Lloyd: Brooke?
Brooke: Yes?
Lloyd: Are Ты in?
Brooke: In?
Lloyd: Are Ты there?
Brooke: What?
Lloyd: You're out. Okay. I'll call again.
Usher: Mr. Fellowes, uh, is there anything wrong with your seat?
Lloyd: [thinking] Yeah, it's facing the stage!
___From Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Michael plays Lawrence Jamieson
[Ruprecht (Steve Martin) is mauling Lawrence's new girlfriend]
Lawrence Jamieson: Ruprecht, do Ты want the genital cuff?
Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy (Steve Martin), as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. Ты are a moron.
Lawrence: I'd admit Ты made rather an effective prop
Freddy: Wow, prop. Ruprecht was the звезда of that show. Ты were just the MC.
Lawrence: I would consider myself the ventriloquist.
Freddy: Which makes me what, the dummy?
Lawrence: My God, that was easy.
___From Without a Clue, Michael Plays an actor playing Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes: What are Ты doing?
Dr. Watson: Thinking.
Sherlock Holmes: Right. I'm going to think too.
[Long pause]
Sherlock Holmes: What shall we think about, Watson?
[Holmes and Watson enter a Главная and Watson picks up the mail]
Dr. Watson: Oh, a French postcard.
Holmes: Really?
[he takes the card from Watson]
Holmes: I know a chap who collected these once. He had this wonderful one... two women... oh, it's just a picture of the Eiffel Tower.
Watson: Holmes believes your father has been abducted.
Leslie: Abducted? By who?
Sherlock Holmes: Abductors
___From Deathtrap, Michael plays Sydney Bruhl
Myra Bruhl: Well, have Ты thought about collaboration?
Sidney Bruhl: I don't want any help in killing Clifford Anderson. I want to strike the blow myself.
Sidney Bruhl: I'll bury him in the yard. No, the vegetable patch! Easier digging.
Sidney Bruhl: This is Clifford Anderson, my secretary; my friend, Porter Milgrim.
Clifford Anderson: How do Ты do, sir?
Porter Milgrim: How do Ты do.
Clifford Anderson: Nice to meet you.
Sidney Bruhl: I would say "my attorney," but he'd bill me.
Sidney Bruhl: I have a name and a reputation! Somewhat tattered, perhaps. But still good for ужин invitations and summer seminars.
Clifford Anderson: Are Ты trying to say that Ты don't think that Ты can trust me?
Sidney Bruhl: How clearly Ты put it!
Sidney Bruhl: No blood on the carpet... ten points for neatness.
Sidney Bruhl: Darling, though I might be capable of killing Clifford Anderson, I am not up to the criminal behavior of a Broadway producer.
__From The Man Who Would Be King, Michael plays Peachy
Peachy Carnehan: Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off.
Peachy Carnehan: Danny's only a man. But he breaks wind at both ends simultaneous - which is more, I reckon, than any god can do.
___Alfie, Michael plays Alfie ;)
Alfie: My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.
[talking about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant]
Alfie: Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I сказал(-а) "Blimey, girl, Ты ain't as ugly as I thought".
Alfie: She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life.
Alfie: I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it.
Alfie: If Ты lose a bird Ты can always replace her. But with a child it's different.
[speaking to camera as he is Поцелуи Lily Clamacraft]
Alfie: Well, what harm can it do? Old Harry will never know. And even if he did, he shouldn't begrudge me - или her, come to that. And it'll round off the чай nicely.
Alfie: I've never told her that I Любовь her - except at those times when you've *got* to say something for appearance's sake.
Alfie: I've told Ты before to be careful where Ты put your legs.
