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posted by black_magics
1.The 'poke' button on Facebook is awesome...
But I think there should be a 'stab' button...

2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS
the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it.

3. anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

4.Text someone and tell them "Hey, I Остаться в живых my phone, can Ты call it?"
and see how many people call it

5. 3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape,
and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!

6.don't Ты hate it when you're texting and laying on your back and
your phone decides to be a ninja, slips through your fingers, and attacks your face!

7.Robin капот, худ was a thief, Mario gets high off of Mushrooms, Snow White lived with 7 men,
Sleeping Beauty always slept in, and our parents wonder why WE are bad!

8. In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Grim Reaper costume
to my funeral and doesn't say a word

9."You know you're too drunk to drive when Ты swerve to miss a tree,
and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror."

10.Dares Ты to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell
"like a good neighbor statefarm is there!"

11.My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity
,I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it

12.Pshhhh I did not fall... The floor looked at me funny
so I used my mad ninja skills to attack

13.My new word for the день is FOCUS,
when someone irritates Ты tell them 2 FOCUS (F*** Off Cuz Ur Stupid)

14. Just remember, everything happens for a reason.
So when I хлопать, привкус Ты upside the head, remember... I had a reason!

15.Have Ты ever started laughing for no reason
, then started laughing even harder because Ты were laughing for no reason?
I Любовь those moments.

16.Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas".
The computer told me "ninjas cannot be found"
Well played, ninjas, well played

17.What the voices in my head tell me to do
would get me arrested in all 50 states and 26 countries

18.Stalking is such a strong word
~ I prefer to think of it еще as 'intense research' on one individual
~ By the way, your missing носок is under your bed, with me

19.i think my guardian Энджел is bipolar

20. WARNING: I have officially been left unsupervised.
I take no responsibility for what may happen in the Далее few hours.

21.I didn't trip,
I... I was... uh... just... uh... checking the gravity!
Yeah! Just so Ты know, it's all good, it still works.

22. I dare someone to kidnap me
..as soon as my meds wear off..they'll pay me to leave!

23.i wonder if its bad when I'm talking to myself
and I'm not even listening

24. I'm going out to look for myself,
if Ты see me before i return,
please tell myself to call me so i know where i am.

25.I know what your doing,I'm watching u do this,
if your wondering what your doing i would know,wanna know what your doing?
Ты Чтение my status Ты stalker!

26.This год I'm using big words to sound smart...
Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence.

27.Y'know those signs Ты see in towns that say,
"Drive careful, we Любовь our children".
DUH, you're not gonna see a sign that says, "GUN IT, WE'LL MAKE MORE!"

28. No officer, I did not hit her, I simply Fist Pumped her face!

29. I like throwing Skittles at people and shouting TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
but it's еще fun to throw tacos at people yelling '
THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN!!

30.I Любовь to stand in line at ATM machines,
and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away

31. Like a weird neighbor, stalkers are there!

32.Some people were dropped as a baby
. Ты were clearly thrown at a wall. Then feed a bottle of wacko-o juice!

33.Do Ты ever find yourself really bored so Ты go on Facebook
yet Ты find that there is nothing to do except refresh the page until something new pops up?

34.OK think of a number. Add 12 to the number. Subtract 2. Divide that number by 5. Add 20. Did Ты get 12? Neither did I.
I just wanted to see if Ты would do it!

35. im going to get a job at walmart as a greeter
and my words of welcome will be "Welcome to freaking walmart! Get ur sh*t and get the hell out!!"

36.Brunette:When I grow up, I'LL GO TO MARS.
Blondie:When I grow up I'LL GO TO THE SUN.
Brunette:But Ты will burn!
Blondie:Don't be stupid, I'll go at night

37.If somebody throws skittles at me and yells "TASTE THE RAINBOW",
I'm gonna throw a 2 liter bottle of Dr.Pepper and yell "TRUST ME I'M THE DOCTOR

38.a few days назад I very sternly told the voices in my head to stop talking to me.
Now they are sending me txt mgs say that they r sorry and want to get back2gethr

39.things to do at Walmart: hide behind teddy bears and make evil laughing noises when little kids come by

40.Ever feel like beating someone with a baseball bat to the point of almost unconsciousness, then setting them on fire? No? Just me?

41. I'm not crazy.. don't Ты judge me! Your just jealous cause i get texts from the flying gummy bears and Ты don't!

42.i saw a flying cow yesterday. it was purple and i named him Phillip...i wish the dancing unicorn had seen him but she was too busy laughing at Steve the snake

43. i was sitting there when i got attacked by the purple hedgehogs, neon dragons, and glow-in-the-dark leprechauns that kid-napped the unicorn and клубника king

44.I have decided to stop pretending and just be that ninja with the magical penguins and Динозавры and Единороги that everyone KNOWS I am.

45.Have Ты ever tried walking into Walmart and yelling red robin! and seeing how many people say YUM red robin, red robin, come on just say yum!

46. Things to do at Walmart #365: bring или take a tent, set it up in a camping supplies corner, and camp out for the weekend until they kick Ты out!

47.After watching CSI, Cold case, Law & Order, and all those other educational shows, I'm 99% sure I can make sure nobody notices Ты missing. Just saying...

48.I like to call it doing the world a favor. Homicide is just the technical term

49. i think there's something wrong with my guardian angel.
her wings are black and she's sitting with the devil and laughing hysterically at everything and everyone

50.I got a special care pkg. in the mail. It had duct tape, a meat tenderizer,
a hole перфоратор, удар, пунш and a note saying " don't get caught"! (sigh) I Любовь my friends!

51.I find myself meeting people who give me the honor of thinking up new words... Dipshidiot! (dip-shid-iot)

52.backwards this read Ты making am i why exactly is that, never? Ты to nice been ever I have when since (now read it backwards)

53.What happens in an exam : Tik tok , Mind block , Pen stop , Eye pop , Full shock , Jaw drop , Time up , No Luck

54. O I dare Ты to walk up to any officer and say:
I didnt do it I didnt kill her, the assassination wasnt part of the plan.' Then run fast! I bet they'll chase u

55.I'm bored & in need of some adventure. I say we get drunk, get stupid, get a stick, go poke something with teeth and see if we can outrun it.

56.Why do people always think my Друзья and I are high? WE'RE NOT ON DRUGS! We're just crazy, and loud, and random, and scooby doo (but that's a different story)

57. Smile people will wonder what your up to.But grin like crazy and they will want to know what the hell Ты just did

58.Isn't it funny how everyone thinks they are the normal one in their family?

59.For Sale! One used alarm clock. damn thing rings when I am trying to sleep.

60. im on my way to Walmart to take the "try me" stickers off the noise making toys and stick them on condom boxes.
posted by BeautysOverated
 :)
:)
1.    Run to the вверх of the Eiffel Tower
2.    Eat snails in France
3.    Go to Hollywood
4.    Climb the Statue of Liberty
5.    Gamble in Vegas
6.    Attend a major sporting event
7.    Attempt to catch the ball at the Superbowl
8.    Drive across America –> coast to coast
9.    Go to the pyramids in Egypt
10.    Ride a верблюд in the desert
11.    Climb Uluru
12.    Spend...
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posted by cute20k
Do Ты have a dirty mind?

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause Ты to spit and ask Ты not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?







A dentist

2. A finger goes in me. Ты fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?






A wedding ring

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?






Peanut butter

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. Ты blow me hard . What am I?






Chewing gum

5. All день long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?






An elevator

6. I...
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posted by invadercalliope
These Цитаты are Цитаты with differnt meanings of хорек или just the animal.
“If a хорек bites Ты it is nearly always your own fault.”
“To go rabbit hunting with a dead ferret"
“I'm not sure what the Просмотры are. I had a private conversation and I did get a feeling ? a feeling. Well, Ты can't take a feeling to the bank. So, it's up to me to try to хорек it out.”
“I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.”
“You need that U.N. inspection team in there on the ground. They're the people that can find it and хорек it out,”
“We still have a lot of work to do, and we still have to work on recovering prairie dog populations so the ferrets can survive.”
The End!
After spending hours alone and together Miki and Hei come out.Once both out she lead Hei to her personal weapon room "wow Ты own every last weapon here?" "yep and trust me its not easy hiding this big room" she shows him each one and Показать him how to use them all.After that they both chose three weapons and fought for a vary long time (A.K.A 5 hours) Luka (Miki's twin brother)got Главная to see that his sister on the floor laughing and giggling and with a big smile on her face "well well well who do we have here little miss 'i don't need a boyfriend' on the floor with a guy" "Luka?! so not cool...
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posted by invadercalliope
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo dam dam
didoodi dam
*music*
When the morning
come come
I'm dancing like
you're dumb dumb
And when the groove
is high
When dummies jump
to sky
If Ты feel the groove
groove
The dummies have to
move move
Can Ты feel the beat? The beat?
The beat?
You never tell me
what is wrong
Cause now it's time to be alone
Let me Любовь you
everyday
So long Ты let the dummies play
Dance to the
beat dance
dance to the beat
Dance to the
beat dance
dance to the beat
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodidam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodidam
Dam dadi...
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posted by EmzLovesCheryl
Why not smile? Ты can always find a reason to smile, believe it или not. Ты can say that your life is the worst, Ты can find a hundred reasons to prove that your life sucks, but I bet Ты anything, that if Ты let yourself search, Ты can find a thousand reasons to smile. Whether it's a person, a memory, a possession, Ты can always find something worth living for.

So many people spend their lives hating, complaining, moaning, but really, what's the point? Of course, everyone has off days, everyone gets angry, upset, annoyed, but Ты don't need to spend your whole life living like that. Everyone...
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(I EDITED THIS A LITTLE SO I COULD ADRESS SOME OTHER STEREOTYPES THAT I THINK ARE WRONG and EXTREMELY HURTFUL!!!!)

In the world of stereotypes...


I HAVE CURVES, so I MUST be a fat-ass.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm BRITISH, so I MUST talk like a butler.

I DON'T WEAR SKIRTS, so I MUST be a tom-boy.

I'm POOR, so I MUST be homeless.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I FELL IN Любовь WITH A MAN WHILE HE WAS TAKEN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I’M EMOTIONAL, so I MUST be looking...
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posted by LadyL68
♥If you're asking if I need you,♥
♥The answer is forever♥


♥If you're asking if I'll leave you♥
♥ The answer is never♥



♥If you're asking what I value,♥
♥The answer is you♥




♥If you're asking if I Любовь you♥
♥The answer is I do♥








☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮

















READ THIS!!! I didn't write this poem, I found it earlier today.
posted by iamagagamonster
~~ dont be offended, i Любовь bruno mars' music, he just walked into this trap~~

** follow the beat of just the way Ты are **

oh her eyes shadow makes her look like a clown and i hate it
her hair her hair looks like spiders live in it and its weird
shes so creepy
and i tell her everyday

oh i know i know when tell her this she won't believe me
and its so its so sad that she dont see what i see
but everytime she asks me "do i look ok" i say..

when i see your face, theres that perfect thing that i would change cos look at that mustache
girl Ты need to shave

and when Ты smile, the whole world ducks and...
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I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl who was kicked out of her Главная because I confided in my mother I was a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who held her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled night.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in a hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the...
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Answer their Вопросы with questions

Ask if Ты they can put Еда color in the cheese.

Ask them to deliver it in a limo.

Ask to see a menu

Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again

Ask about пицца maintenance and repair.

Ask for a deal available somewhere else.

Ask for the guy who took your order last time. Be sure to throw in a Комментарий about his abs.

Ask if the пицца has had its shots

Ask if the пицца is organically grown

Ask if them for a free дата with one of the staff if Ты make order over $30.

Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
In Japan,people use lots of smileys или emotions in their messaging.

While emoji (graphical presentations of emoticons) are probably most known, “kaomoji” (from “kao” = face, “moji” = character) are the Japanese version of Western/Eastern emoticons and there are practically endless variations available.

The biggest difference to the Western/Eastern and Japanese emotions is that they read horizontally and Ты don’t need to turn your head to understand them.

For example the Western/Eastern emoticon for “Happy” looks like this :-)/:) while the Japanese version looks like this (^_^).

Do Ты use these emotions или others in your emails?

Here are some examples:

(^_^) happy

(((º Д º ;))) scared

(-´´-;) problems

(>_<) angry

(?_?) confused

(-.-)zzZ sleepy

(^ _^;) embarrassed

(^O^) very happy

(T_T) sad

(^ ε ^) Kiss
-See еще emotions here: link
1) wacg alote of T.V. или be on the computer a long time
2) don't eat Еда that can make Ты sleepy
3) drink a lot of soda или crush
4) gety near load stuff или equipment
5) kepp your lights on
6) try not to close your eyes at a late час
7) don't lay down
8) wach a scary movie
EX: Cucky Nightmare on elms улица, уличный orphan
10) eat choclat and other stuff to make Ты hiper



those are some ways to stay up till midnight on New years eve.


plz writ a commet to tell me what Ты did on the list

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE EVERYONE!
вверх 25 Ways To Drive Your Roommate Crazy

1. Every time Ты wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the
hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go
back to bed. If yourroommate asks, say Ты don’t know what
he/she is talking about.

2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same
room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid
of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever
again.

3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the
clown...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
1. Dress all in thick leather so that they can't bite или scratch you. 2. Carry a gun so that those bitches don't kill ya. (obviously). 3. Make sure to hook up with Друзья that aren't zombified. 4. Carry a нож of some sort at ALL times. 5. Don't stay out after dark. 6. Go to huge houses nearby to party it up. 7. Don't get drunk, Ты don't know what'll happen. 8. Destroy something to let off some steam. 9. Make sure to have a back-up plan when plan A. doesn't work. 10. Get over to a бас, бас-гитара Pro Магазин или anywhere with plenty of survival tools. 11. Go to a corny gift Магазин and destroy everything...
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posted by MrOrange16
This is a Список of rules for the internet I found on link. Just for laughs :)



1. Do not talk about /b/*
2. Do NOT talk about /b/*
3. We are Anonymous.
4. Anonymous is legion.
5. Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.
6. Anonymous can be horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver.
8. There are no real rules about posting.
9. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your ban.
10. If Ты enjoy any rival sites — DON'T.
11. Ты must have pictures to prove your statement.
12. Lurk moar — it's never enough.
13. Nothing is Sacred.
14. Do not argue...
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I'm Dreaming Of A Fat Christmas

It was Рождество Eve. Selena sat yet on her head, sipping slow eggnog.

She looked at the cute лодка hanging on the Рождество дерево and sighed. Last year, alex had hung it there, just before they looked at each other conversely and then fell into each other's arms and stood each other's hand.

If only I hadn't been so pretty, Selena thought, pouring a funny amount of ром into her eggnog. Then alex might not have got so stupid and left me all alone at Рождество time. She wiped away a fast tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and...
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posted by Tayloraddict-1
(Big idea)



Another problem thats spreading on Fanpop. The problem is that people keep reporting people for dumb reasons. For example my friend some people reported her because she didnt agree with them and thats wrong. Like what happened to ''We are a big Fanpop family''?. That doesnt even matter anymore does it ? Just when somebody makes Ты mad или doesnt agree with your point of view Ты just Сообщить them and thats just a whole bunch of bullshit. Like for real handle reporting responsibly if someone makes Ты mad keep going on with life if someone doesnt agree with your view point just accept dont Сообщить thm. Because we are a big family and we dont Сообщить или block family we care and Показать Любовь for them and YES we all argue its natural but just to Сообщить someone is taking it too far


PLZ STOP IT!!



whos w/ me?



Любовь all around
-Jordan
ME: Hi there everyone this is Solo28, also know as ''The тако Man'' and today me and my conscience will talk to each other.

CONSCIENCE: Ты are a freakin' retard.

ME: T-T Bad conscience.

CONSCIENCE: I AM NOT A FREAKIN' PET Ты FREAKIN' MORON.

ME: Shut up.

CONSCIENCE: Ты серовато-коричневый, dun, дун TELL ME TO SHUT UP

ME: I learned it from you, Dad, I learned it from you.

CONSCIENCE: No, stop it, stupid.

ME: Why, I just want to celebrate Ghostmas

CONSCIENCE: Ghostmas? I thought Ты picked a день out of a hat for that или something.

ME: Конфеты день is when I say it is Конфеты Day. It's when I say it is Конфеты Day.

CONSCIENE: It's not...
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posted by jessicamc26
"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do Ты want?" "I'm calling to Сообщить my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hidingmarijuana inside his firewood." "Thank Ты very much for the call, sir." The Далее day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"