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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time Ты turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him или her that you’ve Остаться в живых your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he или she has anything for body lice.

8. After visiting the bakery section, go up and down the aisles exclaiming, “My buns are squishy!”

9. While arguing with an invisible friend, Ты proceed to play tug-of-war over an item.

10. Hold your nose while standing in line at the meat department.

11. Ask the deli clerk how much potato салат it would take for two people to comfortably wrestle in.

12. Fake cell phone conversation: “Doctor, I couldn’t possibly have malaria. That was weeks ago!”

13. Start doing a river dance in front of the corned beef.

14. Tell the checkout cashier that Ты have to hurry, или your spaceship will leave without you.

15. Tell the checkout bagger that Ты knew him in a former life, and ask why he left without a note.

16. Ask someone if they saw your picture in the post office and remark that it was one of your best.

17. On a hot summer day, ask the manager if someone can help Ты clean the snow from your car.

18. Tell a customer that you’re from the future and have just zapped back for an historic vacation.

19. Walk around holding a copy of the Scarlet Letter while sporting a big red “A”.

20. Ask a clerk if Ты can test several types of deodorant before making a decision to buy one.

21. Using a stethoscope, listen intently to several coconuts in the produce aisle.

22. Tell one of the lobsters that you’ve brought the potion to turn him back into a man.

23. Run up to the fresh vegetables in the produce aisle and yell, “Boo!”

24. Play peek-a-boo with a little old lady while waiting in the checkout line.

25. When the clerk in the deli asks for your order, mime it.

26. Walk around smoking an invisible cigarette – and get great satisfaction from it.

27. Pretend to cook a meal using the pots and pans in the housewares aisle.

28. Bring a concealed whoopie cushion with Ты and activate it every couple of minutes.

29. Ask if anyone has seen your pet snake – he was just in your pocket a минута ago.

30. While waiting in the deli line, pretend to read an invisible book – be sure to turn the pages.

31. Hold up a can of bug spray and ask someone what type of крекер, взломщик would go best with it.

32. Shout out, “OK, who squeezed my melons?!”

33. If Ты see someone offering samples, keep circling like a акула and snatch snacks at each pass.

34. Invite other customers to Присоединиться Ты in a game of limbo using a pepperoni stick.

35. Go up to a dead рыба on ice, sob and say, “We were supposed to be married on Saturday!”

36. In the middle of one of the aisles, scream, “Food fight!”

37. Stand in front of the ice cream freezer, look intently at it, and scream intermittently.

38. Squirm around a lot and shout, “Quick – where’s the hemorrhoid cream?”

39. Pick up bananas at random; act as though you’re on the phone and say, “Sorry, wrong number!”

40. Point accusingly at one of the cucumbers and say, “I thought I told Ты to wait in the car!”

41. Holding a flea collar, ask a clerk how Ты get the flea to hold still so that Ты can put it on him.

42. Look for someone holding a jar of honey, and then explain that this is actually bee vomit.

43. Every time Ты pass a particular type of meat, imitate the sound of the animal.

44. Walk down the aisles like a turkey, while opening your eyes as wide as physically possible.

45. As Ты pass the lettuce, turn toward it, fold your arms and say, “You’re out of your head!”

46. Pick up a jar of pickled pig’s feet and – in a distraught voice – say, “Oh, no! It’s Babe!”

47. As Ты pass people in the aisles, look startled and run in the opposite direction.

48. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and argue about what to buy for ужин as Ты go through the store.

49. Tell the produce clerk that the bananas are fighting again, and that they’re all getting bruised.

50. Tell the manager to call for a clean-up in the laxative aisle.
To My Loving Husband Patrick.

People say we are not meant to be
People say you're not good for me
People say I'm too good for you
People say you're ugly
People say you're fat
I say screw Ты to those people
I say you're the most perfect man I've ever known
I say you're my hopes and dreams
I say I Любовь you
Ты say do Ты mean it?
I say yes I do
I Любовь Ты
еще than anything in the world
Ты Любовь me for who I am
Not for my looks или body
Just me
If Ты never saved me from Devin
Who knows where I'd be now
He abused me; he raped me
Ты found me and took me in
Ты cared for me and treated me like...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This Список was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My избранное are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round таблица was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much Ты push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by Schnusch
What Is Fear Of Itching

The fear of itching is known as Acarophobia. This fear can also include a phobia about any insects that might cause itching in human beings.


Why Do People Fear Itching?

If Ты have a phobia about itching, Ты may harbor some memories of past infections или other problems that caused Ты to feel terribly itchy and uncomfortable.

Prior experiences with itching can include things like headlice, scabies, and other such infestations. These conditions can be stubborn, embarrassing, and quite stressful. They are also extremely contagious.


Cleanliness May Become An Obsession

Hygiene...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send Ты to Heaven или Hell. After all, Ты enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every Главная in America, yet Ты also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let Ты decide where Ты want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let Ты visit both places briefly,...
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posted by Thecharliejay
1. If using a touch-tone, press Болталка numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival пицца place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their Вопросы with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition...
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posted by smileypop9
Million has 6 zeros
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
---------------------------
Note: These have been all tried by me.
1) Go around saying "I'mma ninja" to Болталка people and pose like a ninja

2) Throw попкорн at Болталка people and run away if caught

3) Go to the mall, clothes section, and ask the worker where the baby clothes is. Go to the bathroom. Come out and ask the same worker the same question.

4) Go up to person and say "Why were Ты following me? Huh?". Then leave, hopefully, Ты run. If they follow. turn around and say: "See? WHY do Ты follow me?" Run off for good.

5) Knock on a persons door and ask "Do Ты have gum? I need some for my little cousin..." Before they...
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1. Run up a down escalator naked
2. Walk into the middle of 2 gangs about to fight and sing michael jacksons beat it
3. Fart really loudly in a crowded elevator
4. Walk into a biker bar and sing Mocho Man или YMCA
5. перфоратор, удар, пунш someone in the face for no reason
6. Drive through detroit with rucka rucka ali's 'Detroit' Blaring through a speaker on вверх of my car
7. Do the tour de france on a motorbike and перфоратор, удар, пунш all the cyclers
8. rugby tackle someone of a tall building
9. BIG STRANGER RODEO!!!!!!!
10. Steal a doctors stepha-thingy and pretend to examine him
11. Walk into a church dressed as Иисус или Chuck Norris and shout "i am the lord god"
posted by KitkatKaysa
Scorpio.
Your element: Water
Your ruling planets: Pluto
Symbol: The скорпион
Your stone: Topaz
Life Pursuit: To survive against all opposition
Vibration: Resilient
Scorpio's Secret Desire: To triumph

Description:
Reputed to be the "most powerful" sign of the zodiac, Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the "oldest souls". Old and wise beyond the average, Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty...
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1. Walk up to a Болталка person, grab both their shoulders, look into their eyes and say, "I feel bad for you, son."
2. Walk up to a Болталка person, then point to another person and whisper loud enough for the person Ты are pointing at to hear, "That guy seriously has issues for him to work out."
3. Walk up to a Болталка person the same gender as Ты and say, "Yes! I like your movements!" или "You're as tight as fuck!" Especially if it's an adult with little children.
4. In a place where there are a lot of people, point to a Болталка man's dick and yell out, "There's a raccoon! Natures ninjas! Oh shiiittt!"
5. Just walk up to a person don't even know and say, "You again!? Meh, it's your life."
posted by Mallory101
 11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen:

1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him Ты saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of thse days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house Пение Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the вверх of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. Показать him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like...
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1. Everytime Ты read Twilight, a kitten is born :D

2. If Ты are obbsessed with mythical creatures, read Twilight!

3. If your life is all sad and gloomy, read Twilight!

4. If your completely bored, why not read Twilight!

5. ITS JUST AWESOME!!!!!! well to me and all the other Twilighters out there :D

PLEASE NO BAD COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by cute20k
meebo
(meebo) :meebo: *meebo*
positive
(smile) :) :-) =) =-)
:D :-D x-D X-D (grin)
(angel) O:)
fun
(lol) x-D X-D :))
:P :-P
(wink) ;) ;-)
;P ;-P
:'D
:-> :>
(cool) B) B-) 8) 8-)
:-* :*
:pirate: (arr) (arrr) (pirate) P)
<:-p <:o) <:-P (party)
confused
:S :-S :s :-s :? :-?
(hmm)
: :-
oops
:x :X :-X :-x
negative
(mad) >>:( >:( >>:-( >:-(
(sad) :( :-(
(roll) (rolleyes)
:T :-T
:< :-<
(evil) (devil) >:) >>:) >>:-) >:-)
(angry) >:o
neutral
(neutral) :| :-| Meebo Emoticons
Guide by cute20k Опубликовано 2 минуты назад


meebo
(meebo)...
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1. well folks this will be an experiment for all of us

2. Oops! hey, has anyone ever suvived 500 ml of this stuff
before?

3. nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

4. ya'know...there's big money in kidneys...and this guy got two
of'em

5. wait a minute, if this is his spleen,then what's that?

6.damm! there go the lights again...

7.what's this doing here?

8. that's cool! now can Ты make his leg twitch?!

9.boo! boo! come back with that! bad dog!

10. sterile schemerle. the floor's clean, right?

11. what do u mean he wasn't in 4 a sex change?

12. ok, now take a picture from this angle. this...
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posted by heavenly13
yea...it sounds beter with the rythem and all that( ive recorded it with drums, Пианино , gutair...ext) and the forms probily bad.,,,,....but plzz read it and comment!!!!and be honest


WHo's dating who

walkin' down the hallway talking with my fiends
the gossip never ends
who like's who
who hate's you
who has the cutest new shoes


then i turn around and see you
and relize

Chourus: All i want is you...I dont wanna be cool. Who cares about all of this. lets get together and froget who's "in" and whos "out" , Ты know what its all about. I dont care about who's dating who...unless its me and you......
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1. Take someone's shopping тележка, корзина and switch the items with stuff from the person Далее to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen Ты in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of Ты on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____
6. Переместить "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide...
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posted by nessienjake
All porcupines float in water.

The airplane Buddy падуб, holly, холли died in was called "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

If Ты toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but
more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Al Capone's business card сказал(-а) he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame улица, уличный were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Marilyn Monroe had eleven toes....
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Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person Далее to Ты if they know how to tap into top-secret пятиугольник, пентагон files.
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Удалить key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever Ты hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse...
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posted by pollyloveshouse
 Just plaln annoying!!
Just plaln annoying!!
Hi there fanpoppers =) So I was thinking about some of the things that drive me mad, pet peeves and all that, and I happened to open an chain mail form a friend with these things on, and they all fit me perfectly!! I also added some еще that I came up with too, hope Ты enjoy!




1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?




2. People who are willing to get off their butt to Поиск the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change...
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added by 050801090907