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posted by vanillaicecream
So let's say you're talking to your Друзья and gesturing wildly, and because you're not paying attention, Ты manage to honk some part of a passing stranger's anatomy that is traditionally covered by underpants; spinning around to apologize, Ты instead topple down a staircase and faceplant into a wedding cake, whereupon Ты realize that your pants are unbuttoned. Would this be
a.) the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to Ты или
b.) a Tuesday?

Everyone's awkward from time to time, but until now it's been impossible to determine, numerically, just how awkward Ты are.

Well, this Awkwardness Test is as numerical as they get, because it has numbers, and it's hard to mess up, even if Ты are still covered in wedding cake. All Ты need to do is add a point if one of these situations has happened to Ты in the past month.

•You start to tell a joke ("So this утка walks into a library..."). It turns out to be terribly inappropriate. ("Hey, my brother's in the hospital because of ducks!")

•Impossibly, someone Ты have a crush on sits down to say hello to Ты at lunch. Ты have just crammed an entire кекс in your mouth.

•Walking down the street, Ты gradually become aware that Ты have no idea how to свинг, качели your arms.

•You gleefully shoulder your way into a whispered conversation, expecting it to be about juicy gossip. It is about a dead grandma.

•Nobody is laughing at your hilarious story. Ты panic and keep embellishing until it has killer bees in it.

•You spend far too much time on a text или email exactly flirty and suggestive enough to send to your new SO. Ты promptly mis-send it to your mom.

•You rush around a blind corner and plow directly into someone cute. Sobbing is involved. Someone requires stitches.

•You text someone with the kind of casual joke-insults Ты typically use with close friends. Your message is taken too sincerely.

•Attempting to be fun, Ты grievously wound someone; e.g. your no-look behind-the-back pass breaks your best friend's glasses или face. Add an additional point if your pass misses your friend and ricochets off a baby.

•"Hi, (Firstname!)" some good friend says to you. Ты respond: "Oh, hey, ...uh...." секунды pass. Oh my goodness, Ты think to yourself. Caitlin? Carl? Captain Crunch? I have absolutely no idea what this person's name is. (Add an additional point if all the possible Ответы collapse
together in your head and come out as something that could not possibly be a name, e.g. "Hi... Clourtleen?")

Tally up your points, one per situation.

0: Impossibly slick. Wow, Ты are the smoothest person we know! AT LYING, PROBABLY.

1-2: Cool and composed. Ты are the equivalent of putting on sunglasses and walking away in slow motion.

3-7: Ordinary. You're no еще или less awkward than the Далее person, assuming the Далее person is not Michael Cera.

8-10: Michael Cera. You're awkward enough that it has become endearing. Consider a film career.

11-12: Michael Cera tripping into a waiter carrying tray of pies. Ты are the essence of bumbling awkwardness. Purchase good insurance immediately.

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