! THAT STUPID HALF-BLOOD-FILTHY-BLOOD-TRAITOR-FAT-UNTALENTED-SEVEN-KIDS-UGLY-HOUSEWITCH DID NOT DESERVE TO KILL ME! THE DARK LORD MOST LOYAL FOLLOWER! I COULD DEFEAT HER WITH MY WAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!

*As I was running for my life, I was forced to conclude my highly informative interview with Bellatrix Lestrange*
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Source: Me Myself and I. Slaved away on Paint to make it, XD
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Эй, Guys. Here is A Список I came up with (Luna--Lovegood helped) of fun ways to annoy Bellatrix. Guaranteed to get Ты crucio-ed! Please Комментарий and let me know what Ты think. Thank Ты to Luna--Lovegood for helping me write this, Ты are quite creative for a non-deatheater, Luna!

1. Impersonate the dark Lord and convince her that he’s really into peace with Muggles.

2. Whenever she cackles evilly, roll your eyes in an obvious way and grumble, “That’s getting sooooo old, Bella”

3. Далее time she uses the Cruciatus Curse on someone, groan and say she has no imagination when it comes to...
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posted by Lord-Voldemort
88
To all the Bellatrixes and Voldemorts out there:
There are now 3 of each, in order of appearance, BellaBlackL, Bellatrix-Black, BellatrixL / Lord-Voldemort, Lord_Voldemort, IAmVoldy.

I am purely curious, now that the newcomers know that these roles are already filled, why do Ты keep trying to roleplay as them? It confuses people. We have all different, unique voices and it seems a shame that we're trying to mash them all together to be the same character. Why don't Ты try other characters? Lucius, Snape, Alecto, etc...?

Also, Ты ask why 2 is ok but 3 isn't? It's not the amount, it's the voice....
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posted by Lord-Voldemort
14
As Ты well know, our goal was to murder Harry Potter and dispose of the Order of the Pheonix. With the approach of the final 2 movies, I fear that the majority of HP Фаны will believe us defeated and vanquished, HOWEVER, this movie is a fake. Rowling did not write a story, she wrote a history of Wizarding War and marketed it as a work of fiction. Rowling is a very clever woman and therefore she altered the end so that the "good guys" won the war, when in reality, I won the war. Harry Potter is dead. Please read the Alternate Ending Опубликовано by Dawnstalker to find out the truth about the end...
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”Avada Kedavra”
And Harry Potter, the boy who lived…died.

But just like Dumbledore had said, he returned to life, though he had to good sense to pretend he was still dead. Lord Voldemort stood at the head of his army of Deatheaters, he sent Narcissa Malfoy to see if Harry still breathed. Narcissa lied to protect her son because she really didn’t care who own anymore, she just wanted to be безопасно, сейф with her family. The Dark Lord knew that her allegiances no longer lay completely with him, so he sent his forever faithful servant, Bellatrix Lestrange, to Подтвердить her sister’s observation....
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added by KateKicksAss
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posted by Lord-Voldemort
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My loyal Deatheaters,
Harry Potter is destroyed, and now we may focus our attention on the rest of England, and then the world!
I have sent my most faithful Deatheaters out to take control of areas surrounding London, The Lestranges, the Carrows, Mulciber and Yaxley, and soon my rule will span all of Europe!

But first, there is another piece of business to attend to. If I am to remain truly invincible we must take out all that threaten my throne, the pretenders, the blood traitors, the imposters. We will begin with the blood traitors. Bellatrix, Narcissa, we all know that Ты have some interesting...
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Source: The Internet