WARNING!!!
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG CHAPTER.
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT START, IF Ты DO NOT HAVE THE TIME.
THIS CHAPTER IS DIVIDED INTO THREE SEPARATE PARTS, EQUIVALENT TO THREE ACTUAL FANFICS. SO AGAIN, DO NOT START, IF Ты CANNOT FINISH.
"Our death is approaching, at the immediate moment of birth, and with that thought alone, we grieve along this Earth. But in this way, do we waste our time, no need for sorrow still, for it deadens our well being, our livelihood, these both does it kill. So life must be lived with purpose, but with meaning and with love, with everything that Ты have received, from the mighty God above. And with the blessings and trials, heed child, Ты must overcome, do not ever compare thy life with some. Your restless nights, ache in bed, go through the pain, withstand the dread. For in this life, we're fighting for meaning, purpose, and reason, need we end it with a sigh, for when death's sword finally strikes us, we take our bow, and goodbye."
-James Evan Wilson
|||
Part One: The Celebration
July fourth 12:37 p.m.
A few days had passed, and soon enough, it was the fourth of July. House had been discharged today, and was able to go back to work. He had to wear a cast and slang, along with bandages around his abdomen. Lucky for him, they had no patient today. So they all had the день to celebrate.
House, Cuddy and Wilson, were all in her room, talking about the events that were to take place that day. They all had smiles that managed to be sustained for quite a while.
"She allowed to come down and watch boss?" House asked Wilson.
He gave nod and smiled.
"It would be cruel to keep her inside on a день like this."
"Well thank Ты Wilson." Cuddy uttered with slight gratitude.
"But stay close to the hospital. I don't want Ты being to far out into the fields."
"We don't want to be under the fireworks, Wilson. Take a breather, we'll be on a bench by the pathway."
"You would say the same thing House. Not so much say but, do."
"Yeah, yeah. Look who it is, princess Chase, lady and gentlemen."
Cameron walked through the doors and greeted them all.
"Happy July fourth."
"Back at you."
"You too, Cameron."
"You know."
"You guys staying tonight? It starts at six. Chase and I are gonna be handing out печенье and drinks down there after we set up."
"You guys putting banners up?" Wilson asked.
"Just decorations around the grounds. Everything red, white and blue."
"I wish I could help. I'm stuck in this постель, кровати until later." Cuddy uttered with annoyance.
"Well, I'm sorry. Wilson, care to help out? I'm recruting people. Ha."
"Sure. We'll leave Ты two be."
Wilson and Cameron walked out, laughing.
"I hate this bed." She finally said.
"Who wouldn't?"
"Can we go to your office?"
"Yeah. Come on."
He removed her chords and was prepared to carry her, but she forced her bare feet onto the cold floor instead.
"You sure?"
"I haven't walked in two months. And I want to go play with our kid."
"If Ты collapse, it's not my fault."
She gave a small хлопать, привкус on his head, and they began to walk to his office. She was walking perfectly fine, but he was cautious, kept his arm at the ready, and walked close. Soon enough after a trip in the elevator, they made it to the office, where Thirteen and Foreman were playing with Rachel in the outer area.
"Teaching my kid how to carjack a car, Foreman? или is Thirteen convincing her that she can play for both teams?"
"Yeah, Далее week I'm going to bring her to get a tattoo." He retorted.
"What are Ты two doing here anyway?" Thirteen asked.
"Is it wrong to want to see our kid?"
"No. But we could've brought her--"
"Yeah. Ты could've." Cuddy said.
Thirteen pursed her lips, and gave a nod. They all knew that Cuddy wanted normalcy, based off of all her actions that she took and the things she discussed and how exactly she discussed them. Even when she fought with House, she made it clear to what she wanted during all of this. To feel normal, like the whole world hasn't ended.
"You guys going to the show?" House asked.
"Were doing the show." Foreman replied.
"Yeah, the other guys bailed so, I stepped in, but Foreman wanted to Присоединиться too."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, the copy cat thing."
"We're alternating watching her. Chase and Cameron help out, while me and him watch, and then switch."
"I sense that Taub is with his wife?"
"Yeah." They both said.
"Well, we can take Rachel off your hands. We're here now anyway, so Ты guys can go help out downstairs."
"Seriously. Go. Now."
Foreman and Thirteen scooted out of there like he had sent them off to do tests или treatment. But they weren't as in a rush as they normally would. Before leaving, Thirteen had handed Rachel carefully to Cuddy. She walked around the room cradling her daughter in her arms. House stood by, leaning against the door, watching.
"It's been a while."
"Too long."
Cuddy's eyes were soon enough filled with tears. She gave sniffles as they ran down her face. House knew why. But he refused to say anything of it. Knowing himself, he could only make the situation, all the еще worse.
"Sit down, Cuddy."
"I've been sitting and resting for days. It wouldn't kill me to stand for a while."
"You say that now."
"I'm fine, House."
She sniffled again, and she turned around to face him. He had a locked look on her. It wasn't angry, sad, или any of the negative things before. It wasn't even, happy, It was a barely satisfied, and interested look.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"--You've--got a weird stare on me."
"Admiring the view."
"If you're referring to my ass--"
He pursed his lips and shook no. He barely blinked, as she bit her lip at him and sniffled more, then turning back to look into her daughter's eyes. She kissed her forehead, before resting her chin slightly on it, and walked back to him.
"You wanna hold her?"
"I've got all the time to."
Cuddy closed her eyes, before taking a сиденье, место, сиденья at the table. Rachel began to fall asleep.
"That kid's got your eyes." He admitted.
"House--that is so impossible, it's not even funny."
"Who сказал(-а) it was supposed to be funny?"
She looked up at him, and he began to walk towards his inner office.
"Biologically, yes, that's impossible. Yet, I see Ты when I look at her."
He went in, and took a сиденье, место, сиденья in his chair and kicked back. They exchanged looks through the windows; Both separated by each room.
---
Hours later - 7:20 p.m.
House and Cuddy were on a bench watching the fireworks take place. Most of the staff had either gone home, или stayed and brought their families, или helped out with it all. There were only few staff on duty at the moment--it wasn't one of their busiest days.
Rachel was being cared for by Chase and Cameron, who were still handing out печенье to all the children of the doctors and nurses, and even to some of the staff. Everyone was having a good time, watching the Цвета of light explode in the air. For the first time in a long while, House and Cuddy were enjoying themselves.
"Happy July fourth."
"You too."
"Look at Rach."
House urged Cuddy to look over at Chase and Cameron. Rachel's face had been covered in icing--red, white and blue--covered with sprinkles. Cameron and Chase turned around, saw her and began laugh hysterically as they wiped down her face. They took a glance at them on the bench and smiled.
"Better keep a better watch on our kid Chase! или one день you'll wake up feeling a little chilly on your head!" He called out sarcastically.
Chase just rolled his eyes, laughing at Rachel as Cameron cleaned her up. The fireworks continued booming and lighting the sky. That's when Cuddy's grip loosened on his hand.
"My chest hurts. I think I'm--"
She turned limp, and fell onto his lap on the bench. He ripped off his slang, and carried her inside the hospital. Dropping her off in the ER, he whipped out his phone, and called Wilson.
"Hey, where are Ты guys??"
"We got our own explosion going on over here."
"Wh--?"
"Traumatic Myocardial Rupture. Get in here."
Part Two: Final Diagnosis
Outside the ICU 7:51 p.m.
"She's suffered a traumatic myocardial rupture."
Cuddy's parents, Steven and Nora, had rushed to the hospital after Wilson had stabilized Cuddy. After doing so, he had met up with them outside of the ICU. Letting them know what was happening.
"We managed to stabilize her, but she's begun cardiac tamponade. We've confirmed with an cardiac echo. For the Далее couple hours или so, she will slowly lose consciousness and oxygen as her сердце will fill up with the fluid. Once the fluid fills the entire sac, her heart, will stop beating."
"And Ты can't do anything?" Steven had asked desperately.
"We could. But it would be fairly difficult. Her tumor, makes it difficult to drain the fluid in her heart. Just injecting the syringe could compromise things. Surgery is another option, but the risks--"
"What caused this?" Nora uttered on the verge of tears.
"It was her сердце attack. Myocardial ruptures can occur easily after a сердце attack, but what made her chances greater, was the cancer. Cancer has been confirmed as another cause of myocardial ruptures."
Suddenly, House walked out of the ICU and stepped beside Wilson as he continued talking to Steven and Nora. He was very angry, and he kept his eyes averted, from all of them.
"No. No. This cannot be happening. Ты must be able to do something. Anything. This--isn't how it's supposed to go James. Parents, leave their kids first, not the other way around."
"Nora, even without this, she would still be dying."
"But not as fast."
House had stepped in, as Wilson grabbed his cane from the bench and handed it to him.
"Next time Ты plan to give your daughter a сердце attack, make sure she's pretty healthy first."
He glared his eyes at both of them, before limping back to his office, leaving the two with their mouths opened, and Wilson with a bowed head.
---
House's office - минуты later
House was tensed in his office, in complete darkness, with the exception of the lights streaming down the halls outside. He stared blankly at his floor while twirling his cane, around and around, as if waiting for something. Suddenly Wilson walked in.
"What the hell was that."
"The most rational I could act towards them."
"I think I'm afraid to ask what the, irrational would be."
"You don't want to know."
"Their daughter, is dying. Ты can't blame them for this. Even with medical proof. She had a chance of this either way House. Ты can't blame everyone else when something bad goes wrong."
"So you're saying I should blame myself? Like I haven't blamed myself enough the first time around."
"I'm saying that this is, no ones fault. Not theirs, and certainly not yours."
"I can't live without a blame Wilson, otherwise I blame myself."
"Blame life."
"I need a blame Wilson, not another metaphor."
"It's not a metaphor. Life is hard--"
"Don't Ты dare pull this cliche on me."
"I don't know what else to say to Ты House. But Ты can sit here, trying to find the blame for this, или Ты can--be with her. She's alone right now. She needs you. There's no еще time to spare, Ты know the diagnosis. Ты concluded the diagnosis. Ты know how this will play out."
He stared at House for a moment, and turned around to walk out. He left him to think about a few things, before getting up to head back over to the ICU. As he limped down the halls, the staff that had stayed behind for the holiday, stared. Majority of the hospital knew about their relationship, and what happened with it. So as he walked, they threw him looks of sympathy with every stride, and with every step he would take. When he reached the ICU, Nora and Steven were sitting outside, in tears. Inside, Wilson was talking to her. He was holding her hand as she wiped her face. House stood by Nora as they watched.
"Dr. House," Nora addressed him.
"Please Nora. I owe Ты an apology--both of you. This isn't your fault. I have the tendency to take anger and blame on anyone at present. You'll have to excuse me for that." His voice wasn't sincere, but behind it all, he meant good.
"Thank you, Dr. House." Steven replied.
House just looked at Cuddy's parents, alternating from the mom to the dad. He examined, every part of their face. They both exchanged looks with each other as he just stared.
"Is there--something wrong, Dr. House?" Nora finally asked.
"You gave her those eyes. And you--gave her the lips."
"I beg your pardon?" She asked him.
He was referring to Cuddy's features. She had gotten her soft slate eyes from her father, and her contagious smile from her mom.
"Nothing."
"Thank you, Dr. House--"
"You've known me long enough to address me as Gregory. или even Greg."
Inside, Wilson had дана her a tight hug, and a Kiss on the forehead, before leaving. He addressed him before walking back to his office.
"She's all yours."
"How is she?"
"Now, talking, let alone breathing, are the hardest things to do. She broke off, every other phrase, или even word."
"Thanks."
Wilson walked away, patting House on the shoulder, who was completely out of focus, staring blankly towards the floor. Cuddy just stared at him through the windows and then gestured her parents to try to get his attention. Nora nudged him on the shoulder and his eyes shifted from hers, to Cuddy's. They waited outside, and looked in, as he walked to the farthest corner of the room.
"What is he doing?" Nora asked.
"He's avoiding the situation."
"Steven, this isn't a good time for him to be ignoring her. They--"
"I think it would be hard, for any man, regardless of how strong they are, to say goodbye to the woman they love."
"How do Ты know--"
"House--is no oncologist. What other reason is there for him to be bending up and over for her?"
Inside the ICU, Cuddy was trying to capture his attention.
"House. Come here. House. House."
He reluctantly looked up at her, and then slipped off his jacket, hanging it over the chair. He walked over, and sat down with her on the bed. She urged him to lie Далее to her, as they talked with each other, but he just sat, and reclined his back against the bed.
"Now--you can say all--the goodbyes Ты want."
He remained silent. Refusing to say anything.
"House."
"What."
"Talk to me. Please."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"So--when I'm still living--you refuse to talk about anything else but--my death--and now--that I'm on the verge of it--you--shut up?"
"Stop talking."
"N--o. Not--until you--"
"It's coming faster than we expected. An hour? A few минуты left. Within seconds, tachycardia, или Ты could just stop breathing, или the fluid could--"
"Shh." She rested her head on his and closed her eyes. He could hear her сердце rate slowing down behind him on the monitor. He knew it was coming. He closed his eyes too.
"You Любовь me right?"
"Of course. Why would Ты ever ask me--"
"Just a question--"
"An unnecessary Вопрос that just wasted time--"
"To prove something."
"What."
"That--were the only couple--that would ever--dare to fight--in a situation--like this."
"That's--not funny."
"I'd rather be--laughing, than crying--right now."
"Yeah?" He could feel the heat between them. Keeping himself close to her, and feeling that warmth, was the only comfort that ever kept him settled. But that warmth, that satisfaction of having droplets of sweat dripping down his face, from being so close to her, that feeling of her presence, the quick brushes of her skin against his--it was all fading. He was losing his grip, regardless of what he could do.
"Hold on." He sat up in bed, and snatched out his phone, calling Wilson.
"What's up."
"Get a hold on Cameron and Chase. I need my kid."
"She's right behind you." House turned around; Chase was standing with Cameron, who was holding Rachel, who was playing with Wilson's face. They were all out there, prepared to witness this. He turned to Cuddy and saw her smiling at all of them. He gestured for the four of them to come in. Cameron set Rachel on the bed.
"Thought Ты two set off?" House asked, taking a сиденье, место, сиденья back with Cuddy.
"Who do Ты think was taking care of Rachel?" Chase retorted. He and Cameron both gave sympathetic looks towards Cuddy. Cameron was on the verge of tears, so they both approached her, and gave her a hug. Even Chase, got a little teary. He sniffed a bit, before escorting Cameron out of there. As they did so, House had pulled Wilson aside.
"Do me a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"If. When she goes into bradycardia, if I go reach for the paddles, anything--stop me."
"It won't do anything. You'll only be wasting your time--"
"Subconsciously, I know that my mind thinks, that I can still save her. Consciously, I've accepted I can't. I'll spring into action, even if I know nothing will work."
Wilson, gave nod off to House, and half a smile towards Cuddy. He slowly walked out of there, and joined everyone else. Cuddy spent at least fifteen минуты playing with Rachel. She gradually formed tears. Then, Cameron came in to get her after House gestured at them to take her out.
"I'm gonna miss this one. She won't even remember me to begin with."
"She will. I'll make sure of that." House was slightly out of focus, he had once again, heard her the subtle change in her сердце rate on the monitor. He got off the постель, кровати and walked around. The pain was surging in his leg like crazy. His arm, was nothing to him. But the familiar pain in his leg--it dug deep. Puncturing every nerve. So he walked around, aggressively, trying to relive it. Relieve the pain, and his thoughts.
There was a thin coating of sweat, across his forehead, neck, even his chest. But this sweat, this coating of sweat was broken, with every single tear that was driving down his face. He breathed heavily in the presence of Cuddy, afraid to even look at her. And then, bradycardia. His eyes became tight shut as he walked over to Cuddy.
"House. Look at me."
"No."
"Look at me."
"I can't."
"Kiss me."
His face already inches away, he forced himself. Lasting for merely seconds, he let go and opened his eyes; Broken, slate eyes, gleaming with her soul's blood, she spoke her goodbye.
"I Любовь Ты House."
"The only person that could ever say that."
"If we had еще time--"
Monitor slowing--
"Because I Любовь you, I would've married you--"
And at that moment, the glory, the grace, the beauty, and her damaged soul escaped the slate chambers in her eyes, and began to fade. House could no longer see through them like he had done several times before.
Within seconds, he began to shake. So tempted to reach for the syringe, for the paddles, anything, as her сердце continued to slow. His temptation was released, and he could not bare it. He jumped for the paddles and Wilson and Chase sprinted in. All in the illusion of slow motion, House prepared the defibrillator, and Wilson and Chase captured grips on House, pulling him away from all the equipment. It was a long struggle for that one minute; House was slipping and sliding as Chase and Wilson kept a grip onto his shoulders, holding him back, before the room was silenced completely by the flat line. Wilson and Chase let go of House, as the sadness filled. Nora broke, and burrowed her face into Steven's chest. Cameron, sobbed silently, trying not to scare Rachel. Chase and Wilson stood breathlessly beside House, motionless and silent. House shut his eyes for the remaining moment, threw his cane repulsively to the side, before limping out of the room and proclaiming his last words for the night.
"Time of death, 9:57pm."
Part Three: Stage Five - Acceptance
House's Office 11:55 p.m.
House sat in his office, looking out the window. Feet up on the file cabinets behind him, arms folded, and eyes glistening. He had spent two hours in this position after Cuddy had gone into bradycardia. Now the hospital was deserted, with the exception of very few doctors and of course the patients. Everyone else had gone home. With the exception of one person. The first person to approach him since.
Wilson stopped at the doors of House's office for brief seconds. He looked at him, bowed his head, and casually slid his hands into his pockets, walking in quietly, and taking a lean against the side of his desk.
"You're late."
"I had to give Ты some time, didn't I?"
"Don't Ты always?" Wilson hesitated to respond with a long pause.
"I'm sorry, House."
"You shouldn't be. Just because you're an oncologist, doesn't mean Ты gave her cancer."
"She didn't die of the cancer."
"She was going to anyway, regardless of the сердце attack and the rupture. Those--just made the joyous process all the еще faster."
"I sent Cameron and Chase home. I've got Rachel in my office."
"Alone?"
"Brenda's watching her."
"She's still here?"
"She was somewhat close to Cuddy."
"Weren't they all."
"And--they want Ты to do the arrangements."
"I'm afraid to ask what arrangements, they, are referring to."
"The viewing, and the funeral." House just looked at him.
"Why, I don't know. I was sure they were the kind of parents to arrange their owns funeral." House sighed.
"I don't think they could keep their sanity, knowing that their preparing a service for their dead kid. Hence--leave it to me."
"True. But in what reality would they want to omit themselves from being a part of her funeral?"
"This one, apparently. Doesn't matter. I already know who to call."
"Good, I guess. Do Ты think Ты can handle this?"
"You think I can't?"
"Not for lack of responsibility--" he paused.
"Never."
"What do you--"
"I'll be fine. Go home. Drop off Rachel here while you're at it." Wilson walked behind his стол письменный, стол and patted him on the back before walking to the door.
"I really am sorry House."
"Who сказал(-а) Ты weren't?"
"I--I just want Ты to know."
"I know." Wilson gave a nod and walked out, unsure of what to think at the moment.
---
The Following день 12:00 p.m.
The entire hospital was in еще devastation than ever before. Wilson, had gone on the P.A., and rounded up everyone in the main lobby. He had announced Cuddy's sudden death, and informed them about the situation. There were tears, murmurs of all kinds after he had dismissed them all.
Back in House's office, the team, along with Chase and Cameron, all huddled together around the таблица and discussed it.
To no surprise, House was no where to be seen. It was past noon and he still hadn't arrived. This brought suspicions to everyone else, until Wilson dropped by, with House right behind him, with Rachel against his chest in a carrier sling.
They ignored them all completely, and walked into his inner office and began talking. Everyone else exchanged looks. That's when Foreman decided to go over, with Chase and Cameron to follow. They walked in and just stood in front of them.
"I called Heather, she's coming here tomorrow, to come see Nora and Steven--" Wilson broke off.
"What?" House asked them.
"Where have Ты been?" Chase asked.
"Places," he replied.
"Well, how are you?" Cameron dared to ask.
"I'm fine."
"It's funny Ты say that--" Foreman began. Wilson cut him off.
"Can I see Ты guys in the other room?" He gestured them all back into the outer office with Taub and Thirteen. Wilson gave a speech to all of them.
"You guys have heard. Ты probably have a good idea of how he is. But right now, is not the time to be begging Вопросы about this. Ты wanna ask him how he's feeling, Ты wanna send your condolences, Ты even wanna give him a hug, now is not the time to do it. Not only is he mourning, but he is taking care of Rachel, taking care of the expenses for the funeral, planning. Unless Ты wanna help arrange the funeral, and pick up the remains of him, back off, until the funeral."
They all gave a nod, and exchanged looks as he went back into the inner office. They all discussed amongst themselves after he closed the door.
"House is planning the funeral?" Thirteen asked shocked.
"He planned my bachelor party. If he can do that, he can certainly plan a funeral."
"You nearly died at that bachelor party." Cameron protested.
"If someone dies at the funeral, at least it'll be ironic." he retorted.
"But this is a funeral. House cannot handle a funeral," Taub added.
"Well, he's got Wilson there. And there's a good chance that nothing will go wrong." Foreman said.
"The last thing he would do, is allow Cuddy's funeral to go haywire." Cameron concluded.
They all sat back--and thought of the current situation. When all eyes turned toward the inner room, Wilson was leaving, and gave a precarious look towards House, and then the team, before walking out. After, their attention fell towards House, who was completely focused at his desk, Остаться в живых in another world.
---
Days Later - The Viewing 5:36 p.m.
Today was the viewing. A день where everyone could see Cuddy in her casket. There would be no service today, but visitors would come to see her for one last time before the funeral.
House, was the only person up and about during the entire viewing. Spending time, greeting people at the door, helping with valet parking, seating everyone, somewhere. He had taken care of everything. Along with Rachel at his side.
At the very back of the room, was a canvas on a stand. It consisted of фото of Cuddy into one collage. From her younger days, to her adulthood. Family and Друзья were also thrown in. To no surprise, House had put this together.
Everyone was either conversing amongst each other, или sitting down and mourning, или seeing Cuddy. In general, everyone was preoccupied with what they were doing. House had finally taken a seat, away from everyone else on the staircase on the other side of the room. He had no doubt, a scotch in his hand to relief the stress. He had left Rachel with Cameron, Chase and Wilson, trying to take a break. And that's when his mother came over, and sat right beside him.
"You shouldn't be here." She spoke, after moments of silence between them.
"I have to, mom."
"I meant, here, on the staircase to the morgue."
"I'd rather be in presence of--rotting, dead people, than everyone else."
"Do Ты really want to do this, for the whole time?"
"What else is there mom. I gotta manage this damn thing, and the funeral tomorrow. I don't really have time to make small talk with the relatives."
"You could. Ты could. But, Ты could also breathe for a little bit, take a rest, and mourn. Like what you're supposed to be doing."
"I am in mourning," and he shot back the last of his scotch.
"No. You're too busy working on, all of this. You're focused, so Ты don't have to deal with it."
"I can't deal with this. Especially--" he broke off. Two, very, very familiar people entered the room. The two people, that made this situation, all the еще worse. They looked around the room to find Nora and Steven, and gave them hugs. He, to no surprise, was walking. House, even prayed to God that they wouldn't notice him on the stairs. But she did. And she walked over to him, clearly in soft tears. He shut his eyes tight, swallowed, and bowed to the floor.
"Stacy?" Blythe asked.
"Hi Blythe." Stacy replied. Blythe got up and gave her a hug.
"It's been so long."
"It always is isn't it?" Stacy released their hug, and just looked at him. His jaw was tensed, and he was looking down.
"Greg?"
"Yeah?" He released a sigh before saying so, and looked up at her.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Blythe looked at Stacy and then at him, so she excused herself, and slipped out of there. Stacy just held on to the railing, unsure of whether или not to sit Далее to him, или even continue talking.
"It's good to see you," she finally said.
"I'm not really sure if I can say the same." He looked up at her and then continued.
"Seeing as the, present situation, doesn't exactly make this meeting any better."
"You obviously don't want me here, why did Ты invite us then? I didn't think Ты would've invited me and Mark."
"I did. I did. For her sake. Not mine. I don't need your shoulder to cry on. I invited you, so Ты could see her."
"I came for Ты too Greg."
"Bad mistake."
"If Ты think my purposes here, are to--"
"I'm well aware of your purposes here. Doing what Ты are right now--certainly not one of them."
From across the room, Wilson caught them by his eye. He decided to casually walk over there, and save House from another reason to kill himself.
"Stacy?" He asked.
"Wilson. Good to--" He urged her away from House. They walked over by the collage, away from his sight.
"What are Ты doing here?"
"He invited me. Don't think I decided to crash on a whim."
"Just because he invited Ты doesn't mean he wants to talk to you." Wilson sounded a little aggravated. Almost, angry at her.
"It's bad to give him sympathy?"
"He doesn't care for sympathy, или empathy, out of all people, from you."
"That's a little harsh."
"Can Ты really say that Ты can help him at the moment?" She didn't reply.
"I don't think I need help picking up the pieces. I've done it a few times before. I don't remember Ты helping with them." Her mouth slightly dropped, as he just stared at him. He began to walk away but then he stopped.
"It's good to see he's walking. Hint, hint." He turned his back, and walked back over to Chase and Cameron, leaving Stacy unable to speak.
---
Next день - The Funeral: 1:00 p.m.
House, had arranged the service to be in a funeral home, close by to Mason O'Reilly Cemetery. It had been raining today, so they could not perform the service outside.
Inside of the home, several folding chairs were arranged in rows. All around, Цветы of all kind flowed around the room. Near the front, a blown up picture of Cuddy and Rachel, rested on a stand Далее to Cuddy's casket. On the opposite side, there was a gaping Космос that held a white grand piano. A bouquet of lilies and Розы sat on the open casket. Cuddy was dressed in her usual, low cut shirt, pencil skirt, with her hair let down. She looked no different than usual--you could mistaken her for being asleep.
As people flooded into the home, House kept his place at the very back of the room. He didn't allow himself to be seated in the front, along with his mother, Nora, Steven, Heather, Cuddy's sister and her husband Gary. He even let Rachel sit with Nora and Blythe. But he stranded himself in the very back corner of the room.
Soon enough, most of the people from the hospital had come. Cameron and Chase, took their place in the секунда row. Along with Taub and his wife, and Thirteen and Foreman. Wilson, was last to arrive out of all of them. But he had approached House before taking his сиденье, место, сиденья with all of them.
"Everyone's going to say something. Are Ты sure--you don't want to say anything? Anything at all?"
"Just enjoy the funeral Wilson." He replied blankly. Wilson sighed and took a сиденье, место, сиденья Далее to Cameron. After the last guest arrived, House shut the doors, and the service began.
House leaned against the Стена as he listened to Rabbi Nicholas. People were wiping their faces, some were shaking with sadness, it had hit all of them. Wilson's head was bowed, but Ты could could see tears falling right off his face. Cameron was crying bitterly--holding onto Chase's hand, who was also in tears. Thirteen looked away from it all, she kept her eyes closed and bit her lip. Foreman's eyes were widened, his head moved back and forth very slightly as he bit his bottom lip. Everyone had gotten hit by this--everyone but House. He remained calm. He was not in tears.
After the rabbi had finished the opening, everyone went up and had a say. First starting with Cameron. Then Chase, Foreman, and finally Wilson. Taub and Thirteen had known her for only so long--they chose not to speak. The rabbi then approached his podium once еще after Wilson finished. He only сказал(-а) a few еще words. House knew it was his time.
"Now that the Друзья have spoken, it's time for
the last eulogy, prepared by someone very dear, and close to Lisa. Greg?" The rabbi gestured House to come forth. Wilson and the rest of them turned their heads at him as he limped down the aisle, head bowed. He made it up to the podium, and Rabbi Nicholas patted him on the shoulder, before trailing off to the side, allowing House to proceed. He held tight onto the sides and bowed his head.
"Lisa Cuddy. Could Ты define her? In many ways--both good, and bad--but too many to mention. You've heard all her qualities by, everyone else anyway." He took a breath, and looked up at the crowd before him. Wilson looked directly at him; not in a serious way, but in a curious way. He began again.
"Most of you, don't know me. And if Ты do, Ты know me as the jerk, или the pain in the ass, even the narcissistic son of a bitch. But what Ты all don't know, is how much I loved her." He exhaled another breath as he continued on.
"And, out of all people, her death hits me the most. Because I loved her, no, because I'm 'the guy', no. By my side for half of my life, and I can't detect her early signs of lung cancer. Yeah, I don't look like an oncologist. It may not be my area of expertise, but the signs were there--and I was blind. Just like everyone else." He could feel himself choking up now. He gave a repeated глотать, ласточка every few sentences или so, but he knew he was going to break soon.
"Dying, when not even half her life is over. Watching her in pain, every day. I feel like it's payback. She had to watch me in pain, hence I have to do the same. She didn't blame me for her pain--but I blamed her for mine." He looked directly at Wilson. The room looked slightly blurry, as tears rested in his bottom lid.
"I didn't blame her for all of it--but I took advantage of that blame, manipulating her guilt, to relieve me of the pain. She was just trying to save me. And now--the two women to take that blame for my claim--the two women I fell in Любовь with--are out of my life." He looked directly at Stacy, who was standing in the far back, with Mark no where to be found.
"With that said--it's time for the musical part of my eulogy, with the help of Lisa's sister, Heather Cuddy." He urged her over, as he limped towards the piano. He took a seat, rested his cane to the side, tested it out by playing a few keys, and gave Heather her pitch before playing the song. He gave one quick look at Wilson, and saw his alarmed eyes. His arm was still fragile--he could not understand why, nor how he could do this. But House threw back a reassuring look before looking back at the keys, and playing the song.
link
Heather began to sing:
"Spend all your time waiting, for that секунда chance, for the break that would make it okay. There's always some reason, to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day, I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release. Memory seeps from my veins, let me be empty, oh yeah weightless and maybe, we'll find some peace tonight. In the arms, of, an angel, fly away, from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that Ты fear. Ты were pulled from the wreckage, of your silent, reverie. You're in the arms, of an angel, may Ты find, some comfort here."
This song was clearly not directed to whom Cuddy was. It was about what House had been saying before. Cuddy was saving him. In constant occurrences, she was trying to save him. She was the angel, who held him in her arms.
With a short intermission in the song, Heather began to sing once again.
"So tired of the straight line, and everywhere Ты turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back. Storm keeps on twisting, Ты keep on building the lie, that Ты make up for all that Ты lack. It don't make no difference, escape for one last time. It's easier, to believe, in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms, of, an angel, fly away, from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that Ты fear. Ты were pulled from the wreckage, of your silent, reverie. You're in the arms, of an angel, may Ты find, some comfort here."
She dragged out the last two lines, as the congregation was in tears, along with herself, and House, who's hands were dampened with tears as they played the last few lines.
"You're in the arms, of, the angel. May Ты find.....some comfort, here..."
With everyone in tears, Rabbi Nicholas proceeded to end the service, and allowed everyone to exit the home, and make their way to the cemetery. House stayed stationary at the Пианино before Wilson had come over to talk to him.
"She would've liked that." He patted him on the back and wiped down his face. But House refused to say anything. He got up, and walked over to Cuddy before they closed the casket. Wilson followed, and they both looked at her for one last time.
"It's going to be hard to forget that face." Wilson admitted. House then reached into his куртка and pulled out something silver. He rested it on his finger and Wilson to pull out her hand.
"What is that?"
"What does it look like?" Wilson held out her hand for House, and he slipped the ring, onto her ring finger.
"An engagement ring?"
"An engagement ring."
"She сказал(-а) yes?" Wilson asked in shock. House hesitated.
"Before she died." He held her hand for one еще time, before resting it onto her stomach, and Поцелуи her on her forehead. They then closed the casket, and House, Wilson, Cameron, Chase, Foreman and Thirteen took their places. House and Wilson at the front of the casket, Chase and Cameron taking the middle, and Foreman with Thirteen, taking the back.
They hoisted it up from the table, and walked down the isle. Wilson glanced at House, whose eyes were filled with tears. No one could notice but him, for everyone else was dealing with their own sobbing. But his sobs were hard to distinguish as they proceeded outside into the rain. It soaked his hair, and matted it down. It soaked his clothes, and his face as they continued walking. Shoes slapping, and clacking down against the wet pavement, sounded like they were marching--marching onward.
By the time they got to the hearse, everyone had got into their cars with the exception of the six. They slowly slid the casket in, and House slammed the door shut. He turned, and looked at his fellow colleagues. They too, were soaking.
Cameron and Chase first walked forward, and gave him a hug, and then made their way to their car. Далее was Thirteen and Foreman, then they too left for their car. Then it was just Wilson and House standing in the rain.
"You wanna drive?" House asked him.
"Sure. I've always wanted to drive a hearse."
They both got in, and drove to the cemetery--The three of them, for one last time.
---
After the burial - 2:55 p.m.
Cuddy had been buried at Mason O'Reilly Cemetery. Where House had taken her that one night. Memories from that night floated back to him as he stood against the дерево they had spent under.
Everyone was conversing with each other as he stood there.It had stopped raining during the burial, making things all the еще easier--just burying at least.
link
People gradually began leaving, single by single, then couple by couple and finally few by few. But they all sent their condolences to both Cuddy's family and House before they left.
He wasn't far from Cuddy's tombstone. He was tempted to walk over for the billionth time, but he decided not to. From afar, Wilson broke off with Cameron, Chase and Foreman, bringing with him Rachel over to House. He walked down the hill, stood Далее to him, and looked out with him.
"I've got her tombstone engraving memorized. I've come back and forth--"
"I like what Ты put. It describes her perfectly."
"That's kind of why I chose it." They stopped talking for about a minute, before House picked it up again.
"If I can't accept this--"
"You will, House. Give it some time."
"Sure, I will."
"You will. Everyone eventually does. I'm gonna go get my car, I left it back at the home. Take Rach." He handed Rachel to House, and kind of ran up the hill, passing by the team. House slowly bent down, sat against the дерево and sat Rachel on his lap, as he gazed out into the distance. Then he felt a presence beside him. It wasn't a solid presence, misty, или cold. But a warm presence. Who else could give out that familiar warmth?
"What are Ты still doing here?" Cuddy asked him.
"I needed to say goodbye to you." He replied, turning his head to face the illusion of Cuddy beside him.
"You've сказал(-а) goodbye, countless times. And this isn't goodbye."
"It's close."
"I heard what Ты сказал(-а) by the way. And Ты don't have to apologize. Ты had--have--every right to be angry with me and Stacy."
"No I didn't. I didn't have the right to be angry at you. I had the right to be angry at her for other things, but not for that."
"I'm dead, I don't have to argue with Ты anymore." She laughed.
"Yeah?" He asked with a smile on his face.
"I want Ты to get out of here, and take our baby home. You've сказал(-а) your goodbye House. It's not like I need anymore reminding of it. I'm dead."
"It's always the wrong people dying isn't it?" he asked her blankly.
"Stop it. Please." He watched the figure of Cuddy place her hand on his face. He couldn't feel it, only the warmth.
"I'm going insane."
"You just miss me. Now go. When Ты want to talk, come back here." Suddenly, footsteps coming down the холм, хилл could be heard.
"Tell Wilson, and everyone else I Любовь them." She smiled and got up, and he gave her a reassuring nod. She walked a few steps forward, saying one last thing.
"I Любовь the ring, House. It fits me well." She smiled and him one last time, before disappearing like a mist. Wilson finally reached them, ready to go.
"Ready?" House nodded, as he got up slowly from the damp трава with Rachel tucked carefully in his arm, Wilson handed him his cane, and they walked up the холм, хилл towards the team and everyone else for departure.
By the pond, Cuddy reappeared and went over to her tombstone. She tilted her head, and read the engraving, smiling, and looking back at House and Rachel as they left. She finally felt at peace.
Lisa Cuddy
The Exceptional boss, the Dedicated mother,
and the Энджел that wanted to save us all
---
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG CHAPTER.
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT START, IF Ты DO NOT HAVE THE TIME.
THIS CHAPTER IS DIVIDED INTO THREE SEPARATE PARTS, EQUIVALENT TO THREE ACTUAL FANFICS. SO AGAIN, DO NOT START, IF Ты CANNOT FINISH.
"Our death is approaching, at the immediate moment of birth, and with that thought alone, we grieve along this Earth. But in this way, do we waste our time, no need for sorrow still, for it deadens our well being, our livelihood, these both does it kill. So life must be lived with purpose, but with meaning and with love, with everything that Ты have received, from the mighty God above. And with the blessings and trials, heed child, Ты must overcome, do not ever compare thy life with some. Your restless nights, ache in bed, go through the pain, withstand the dread. For in this life, we're fighting for meaning, purpose, and reason, need we end it with a sigh, for when death's sword finally strikes us, we take our bow, and goodbye."
-James Evan Wilson
|||
Part One: The Celebration
July fourth 12:37 p.m.
A few days had passed, and soon enough, it was the fourth of July. House had been discharged today, and was able to go back to work. He had to wear a cast and slang, along with bandages around his abdomen. Lucky for him, they had no patient today. So they all had the день to celebrate.
House, Cuddy and Wilson, were all in her room, talking about the events that were to take place that day. They all had smiles that managed to be sustained for quite a while.
"She allowed to come down and watch boss?" House asked Wilson.
He gave nod and smiled.
"It would be cruel to keep her inside on a день like this."
"Well thank Ты Wilson." Cuddy uttered with slight gratitude.
"But stay close to the hospital. I don't want Ты being to far out into the fields."
"We don't want to be under the fireworks, Wilson. Take a breather, we'll be on a bench by the pathway."
"You would say the same thing House. Not so much say but, do."
"Yeah, yeah. Look who it is, princess Chase, lady and gentlemen."
Cameron walked through the doors and greeted them all.
"Happy July fourth."
"Back at you."
"You too, Cameron."
"You know."
"You guys staying tonight? It starts at six. Chase and I are gonna be handing out печенье and drinks down there after we set up."
"You guys putting banners up?" Wilson asked.
"Just decorations around the grounds. Everything red, white and blue."
"I wish I could help. I'm stuck in this постель, кровати until later." Cuddy uttered with annoyance.
"Well, I'm sorry. Wilson, care to help out? I'm recruting people. Ha."
"Sure. We'll leave Ты two be."
Wilson and Cameron walked out, laughing.
"I hate this bed." She finally said.
"Who wouldn't?"
"Can we go to your office?"
"Yeah. Come on."
He removed her chords and was prepared to carry her, but she forced her bare feet onto the cold floor instead.
"You sure?"
"I haven't walked in two months. And I want to go play with our kid."
"If Ты collapse, it's not my fault."
She gave a small хлопать, привкус on his head, and they began to walk to his office. She was walking perfectly fine, but he was cautious, kept his arm at the ready, and walked close. Soon enough after a trip in the elevator, they made it to the office, where Thirteen and Foreman were playing with Rachel in the outer area.
"Teaching my kid how to carjack a car, Foreman? или is Thirteen convincing her that she can play for both teams?"
"Yeah, Далее week I'm going to bring her to get a tattoo." He retorted.
"What are Ты two doing here anyway?" Thirteen asked.
"Is it wrong to want to see our kid?"
"No. But we could've brought her--"
"Yeah. Ты could've." Cuddy said.
Thirteen pursed her lips, and gave a nod. They all knew that Cuddy wanted normalcy, based off of all her actions that she took and the things she discussed and how exactly she discussed them. Even when she fought with House, she made it clear to what she wanted during all of this. To feel normal, like the whole world hasn't ended.
"You guys going to the show?" House asked.
"Were doing the show." Foreman replied.
"Yeah, the other guys bailed so, I stepped in, but Foreman wanted to Присоединиться too."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, the copy cat thing."
"We're alternating watching her. Chase and Cameron help out, while me and him watch, and then switch."
"I sense that Taub is with his wife?"
"Yeah." They both said.
"Well, we can take Rachel off your hands. We're here now anyway, so Ты guys can go help out downstairs."
"Seriously. Go. Now."
Foreman and Thirteen scooted out of there like he had sent them off to do tests или treatment. But they weren't as in a rush as they normally would. Before leaving, Thirteen had handed Rachel carefully to Cuddy. She walked around the room cradling her daughter in her arms. House stood by, leaning against the door, watching.
"It's been a while."
"Too long."
Cuddy's eyes were soon enough filled with tears. She gave sniffles as they ran down her face. House knew why. But he refused to say anything of it. Knowing himself, he could only make the situation, all the еще worse.
"Sit down, Cuddy."
"I've been sitting and resting for days. It wouldn't kill me to stand for a while."
"You say that now."
"I'm fine, House."
She sniffled again, and she turned around to face him. He had a locked look on her. It wasn't angry, sad, или any of the negative things before. It wasn't even, happy, It was a barely satisfied, and interested look.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"--You've--got a weird stare on me."
"Admiring the view."
"If you're referring to my ass--"
He pursed his lips and shook no. He barely blinked, as she bit her lip at him and sniffled more, then turning back to look into her daughter's eyes. She kissed her forehead, before resting her chin slightly on it, and walked back to him.
"You wanna hold her?"
"I've got all the time to."
Cuddy closed her eyes, before taking a сиденье, место, сиденья at the table. Rachel began to fall asleep.
"That kid's got your eyes." He admitted.
"House--that is so impossible, it's not even funny."
"Who сказал(-а) it was supposed to be funny?"
She looked up at him, and he began to walk towards his inner office.
"Biologically, yes, that's impossible. Yet, I see Ты when I look at her."
He went in, and took a сиденье, место, сиденья in his chair and kicked back. They exchanged looks through the windows; Both separated by each room.
---
Hours later - 7:20 p.m.
House and Cuddy were on a bench watching the fireworks take place. Most of the staff had either gone home, или stayed and brought their families, или helped out with it all. There were only few staff on duty at the moment--it wasn't one of their busiest days.
Rachel was being cared for by Chase and Cameron, who were still handing out печенье to all the children of the doctors and nurses, and even to some of the staff. Everyone was having a good time, watching the Цвета of light explode in the air. For the first time in a long while, House and Cuddy were enjoying themselves.
"Happy July fourth."
"You too."
"Look at Rach."
House urged Cuddy to look over at Chase and Cameron. Rachel's face had been covered in icing--red, white and blue--covered with sprinkles. Cameron and Chase turned around, saw her and began laugh hysterically as they wiped down her face. They took a glance at them on the bench and smiled.
"Better keep a better watch on our kid Chase! или one день you'll wake up feeling a little chilly on your head!" He called out sarcastically.
Chase just rolled his eyes, laughing at Rachel as Cameron cleaned her up. The fireworks continued booming and lighting the sky. That's when Cuddy's grip loosened on his hand.
"My chest hurts. I think I'm--"
She turned limp, and fell onto his lap on the bench. He ripped off his slang, and carried her inside the hospital. Dropping her off in the ER, he whipped out his phone, and called Wilson.
"Hey, where are Ты guys??"
"We got our own explosion going on over here."
"Wh--?"
"Traumatic Myocardial Rupture. Get in here."
Part Two: Final Diagnosis
Outside the ICU 7:51 p.m.
"She's suffered a traumatic myocardial rupture."
Cuddy's parents, Steven and Nora, had rushed to the hospital after Wilson had stabilized Cuddy. After doing so, he had met up with them outside of the ICU. Letting them know what was happening.
"We managed to stabilize her, but she's begun cardiac tamponade. We've confirmed with an cardiac echo. For the Далее couple hours или so, she will slowly lose consciousness and oxygen as her сердце will fill up with the fluid. Once the fluid fills the entire sac, her heart, will stop beating."
"And Ты can't do anything?" Steven had asked desperately.
"We could. But it would be fairly difficult. Her tumor, makes it difficult to drain the fluid in her heart. Just injecting the syringe could compromise things. Surgery is another option, but the risks--"
"What caused this?" Nora uttered on the verge of tears.
"It was her сердце attack. Myocardial ruptures can occur easily after a сердце attack, but what made her chances greater, was the cancer. Cancer has been confirmed as another cause of myocardial ruptures."
Suddenly, House walked out of the ICU and stepped beside Wilson as he continued talking to Steven and Nora. He was very angry, and he kept his eyes averted, from all of them.
"No. No. This cannot be happening. Ты must be able to do something. Anything. This--isn't how it's supposed to go James. Parents, leave their kids first, not the other way around."
"Nora, even without this, she would still be dying."
"But not as fast."
House had stepped in, as Wilson grabbed his cane from the bench and handed it to him.
"Next time Ты plan to give your daughter a сердце attack, make sure she's pretty healthy first."
He glared his eyes at both of them, before limping back to his office, leaving the two with their mouths opened, and Wilson with a bowed head.
---
House's office - минуты later
House was tensed in his office, in complete darkness, with the exception of the lights streaming down the halls outside. He stared blankly at his floor while twirling his cane, around and around, as if waiting for something. Suddenly Wilson walked in.
"What the hell was that."
"The most rational I could act towards them."
"I think I'm afraid to ask what the, irrational would be."
"You don't want to know."
"Their daughter, is dying. Ты can't blame them for this. Even with medical proof. She had a chance of this either way House. Ты can't blame everyone else when something bad goes wrong."
"So you're saying I should blame myself? Like I haven't blamed myself enough the first time around."
"I'm saying that this is, no ones fault. Not theirs, and certainly not yours."
"I can't live without a blame Wilson, otherwise I blame myself."
"Blame life."
"I need a blame Wilson, not another metaphor."
"It's not a metaphor. Life is hard--"
"Don't Ты dare pull this cliche on me."
"I don't know what else to say to Ты House. But Ты can sit here, trying to find the blame for this, или Ты can--be with her. She's alone right now. She needs you. There's no еще time to spare, Ты know the diagnosis. Ты concluded the diagnosis. Ты know how this will play out."
He stared at House for a moment, and turned around to walk out. He left him to think about a few things, before getting up to head back over to the ICU. As he limped down the halls, the staff that had stayed behind for the holiday, stared. Majority of the hospital knew about their relationship, and what happened with it. So as he walked, they threw him looks of sympathy with every stride, and with every step he would take. When he reached the ICU, Nora and Steven were sitting outside, in tears. Inside, Wilson was talking to her. He was holding her hand as she wiped her face. House stood by Nora as they watched.
"Dr. House," Nora addressed him.
"Please Nora. I owe Ты an apology--both of you. This isn't your fault. I have the tendency to take anger and blame on anyone at present. You'll have to excuse me for that." His voice wasn't sincere, but behind it all, he meant good.
"Thank you, Dr. House." Steven replied.
House just looked at Cuddy's parents, alternating from the mom to the dad. He examined, every part of their face. They both exchanged looks with each other as he just stared.
"Is there--something wrong, Dr. House?" Nora finally asked.
"You gave her those eyes. And you--gave her the lips."
"I beg your pardon?" She asked him.
He was referring to Cuddy's features. She had gotten her soft slate eyes from her father, and her contagious smile from her mom.
"Nothing."
"Thank you, Dr. House--"
"You've known me long enough to address me as Gregory. или even Greg."
Inside, Wilson had дана her a tight hug, and a Kiss on the forehead, before leaving. He addressed him before walking back to his office.
"She's all yours."
"How is she?"
"Now, talking, let alone breathing, are the hardest things to do. She broke off, every other phrase, или even word."
"Thanks."
Wilson walked away, patting House on the shoulder, who was completely out of focus, staring blankly towards the floor. Cuddy just stared at him through the windows and then gestured her parents to try to get his attention. Nora nudged him on the shoulder and his eyes shifted from hers, to Cuddy's. They waited outside, and looked in, as he walked to the farthest corner of the room.
"What is he doing?" Nora asked.
"He's avoiding the situation."
"Steven, this isn't a good time for him to be ignoring her. They--"
"I think it would be hard, for any man, regardless of how strong they are, to say goodbye to the woman they love."
"How do Ты know--"
"House--is no oncologist. What other reason is there for him to be bending up and over for her?"
Inside the ICU, Cuddy was trying to capture his attention.
"House. Come here. House. House."
He reluctantly looked up at her, and then slipped off his jacket, hanging it over the chair. He walked over, and sat down with her on the bed. She urged him to lie Далее to her, as they talked with each other, but he just sat, and reclined his back against the bed.
"Now--you can say all--the goodbyes Ты want."
He remained silent. Refusing to say anything.
"House."
"What."
"Talk to me. Please."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"So--when I'm still living--you refuse to talk about anything else but--my death--and now--that I'm on the verge of it--you--shut up?"
"Stop talking."
"N--o. Not--until you--"
"It's coming faster than we expected. An hour? A few минуты left. Within seconds, tachycardia, или Ты could just stop breathing, или the fluid could--"
"Shh." She rested her head on his and closed her eyes. He could hear her сердце rate slowing down behind him on the monitor. He knew it was coming. He closed his eyes too.
"You Любовь me right?"
"Of course. Why would Ты ever ask me--"
"Just a question--"
"An unnecessary Вопрос that just wasted time--"
"To prove something."
"What."
"That--were the only couple--that would ever--dare to fight--in a situation--like this."
"That's--not funny."
"I'd rather be--laughing, than crying--right now."
"Yeah?" He could feel the heat between them. Keeping himself close to her, and feeling that warmth, was the only comfort that ever kept him settled. But that warmth, that satisfaction of having droplets of sweat dripping down his face, from being so close to her, that feeling of her presence, the quick brushes of her skin against his--it was all fading. He was losing his grip, regardless of what he could do.
"Hold on." He sat up in bed, and snatched out his phone, calling Wilson.
"What's up."
"Get a hold on Cameron and Chase. I need my kid."
"She's right behind you." House turned around; Chase was standing with Cameron, who was holding Rachel, who was playing with Wilson's face. They were all out there, prepared to witness this. He turned to Cuddy and saw her smiling at all of them. He gestured for the four of them to come in. Cameron set Rachel on the bed.
"Thought Ты two set off?" House asked, taking a сиденье, место, сиденья back with Cuddy.
"Who do Ты think was taking care of Rachel?" Chase retorted. He and Cameron both gave sympathetic looks towards Cuddy. Cameron was on the verge of tears, so they both approached her, and gave her a hug. Even Chase, got a little teary. He sniffed a bit, before escorting Cameron out of there. As they did so, House had pulled Wilson aside.
"Do me a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"If. When she goes into bradycardia, if I go reach for the paddles, anything--stop me."
"It won't do anything. You'll only be wasting your time--"
"Subconsciously, I know that my mind thinks, that I can still save her. Consciously, I've accepted I can't. I'll spring into action, even if I know nothing will work."
Wilson, gave nod off to House, and half a smile towards Cuddy. He slowly walked out of there, and joined everyone else. Cuddy spent at least fifteen минуты playing with Rachel. She gradually formed tears. Then, Cameron came in to get her after House gestured at them to take her out.
"I'm gonna miss this one. She won't even remember me to begin with."
"She will. I'll make sure of that." House was slightly out of focus, he had once again, heard her the subtle change in her сердце rate on the monitor. He got off the постель, кровати and walked around. The pain was surging in his leg like crazy. His arm, was nothing to him. But the familiar pain in his leg--it dug deep. Puncturing every nerve. So he walked around, aggressively, trying to relive it. Relieve the pain, and his thoughts.
There was a thin coating of sweat, across his forehead, neck, even his chest. But this sweat, this coating of sweat was broken, with every single tear that was driving down his face. He breathed heavily in the presence of Cuddy, afraid to even look at her. And then, bradycardia. His eyes became tight shut as he walked over to Cuddy.
"House. Look at me."
"No."
"Look at me."
"I can't."
"Kiss me."
His face already inches away, he forced himself. Lasting for merely seconds, he let go and opened his eyes; Broken, slate eyes, gleaming with her soul's blood, she spoke her goodbye.
"I Любовь Ты House."
"The only person that could ever say that."
"If we had еще time--"
Monitor slowing--
"Because I Любовь you, I would've married you--"
And at that moment, the glory, the grace, the beauty, and her damaged soul escaped the slate chambers in her eyes, and began to fade. House could no longer see through them like he had done several times before.
Within seconds, he began to shake. So tempted to reach for the syringe, for the paddles, anything, as her сердце continued to slow. His temptation was released, and he could not bare it. He jumped for the paddles and Wilson and Chase sprinted in. All in the illusion of slow motion, House prepared the defibrillator, and Wilson and Chase captured grips on House, pulling him away from all the equipment. It was a long struggle for that one minute; House was slipping and sliding as Chase and Wilson kept a grip onto his shoulders, holding him back, before the room was silenced completely by the flat line. Wilson and Chase let go of House, as the sadness filled. Nora broke, and burrowed her face into Steven's chest. Cameron, sobbed silently, trying not to scare Rachel. Chase and Wilson stood breathlessly beside House, motionless and silent. House shut his eyes for the remaining moment, threw his cane repulsively to the side, before limping out of the room and proclaiming his last words for the night.
"Time of death, 9:57pm."
Part Three: Stage Five - Acceptance
House's Office 11:55 p.m.
House sat in his office, looking out the window. Feet up on the file cabinets behind him, arms folded, and eyes glistening. He had spent two hours in this position after Cuddy had gone into bradycardia. Now the hospital was deserted, with the exception of very few doctors and of course the patients. Everyone else had gone home. With the exception of one person. The first person to approach him since.
Wilson stopped at the doors of House's office for brief seconds. He looked at him, bowed his head, and casually slid his hands into his pockets, walking in quietly, and taking a lean against the side of his desk.
"You're late."
"I had to give Ты some time, didn't I?"
"Don't Ты always?" Wilson hesitated to respond with a long pause.
"I'm sorry, House."
"You shouldn't be. Just because you're an oncologist, doesn't mean Ты gave her cancer."
"She didn't die of the cancer."
"She was going to anyway, regardless of the сердце attack and the rupture. Those--just made the joyous process all the еще faster."
"I sent Cameron and Chase home. I've got Rachel in my office."
"Alone?"
"Brenda's watching her."
"She's still here?"
"She was somewhat close to Cuddy."
"Weren't they all."
"And--they want Ты to do the arrangements."
"I'm afraid to ask what arrangements, they, are referring to."
"The viewing, and the funeral." House just looked at him.
"Why, I don't know. I was sure they were the kind of parents to arrange their owns funeral." House sighed.
"I don't think they could keep their sanity, knowing that their preparing a service for their dead kid. Hence--leave it to me."
"True. But in what reality would they want to omit themselves from being a part of her funeral?"
"This one, apparently. Doesn't matter. I already know who to call."
"Good, I guess. Do Ты think Ты can handle this?"
"You think I can't?"
"Not for lack of responsibility--" he paused.
"Never."
"What do you--"
"I'll be fine. Go home. Drop off Rachel here while you're at it." Wilson walked behind his стол письменный, стол and patted him on the back before walking to the door.
"I really am sorry House."
"Who сказал(-а) Ты weren't?"
"I--I just want Ты to know."
"I know." Wilson gave a nod and walked out, unsure of what to think at the moment.
---
The Following день 12:00 p.m.
The entire hospital was in еще devastation than ever before. Wilson, had gone on the P.A., and rounded up everyone in the main lobby. He had announced Cuddy's sudden death, and informed them about the situation. There were tears, murmurs of all kinds after he had dismissed them all.
Back in House's office, the team, along with Chase and Cameron, all huddled together around the таблица and discussed it.
To no surprise, House was no where to be seen. It was past noon and he still hadn't arrived. This brought suspicions to everyone else, until Wilson dropped by, with House right behind him, with Rachel against his chest in a carrier sling.
They ignored them all completely, and walked into his inner office and began talking. Everyone else exchanged looks. That's when Foreman decided to go over, with Chase and Cameron to follow. They walked in and just stood in front of them.
"I called Heather, she's coming here tomorrow, to come see Nora and Steven--" Wilson broke off.
"What?" House asked them.
"Where have Ты been?" Chase asked.
"Places," he replied.
"Well, how are you?" Cameron dared to ask.
"I'm fine."
"It's funny Ты say that--" Foreman began. Wilson cut him off.
"Can I see Ты guys in the other room?" He gestured them all back into the outer office with Taub and Thirteen. Wilson gave a speech to all of them.
"You guys have heard. Ты probably have a good idea of how he is. But right now, is not the time to be begging Вопросы about this. Ты wanna ask him how he's feeling, Ты wanna send your condolences, Ты even wanna give him a hug, now is not the time to do it. Not only is he mourning, but he is taking care of Rachel, taking care of the expenses for the funeral, planning. Unless Ты wanna help arrange the funeral, and pick up the remains of him, back off, until the funeral."
They all gave a nod, and exchanged looks as he went back into the inner office. They all discussed amongst themselves after he closed the door.
"House is planning the funeral?" Thirteen asked shocked.
"He planned my bachelor party. If he can do that, he can certainly plan a funeral."
"You nearly died at that bachelor party." Cameron protested.
"If someone dies at the funeral, at least it'll be ironic." he retorted.
"But this is a funeral. House cannot handle a funeral," Taub added.
"Well, he's got Wilson there. And there's a good chance that nothing will go wrong." Foreman said.
"The last thing he would do, is allow Cuddy's funeral to go haywire." Cameron concluded.
They all sat back--and thought of the current situation. When all eyes turned toward the inner room, Wilson was leaving, and gave a precarious look towards House, and then the team, before walking out. After, their attention fell towards House, who was completely focused at his desk, Остаться в живых in another world.
---
Days Later - The Viewing 5:36 p.m.
Today was the viewing. A день where everyone could see Cuddy in her casket. There would be no service today, but visitors would come to see her for one last time before the funeral.
House, was the only person up and about during the entire viewing. Spending time, greeting people at the door, helping with valet parking, seating everyone, somewhere. He had taken care of everything. Along with Rachel at his side.
At the very back of the room, was a canvas on a stand. It consisted of фото of Cuddy into one collage. From her younger days, to her adulthood. Family and Друзья were also thrown in. To no surprise, House had put this together.
Everyone was either conversing amongst each other, или sitting down and mourning, или seeing Cuddy. In general, everyone was preoccupied with what they were doing. House had finally taken a seat, away from everyone else on the staircase on the other side of the room. He had no doubt, a scotch in his hand to relief the stress. He had left Rachel with Cameron, Chase and Wilson, trying to take a break. And that's when his mother came over, and sat right beside him.
"You shouldn't be here." She spoke, after moments of silence between them.
"I have to, mom."
"I meant, here, on the staircase to the morgue."
"I'd rather be in presence of--rotting, dead people, than everyone else."
"Do Ты really want to do this, for the whole time?"
"What else is there mom. I gotta manage this damn thing, and the funeral tomorrow. I don't really have time to make small talk with the relatives."
"You could. Ты could. But, Ты could also breathe for a little bit, take a rest, and mourn. Like what you're supposed to be doing."
"I am in mourning," and he shot back the last of his scotch.
"No. You're too busy working on, all of this. You're focused, so Ты don't have to deal with it."
"I can't deal with this. Especially--" he broke off. Two, very, very familiar people entered the room. The two people, that made this situation, all the еще worse. They looked around the room to find Nora and Steven, and gave them hugs. He, to no surprise, was walking. House, even prayed to God that they wouldn't notice him on the stairs. But she did. And she walked over to him, clearly in soft tears. He shut his eyes tight, swallowed, and bowed to the floor.
"Stacy?" Blythe asked.
"Hi Blythe." Stacy replied. Blythe got up and gave her a hug.
"It's been so long."
"It always is isn't it?" Stacy released their hug, and just looked at him. His jaw was tensed, and he was looking down.
"Greg?"
"Yeah?" He released a sigh before saying so, and looked up at her.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Blythe looked at Stacy and then at him, so she excused herself, and slipped out of there. Stacy just held on to the railing, unsure of whether или not to sit Далее to him, или even continue talking.
"It's good to see you," she finally said.
"I'm not really sure if I can say the same." He looked up at her and then continued.
"Seeing as the, present situation, doesn't exactly make this meeting any better."
"You obviously don't want me here, why did Ты invite us then? I didn't think Ты would've invited me and Mark."
"I did. I did. For her sake. Not mine. I don't need your shoulder to cry on. I invited you, so Ты could see her."
"I came for Ты too Greg."
"Bad mistake."
"If Ты think my purposes here, are to--"
"I'm well aware of your purposes here. Doing what Ты are right now--certainly not one of them."
From across the room, Wilson caught them by his eye. He decided to casually walk over there, and save House from another reason to kill himself.
"Stacy?" He asked.
"Wilson. Good to--" He urged her away from House. They walked over by the collage, away from his sight.
"What are Ты doing here?"
"He invited me. Don't think I decided to crash on a whim."
"Just because he invited Ты doesn't mean he wants to talk to you." Wilson sounded a little aggravated. Almost, angry at her.
"It's bad to give him sympathy?"
"He doesn't care for sympathy, или empathy, out of all people, from you."
"That's a little harsh."
"Can Ты really say that Ты can help him at the moment?" She didn't reply.
"I don't think I need help picking up the pieces. I've done it a few times before. I don't remember Ты helping with them." Her mouth slightly dropped, as he just stared at him. He began to walk away but then he stopped.
"It's good to see he's walking. Hint, hint." He turned his back, and walked back over to Chase and Cameron, leaving Stacy unable to speak.
---
Next день - The Funeral: 1:00 p.m.
House, had arranged the service to be in a funeral home, close by to Mason O'Reilly Cemetery. It had been raining today, so they could not perform the service outside.
Inside of the home, several folding chairs were arranged in rows. All around, Цветы of all kind flowed around the room. Near the front, a blown up picture of Cuddy and Rachel, rested on a stand Далее to Cuddy's casket. On the opposite side, there was a gaping Космос that held a white grand piano. A bouquet of lilies and Розы sat on the open casket. Cuddy was dressed in her usual, low cut shirt, pencil skirt, with her hair let down. She looked no different than usual--you could mistaken her for being asleep.
As people flooded into the home, House kept his place at the very back of the room. He didn't allow himself to be seated in the front, along with his mother, Nora, Steven, Heather, Cuddy's sister and her husband Gary. He even let Rachel sit with Nora and Blythe. But he stranded himself in the very back corner of the room.
Soon enough, most of the people from the hospital had come. Cameron and Chase, took their place in the секунда row. Along with Taub and his wife, and Thirteen and Foreman. Wilson, was last to arrive out of all of them. But he had approached House before taking his сиденье, место, сиденья with all of them.
"Everyone's going to say something. Are Ты sure--you don't want to say anything? Anything at all?"
"Just enjoy the funeral Wilson." He replied blankly. Wilson sighed and took a сиденье, место, сиденья Далее to Cameron. After the last guest arrived, House shut the doors, and the service began.
House leaned against the Стена as he listened to Rabbi Nicholas. People were wiping their faces, some were shaking with sadness, it had hit all of them. Wilson's head was bowed, but Ты could could see tears falling right off his face. Cameron was crying bitterly--holding onto Chase's hand, who was also in tears. Thirteen looked away from it all, she kept her eyes closed and bit her lip. Foreman's eyes were widened, his head moved back and forth very slightly as he bit his bottom lip. Everyone had gotten hit by this--everyone but House. He remained calm. He was not in tears.
After the rabbi had finished the opening, everyone went up and had a say. First starting with Cameron. Then Chase, Foreman, and finally Wilson. Taub and Thirteen had known her for only so long--they chose not to speak. The rabbi then approached his podium once еще after Wilson finished. He only сказал(-а) a few еще words. House knew it was his time.
"Now that the Друзья have spoken, it's time for
the last eulogy, prepared by someone very dear, and close to Lisa. Greg?" The rabbi gestured House to come forth. Wilson and the rest of them turned their heads at him as he limped down the aisle, head bowed. He made it up to the podium, and Rabbi Nicholas patted him on the shoulder, before trailing off to the side, allowing House to proceed. He held tight onto the sides and bowed his head.
"Lisa Cuddy. Could Ты define her? In many ways--both good, and bad--but too many to mention. You've heard all her qualities by, everyone else anyway." He took a breath, and looked up at the crowd before him. Wilson looked directly at him; not in a serious way, but in a curious way. He began again.
"Most of you, don't know me. And if Ты do, Ты know me as the jerk, или the pain in the ass, even the narcissistic son of a bitch. But what Ты all don't know, is how much I loved her." He exhaled another breath as he continued on.
"And, out of all people, her death hits me the most. Because I loved her, no, because I'm 'the guy', no. By my side for half of my life, and I can't detect her early signs of lung cancer. Yeah, I don't look like an oncologist. It may not be my area of expertise, but the signs were there--and I was blind. Just like everyone else." He could feel himself choking up now. He gave a repeated глотать, ласточка every few sentences или so, but he knew he was going to break soon.
"Dying, when not even half her life is over. Watching her in pain, every day. I feel like it's payback. She had to watch me in pain, hence I have to do the same. She didn't blame me for her pain--but I blamed her for mine." He looked directly at Wilson. The room looked slightly blurry, as tears rested in his bottom lid.
"I didn't blame her for all of it--but I took advantage of that blame, manipulating her guilt, to relieve me of the pain. She was just trying to save me. And now--the two women to take that blame for my claim--the two women I fell in Любовь with--are out of my life." He looked directly at Stacy, who was standing in the far back, with Mark no where to be found.
"With that said--it's time for the musical part of my eulogy, with the help of Lisa's sister, Heather Cuddy." He urged her over, as he limped towards the piano. He took a seat, rested his cane to the side, tested it out by playing a few keys, and gave Heather her pitch before playing the song. He gave one quick look at Wilson, and saw his alarmed eyes. His arm was still fragile--he could not understand why, nor how he could do this. But House threw back a reassuring look before looking back at the keys, and playing the song.
link
Heather began to sing:
"Spend all your time waiting, for that секунда chance, for the break that would make it okay. There's always some reason, to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day, I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release. Memory seeps from my veins, let me be empty, oh yeah weightless and maybe, we'll find some peace tonight. In the arms, of, an angel, fly away, from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that Ты fear. Ты were pulled from the wreckage, of your silent, reverie. You're in the arms, of an angel, may Ты find, some comfort here."
This song was clearly not directed to whom Cuddy was. It was about what House had been saying before. Cuddy was saving him. In constant occurrences, she was trying to save him. She was the angel, who held him in her arms.
With a short intermission in the song, Heather began to sing once again.
"So tired of the straight line, and everywhere Ты turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back. Storm keeps on twisting, Ты keep on building the lie, that Ты make up for all that Ты lack. It don't make no difference, escape for one last time. It's easier, to believe, in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms, of, an angel, fly away, from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that Ты fear. Ты were pulled from the wreckage, of your silent, reverie. You're in the arms, of an angel, may Ты find, some comfort here."
She dragged out the last two lines, as the congregation was in tears, along with herself, and House, who's hands were dampened with tears as they played the last few lines.
"You're in the arms, of, the angel. May Ты find.....some comfort, here..."
With everyone in tears, Rabbi Nicholas proceeded to end the service, and allowed everyone to exit the home, and make their way to the cemetery. House stayed stationary at the Пианино before Wilson had come over to talk to him.
"She would've liked that." He patted him on the back and wiped down his face. But House refused to say anything. He got up, and walked over to Cuddy before they closed the casket. Wilson followed, and they both looked at her for one last time.
"It's going to be hard to forget that face." Wilson admitted. House then reached into his куртка and pulled out something silver. He rested it on his finger and Wilson to pull out her hand.
"What is that?"
"What does it look like?" Wilson held out her hand for House, and he slipped the ring, onto her ring finger.
"An engagement ring?"
"An engagement ring."
"She сказал(-а) yes?" Wilson asked in shock. House hesitated.
"Before she died." He held her hand for one еще time, before resting it onto her stomach, and Поцелуи her on her forehead. They then closed the casket, and House, Wilson, Cameron, Chase, Foreman and Thirteen took their places. House and Wilson at the front of the casket, Chase and Cameron taking the middle, and Foreman with Thirteen, taking the back.
They hoisted it up from the table, and walked down the isle. Wilson glanced at House, whose eyes were filled with tears. No one could notice but him, for everyone else was dealing with their own sobbing. But his sobs were hard to distinguish as they proceeded outside into the rain. It soaked his hair, and matted it down. It soaked his clothes, and his face as they continued walking. Shoes slapping, and clacking down against the wet pavement, sounded like they were marching--marching onward.
By the time they got to the hearse, everyone had got into their cars with the exception of the six. They slowly slid the casket in, and House slammed the door shut. He turned, and looked at his fellow colleagues. They too, were soaking.
Cameron and Chase first walked forward, and gave him a hug, and then made their way to their car. Далее was Thirteen and Foreman, then they too left for their car. Then it was just Wilson and House standing in the rain.
"You wanna drive?" House asked him.
"Sure. I've always wanted to drive a hearse."
They both got in, and drove to the cemetery--The three of them, for one last time.
---
After the burial - 2:55 p.m.
Cuddy had been buried at Mason O'Reilly Cemetery. Where House had taken her that one night. Memories from that night floated back to him as he stood against the дерево they had spent under.
Everyone was conversing with each other as he stood there.It had stopped raining during the burial, making things all the еще easier--just burying at least.
link
People gradually began leaving, single by single, then couple by couple and finally few by few. But they all sent their condolences to both Cuddy's family and House before they left.
He wasn't far from Cuddy's tombstone. He was tempted to walk over for the billionth time, but he decided not to. From afar, Wilson broke off with Cameron, Chase and Foreman, bringing with him Rachel over to House. He walked down the hill, stood Далее to him, and looked out with him.
"I've got her tombstone engraving memorized. I've come back and forth--"
"I like what Ты put. It describes her perfectly."
"That's kind of why I chose it." They stopped talking for about a minute, before House picked it up again.
"If I can't accept this--"
"You will, House. Give it some time."
"Sure, I will."
"You will. Everyone eventually does. I'm gonna go get my car, I left it back at the home. Take Rach." He handed Rachel to House, and kind of ran up the hill, passing by the team. House slowly bent down, sat against the дерево and sat Rachel on his lap, as he gazed out into the distance. Then he felt a presence beside him. It wasn't a solid presence, misty, или cold. But a warm presence. Who else could give out that familiar warmth?
"What are Ты still doing here?" Cuddy asked him.
"I needed to say goodbye to you." He replied, turning his head to face the illusion of Cuddy beside him.
"You've сказал(-а) goodbye, countless times. And this isn't goodbye."
"It's close."
"I heard what Ты сказал(-а) by the way. And Ты don't have to apologize. Ты had--have--every right to be angry with me and Stacy."
"No I didn't. I didn't have the right to be angry at you. I had the right to be angry at her for other things, but not for that."
"I'm dead, I don't have to argue with Ты anymore." She laughed.
"Yeah?" He asked with a smile on his face.
"I want Ты to get out of here, and take our baby home. You've сказал(-а) your goodbye House. It's not like I need anymore reminding of it. I'm dead."
"It's always the wrong people dying isn't it?" he asked her blankly.
"Stop it. Please." He watched the figure of Cuddy place her hand on his face. He couldn't feel it, only the warmth.
"I'm going insane."
"You just miss me. Now go. When Ты want to talk, come back here." Suddenly, footsteps coming down the холм, хилл could be heard.
"Tell Wilson, and everyone else I Любовь them." She smiled and got up, and he gave her a reassuring nod. She walked a few steps forward, saying one last thing.
"I Любовь the ring, House. It fits me well." She smiled and him one last time, before disappearing like a mist. Wilson finally reached them, ready to go.
"Ready?" House nodded, as he got up slowly from the damp трава with Rachel tucked carefully in his arm, Wilson handed him his cane, and they walked up the холм, хилл towards the team and everyone else for departure.
By the pond, Cuddy reappeared and went over to her tombstone. She tilted her head, and read the engraving, smiling, and looking back at House and Rachel as they left. She finally felt at peace.
Lisa Cuddy
The Exceptional boss, the Dedicated mother,
and the Энджел that wanted to save us all
---
When does Любовь become something we need, rather than something we want? Любовь was seen as something special a long time ago. Now Любовь is what we are expected to have with us everyday of our lives. Любовь is common currency when Ты are a teenager, but turns to worthless pennies the older Ты get. Do we not care about the substance of what Любовь was and not what it has been made into today by commercialisation from American Фильмы and Телевидение commercials and soap operas? Only when we experience Любовь for real, can we Комментарий and judge others who are in Love. Любовь means something different to everyone. Not two people’s feeling of Любовь is the same. Why do we generalize, rationalize and compartmentalize Love? Любовь is and will continue to be an enigma. Only a handful of people will ever unlock it and witness its true beauty and essence. The essence we all crave.
Love.
Love.