Герои Олимпа Percy's Little sister

Spottedtail139 posted on Sep 15, 2012 at 08:27PM
Hi I'm Sabrina Mila and I'm starting my Frist day of Middle

Shcool and I must admit I'm one smart girl for having ADHD

I've alway been on the top of me class and one of the best

Swimmers on my swim team my best friend is Erin a fun lovin

crazy girl we live in Texas and its Summer hot and miserable.

We were workin on our Shcool projects when my History

teacher knocked on my door " Miss, White! Hello why are you

here?" I asked.

" We are going to have a field trip tomorrow. We are going to

the Greek Mythology Museum tomorrow" she said.

" Yes! I loved Greek Mythology!" I twirled around in my room.

" Don't be late!" she smiled Erin and I continued to work on the

project and we went to bed. The next morning I woke up bright

and early and got ready for the field trip I got me my leather

boots, jacket, pants, and a blue shirt my favorite color. Erin just

threw some clothes on. We went to the Muesum and the class

was there Mrs. White had asked what was the name of the Hero

who slayed Medusa I raised my hand " Perseus was his name"

and of course I got it right when a man grabbed my arm and

pulled me into another room " Let me go!" I yelled and the guy

turned a Minotuar " Wow" I said and then he charged I dodged

the attack and I saw a bow and arrow I picked them up and

shot the Minotuar in the heart three times each time a bulls-eyes

and he turned to dust " Wow" I said then Mrs. White and Erin

walked in " What happened?" they asked and then I pass out.

I woke up in a weird hospital and Erin was next to my bed.

" Hi sleepy head" she smiled.

" What happened?" I popped out of bed with no pain.

" You fought a Minotaur and survived" she said then told me that

Greek gods were real that everything in Greek Mythology was

real and that a guy names Percy Jackson saved the world by

giving Zues his lightning bolt back.

" Can I meet this Percy?" I asked.

" No way he's to famous" Erin said.

" Well I'm going to meet him" I said and marched out.

I saw a boy who could be my twin black shaggy hair and sea

green eyes and olive skin. " Are you Percy Jackson?" I asked.

" Yeah" he said and of course I had to introduce myself

" I'm Sabrina" I said he looke at me and cocked his head

" You look like me" he said.

" So?" I said and looked at the ground.

" You new right?" he asked.

" Yeah" I said.

" Let me show you around" he took my hand and dragged me to

the woods " This is we're we play capture the flag" and he

showed me the rest of the camp and when we got back and girl

with curly blonde hairl and gray eyes said " Who's this?"

" I'm Sabrina" I put my hand out and she shook it.

" I'm Annabeth" she said " Daughter of Athena"

" Um I don't know who my godly parent is" I said embarrassed.

" It's ok" she said and it was dinner and I was just eaten when I

saw a sea hawk and whistled for it to come down.

" Hi there let bird" I said softly and the campers looked at me

with a weird look " What?" I asked when a a trident appeared

over my head " This is my daughter Sabrina. Sabrina daughter

of Poseidon" a strong voice said and I looked above my head

and I saw Poseidon above my head " Whoa" I said and he

disappeared. " Wow your the daughter of Poseidon" someone

pointed and I hate when people notice me " Um I'll just go to my

cabin" and I ran away to the water and dived in and just got

myself caught into my thoughts I cameo up for air and Percy

was there " So what's wrong?" he asked.

" I hate being in the center of attention and being the daughter of

Poseidon doesn't help" I sighed.

" It's ok" he said and put his hand on my shoulder.

" Really?" I asked.

" Really" he smiled.
last edited on Sep 15, 2012 at 08:28PM

Герои Олимпа 7 Ответы

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Больше года Spottedtail139 said…
Hope you guys like it!
Больше года kkw1700 said…
Uhh what? There's no text... But maybe it is a glitch...
Больше года Spottedtail139 said…
No text what??????????
Больше года corrected said…
i read it but to be honest it was horrible.
no offense but it was really really rushed with no details and bad grammar.
and at the beginning how come erin and sabrina went to sleep together after they wroked on the project?
once more no offense.
ADVICE: maybe if u slow down ur writing and add more detail it would be better
.......if u ask me , u should just start all over
Больше года corrected said…
@kkw17
the text is where the story descriptipn usually is
Больше года LucyKnight114 said…
it's to flat, not enough exciment not enough detail didn't explain enough, who's erin, her teacher? keep working on it and hope you see this review as supportive critisim
Больше года bunnybot2000 said…
I try not to be rude, so sorry if this is rude. It sounded rushed, next time try to take a little more time with it. You might want to add more details to it, like, why were Erin and Sabrina sleeping together? No offense though, but you might wan to work on it a bit more. Add some details, basically just take your time, do not rush it. Try again, I have faith!
last edited Больше года