A bunch of jokes I found.
1. A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"You mean if I become very sick?"
"Well . . . yes."
"If that happens, call a doctor!"
2. Daughter : I am in Любовь with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.
Dad: Thanks , Ты have saved my money & time.
Daughter: Dad, I am Чтение the letter left by Mom.
3. .-Knock, knock
-Who's there?
-Cornelius
-Cornelius who?
-Well, that's politics for you………
4. Why did the ласка пересекать, крест the road?
Somebody tossed a knut.
5. Why did Potter пересекать, крест the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.
6. Why did Draco пересекать, крест the road?
So he could свинг, качели his hips at Potter.
7. Why did Crabbe and Goyle пересекать, крест the road?
Draco did.
8. Why did the Dark Lord пересекать, крест the road?
Because Potter couldn't stop him.
9. Why did Death Eaters пересекать, крест the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.
10. Why did Trevor пересекать, крест the road?
To get away from Longbottom.
11. Why did Dumbledore пересекать, крест the road?
He was following the poisoned лимон drops.
12.Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.
13. Why do Slytherins пересекать, крест the road twice?
Because we are doublecrossers.
14. Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
15. Why did Misty say that Ash and Psyduck were alike?
They are both very dense in the head.
16. Wife: "What are Ты doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been Чтение our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the Срок завершения date."
17. A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One день his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The Далее день he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
18. Two boys were talking and the one сказал(-а) to the other, "There is a easy way to get what Ты want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people Ты know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
19. A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Далее to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's ужин and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do Ты mind if I throw him a bit?" сказал(-а) the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
20. 'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
1. A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"You mean if I become very sick?"
"Well . . . yes."
"If that happens, call a doctor!"
2. Daughter : I am in Любовь with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.
Dad: Thanks , Ты have saved my money & time.
Daughter: Dad, I am Чтение the letter left by Mom.
3. .-Knock, knock
-Who's there?
-Cornelius
-Cornelius who?
-Well, that's politics for you………
4. Why did the ласка пересекать, крест the road?
Somebody tossed a knut.
5. Why did Potter пересекать, крест the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.
6. Why did Draco пересекать, крест the road?
So he could свинг, качели his hips at Potter.
7. Why did Crabbe and Goyle пересекать, крест the road?
Draco did.
8. Why did the Dark Lord пересекать, крест the road?
Because Potter couldn't stop him.
9. Why did Death Eaters пересекать, крест the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.
10. Why did Trevor пересекать, крест the road?
To get away from Longbottom.
11. Why did Dumbledore пересекать, крест the road?
He was following the poisoned лимон drops.
12.Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.
13. Why do Slytherins пересекать, крест the road twice?
Because we are doublecrossers.
14. Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
15. Why did Misty say that Ash and Psyduck were alike?
They are both very dense in the head.
16. Wife: "What are Ты doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been Чтение our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the Срок завершения date."
17. A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One день his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The Далее день he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
18. Two boys were talking and the one сказал(-а) to the other, "There is a easy way to get what Ты want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people Ты know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
19. A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Далее to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's ужин and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do Ты mind if I throw him a bit?" сказал(-а) the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
20. 'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
My mom didn't even bother to tell me about getting mail from universities. I had to go through our mail that was sitting on the таблица and find out what I got. She sayd that she already decided what college to go to. I want to see what other options I have out there first before I make a decission. My mom on the other hand says that's not what I should do. I really want to get my dad involved because I know how much of a help he will be to me but I'm scared of the fights that will happen between my parents if I do tell my dad about what my did and said. I just am so stressed about this that I don't know what to do. My mom has already controlled a lot of my life I don't want her controlling anymore of my life. She already has had control over what I can and can't do. I just want to make my decissions without her having to control them.