Here are my Список of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let Ты know now i got alot of these from the Youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything или eating anything Ты might spit it или something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the метла late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the бухта, залив they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's Избранное vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the гриб have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do Ты call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do Ты call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do Ты make an octopus giggle ten times?
Ты give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do Ты make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's Избранное composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between Ты and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't Ты hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher сказал(-а) it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the помидор blush?
It saw the салат dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do Ты know if it's raining Кошки and dogs?
Ты step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do Ты know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do Ты get Пикачу on a bus?
Ты Покемон (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't Ты dress with Пикачу in the room?
He'll Пикачу (peek at you)

#27 What do Ты call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
Ты boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton пересекать, крест the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do Ты call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's розовый and fluffy?
розовый fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
розовый fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when Ты drink 7 coca colas?
Ты burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the рыба say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't Ты trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope Ты liked them. Make sure Ты check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...