Credit: link. I didn't write it myself.
"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the Далее person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling Любовь might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most Последнее survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last Kiss standing up, sitting down, или lying down?
The only Kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose постель, кровати were Ты on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told Ты they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are Ты excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking вперед to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five еще months till Christmas!
Do Ты hate the last person Ты kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have Ты ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook Профиль for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status Обновления don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If Ты married the last person Ты texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do Ты like to have long hair или short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your Избранное Рождество carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung by Josh Groban.
Do Ты hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have Ты ever told someone Ты loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do Ты live under a rock или something?
Do Ты believe everyone deserves a секунда chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do Ты like being kissed spontaneously, или asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made Ты mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do Ты think Ты can last in a relationship for 6 months или more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last еще than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person Ты kissed, how many times have Ты cried in front of them?
...Do Ты even know me at all?
What's the first thing Ты do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were Ты touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did Ты hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the Далее person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling Любовь might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most Последнее survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last Kiss standing up, sitting down, или lying down?
The only Kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose постель, кровати were Ты on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told Ты they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are Ты excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking вперед to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five еще months till Christmas!
Do Ты hate the last person Ты kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have Ты ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook Профиль for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status Обновления don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If Ты married the last person Ты texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do Ты like to have long hair или short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your Избранное Рождество carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung by Josh Groban.
Do Ты hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have Ты ever told someone Ты loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do Ты live under a rock или something?
Do Ты believe everyone deserves a секунда chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do Ты like being kissed spontaneously, или asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made Ты mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do Ты think Ты can last in a relationship for 6 months или more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last еще than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person Ты kissed, how many times have Ты cried in front of them?
...Do Ты even know me at all?
What's the first thing Ты do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were Ты touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did Ты hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
;]]]]]] I was bored. And please, no Femonk/Travtina comments.
1. Helena by MCR
Because 2 people already covered it and it's full of win.
2. Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
I always find it funny when guys sing it. xD Especially the "Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess!"
3. 17 by Jet
Coz he is... 17, I mean. :p
4. NYAN CAT song
He knows all the lyrics. ;]]]
5. Waiting by Green день (or any of the songs off Warning)
Because I am currently addicted to the song.
6. Destroya by MCR
I am a perv ;]
7. Baby by Justin Bieber
Coz he lied to us all about doing it.
8. Addicted by Simple Plan
Becauseeeee... I dunno. lol
9. I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones
Because... it rocks.
10. Sing by MCR
Appropriate, isn't it?
11. a redneck country song
LOL I dunno any, but it'll be funneh if he does.
12. Time to Dance by Panic!
Because I сказал(-а) so.
1. Helena by MCR
Because 2 people already covered it and it's full of win.
2. Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
I always find it funny when guys sing it. xD Especially the "Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess!"
3. 17 by Jet
Coz he is... 17, I mean. :p
4. NYAN CAT song
He knows all the lyrics. ;]]]
5. Waiting by Green день (or any of the songs off Warning)
Because I am currently addicted to the song.
6. Destroya by MCR
I am a perv ;]
7. Baby by Justin Bieber
Coz he lied to us all about doing it.
8. Addicted by Simple Plan
Becauseeeee... I dunno. lol
9. I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones
Because... it rocks.
10. Sing by MCR
Appropriate, isn't it?
11. a redneck country song
LOL I dunno any, but it'll be funneh if he does.
12. Time to Dance by Panic!
Because I сказал(-а) so.