1) I can't reach my license unless Ты hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3) Aren't Ты the guy from the Village People?
4) Hey, Ты must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5) Are Ты Andy или Barney?
6) I thought Ты had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8) I pay your salary!
9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10) Do Ты know why Ты pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have Ты been drinking?" Ты probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have Ты been eating doughnuts?"
13) What? Ты need a license to drive?
14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
15) Is your power a penis substitute?
16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but Ты have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
17) Can Ты come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
18) Oops...I thought Ты were a prostitute.
19) Do I have any fruits или vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a Фрукты или vegetable?
20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
21) Did Ты pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, или the burned out tail-light?
22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too
26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal
27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
28) Do Ты have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up или you'd have never caught me
30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, Ты wouldn't be so damn uptight
32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere Ты should be catching?
33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either
34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought Ты going to get a doughnut
35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
36) Do Ты have any idea who you're talking to?
37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol
39) That uniform makes your жопа, попка look really big.
40) Ты don't happen to have any пиво in your car?
41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?
43) I'm not as think as Ты stoned I am.
44) Officer: "Do Ты know how fast Ты were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"
Thanks to Simon for the two points above!
45) Its tobacco, honest
46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before Ты finish Письмо my ticket!
47) Officer: Sir, have Ты been drinking?
>Driver: No, I haven't had any cunts tonight drinkstable.