Lord, can I please just give up?
(WARNING: this is a rant, so I apologize for the mild cussing. I tried not to....)
For the past 2 years (well, almost 2 years), I have dealt with stress and depression. And I've just about had enough of it. Wanna know why?
On Jan 31st 2013 (the день I curse so much), my beloved dog left this world, and left me behind. Now I know that to you, he may not seem like it, but he was very important to me. When I was growing up, I barely had any human friends, and all I had was Duji (my dog). I had him for 13 years, and he's gone now. I don't understand.... how does anyone go on living without the one the loved most? I never knew it at the time, but Duji held me together when my life sucked. That dog was the one thing that kept me going--he gave me a reason to live. And now, I can't keep myself together anymore! I just can't! I wanna live my life, and do things--cuz I have been told that "Duji wouldn't want Ты to be sad"--but it's so freakin' HARD! Doesn't anyone understand? Do Ты have any idea what it feels like to have your only reason for living to be TAKEN from you?
And you'd think that as much as I believe in Jesus, I would probably be еще stable, but I'm not. If Ты saw me, I would appear to have it altogether, but I honestly don't. I wanna work on my stories, but half the time I can't concentrate on anything--nothing accept the pain.
I've come to the end of my road, and I have no clue where to go anymore. I figure, whats the damn point of being alive? Why the hell was I even PUT here? I hate this world anyway.