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posted by IloveMyLord
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My Друзья are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for Ты when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent by Paulo Louro

"A friend is someone who knows the...
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posted by LizzyTheCat
1.Hum loudly in class and when he/she tells 'the person who is humming' to keep quiet-stop but then carry on two минуты later.

2.Tap your foot loudly when he/she is grading tests.

3.While he/she is busy explaining something, have a huge coughing fit (make sure it's loud) and don't let her finish a sentence.

4.Push your chair in and pull it out, non-stop.

5.Sigh loudly while he/she is explaining something and look longingly at a clock (or your watch if Ты are wearing one) and then look out the window and sigh again.

6.Pretend to be asleep during a lesson and when Ты get woken up, scream loudly...
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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the капот, худ #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits Далее Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have Ты tried Показ him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like Ты - very homosexually.
Contributed by funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - рыба Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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What Color Of Socks Are Ты Wearing?

Red = Loud
Green = Stupid
None = Freaky
Fuzzy = Gorgeous
Yellow = Innocent
Purple = A Little Too Happy
Black = Emo
Stripes = Funny
Gray = Ugly.
розовый = Preppy
Light Blue = Sweaty
Other = Hot
White = Sexy


What Kind Of Pants Are Ты Wearing?
Shorts = Cutie
Skirt/Skort = Cheerleader
Corduroy = Weirdo
Tight Jeans = Scene Kid
Ripped Jeans = Emo
Cammo = Cage Fighter
Jeans = Prep .
Pajamas = Creep
Cargo = Clown
Sweats = Athlete
Boxers = Brat
Booty Shorts = Female
Capris = Gangster
Nothing = Dare-Devil
Dickies = Weirdo
Bikini Bottoms = Tiki Girl
Other = Drug Addict


What Is Your Natural...
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posted by Wendy99
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and Ты shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a Вопрос for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The секунда is gobbling down the вверх and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the вверх of the ice cream....
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this Статья on the internet.

1. Insist that Ты are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the постель, кровати holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say Ты know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as Ты can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards,...
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posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so Ты guy will need a babysitter!


*10 минуты later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 минуты later*
Amber:I wuv чай parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are Ты doing?
Amber:Having a чай party!
Ashley:Can I...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect Ты from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life Ты wore heavy mittens. If Ты dial a phone, try to use a remote control, или try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much еще difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much еще difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything Ты see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> Показ him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> день he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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1. Every день at school is the same
2. Ты never know if your braids look digusting или not
3. Ты are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. Ты would like to think that people notice или even think about Ты but Ты are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows или cares about
5. Ты worry people will write nasty Комментарии on your Fanpop Статья that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all Ты do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When Ты only really have like 3 Друзья at school and 2 of them...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that Ты are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the постель, кровати holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say Ты know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as Ты can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
continue reading...
posted by dannylynn92
link

Childbirth is the секунда most painful thing in the world, right Далее to being burned alive.

You are еще likely to get struck by lightning than to be attacked and killed by a bear.

It is unlawful to sit on the floor anywhere in the US Capitol building. It is considered to be protesting.

The chicken is the closest living relative to the T-Rex.

Elephants are the only animal that have 4 knees. They also are the only animal that can't jump.

The United States has never Остаться в живых a war in which mules were used.

Vaccinations contain dead bacteria cells. The bacteria cells are inserted into your body so that...
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posted by Tamar20
1. WRITE EVERYTHING IN Трофеи LOCK OVERUSE Трофеи LOCK! WHEN Ты REALLY SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL Трофеи THOUGH, USE ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS!

2. Don't use any punctuation.

3. Purposely spell things wrong and then get really upset when people don't understand you.

4. Overuse the comma, for example: "today, I, really, had, a, bad, day."

5. Use Sticky Трофеи Capitalize every other letter.

6. Forget the grammar And when someone asks Ты what Ты mean just repeat it the exact same way.

7. Capitalize each word This annoys some people very, very much.

8. Use absolutely no vowels.

9. Answer every thing they say...
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posted by Tamar20
Have Ты ever wanted to annoy someone so bad that they want to kill you? Then this Статья is right for you! Hahaha. Ты know I've tried most of them and it does work. :P

1. Use potty humor. Announce to them that Ты have to go to the bathroom, and that Ты think that they should go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are Ты doing okay in there?". To make it even еще annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This Список was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My избранное are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round таблица was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much Ты push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do Ты want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take Ты out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call Ты sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give Ты a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why Ты are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are Ты going through now?

"I Любовь you, too." = Okay, I сказал(-а) it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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posted by fly210
I bet Ты can't keep up with this oneshot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking down the road when I triped on a napkin. I know. a napkin right? but it was a wet napkin and for some reson my sidewalk is made of tial. so I slid on the napkin and bumped into the worst thing ever. Barney. Why barney was there I don't know. Barney started Пение so I shot him. But then cops came. But they giggled like little girls and shot barney them selfs. They then сказал(-а) they would give me a ride. but then I found out one of the cops was that like 12 год old boy who drove the car in rebecca...
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1.    When a stranger helps me pick up something I accidentally dropped
2.    When the DJ plays a song I requested
3.    Reading my old diaries/journals
4.    Hearing good results from the dentist
5.    Coming Главная after being away for a while
6.    The fresh feeling after I wash my face
7.    Getting in line before it gets long
8.    Being in the car while its going through an electric car wash
9.    Finding out your having...
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