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So, the Harry Potter series is winding down to an official close. There will be no еще Фильмы and, as of yet, no еще books. It's a bitter-sweet thought. Harry and co. have had a long, amazing journey and have deserved the epic ending they are about to receive.
I really can't stop thinking about how I got into this amazing journey and how I became enamored (and head over heels) with the character Severus. While I Любовь him for everything that he is (and everything that he isn't) my initial reason for my feelings becoming so strong for this man, upon reflection, is еще his figurative supportive role in my life.
I got my first Harry Potter book when I was nine years old, on my birthday. At that time, I was Чтение anything I could get my hands on, and I didn't even think twice about cracking the spine and diving right in. I wasn't impressed with the first chapter, but my friend (who'd also read the first book) encouraged me and, so, I continued on. By the time Harry boarded the Hogwarts Express, I was hooked.
The series, as it grew, quickly became my escape. My parents (and entire family) fought about everything constantly. The wizarding world, the train, and Hogwarts were ready and waiting for me to abandon this world filled with screaming, name-calling, accusations, and low-blows. Dumbledore was always at the feast, ready for his warm welcome. Harry was always excited to head out, Hermione had all the answers, and Severus wasted no time in being the biggest жопа, попка of them all. Severus refused to be bowed by tears and whining and I, being completely smitten with him, refused to do anything that would make him turn up his nose. He was my inspiration for being strong, as crazy as that sounds.
I suppose that's really why he's my Избранное character – I can relate so much еще to him than anyone. He kept people at a distance, never wanting to Показать his true heart, lest it be shattered into pieces. He stayed strong throughout; there were so many times when he could have walked away, could have broken down, refused. But he didn't. I didn't either.
By the time the fifth book came about, the similarities between Severus and myself (and Harry and myself) were eerie. The image of his parents fighting, while he cried – unseen – in the background literally had me closing the book with shaking hands. Harry being ostracized for “lying” made me warm to him – he, like Severus, had stayed strong. I was ostracized for “lying” as well. I had Остаться в живых almost every friend I had (I was thirteen at the time) except one. And, again, the world was there for me. I, along with Harry, battled to get the truth out. I wasn't alone, and I was comforted by that.
When I was fifteen, I was diagnosed with Celiac (an allergy to wheat and glutton). It's a pretty scary disease, actually: if not controlled, it can (and will kill you) by destroying your organs (my uncle and my father both almost Остаться в живых their livers and my grandfather died from it). It was scary and uncomfortable. Imagine a fifteen год old, surrounded by Друзья at a birthday party, unable to partake in dinner, или cake, или Мороженое (and yes, here in America, quite a few ice-creams have wheat and/or glutton) in it and forced to watch everyone around her eating happily; spending the night at a Друзья house and having to have their Друзья make Ты a “special” ужин and breakfast; needing to take Еда to band camp and having to make it yourself with no help, despite exhaustion, and a time limit. And Harry Potter was there: Severus had killed Dumbledore. I knew that there was еще to it, but it served to distract me from the misery that was calling itself my life. Besides, he'd been there for me: how could I not believe that he wasn't the “evil” guy many Фаны painted him to be?
What Severus was going through was a lot worse than what I was, and if he could stand strong and not break after “supposedly” (yes, admittedly, I was one of the ones who thought Dumby wasn't really dead) killing Dumbledore -the only one who really trusted him - than I could stand strong while battling off the isolation and embarrassment I felt around my friends.
People often call me горький and, I suppose, I am in a way. Having this allergy isn't like having an allergy to peanuts, where I can just ignore арахис масло, сливочное масло and be good. Here in America, the wheat/glutton is in everything – from most ketchup, meat, and even some french fries. I battle with weight (I can't really get calories from my food) and various other health issues due to finding out about this disease so late in life (imagine the damage my kidneys, stomach, liver, and esophagus have after fifteen years of ingesting something it was allergic to). My Друзья and family (unless they had it themselves as well) never understood, sympathized, или even tried to be supportive или helpful. And through it all, Harry Potter was there, weaving magic, battling villains, and strolling through the magical замок at midnight to hand over a dragon. There was normal, human drama, and drama that made me realize that what I was going through wasn't that bad.
And there was Severus – snarky as ever, with similarities to me and my own past – standing strong and encouraging me to do the same.
I'm not going to lie – sometimes I think I'm crazy for loving a fictional character. But Ты know what? I've come to the conclusion that I don't really much care. My “crazy-ness” helped me through the darkest times of my life. I'm glad to be crazy.
