Смешные шутки Club
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posted by x-menobsessed26
your mum is so fat when she stands on the радуга she makes skittles

ur mama's so ugly she called bob the builder and he said, I cant fix that-

Your mama so fat, when she went to the airport the cops arrested her for having ten pounds of crack

Your mama teeth is so yellow, when she went outside and smiled, cars slowed down

Your mama so fat, when she went into the ocean whales stared singing, "WE ARE FAMILY EVEN THOUGH YOUR FATTER THAN ME"

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the moon it broke

Your mama so ugly, when she looked out the window she got aressted for mooning

You were so ugly at birth,...
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posted by natty13
A young Aussie joins the navy. On the день he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors.
"But dad, how will I know?"
"Trust me son, Ты will know.
After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and s...hook his fathers hand.
"Well son,how did it go?"
"Dad, I found out what Ты ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came by and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard."
"But how could Ты tell he was gay?"
"Well, for 3 days he swam behind the лодка yelling "THROW ME A BOUY, THROW ME A BOUY"
Ok this is my Список of jokes I made. 1.Why does Russia have fast runners? Cuz their Russian! 2.A famous track runner is questioned by 2 reporters. on of the reporters asked,"were did Ты run your last race?" and the секунда one said,"How did Ты win the race?" the runner сказал(-а) 1 word to answer BOTH of the reporters questions! what was the word? (the answer is Iran) 3.tell a friend,"may i ask a question?" when they say yes Ты say,"out?" then they will be confused right? then tell them,"I jest asked Ты out." 4. If your friend says anything positive about himself say,"friend...if Ты were locked in a Еда Market...youd STARVE to death!" 5. If someone says to pickup your room, then say,"its WAY too heavy!!" 6. were do elderly people like to Rock-out? In their ROCKING CHAIR!! >.<
posted by Directioner3300
Ok so here are three of my jokes that I came up with.They just popped into my head a couple of times and when I wanted to post it somewhere I decided to post them right here.
So I hope Ты like the jokes!! :)
Ok so here's my first one that I came up with.
1.What kind of creature do Ты see in a dark alley?
An alley-gator!!!!

2.What does a попугай use to get out of an airplane?
A parrot-chute!!!!

And last but not least.
By the way those who aren't Jewish the Hora is a dance that Jewish people do for Hanukkah.And this joke is based on the Hora.

3.What did the man say when he сказал(-а) something bad during the dance?
That was Hora-ble!!!!
posted by KyoyaTategami01
Yo Moma so fat that she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit

Yo Moma so fat,when she dies in Call of Duty,the player get's the 5 person kill streak

Yo Moma so stupid that she played got your nose with Voldemort

Yo Moma so fat,the sorting hat has signed her to the house of блины

Yo Moma so stupid that Rebecca Black told her Thursday comes before Friday

Yo Moma so fat,she's a map on Call of Duty

Yo Moma so ugly,she's the reason why Waldo is hiding

Yo Moma so stupid,she brought tickets to Xbox Live

Yo Moma so ugly,she makes blind kids cry

Yo Moma so fat,when she sat on the iPod,she made the iPad

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posted by pipiqueen
here is one of my fav jokes-

teacher- students,as a part of literary week celebrations, we have decided to hold a competition!

(children starts to look at each other and whisper)

teacher- silence! the contest is, each день Ты have to read a well known book! and i'll say the names of some well-known books,and those who have read it should raise their hands, and the one who has read most books,will get extra recess time

(children cheers!later at the end of the week)

teacher- how many of Ты read , hamlet?

(the whole class raise their hands!)

teacher-good! now how many has read oddissi?

(again the whole class raise their hands!the teacher is suspicious whether they r lying,so she decides to test them)

teacher- exellent!now how many of Ты have read the biography of aristotile?

(as expected,the whole class raise their hands again!)

teacher- good,but may i inform Ты that there is no book yet,called biography of aristotle?
posted by ChiliPepperLuv
1. Why did the turkey пересекать, крест the road? He wasn't a chicken.
2. Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee, I ring the doorbell.
3. If Ты are American in the living room, what are Ты in the bathroom? European (you're a peein')!
4. What did the science book say to the math book? Boy, do Ты have problems!
5. When I fell down, a friend asked, "Are Ты all right?" I replied, "No, I'm half left."
6. What do Ты get when Ты пересекать, крест a hedgehog with a turtle? A slow poke
7. Why do skunks like Valentine's Day? They're scent-imental.
8. Knock, knock! Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine...
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posted by Gokussj173
1.One день a man noticed that his Credit Card is stolen...But he didn't Сообщить it to Police.
Guess WHY????? ;D
Because the thief was spending less than his wife.....Hahahahha!!!!

2.Friend no.1:Hey dude,what are u lookin for so intensly in the keyboard?
Friend 2:I'm playin a game and it says "Press any key to continue".But I cant find the "any" key here...

3.(A teacher to a student)
Teacher:Dave,tell the name of 1 thing that has NOT been used since 10 years...
Dave:Sir,my brain!!!
Dave:Thats why I told "Brain"...

4.One день a bank was robbed.The robbers succesfully managed...
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#1 Man Talking to a King
Man: Your majesty, what do a million years count for you?
King: For me, A minute.
Man: What do a million dollars count for you?
King: For me, a penny.
Man: Can I have a penny?
King: Wait a minute.

#2 A man talking to a doctor.
Man: Doctor I feel like everyone is trying to get rid of me.
Doctor: Next!

#3 (WARNING: rude joke) A man got, married. He opened his wife's lap top. He entered the Пароль "penis". The computer says: ERROR! Пароль too short!

#4 Santa talking to Banta
Santa: So, Ты are distantly related to the family Далее door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

#5 Q:Why do some idiots take a car door with them when they go to the desert?
A: So they can open the window when it gets hot.

#6 Q: Who can jump higher than a mountain?
a: Everyone! Mountains can't jump!
1 день 2 very lovin parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son wlked in n сказал(-а) "Wat doz сука n bastard mean?" n d parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

d nx день d parents decided 2 hav sex, d women сказал(-а) "feel my titties" n the man сказал(-а) "feel my dick".

Their son wlked in n asked "What doz titties n dick mean?" n d parents replied "hats n coats".

On Thnksgivin d dad was shavin n cut himself, "Shit" he said, d kid came in n asked "What's dat mean" n dman сказал(-а) it was d brand shavin cream he was usin.

Dwn stairs d mom was preparin d turkey, n she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's dat mean" the mom сказал(-а) dats wat she calls stuffin d turkey.

логово, ден d door колокол, колокольчик, белл rang. d kid answered d door to his relatives n сказал(-а) "Alright u bitches n bastards, put ur dicks n titties in d closet, my dad is upstairs wipin the shit off his face, n my mom is in the кухня fuckin d turkey!
posted by chowjoyi
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did Ты know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes‚ I know‚" сказал(-а) the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But‚ madam‚ Ты must know that your privates are exposed!" сказал(-а) the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything Ты see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
posted by harold
"Then Ты Показать up and drink my poison!"

Barnaby laughed with the others, but his сердце wasn't in it. He was concentrating too hard. Should he have picked one that was еще ribald?

"You didn't tell it right!"

He'd heard that one before, but Jim really had a good delivery, and got a big laugh. Barnaby thought he was ready, but just couldn't interject into the flow of jokes of the older guys.

"Don't worry - it'll stretch!"

Every год his brother Al would meet with his Друзья for their reunion. They each made a point of coming back to Gull Cove the same time each year, just for this night. Al was ten...
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