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posted by i_luv_Pelon_xxx
Its not finished yet but I'm gonna continue it...this is (will be) also avadable on my DA account
Iluvpelon14

Yay
One day, a little girl named kaluri was at the zoo. She loved monkeys, she loved throwing the chips for them, but mostly attrackted seagulls and other un-monkey like flying pests. She loved turtals too, untill one farted on her and turned her insane. Right now, she is sitting in a mental heatbox in a mental Главная for mental hoes and can't stop shaking her head from side to side and moving it round it a круг like some retarded freak. She also eats air, don't do drugs kids. This child is in here cos she got farted on stay away from turtal arses. This can fuck u up for life. The stench of the gas never leaves you. That's why she is insane and is a mental freak. She only eats chips now. And plays with a straw and has races with the straw to see who can shake the quickest. Of corse the retarded spazzek wins each time. All thanks to that zoo, stay away from there, its filthy. But еще likely all thanks to that turtle, jeez he must be proud. What did he ate? The kid is mental still, sat there shaking her head and eating fuckin chips. еще chips. еще chips. Lifes stock of chips. Then plays with her straw and runs at the Стена thinking she is getting somewhere and see's flying brains flying around and trys to catch them and she also "rides a snail" she is also known as mental jerkins. She also tried to eat an iphone 4 but failed, it didn't digest properly..now it rings from inside her and scares her. Doorbell. Nothing worse. Nothing еще to this child..jee..sounds like me when I have pancakes. She is always hyper, wow. Kaluri must be my sister..EEEEK..and the term bouncing off the walls is literal. She pysicly bounces of walls. She has one friend.its a tedy that's a headless пингвин called flabbs пингвин hahahehe.all the children are like this, demented chickens running round the corridoors screaming everytime some мотыга, мотыги approches them. Spoon. If your not scared yet Ты should be. These children are capable of mass distruction. If the world ends later this год and your still alive, Ты know how it ended. Poor turtals..wait..NOOOOO XD o.O lolwut.

•they used to do school trips to this place before they realised that they found out that 13 of there students had turned insane.
Oh shit
Hold on
I think I'm insane
No I'm fine

Although being addicted to chips, kaluri can only draw carrots with glasses. Who owns this kid?! Wtf am I going on about?!?!
Haha
Kinda reminds me of one of my Друзья
....*evil laugh*....
Back to the muthafucka story!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahahaahaha
Fuck
XD o.O

Although kaluri does have one human friend. Pokalilly.
...
What Ты don't like the name pokalilly?...
WELL HARD CHEESE Ты THINK OF A NAME FUCKA

*nyan cat music*
Stfu u
*shoots cat*

Pokalilly is a long gone friend. She's underground..somewhere. Ты see she liked moles..so she..*ahem cough cough ha ha*...dug a hole and didn't find her way back out cos the stuid mental мотыга, мотыги popijerry filled the hole in. So pokalilly lives like a mole..digging tunnels..why doesn't she just dig up Ты ask? Cos she doesn't do up. We don't need to focus on her anyway she's. Your problem she's in the closet that's closest to you!!!! Say hi to her for me

Did I forget to tell you? Kaluri has a demon in her mental heatbox for mental hoes that only she can see. :) what has the world come to seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :•) OMFG that face looks like a snowman!!!!
Yes!! This songs scaring me
Ahhhahahahaha crys
Sometimes I like to lie on the floor and pretend I'm a carrot :D
Whoops wasn't ment to say that :#
Mwahhahaahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahhah evil laugh smog evil laugh hhahhahahahahahahahhaha

OMFG its jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!! on southpark :) hahahahaha I goottt chhoooooooo :D

This is getting randomly out of hand..brb I want a cookie..
Tik tok tik tok
IM BAC- wait I'm changing song IM BACK AND MY COOKIE IS MY BEST FRIEND HEHE IM EATING LAUREN!!!

Well
Ok something needs to happen...
Hgmmm
We now go over to cheesyTOTs332 for a live update on the mental Главная for mental hoes with mental heatboxs to calm the mental hoes down. Over to Ты cheesyTOTs332

CheesyTOTs332::
Yes thank Ты abby we will now go inside.
*knocks on mental Главная door, little cute child answers*
Little child: HI IS Ты THE CANDYMAN!!?!!?!!

*boom*

CheesyTOTs332::
Not a good start. *walks in* well as Ты can see its very nice in here, we are in a normal room for now...
*walks into the mental corridoor*
Oh my good god *beep* I'm getting the *beep* out of this *beeeep* place!!!!!!!
Just joken
*approches young lonely child* hello there.

Young child:
Oyajsksaekbiomgkfiogvjghiwoeuivbdfalcowoeribgngwogvibhutrswlckghjelwiogtuvbjslkalfltiwujrtuy jdnfkaslgvkrei
*BOOM*

:3
((That was fun to type))

CheesyTOTs332::
Why do they all blow up?! Well let's go and see kaluri....
I am stood outside kaluri's mental heatbox for mental hoes. Let's knock on her door
*knock knock*
*kaluri answers*
Ohh well arnt Ты cute!

Kaluri: come bla bla come in see my drawflings blablabla meet flabby пингвин hahahehe hahahaahahahahahaha bla bla bla prrrrrrbabaaaaaa. Weeee! *points at paper*

CheesyTOTs332::
Isn't she adorbs?!
*looks at paper*
Awww is that your teddy..with..no head..

:3

Kaluri::
Yeah! Flabby пингвин hahahehe!!! I chewed his head off then ate it!!
*ringing noise*
Excuse me
*burps and iphone comes out of her mouth*
Hehehehe

CheesyTOTs332::
Oh...
*gets hit by slobber covered flabby пингвин hahahehe*
Lovely...

Kaluri::
Me and muma
*shows drawing of 'her' and 'her mum'...sick figures*

CheesyTOTs332::
Oh..that's cut- huh?!

*kaluri puts drawing in her mouth and chews it and spits it back out*

Kaluri::
Whoops..sorry..
*smiles and walks sideways to the Стена and carrys on walking even tho she is at the wall*

CheesyTOTs332::
So kaluri..how old are Ты sweetheart?

Kaluri:
Ninety eight million five thousand sixty three trillion gazabillion with a snotty nose *sneezy and a different species of snot comes out of her nose*
Hahahahahahahahahhahaahha

Me:
Insane children....ahhhhh

CheesyTOTs332: I have to go now kaluri! Say bye to the world.
*kaluri pulls out shotgun and shoots cheesyTOTs332 and the camera falls on the side*

TECHICAL DIFFECULTIES PLEASE STAND BY!!!!!!!!! YOUR HAMPSTER HAS PROBABLY HAD A MUNCH ON YOUR TV WIRE или SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT или THE WEATHER IS BAD или SOMETHINK REALLY STUPID LIKE THAT GET IT SORTED OUT QUICKlY!!!!!!

what Ты want us to wait for you?

GET BUMMED IT IS EVERY PERSON FOR THEM SELFS!

*camera goes back to kaluri and she is holding up two щенок teddys that she has sewn the ears together on*

Kaluri::
Look at my creation world!! If Ты sew to Щенки ears together it can cause head truma's, STD's, explosive dhiaria and a sudden attraction to llama's. I drink torine!!
*drinks torine*
Now I'm pregnant!
Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

*camera goes off*

Me:
And that was the recen-
*news theme tune*
STOP WAIT NOT YET
*i come back on the screen*
As I was saying its our Последнее update on kaluri...I don't think we will ever get another update from CheesyTOTs332
Oh well
Now Ты can do it
*news theme tune, screen goes black and me in the background*
ARHHHHHH A SPIDER

*skips to an old granny watching the news show*

Granny:
What they say?

((Skips back to the origenal story))

Oh yeah I forgot to tell Ты that she has a shotgun whoops..oh well Ты will live hopefully!!!!!!!!!

Kaluri loves chips, she is- oh I have already told you? Well its time for the adver-
*news Показать goes off*
Эй, I was talking
*adverts come on*

((Advert 1))fudge...fudge...FUDGE...FUUDGE...FUUUUUDGEEE...FUUUUUUUUDGGGEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not fudge
Fudge
On sale now

((Advert two))
Come to mc donalds!!! Its the best on the highway!!!
*person walks in*
Uh yeah, burger dude, I want a burger and chips please
*throws burger at man*
Oi!! I'm not having that service!!! Ah..where's me chips?
*throws chips at person*
Thank Ты
Mc Donalds! Best place to eat in the universe!!!!!!

((Advert 3))
*duck from almost naked Животные comes on the screen with a shed*
Hello
I heard Ты were looking for a shed. Buy a shed then. This is my shed. Where all of your dreams come true. If they involve a shed.

((Advert 4))
*mister hankey comes on the screen*
Эй, kids
I'm mister hankey
The Рождество poo
Small and brown
I come from you

Don't forget to flush the toilet when Ты use it! Very important information this kids!

((Advert 5))
Are Ты planning to take over the world? If Ты are then Ты will need this started pack.
It inclueds
A nuclier bomb the size of venus
108642256248 огонь crackers and 1 lighter for them
And your very own invader zim from invader zim!

No subject entended, don't actully set the bomb off and be aware that when u touch the bomb it goes off, shaken up in the delivery ya know.
*woman touches bomb and the earth blows up*

Crypto the super dog: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOOOOOO

*on the moon*
..Oooooooooooooooooooo....
Alien no 1: did Ты hear that?!
Alen no 2: no...


*you turn your tv off thinking the Показать is pathetic Ты say the Показать is pathetic*

You: the Показать is pathetic

*good! Now Ты turn around and.......wait I need a cookie....*
posted by coolkatstar
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. Ты can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil или paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever Ты really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!


FIRST QUESTION: Ты are participating in a race. Ты overtake the секунда person. What position are Ты in?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

ANSWER: If Ты answer that Ты are first, then Ты are absolutely wrong! If Ты overtake the секунда person and Ты take his place, Ты are second! Try not to screw up in the Далее question.

To answer the секунда question, don't take as much
time as Ты took for the first question.

SECOND...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Эй, guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the Источник if available. Any others Ты may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have еще zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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1. Переместить the refrigerator into the bathroom (preferably in the bath tub)

2. Hang outside from an upstairs window

3. Переместить all of your furniture into their room and when they return home, insist that your imaginary friend needed some personal Космос so Ты have to Переместить into their room

4. Decorate the roof with glitter and ketchup.

5. Carve the lyrics of Elmo's song into every tree.

6. Mow the lawn in certain places to create the word 'pie'

7. Memorize pi, then illustrate it on a large sheet of paper insisting that your mother hangs it on the fridge.

8. Replace all 'grade A' papers hung up on the fridge...
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posted by Mel4ever
GIrls only (or gay guys..) yea both So Ты have to read this now....haha for girls eyes only here all girls! Эй, girls! IF YOU'RE A BOY, LEAVE THIS CUZ IT RUINS EVERYTHING GIRL TALK: Did Ты know Поцелуи is healthy. It's good to cry. Chicken суп actually makes Ты feel better. 94% of boys would Любовь it if Ты sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. Only apply mascara to your вверх lashes. It's actually true, boys DO insult Ты when they like you! 89% of guys want Ты to make the 1st move. Ya but 99.99% of girls want guys to make the first move. Шоколад will make Ты feel better! Most...
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posted by catgirl140
79 Things to do in an Elevator (Soooo funny)

1. Crack open your портфель или handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the Стена without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him или her to call Ты Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I...
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posted by cutiegirl01
1. Pretend that your стол письменный, стол is a drum and ur pencils are drum sticks.

2. Randomly hypervenlate out of no where.

3. when ur teacher asks if there are an questains on the testhomework shout out 'WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO # 10!'

4. break your pencil on purpse in front of them when there talking then get up and sharpen it.

5. If they ask Ты to guess theyre age (no they wont) guess 10 years older then u really think.

6. On ur paper write a Болталка год and someone elses name and write ur name on a smart kids.

7. Talk to people u hate in class constently then when they tell u to stup up say 'they're bugging me!'...
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posted by kitkat709477
Find the 3 and u will get a Kiss tommo​row SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​S SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SS SSSSS​SSSSS​SS3SS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​ SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​ find the B! DON'​​​T skip или ur wish wont come true.​​​.​​​. ​ ​ ​ RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​R...
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Dear Noah, We could've sworn Ты сказал(-а) the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.

---

Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.

---

The guy who puts down Собаки at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do Ты do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."

---

Do Ты know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.

---

The worst time to have a сердце attack is during a game of charades.

---

You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.

---

"Want to play the rape game?"...
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posted by karpach_13
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can Ты tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The джойстик is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her еще attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do Ты say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are Ты boys all in the same band?
A3: Do Ты guys all play for the Green бухта, залив Packers?

Q: How do Ты make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde...
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1)Devise a secret code with your Друзья then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask Вопросы so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s Вопросы in slow motion 2)Answer Вопросы only with one word
3)Scream Болталка words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” или “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer Вопросы in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If Ты have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what Ты think."

7. Claim that Ты must always wear a bicycle шлем as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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Ты know you're a 'Furry Fan' when...
Rabies replaces cancer as your number one disease concern.
Your Избранное character from звезда Trek is Lieutenant M'Ress (from the animated series).
You think "Beauty and the Beast" was spoiled by Beast becoming human.
You replace Elle McPherson pinups with those of Amy the Squirrel, Erma Felna, или Minerva Mink.
You slip the word 'fur' into as many places as possible in your mail.
You can identify a captionless book illustration as being Doug Wingers' in under ten seconds.
None of your Избранное female (or male) fiction characters are actually human.
You go...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.

2) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour.

3) Improvise Italian operas.

4) Gossip about someone to their face.

5) Answer every Вопрос with a question.

6) Repeat yourself constantly.

7) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

Cool Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Change what Ты repeat every now and then.

12) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

13) Change what Ты repeat every now and then.

14) Talk...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere ?
‘Hold my purse.’

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have дана us tickets.

Girls are like phones. We Любовь to be held, talked too but if Ты press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

I’m very Храбрая сердцем generally, he went on in a low voice: “Only today I happen...
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posted by Milorox18
WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE:

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy:Then tell me Ты Любовь me.

Girl:I Любовь you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can Ты take off my шлем and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the Далее day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his шлем so that she would live even if he died.
posted by Hollestercutie
All with [x] apply to me all with r idks


I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

[x]I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.(yep)

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION,...
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posted by patrisha727
I have a WHOLE Список of facts in my computer so еще will be coming! ^_^

To win a Золото disc, an album needs to sell 100,000 copies in Britain, and 500,000 in the United States.

Music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the год the phone was invented.

The CD was developed by Philips and Sony in 1980.
o About one-third of recorded CDs are pirated.
Ireland has won the most Eurovision song contests (7 times).

Annie Lennox holds the record for the most Brit awards (8).

The first pop video was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, released in 197

The British, the highest per capita...
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added by 3xZ
added by 3xZ
added by 050801090907