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These are all true, I saw them with my own eyes. They really happened!

1. Texting with BOTH hands (did the forget they were in a car?)
2. A woman putting on make-up while driving on the freeway during rush hour! (WHY? Could it not wait? Was how Ты looked еще important than DRIVING?)
3. A man unwrapping and eating a full, everything on it, sandwhich while driving. (I guess he was hungry?)

If Ты think these are bizzare, it gets better.

4. Someone Чтение the newspaper. (I guess he missed the big game?)
5. The dog was on the steering wheel. (No comment.)
6. A woman with her designer shades, bangles...
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posted by Mallory101
7
 11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen:

1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him Ты saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of thse days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house Пение Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the вверх of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. Показать him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like...
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posted by MileySelena982
7
1. We only cry infront of Ты when we
a) want Ты to comfort us, or
b) can't help it

2. We only wear mini юбка when we are single,
not because we do it for you. But not all of us.

3. When we talk about how "hot" guys are, we don't mean it.
Personality is all we care about. But a hot guy's a plus

4. If Ты ask us what's wrong and we don't reply... DON'T
ASK AGAIN. We don't или feel like Ты should know, so
forget about it.

5. When we say we're mad, upset, или angery, belive us.
Because we MEAN it.

6. Do not, I repeat. Do not EVER make our FATHERS
MAD. Just don't go there, okay?

7. If Ты think we like to hang out with Ты every
waking minute, think twice.

8. Have Ты ever thought that we only do the things
we do for you?

9. When Ты ask us out, and we say yes, our first date
better be AWESOME. If not, read number 6 again. <3

10. When we say we Любовь you... Ты better believe it.
There are a plethora of bands out there. Many of them are lesser-known, unfortunately. There’s just not enough time in the world for any one person to know them all… Unless that person is Dan Bergstein. или the Easter Bunny.

Anyhow! I spotted an Статья here on Sparklife listing five bands the world must know, and of course little me thought, “Aha! I could do that!” And here I am, telling y’all about my lovely taste in pretty music! So, without further ado…
1. The Dresden Dolls: This Boston-based duo, Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione, is epically awesome. They made up their own brand-new...
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posted by dramaqueen00
31
Just randomly found this:

1. Throw попкорн in the air and yell, “It’s snowing!”
2. Go, “Oooooh…” whenever anyone kisses.
3. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
4. During the previews, yell, “Can Ты fast-forward it?”
5. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, “Watch out!”
6. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
7. Tell the man selling попкорн that the bathroom is flooding.
8. Yell out what is going to happen.
9. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get попкорн yell, “I’m Batman! Hahaha!” and run away.
10. Say that they cannot sit Далее to Ты because Ты invisible...
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Many legends have been told of frightening black Собаки that hunt deserted roads, gloomy castles, even town houses. But the black dog of Hanging Hills is gentle and friendly, a splendid companion with whom to spend an afternoon-and is deadlier than all the rest. If Ты ever meet him, you'll know him by two peculiar features: One, he leaves no footprints. Two, he seems to bark occasionally, but never makes a sound. When Ты see him the first time, he brings Ты joy. He follows Ты wherever Ты go, wags his tail, waits for Ты if Ты stop along the way. The секунда time Ты meet him is a time of...
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Mother kept girls locked away from the world for seven years
Three girls who were imprisoned by their mother in a house of indescribable filth for seven years may never recover from the ordeal, experts have said.

The girls were shut away from the outside world, existing in almost complete darkness, playing only with mice and communicating in their own language.

When they were discovered, their Главная in a smart, upper middle-class suburb had no running water and was filled with waste and excrement a metre high. The floor was corroded by mice urine.

The case has stunned Austria, still reeling from...
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posted by simpleplan
3
really don't hate you, I'm just severely allergic to stupidity

I'm not having a battle of wits with you, I refuse to fight a unarmed opponent

Who ever says "words can't hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary

People say money can't buy happiness. They LIE. Money can buy a jet-ski. Ты ever see anyone unhappy on a jet-ski? Well?

Wants to know...If Оружие kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

Everyone's entitled to be stupid but Ты are abusing the privilege

Why yes, I do frequently burst out in...
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 год Of The Dragon: 1904 * 1916 * 1928 * 1940 * 1952 * 1964 * 1976 * 1988 * 2000
Year Of The Dragon: 1904 * 1916 * 1928 * 1940 * 1952 * 1964 * 1976 * 1988 * 2000
год of the Rat-(1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996)
Occupying the 1st and most prominent position on the Chinese Zodiac, the крыса symbolizes such character traits as wit, imagination and curiosity. Rats have keen observation skills and with those skills they’re able to deduce much about other people and other situations. Overall, Rats are full of energy, talkative and charming but they have a tendency to become aggressive.
Rats are full of good Совет but they will never share their troubles with others. They are honest individuals and they enjoy living for the moment. They’re...
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How many times do Ты get passed by and ignored in the halls at school? Wouldn't your morning be so much brighter if people actually acknowledged your existence? Of course it would. But since people are fickle, Ты must force them. Here's how to provoke a friendly greeting, или at least make someone else feel happier as s/he comes glowering into the building.

Who knows? Your target might even pass along the gesture to someone else, who will pass it along to someone else, and that someone else will then... (you get the point; joy is contagious). Just think how many days could be brightened by...
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posted by blaise_jez
6
Q .. Did Ты here about the blonde who shot an Стрела into the air?
A .. She missed.

Q .. What do Ты do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A .. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the улица, уличный when the sign сказал(-а) "don't walk".

Q .. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A .. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q .. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q .. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A .. The cow fell on her.




Q .. What does a blonde say when Ты ask her if her blinker is on?
A .. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
posted by heavenly13
7
yea...it sounds beter with the rythem and all that( ive recorded it with drums, Пианино , gutair...ext) and the forms probily bad.,,,,....but plzz read it and comment!!!!and be honest


WHo's dating who

walkin' down the hallway talking with my fiends
the gossip never ends
who like's who
who hate's you
who has the cutest new shoes


then i turn around and see you
and relize

Chourus: All i want is you...I dont wanna be cool. Who cares about all of this. lets get together and froget who's "in" and whos "out" , Ты know what its all about. I dont care about who's dating who...unless its me and you......
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Q .. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A .. To see what was on the other side.

Q .. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A .. Because on the box it сказал(-а) From 2-4 years.

Q .. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A .. She wanted to know how to cook Еда stamps!

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One день the husband comes Главная from work and his wife says, "Honey, Ты know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could Ты fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and...
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Men Need To Understand These Things About Women.
i found it like 2minutes назад "HOPE U'LL LIKE IT":




1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. (CARDINAL RULE).
2. Don't say Ты understand when Ты don't.
3. Girls are petty; get over it. We like to start fights.
4. Ты don't have PMS, so don't act like Ты know what it's like. Don't try to understand...believe me Ты never will.
5. Saying something sweet might get Ты off the hook; doing something sweet will always get Ты off the hook.
6. We don't like it when Ты act like Mr. Big.
7. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
8. It's good...
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Being locked in a walk-in closet must get boring...

Somethings to do to pass time;

- пересекать, крест dress.

- Make faces in the mirror.

- Make a mannequin out of something, dress it up, and throw a чай party.

- See how long Ты can walk in the most uncomfortable shoes.

- Dress in the opposite of your style.

- Try to touch the ceiling.

- [Like a pile of leaves] Make a pile of clothes and run and dive into it.

- See which clothes are edible.

- See if Ты find anything misc. that really just shouldn't be in a closet.

- If Ты do, lay it all out and try to see what it does.

- Make ropes by tying shirts/pants/dresses together, and hang them from the ceiling, and свинг, качели from one to another, yelling like Tarzan.

- Reorganize by colour.
posted by 1122ridr
2
 Em I going mad?
Em I going mad?
I know I am. I just know it. My room is covered with пингвин stuff, I have a really big Mad Hatter hat,And I...I hate to admit it, but, I think I'm attracted to the March Hare. I must be going insane. The only book that I read is Alice in Wonderland and the only movie I watch is A Nightmare on Elm street. Tell me that I'm not going mad! I only drink tee, is that crazy или what? Do Ты think I'm going insane? I bet that Ты do, don't you? Tell me, "Why is a raven like a righting desk?" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
posted by Shelly_McShelly
5
•    You will never find anybody who can give Ты a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

•    You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests Ты think she's pregnant unless Ты can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

•    The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

•    The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status или ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that...
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posted by nessienjake
1
I found this on the internet :)

101 Ways To Annoy People
...........................................
1. Sing the Бэтмен theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Друзья in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If Ты have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a видеокамера to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
16
1. NAMES:

•    If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

•    If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT:

•    When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.

•    When the women...
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posted by Jeffersonian
2
Of 8th grade through College 'student reports':


Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an яблоко tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened хлеб which is хлеб made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments....
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