1. If they want to loan Ты money, tell them Ты just filed for bankruptcy and Ты could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are Ты today?" say, "Why do Ты want to know?" Alternately, Ты can tell them, "I'm so glad Ты asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is Актёрское искусство up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them...
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