Merideth: No but toby is my LOVER!!!!!

Toby: (lowers head) it only happened once...of course i'd like to go out with you, pam.

pam: i love you too but i'm with jim. i just love him more.

Dwight: (in a "talking head") Today, Meredith announced that she and Toby are lovers. I hope a certain secret that I've been trying to keep doesn't accidentally slip out.

Angela: (in a "talking head") Honestly, I think it's disgusting how the people in this office jump in and out of each other's beds. (pause) I would never engage in that kind of behavior.

Creed: (back at Toby's desk) You know, Moby (to Toby), you shouldn't have to pick one lover. Back in the sixties, I... well you know. (Creed winks at Toby. Long pause.)

Angela: (to dwight) Well Dwight all of this talk about lovers realy makes me think about where this relationship is going.

(in the kitchen)
Dwight: (in a hushed whisper) If only I was Regional Manager, I would be able to provide for you. But Michael will never leave. It would take someone doing something drastic to get Michael to give me his job. But that will never happen. Damn it!

The door to the kitchen is opened, and Toby appears with his box full of his desk supplies, which he cleaned out when fired.

Toby: "You may not know the secret to the downfall of Michael Scott. But I do."

Dwight toby and angela are whispering but kelly over heard.
Kelly: oh my god! this is like totally AWSOME!
i know that dwight is trying to fire michael! maybe i could like be a secret agent and like have this totally AWSOME outfit....(goes on for hours)

Toby, Dwight, and Angela are starting to fall asleep form Kelly's excessive talking; finally, Angela yells "Enough! Now, we all know what to do, right?"

Toby: (in a talking head) Today was my last day at Dunder Mifflin. I'm not sad to go. I gave Pam my number, just in case that thing with Jim doesn't work out.

Toby: (in talking head) I dont feel I will be gone for long though, dwight and angela are forming a resistence agenst michael. By the end of today they hope to have the whole office involved. (pause) (under his breath)oh god.

Pam:(in talking head) toby, gave me his number which is sweet i guess. oh my god i think i might have stolen meredith's lover. (meredith come's in)
meredith: you bitch!

(merideth is yelling at pam when jim walks in) Jim: WOAH whats wrong!
Merideth: pam stole toby from me!
Pam: its not what you think!
Jim: oh i know exactly what this is.
(Jim walks out with pam running after him)

(the camera follows Jim all the way to the elevator. Jim gets in and the door closes right before Pam can reach it. Pam looks at the camera, eyes watering a little. Over her shoulder the camera zooms in on Michael who is sitting in a corner with his coat over his head talking on his phone)
Michael: Because Jan, it felt weird (pause). Well I don't care what your shrink said (pause). No, Jan...I don't feel comfortable being with you unless you promise not to bring that gel.
(camera pans back to Pam whose face has changed from sad to very confused)

Michael:Okay, I promise I will leave at five, will that make you happy? Bye Jan
[Pam gets teary eyed again, walks toward Michael]
Michael: What's wrong with you?
Pam:Oh just some relationship problems
Michael:Heh, you're not the only one.
Pam:What's wrong with your relationship?
Michael:Oh Jan is starting to get obsessive over our sexual relationship again.
Pam:[Sarcastically]Shocking.
Michael:Jan has really gone over the wall.
Pam:...What?
Michael:She is always forcing me to come home early from work ever since we got back together.
Pam:Michael, maybe it's time you like people for who they are and not for how they look.
Michael:Yeah, I guess your right...[Leans toward Pam to kiss her]
Pam:Michael, after five times of rejecting your kisses, could you please get the fact in your head that I'm not interested!
Michael:[Angrily]Oh sorry Pam I guess you didn't mean it when you said you should like people for who they are.
Pam:What do you like about me then Michael?
Michael:That...you...work here and...you are smart...and trustworthy...and geez it is past five my gosh I have to go.
Pam:It's quarter to three.
Michael:It is, wow, by the darkening skies it seems like it's nighttime.
Pam:It's...still light out.
Michael:Well you know what Pam, I have a lot of work to do with Toby quitting and all and I have to organize everything so yo-
Pam:You fired him.
Michael:Yeah, quitting, firing, like there's a difference. Nice to talk to you Pam.[Leaves room]

Sorry for the long post.

Roy walks in - many Roys walk in.
Roy: I cloned myself. Where's Halpert. It's time for my army of Roys to rip off his scrawny head and eat his bones for brunch.

(dwight comes out wiwth pepper spray and peper sprays the roys)
Angela: that was very heroic of you, dwight.
Dwight: thank you angela.
(Angela grabbes dwight by the shirt and starts to kiss him. Michael sees them.)

michael looks away, then looks back, then looks over at the camera mouthing "OH MY GOD" at the camera. he leaves, leaving dwight and angela alone.

angela hears someone coming, and rushes off to the kitchen, fixing her hair a little.
in the kitchen, one of the Roy Clones is looking throught the frigde.

angela: hello roy...didnt dwight just...?
roy clone: oh, the pepper spray? i was wearing sun glasses.
angela: oh! you're so prepared. thats such a...respectable trait.
roy: yeah...
angela: what are you looking for?
roy: a ham and cheese sandwhich. i wanna see if halpert is still here.

pam walks in, upset.

pam: oh...hi roy.
roy:...hi pam. sorry about the whole....trying to kill your boyfriend thing.
pam: (sighs) im not so sure he's my boyfriend anymore....
angela: so, roy, where are you working now?

pams cell phone rings.

roy: (ignoring angela) whose that?
angela: roy?
pam: ...toby.

she answers the phone.
pam: hey toby.

Toby: hey pam, so uh......what's up?
Pam: Um...nothing what's up with you?

Toby: I have a......confession......

Pam: Oh, okay...(feels kinda awkward) What is it?

Toby: well it's just, I always had a crush on you, and I was wondering, if it never worked out between you and Jim, I'm always open. I just couldn't keep it in. I just wanted to let you....know

Pam: (shocked, speechless)

Toby: hello are you there?

(pam hangs up)

(sorry that the post is so stupid I just couldn't think of what to say)

Michael: (Working at his desk)

Gareth: (Enters) Hello, my name is Gareth Keenan. I'm here about the Transfer!

Michael: What transfer?

Gareth: From Wernham-Hogg. (Michael stares at him blankly) A paper merchant in Slough (Michael continues staring) IT'S IN BRITAIN!!!

Michael: There's no Transfer!!! Why would a British paper salesman be transfered all the way to a Mid-sized Paper Merchant in Scranton, Pennsylvannia?!?

Gareth: But my number two said... (Pauses to think) DAMMIT TIM!!! (Storms out)

Gareth: (In a talking head) Tim Canterbury is my Number Two Man at Wernham-Hogg. And I believe he may have tricked me to flying down to America for a false transfer. I don't know why! It wasn't even funny the last time he did it!

Oscar walks up to Gareth. They shake hands.
Gareth: (in a talking head) Yeah, I knew a gay man in the army. Gays don't frighten me. I'm so accustomed to homosexuality that I can actually tell using my amazing brain power if someone is gay. (long pause.) Okay, I can tell because of this Gay-Dar that Dwight Schrute lent me.

Michael: (in a talking head) That was weird.



Dwight: (whispers to Phyliss) Psst.Phyliss!!!

Phyliss: What do you want Dwight?

Dwight: shhh!! keep it down! Some others in the office and I have formed a resistence against Michael so we can fire him. Are you in, or are you out?

Phyliss: Hmmmm (gets a smile on her face) Okay sure. What do I have to do?

Dwight: nothing for now...But try and get people to join in okay?

Phyliss: (talking head) I learned from Jim that it must be fun to play around with Dwight like that.

(Pam is sitting in the breakroom, trying to reach Jim on her cell phone, when Gareth walks in)

Gareth: Oh hello. You must be Pammy.

(Pam looks up in surprise. Gareth sits down next to her)

Gareth: So, I hear you enjoy a little hunting when you're not studying the time-honored tradition of Pig Latin. You know, there are plenty of deer and other fine specimen for shooting where I come from, England. I actually have the head of a moose on the wall of my bedroom.

(Pam looks disgusted and shocked, then she looks over to the breakroom door, where Jim is standing, watching the scene. He gives her one of his usual smiles. Pam smiles back, relieved. Gareth misunderstands this and takes her hand)

Gareth: You know, I don't have anywhere to stay tonight.

(Pam pulls out a small container from her pocket and pepper sprays Gareth)

Gareth: what the hell did you do that for?
(jim walks in the door realizing that pam doesn't love anyone but him)
Jim: way to go pam

Gareth: i'm so out of here.

Pam: i'm so sorry. i'm not in love with toby you know.

jim: i love you. when i saw you with toby...

pam: yeah i understand. do you still love me?

jim: of course. i will always love you. can i ask you...

roy 1: there he is!

roy 2: get him!

(phyliss comes in and pepper sprays roy 1,2, 3, 4, etc. etc. then kevin comes in and uses dwights numchucks to defeat the REAL roy.)

pam: what were you saying jim.

jim: i want to ask you...

( i will leave the next person to decide what jim will ask pam)

Jim: i want to ask you if you will marry me.

Gareth:Geez, what is her problem?
Dwight:She's a bit tightwound
Gareth:she is kinda but we only talked for a minute and then she just pepper sprayed me.
Dwight:But she is great
Gareth:What? You like her?
Dwight:Uh...no, why do you ask?
Gareth:Well the way you said that and if you are you better hurry up because some guy with some weird hairstyle is proposing to her right now.
Dwight:What? JIM!

Dwight bursts into the breakroom and Jim is knealing and about to propose. Dwight pulls a cage from his pants and opens it. The bat bites Jim. Jim falls down, and Pam bends down over him to give him the kiss of life.
I'll let the next person continue

while pam is giving jim cpr, michael walks in, and misunterprets thing.

michael: whoa....ok. this is very.... (giggles) innaproreiate....even... (giggles). ok pam, not a work. pam...

pam: (annoyed) Michael! call 911! dwights bat just bit jim!

michael: (to dwight) whered you get a bat?

dwight: caught it.

michael: how did you...?

pam: michael! now!

michael pulls out his cell phone. he misdials, acciendently hitting ryan's speed dial number.


michael: hello, we have a little situation over here...

ryan: ugh.....not again, michael.

Dwight:Sorry, I thought that german guy was talking about Ange-wait-Kel-No...Meredith.[Pam gives a look at the camera]
Ryan[On the phone]:Michael, Jim told me that you fired Toby today and he asked if it was advised by corporate, and it wasn't.
Michael:It was improving morale, Ryan, it was really a take a dayoff Toby so that the office can have fu-
Ryan:Michael, David and I have agreed on what's to happen in your future at Dunder Mifflin.
I'll let somebody else take it from here

Ryan: And we've decided to demote you. There will be a new regional manager. And we have decided that this should be Dwight Schrute since he is top salesman.

Michael: (shocked,speechless)

Ryan: Hello?

Michael: After all I have done to help you, this is what you give me?

Ryan: It's not like that it's just-

Michael: Oh whatever!! (hangs up)

Dwight: (to michael) michael, you are now receptionist, pam you are my new #2.

pam is still trying to revive jim.

pam: michael, for the love of God, call an ambulence!

michael looks disgustedly at dwight.

dwight: what?

michael walks away, anger.

jim suddenly gasps and sits up.

pam: thank goodness! (she hugs him)

jim: im fine, im fine. im just....feeling weird.

pam: whats wrong:

jim: i dont know....i feel...strangly powerful.

dwight: oh. my. god.

karen bursts in through the door.

dwight: what are you doing here? werent you fired?

karen: (panting and catching her breath.) yes, but i had to come tell you! theres a lock down! its rainging acid rain!

pam: seriously?

karen: yeah. no one goes outside until we get an all clear?

jim: (feeling his front tooth) how long will that take?

karen: (shurgs) could be a while.

dwight: you mean....we could all be here...all night?

Karen: Yeah it seems like that.

Creed: Does that mean that we are going to have to... Eat each other to stay alive?!?

Karen: No... It doesn't...

Dwight: Well, if we do have to start eating each other, then who do we eat?

Pam: We aren't eating anybody!!!

Gareth: Well, let's say that we do have to start eating each other. Then, I say that we eat that Black guy.

Stanley: (Looks up)... What?

Gareth: Well, we need to eat someone who is overweight in order to feed everyone, and you just look a lot tastier then that Kevin person!!!

Kevin: Huh?

Karen: WE AREN'T EATING ANYONE!!! Even if we are here for a long time there is enough food to feed everyone. Even the people taking refuge in the ware house.

Jim: There are people taking refuge in our warehouse?

Karen: Yeah, Toby and a bunch of other people were in the neighbourhood and decided to hide in the warehouse.

Meredith: Toby's down there?

Karen: Yeah...

Michael: Can we eat Toby? It'd solve all our problems!!!

Karen: (Screams in frusteration.)

Creed: (talking head) We're under seige. Marybeth and the Italian were talking about who was going out to forrage for food while the bombs are dropping. Good thing I've got a reserve of mung beans. Can't wait to update my blog about this.

Andy: Y'know, Gareth, I've always thought that Kevin would taste better then Stanley. I don't know why though!

Gareth: Well, I was in the territorial army, and they specifically taught me that Coloureds taste better then Whites!

Andy: (Licks his hand) Let me see! (Walks over to Stanley and licks his neck)

Stanley: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BOY?!?

Andy: Hmm, you're right, Gareth... Blacks do taste a little bit better.

Stanley: GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BOY!!!

Stanley: (Talking head) I'm thinking of making a break for it. If I run fast enough, then I just may be able to get to Vance Refridgeration without dying. Anything is better then spending all night with these whackos!!!

(Members of the office are standing in the conference room watching out the window. Someone walks by in the background wearing trashbags all over their body)

Michael: (talking head, covered in black trash bags) Despite what Ryan said, I am still the only one capable of running this company. And if that means I have to prove it then, well, I will. I am going to run through the streets, rescuing children from the acid rain. But wait, you say, "michael..that's crazy. You could die. That rain...it's powerful stuff"
Yeah, well, I say this: go big or go home....actually, you can't go home because we're on lock down. But, you get the point"
(Flash back to conference room)

Gareth: (Looking out the window at Michael) Y'know, he really needs a cool superhero name.

Dwight: How about "Bag-man"?

Andy: I think that "The Warrior" would be a cool name!

Dwight: Why the hell would we call Michael, "The Warrior"?

Andy: It's a cooler name then "Bag-man"!

Gareth: He's got a point there...

Jim: (Whispering to Pam) Dear god, there are three of them!!! Come on, we have to do something to them. Anything. I mean, when are we going to have a chance like this again?!?

Pam: You're right! But what do we do?

Jim: (smirks) we have all night to think about it. it has to be good...

Pam: remember we have to spend all night in here with them.

Michael rushes back inside, his trashbag nearly completely melted off.

Phyllis: michael, did you save anyone?

Michael: (panting) well, i got as far as the parking lot...but...no i didnt, but its the thought that counts. i showed great courage and the people will be able to see that.

Angela is on her knees, praying. Dwight walks over to her and doesnt look at her, just stares ahead.

Dwight: what are you doing?

Angela: praying for my cats.

Dwight: dont worry. i'll protect you.

Michael: (in the background) He wanted to call me "Bag-man"???

Jim: (to pam) this prank needs to be realy good...

(Gareth, Andy and Dwight are standing in the conference room, watching out the window. The phone rings. Andy reaches for it, but Dwight grabs it first)

Dwight: Hello. (Listens) Yes, Sheriff, I have two able-bodied men with me. We are more than willing to risk our lives to help the Lackawanna County Sherrif's Office.

(Andy and Gareth look at each other, clearly NOT willing to risk their lives. The camera zooms outside the conference room and we see Jim on his cell phone, Pam standing next to him)

Jim: (quietly into the phone) I know you resigned as a volunteer sheriff, but your country needs you more than ever. This acid rain is turning people into zombies. Anyone who has stepped outside into the rain will turn into a flesh-eating killer zombie within 30 minutes. It's just like in that movie, 28 Days Later. Did you ever see that film?

Dwight: Of course.

(IN A TALKING HEAD)
Dwight: I did see 28 Days Later. I rented it from Blockbuster where they don't put the pictures on the boxes. I thought I was renting 28 Bear Attacks Later, and I figured it was the wrong film halfway in, but that's the thing about bear attacks. They happen when you least expect it.

(Jim is still whispering on his cell phone. Michael walks past him and stops in the doorway to the conference room)

Michael: What are you douche bags doing?

(Dwight stares in horror at Michael, who is still slightly wet from having gone out in the rain)

Dwight: (into the phone) What do we do?

Jim: My deputies have found that tying up anyone exposed to the rain has been most effective. You'll need two other people to help. Then, you'll want to....

(please take it from here....)

Jim: ... take charge of the situation: you are the most knowledgable person in your office right now. Do not let anyone leave without you knowing. Keep everyone calm, and wait for further instructions. Also, get together a small taskforce to assist you in your future quests. May God save us all.

Dwight: Of course, Sheriff. (hangs up phone). Listen up, all you Dunder Mifflinites. I am your regional manager and task force leader, Dwight K. Shrute. I will now be accepting volunteers for the Anti-Acid Rain Task Force. Only applicants that are ready to die for their country need apply. That is all.

(Jim and Pam look at each other and smile, as Jim approached Dwight, saluting him)...

Jim: Pam and I volunteer captain.

Dwight: Great, it is now your duty to...

Jim: Volunteer Duty.

Dwight: Damn it Jim take this seriously!

Pam: Can I be secret assistant to the captain of the Anti-Acid Rain Task force?

Jim: Dwight can I still be number 2 in this Task Force?

Dwight: You guys have been fired from the Anti-Acid Rain Task Force.

Jim: How can we be fired if we are volunteering?

Dwight: Just shut up, the last thing i need is a vampire on the task force!

Angela: I think we all should listen to Dwight

(Just then Tim and Dawn Run in the door screaming from the acid rain burning their skin)

Gareth: YOU!

Tim: Listen, it's not my fault some guy named Ryan ordered for some transfers and me and Dawn got here a little late...

Gareth: Why should I beleive you?

Tim: Uh, cause I'm standing right here and I don't appear to be on time.

(Gareth rolls his eyes at Tim and walks over to Dwight.)

Gareth (whispering): I don't trust that this is really Tim. I'd keep an eye out if I were you.

Dwight (scoffs): When I want your advise, I'll ask for your opinion.

Gareth: Suit yourself.

(Gareth walks over to Andy.)

Gareth: What's with that guy? He's letting this bit of power go to his head, he is.

Andy: Sometimes, it's better to follow a fearless leader than to lead in fear. That's what they taught us at Cornell. Ever heard of it?

Gareth: Can't says I have.

Andy: Then why am I wasting my time on you?

(Andy walks over to Dawn)

Andy (extending his hand and bowing to Dawn): Andrew Bernard at your service, my lady.

Dawn: I didn't ask for anything.

Andy: I'm Andrew Bernard, but you can call me Drew.

Dawn: Isn't that a girl's name?

Tim: No, I think it's a past tense verb.

Dawn: I think you're thinking "threw", dear.

Tim: Oh, I thought he said stew.

Dawn: Now, that makes no sense. Stew isn't a verb, it's a noun. Maybe he said crew...you know like crew cut, maybe...

(Andy fumes and heads for the door.)

Dwight: Where do you think you're going, weirdo?

Andy: I have no goddamn idea!!!

(Cut to Warehouse)

Darryl: (Talking head) Several people were in the area when the Acid rain struck. About a dozen people ran in here and will be staying here until the storm passes. And, with ONE exception, we are glad to let them stay here. However, there is this one homeless guy...

British Hobo: (Sits next to Daryll) Y'know, I use to work at a paper company. Yeah. I was Regional Manager in Slough. And I was great. Heck, we even got to be in our own documentry.

Daryll: I know, you told me already. Several times!!!

British Hobo: Did I tell you that I released my own single? It was called "If You Don't Know Me By Now"!

Daryll: Yeah, David, you've told me!!! Now, I don't think that Lonny has heard. Go bother him for a while!!!

David Brent: Okay!!! (Runs off)

Daryll: (Talking head) I've seen him around town, begging for money. Now I know why!

Lonny: (Screams off-screen) For the love of god, you've already told me, David! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

(Cut's back to the office)

(And now, the whole gang is there!!!)

Ryan comes into the conference room where everyone is waiting out the storm.

Ryan: Hey, Michael, can i talk to you?

Michael: Ugh. What do *you* want? You already fired me.

Ryan: (sighs) ...just demoted....they wouldnt let me fire you.

Angela: So...what does that mean?

Ryan: (reluctantly) It means.....that Dwight is now the manager.

Gareth: THAT guy??

Ryan: ....yeah.

Pam: Oh God.

Dwight: Yes!!

Angela tries to hide her smile.

Karen: Any word on when the storm will stop?

Ryan: No. Have you all met Tim and Dawn? ...where are they?

(cut to the kitchen where Tim and Dawn are making jello in the kitchen, takling in whispers)

Tim: Now, the Moonfaced one.

Dawn: I definalty want it to be the one with the green tie. If he sings one more time...

(back in the conference room.)

Ryan: I'm sorry Michael. You can have Dwights old desk.

Jim: (quietly) no...

(Ryan turns to leave, but kelly is in his way, her hands on her hips.)

Ryan: oh...hi kelly...

Kelly: Like.....what they hell??

Ryan: Kelly, don't do this?

Kelly: Do what Ryan? Do you think I'm going to go out in the rain and melt my AWESOME skin because you dumped me? Get over yourself, Ryan Howard! I'm not even speaking to you after what you did...

Ryan (mumbles): Thank God.

Kelly:...I mean do you think you are the only hot guy around here? I mean, look at the blonde guy with the Beatles hair cut, he's been totally checking me out since he's been here...

(Gareth looks behind him.)

Kelly:...And it's so obvious Jim is hiding feelings for me...

Jim: Noo, I'm not.

Pam (laughing): Are you sure, Jim?

Kelly: Pam, I'm sorry, but Jim has, so, been checking me out since I came to work here. The only reason I haven't allowed him to ask me out is because...you know the whole office romance thing...

Pam (confused): But, Ryan works here.

Kelly: So, you can move on to your big AWESOME promotion, Ryan Howard, because I'm not the least bit interested in you anymore.

Ryan: Great, then it's settled.

(Ryan leaves the conference room.)

(Kelly is still talking until she turns to see that Ryan has left. She stops speaking midsentence and looks awkwardly around.)

Pam: Kelly, if you're interested in dating Jim. I think you guys should talk it through.

(Pam smiles at Jim behind Kelly's back.)

Kelly: Wow, Pam. Are you sure?

Pam: Totally. Jim and I will always have our friendship. Right Jim?

Jim (mock angry look at Pam): I'm not sure about that, Beasly.

(Pam licks the tip of her index finger, holds it up and turn away to leave Jim and Kelly to work out their feelings.)