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What are the funniest lines/passages you've read in a fanfiction?

I asked about saddest before, but here's a cheerier one. Mine are from a Detroit 187 fanfiction called Poking the медведь with a Stick.

Fitch let out a long suffering sigh and pulled his кобура from his waistband. He handed it over to Sanchez, who took it without секунда thought.

"Hold on to that for me before I shoot him."

"Try getting it back from me," She rose to her feet; put his кобура beside hers, inside the waistband of her pants, "We've got a lead, by the way."

Fitch stood and followed as she led the way past Washington and Stone. They paused, almost out of the bullpen, when Washington called Fitch's name. Fitch looked at the young man expectantly.

"Should we alert HR?"

"Why would we need to do that?" Fitch's brows furrowed.

"Your piece is in Sanchez's pants." His tone dripped with innuendo and he had a shit eating grin on his face.

Sanchez chuckled at that. "Don't I wish?"

Fitch's head whipped around from glaring at Washington to look at Sanchez with a look of surprise. She just grinned at him.

"C'mon, let's get out of here before Ты kill him and I have to cuff you."

Fitch inclined his head, not trusting what would come out of his mouth at that moment, and they moved to leave but not before hearing Washington's voice.

"He might enjoy that!"

They ignored him and kept moving toward the exit. Once they were gone, Stone raised an eyebrow at Washington.

"Do Ты have a death wish или something?"

Washington just laughed in response.
 Jeffersonian posted Больше года
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fly210 said:
How do Ты know? And now look at Mrs. Hypocrite. She's being hypocritically hypocritical about me being a hypocrite when she herself is being hypocritically hypocritical about me being hypocritically hypocritical just like any hypocrite.”

And now Princess is stunned by my knowledge

“So, you’re at the same charity festival? Cool. Okay, this bald freak gave me this job; I don’t know, I accepted it ‘cause I needed the money badly. I’m going to be the big, stupid медведь mascot. If Ты see a bear, it’s me, got it? If Ты want me to kick some guy’s ass, I’ll be there with my stuffed, toy sword, capiche?”

"It's not that big of a deal." I сказал(-а) getting another sip from my slushie, but then Bridgette
knock it out of my hands and into the pool. "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL??!! COURTNEY, THIS
IS A MAJOR DEAL!!!" she yelled. "Slushie...." I whispered sadly as my slushie dropped in the pool. "Courtney! Forget about the slushie!" Bridgette yelled.


I saw her...Two bad she's there too swim...I'd kill to see her in a bikini. "Nice swimsuit." she says sarcsticly refering to my jeans and t-shirt. "I'm failing English." I lied. I have a c really..... She ignores me and gets into the pool. I fallow alongside of the pool. "If I fail english I'd have to drop out! And if I drp out, dad will want to kill me, mom will be so dissapointed. And maybe I can live with them for five years TOPS!." She was still swimming. "And that means I have to get a job, I'll be working at the greese shoops window. And then five years later, the greatest thing ever happens, THE FRENCH FRY GUY DIES, then I get premoted. But first, some guy tells me I can make a quick 300 by driving a фургон, ван back to mexico! Once I get out of jail, Im 45, with no job, and no place to live. And why? because Ты didn't help me in english, Ты WERE TOO BUSY TO HELP ME!" Then I feel someting snag on my shoe and I fall in the pool.


Fine, but Ты have to focus and pay attention. "Cool," I say "when?" "She looks at her planner, 6 I eat, 7, shower, 7:30 I make a call....Hows eight?" Really, she plans all that out? "I don't know," I say sarcasticcly, "Thats when I re-oganize my носок drawer." "Do Ты want my help или NOT?" She is getting pissy. "I was just jokeing, fine! eight!"

(Letter to Geoff)
Ты were wrong about this school. There is plenty of action here. Me and my roomate have an understanding for eachother. I havent even seen one baindaid. The girls here are amazing and it's not that cold. Classes are easy and Ты shudda came with me. Your friend Duncan
P.S All of the above is Bullshit.
-----------------------------------
How is that? BTW His roomate is Owen. and the undersatnding with hisroomate is that when Izzy comes over with Еда for Duncan it means "Get out so I can do it with Owen.
They come out of the movie with Courtney on Duncan’s arm, Trent on Gwen’s and Jeff and Bridget making out ……. As ushuwel.
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posted Больше года 
*
TDI fic?
Jeffersonian posted Больше года
FashionBug12 said:
This is from Bloodthirsty:
"Did she like the book?" my mother prodded.
"It certainly caused a scene." I told her truthfully.
"Great!"
"when are Ты going to see her again?"
"I'm not really sure."
"You didn't make another date?"
"Nah. I think we're better as friends."
"Oh Finbar, I'm so sorry..."
*His father comes in*
"Hey Finn! Ты gotta come downstairs and check out the new TV. This high-def is really something. Ты can see the sweat on the-"
"Paul!" my mother was offended.
"What?"
My father looked a little scared. We were all scared of my mother.
"You didn't ask Finbar about his date!"
"Oh. Sorry," my father said. "Finn, how was your date?"
"Paul! Dont ask him about his date!" my mother interrupted. "It didn't go well."
"Finbar, Ты will never understand women."
"Don't tell him that! Ты understand me."
"No I don't! I just pissed Ты off!"
"Language, Paul."
"But anyway, I didn't mean Finbar won't understand women, I сказал(-а) 'You.' I meant a general 'you.' A collective 'you.' 'You,' as in all the male-"
"Enough, Paul"
"Well, Finn, come downstairs if-"
"NOT WITH THE TV AGAIN! He doesn't want that kind of radiation."
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posted Больше года 
*
Haha
Jeffersonian posted Больше года
DracoLuver said:
"Yeah. Probably because I value my friendship with Ты еще than pulling off some prank with them, Ron. Harry - Ты know that I barely know Ты but I really wanna know Ты real bad, right?" I сказал(-а) to them both.
"Yeah...OH MY DEAR GOD! HOGWARTS! WE'RE THERE!" Harry shouted.


--

That line was so random! But that isn't suppose to be funny. It's actually featured here: link

Pottersues is basically a giant LiveJournal community that gathers bad fanfiction.
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