I'm Письмо Ты this letter to tell Ты that I'm leaving Ты forever. I've been a good man to Ты for seven years and I have nothing to Показать for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that Ты quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, Ты came Главная and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,had cooked your Избранное meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. Ты ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. Ты don't tell me Ты Любовь me anymore; Ты don't want sex или anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me или Ты don't Любовь me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my день еще than receiving your letter. It's true that Ты and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when Ты got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if Ты can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when Ты cooked my Избранное meal, Ты must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from Ты because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty do llars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved Ты and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But then I got Главная Ты were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope Ты have the fulfilling life Ты always wanted. My lawyer сказал(-а) that the letter Ты wrote ensures Ты won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed , Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told Ты this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown медведь suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The медведь sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The секунда guys says, "What are Ты doing? Sneakers won’t help Ты outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
Here's the other one.
A guy is sitting at Главная when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a улитка on the porch. He picks up the улитка and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The улитка says "What the hell was that all about?"
Here's the last one
Three kids come down to the кухня and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves еще fuckin’ French тост for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
Eh I don't know if it's the best joke but it's what I have right now. :/ Best friends.. Ты fight, I fight. Ты hurt, I hurt. Ты cry, I cry. Ты jump off a bridge; I get in a paddle лодка and save your stupid ass.
A медведь and a rabbit are shiting in some bushes and the медведь asks the rabbit "do Ты have problems with crap sticking to your fur,and the rabbit Ответы "no i dont" so the медведь whipes his жопа, попка with the rabitt
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One день the husband comes Главная from work and his wife says, "Honey, Ты know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could Ты fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes Главная from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could Ты change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can Ты please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The Далее день the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He сказал(-а) he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake или slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did Ты make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a пиво bottle and bangs the gator on the вверх of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but Ты have to promise not to hit me on the head with the пиво bottle."