Pam: Thanks dwight

Dwight: This is all Jim's fault..if he hadn't put my stapler in jell-o then i wouldn't be stuck in here

Pam: WEll thanks to you we are both stuck in here

Dwight: So what do you wanna talk about?

Pam: How about how your dirty little mouth snuck its way onto mine when i had a knife going through my neck?

Dwight: Ok, we have been over this and i was just trying to give CPR.

Pam: Even I noticed what you were doing and I had a concussion

Dwight: -Silence-

Pam: Well ill call Jim and get him to get michael to go to his house and get the spare key for the door

(There is noise at the ladies room door)

Pam: Hello? Who's out there?

Angela: Why is the door locked, Pam.

(Dwight stands away from the door, fear in his eyes)

Dwight: Shh! Don't tell her I'm in here...I don't want my subodinates to think I'm unprofessional.

(Pam gives a knowing smile to the camera)

Pam: Dwight has locked us in and flushed the key.

Angela: Who all is in there?

Pam: Just Dwight and me...and the camera guy.

Dwight: I was trying to play a prank on Jim.

Angela: By locking yourself in the bathroom with a hussy?

Pam: I'm not a hussy, Angela. This isn't my fault.

Angela: Oh, I'm sorry. Respectable women always find themselves locked in the ladies room with men who are spoken for.

(Pam turns and look at Dwight)

Pam: Can you help us, Angela? Go get Michael or Jim or someone.

Angela: You'd like that wouldn't? Why didn't you just bring all the unmarried men into the ladies room with you? If Dwight wants to hang out in the ladies room with you in private, then far be it from me to interfere.

Dwight: Angela!

(Angela turns on her heels and leaves the kitchen)

(Michael is in his office staring at the large pile of work he has to do)

Michael:Pam...Pam

(michael then starts throwing toys at his window trying to get someones attention...eventually Jim opens the door)

Jim: is anything wrong Michael

Michael: Actually there is...do you want to do some of my work for me while i run to the store

Jim: What exactly are you going to the store for

Michael: Some umm candy to give to everyone as a suprise...dont tell any1...so will u do it for me

Jim: No i dont think i will

Michael: Fine can you get Pam

Jim actually i havent seen her since she came in

Michael: well where could she be

Jim; u no what im kinda busy so why dont u ask dwight

Michael: fine get dwight for me

Jim, shakes his head, walks out of Michael's office and sits down at his desk.

Jim: (notices Dwight isnt there and says to himself) where IS Dwight? (turns around) ...and Pam...

Andy walks up to Jim's desk.

Andy: Hello Large Tuna.

Jim: (turns to his computer and tries to look busy) Can I help you?

Andy: Just came over to say hey...you know....chillin'.

Jim: ...chillin'?

Andy: Yeah. So...is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you, Number Two?

Jim: ...please dont call me that.

Andy: Okay. Anything you say.

Jim: Actually there is something you can do for me. Do you know where Dwight and Pam are?

Andy: I do not, but I will find them for you.

Jim: thanks.

Andy walks around to random employees, asking about Pam and Dwight.

(back in the bathroom)

Pam: ...I hate you.

Dwight: You've said that already.

Pam: Its true. Have you tried to get the key out of the toilet?

Dwight: Several times.

Pam: ...I hate you.

Angela is working quickly at her desk, while Andy loudly approaches her.

Andy: Why Angela, is that a new poster? (points to a poster of 3 babies wearing suits in an office). It just works on so many levels...

Angela: Thank you Andy. Can I help you with something?

Andy: Actually I was hoping you'd seen Pam. I know you two are.. on the party planning committee together... is she off buying decorations or something?

Angela: I'm sorry Andy, but I have absolutely no idea where that 5 dollar hooker is.


Andy: Wow. Not the response I was looking for...(walks back to his desk)

(Andy walks in the door to the break room coughing loudly on his drink)

Pam: I think I hear something...

Dwight: I didn't hear anything...

Pam: (Knocks on door) Is anyone there?

Andy: Who said that?

Pam: Andy- Go get Toby Dwight locked us in here

Andy: Did you saw Dwight?

Dwight: Andy as number 3 in this office i demand that you go and get toby so he can use his key to get us out of here!

Andy: Well as number THREE in the office I think i will go tell michael about you flushing his key down th toilet...

Pam: NO Andy come back or bring Toby please!

(Andy waltzes over to jim's desk)

Jim: So how is the search going?

Andy: Well number 2, Dwight has locked himself and pam inside the woman's batheroom.

Jim: What?

Andy: That is all I have found...I am going to go tell Michael

(Stanley passes through the kitchen, Pam hears his footsteps)

Pam: Who's there?! Somebody please save me!! I'm locked in here with Dwight!!!

Stanley: Pam? What are you doing locked in the ladies room........with Dwight (looks at camera)

Pam: It's a long story, please get some help!!

Stanley: Okay!! I'll go get Michael (smiles)

Stanley: (gets coffee and goes back to his desk)

Stanley (talking head) I really don't want to know what she's doing in there with Dwight. (gets his wide eyed face)

Pam: Oh my god! Thanks!

Phyllis: (in a talking head) "It's been a pretty long day. It was fun meeting Jessica Alba though. She taught me some tips on how to do my make-up."

Phyllis walks through the breakroom.

Pam: "Phyllis help us!"
Phyllis: "Okay, Pam."

Cut to a shot of Michael, Jim, and Stanley using Andy's head as a battering ram to open the bathroom door.

Andy: "This kind of hurts."

Suddenly, the door opens.

(The door opens and Kevin is standing in the guys' bathroom, looking surprised. Michael, Jim and Stanley drop Andy on the floor)

Andy: (rubbing his head) I told you, they are in the LADIES room!!

(Inside the bathroom, Pam finally notices that there is a phone next to the sink)

Pam: Has that phone always been there?

Dwight: I don't know. I never come in here.

Creed: (IN A TALKING HEAD) Yea, I installed a phone in the girls' bathroom. I kept missing important calls while I was going number two.

(Back in the bathroom, Pam grabs the phone and dials Jim's extension. Outside, Jim's phone rings, but he's still in front of the guy's bathroom. Pam dials another extension. In the annex, Toby's phone rings.)

Toby: Hello?

Pam: Toby, hi. It's Pam. I'm in the girls bathroom with Dwight and--

Toby: Jeez, Pam. Dwight? I'm okay with you choosing Jim over me, but Dwight? This is really depressing.

(Toby hangs up the phone. Back in the bathroom, Pam looks annoyed. She tries to dial again, but Dwight rips the phone off the wall and throws it out the window. Outside, in the kitchen, Michael, Jim, and Stanley are trying to wake up an unconcious Andy)

Jim: (In talking head) I dont know what everyone is talking about pam and dwight in the computer but im gonna go see whats up

Pam: i think i hear footsteps...

jim: (knocks on door) hey pam are you in there?

Dwight: jim i order you to release me know with your copy of the key!

Jim: Is pam in there?

Pam: Yes jim please let me out

JIm: (as he unlocks the door) Hey pam come here

(jim takes pam's hand pulls her out of the bathroom and locks the door before dwight can get out.)

Dwight: jim! JIMMMMM! I order you tolet me out now!

Jim: Hey pam did you hear something?

Pam: No jim i did not...

(opening sequence begins)

Wow that was a long opening

Michael: (in a talking head) Today is enviromental awarrness day...corporate is calling someone in to tell us about how the enviroment is so fragile and important...

pam: (walks in) what do you want me to do with this used paper?

michael: just shred it

pam: we could use this for notes, or reminders,

michael: it's used, shred it

pam: it's enviromental awarness day

michael: point?

pam: (in talking head) it's an important day for michael, so jim and i are going to make it hell. yeah, he's almost asked me to marry him twice now. but i think tonight is the night.

michael :here is the guest speaker please welcome, ryan?

Ryan: Um... yeah, I came here to tell you that due to budget cuts, we can't afford to hire an actual guest speaker. David Wallace has hired the next best thing. Somone who doesn't know a damn thing about anything. Please welcome your guest speaker... David Brent!!!

Stanley: Of for the love of god, not him...

David: (enters) Hello, people of Dundler-Mifflin!!! For those of you who haven't met me, I'm sure that you recognize me from the BBC Documentary, "The Office", and my single "If You Don't Know Me By Now". Before I get started, are there any questions?

Jim: (Raises his hand) Didn't you leave the country to move back to Slough?

David: Well, about three years ago, I was visiting my cousin from Scranton. And, after nine months, he threw me out of the house and refused to speak to me ever again. Anyways, I was about to go through security when some guy ran in and stole my passport... (Looks at Creed) Wait a minute... IT WAS YOU!!!

Creed: (Talking head) I used to steal peoples passports in order to make some extra cash. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to buy them, so I had to drop out of the business. Plus the police kept arresting me for it.

David: Well anyways, due to the loss of my passport, I am now unable to leave the country. So, when Tim and Dawn attempted to take me to Slough, we ended up being thrown out of the airport!!!

Ryan: So, where are Dawn and Tim?

David: They bought a house in Scranton and never really told me where it was...

(Everyone is assembled in the conference room. David is standing at the front of the room with Michael)

David: Everyone, I would like you to partake in this little video I created while I was working at a paper mill in Slough. It's called "Environmental Flava."

(David starts to push play and suddenly...Gareth burts in the door and knocks Michael on the ground. David looks annoyed)

Gareth: Sir, I found them. I found out where Tim and Dawn are living.

David: Oh good. Well, let's forget the video and everyone, we are going to take a road trip to Tim and Dawn's house.

Gareth: They've bought a farm house next to some beet farm run by two gay guys.

Dwight: Hey! That's my beet farm and Mose and I are cousins.

Jim: Yea, and there's nothing wrong with being gay with your cousin.

(Dwight glares at Jim)

David: Okay, well, we can stop off there on the way. I do love a good beet stew.

Pam: What does this have to do with the environment?

David: We are going to see how the great farmers of America help feed and nurture the land. The environment is very important to me, you know. Now, I can probably fit about eight of you in my Hummer. Anyone else have a mode of transportation?

Meredith: I can take 7 people in my mini-van

Ryan: Ok then let's go

Pam: I can fit 5 in my car...it's good for the enviornment.

David: ok lets see, Gareth why dont you o with the receptionist and whoever else wants to ride with them because theyll be picking up tim and dawn and meeting us at the farm...

(David's Car: Creed, Michael, Dwight, Angela, Ryan, and Kelly
Pam's Car: Gareth, Jim, and soon Tim+Dawn
Maredith's Van: Kevin, Toby, Stanley, Phyllis, Oscar)

In Meredith's van tensions flare.

Stanley: Phyllis, would you scoot over.
Phyllis: (whispering to Stanley) I don't want to be that close to Kevin
Kevin: Hey.
Toby: Oh, Jeez.
Meredith: Have you guys seen a little bottle about four inches high...
Oscar: Meredith, who's driving.
Meredith: MY VAN, MY RULES.

Since Andy didn't get a car, I'll put him in David's

(In David's Hummer)

Andy and David: (Singing together) I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started!

Kelly: So, yeah, I'm, Like, totally over you. Just like how Helen Hunt was, like totally, over Mel Gibson in that movie, "What Women Want"

Ryan: Kelly, you made me watch that movie with you. They get together at the end!!!

Kelly: I know. Wasn't it romantic?

Ryan:(Groans)

David and Andy: (Still singing)Get this party started. On a Saturday night

Dwight and Angela: (Start making out in backseat)

Creed: (Starts staring at Dwight and Angela)

Andy and David: (Singing together) Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive

Michael: And, I'm over you too Ryan. I mean, I loved you more then anyone else could have possibly loved you, and you just threw it in my face and took that promotion! (Starts crying) Go to hell!!!

Ryan: SCREW IT!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! (Takes off his seatbelt) I am getting the hell out of here!!! (Opens the Hummer door and Jumps out, landing in the ditch)

Kelly: Oh my god, David, you have to go back and get him!!!

David and Andy: (Still singing) Sendin' out the message to all of my friends. We'll be lookin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz.

Michael: Don't worry, he's fine. Ryan's gotten up and has started running back to Scranton.

Kelly: (Sighs out of relief)

David and Andy: (Still Singing!!!)I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings

Michael: So... Kelly... did you watch that Amanda Bynes movie "Lovewrecked"?

Kelly: Yes, wasn't the end, like, totally romantic?

Michael: Yes, it was!!!

David and Andy: (STILL SINGING!!!) I can go for miles, if you know what I mean!!!

(In the backseat of Pam's car, Gareth points out the window)

Gareth: Receptionist! This is it! This is where Tim and Dawn live. Stop.

Pam: My name is Pam.

Gareth: I don't care. (Gareth opens the door to get out of the car and falls forward onto the ground) Who tied my shoelaces together? Dammit Tim!

(In the front seat, Jim smiles innocently at the camera. Just then, David's Hummer pulls up, followed closely behind Meredith's van. So closely, in fact, that Meredith re-ends the Hummer. Everyone gets out of the cars and David inspects the back of his vehicle)

David: It's okay, this thing is like a tank. You can do anything to it and you won't hurt it.

Andy: Awesome!

(Andy kicks the side of the Hummer and nothing happens. Dwight grins and pulls out his potato gun and shoots at the front windshield. The glass shatters. David screams like a girl and then passes out)

Dwight: Come on, let's go get Tim and Dawn and head over to Schrute Farm. Mose is expecting us for lunch.

Pam: Should we really go get Tim and Dawn? They probably don't want to come with us.

Dwight: Don't care! Let's go!

(Everyone walks off down the lane to the farm house that Tim and Dawn now own. David is still lying unconcious on the ground)

Mose sees Dwight coming up the driveway. He screams and runs towards Dwight. The two loving cousins embrace.

Michael: *cough* GAY *cough*
Dwight glares at Michael.

Mose: Where's Ryan?
Kelly: Can we not talk about Ryan?
Dwight: Why?
Kelly (crying) He's a jerk!
Mose: You not the nicest person yourself.

Kelly cries some more.

Dwight: Mose, what are you doing at Tim and Dawn's place?

Mose: Who? Isn't this our house?

Dwight: No, our farm is across there.

Mose: That explains a lot.

(Mose starts walking back to his farm. Dwight looks at his co-workers)

Dwight: Okay, forget about Tim and Dawn. You can all help Mose and me plant our newest crop...Poteets. It's a cross between potatoes and beets.

Michael: Why can't you grow something everyone likes?

Jim: Like gummybears.

Michael: Exactly.

(David appears, rubbing his head)

David: Who are you? What am I doing here?

Gareth: My god, David has lost his memory!!

Meredith: (putting her arm around David) It's okay. I'm your girlfriend, Meredith.

(David looks at her and starts sobbing. Meredith smiles and starts steering him back to the cars)

Pam: Where are you two going?

Meredith: We'll meet you at the farm later!

(David and Meredith disappear down the lane and everyone else follows Dwight and Mose across to Schrute Farm)

Jim: hey Dwight, how do your beets make us appreciate the enviornment more?

Dwight: Because you learn about the labor of love it takes to make healthy beets.

Jim: Well, Im sold.

Pam: Hey Dwight, can i just watch or do we all have to plant your poteets?

Dwight: A succesful crop needs teamwork people!

Jim: Then how do you and Mose finish on your own when you need all of our help?

Dwight:It usually takes mose a few days but with atleast 10 more people we can finish in hours!

Pam: So it's not crucial that we help?

Dwight: Well...it is so you can learn about the enviornment...

(Pam walks away in the middle of Dwight's sentence)

Dwight: Pam where are you going?

Pam: Im going to go put my jacket in the car its too warm out here...

(Pam goes to her car and does not return)

Jim:(A few hours later) Hey Dwight I finished all my seeds Im going to go check on pam its been hours...

Dwight: how did you finish so fast?

Jim: I planted them all in 2 holes...

Dwight: Dammit Jim why did you do that?

Jim: So i could finish sooner...

Dwight: Well where did you plant the 2 holes...ill go find them and when i do jim, you will plant them over again!

Jim: they are over in that vicinity...(points to an area about five meters wide. hands Dwight a small shovel.)

Dwight: Ok...

(Jim walks away with all the seeds in his pocket)

Jim: (Walks up to Mose) Wait, didn't I kill you?

Mose: Umm... No...

Jim: Yes I did, I crushed you with a refridgerator.

Mose: Oh, that wasn't me. That was Robo-Mose!

Jim: Robo-Mose?

Mose: Yeah, in my spare time, I like to build humanoid Robots that will one day help me take over all of North America!!!

(Oscar, Andy, Angela, and Kevin)

Oscar: You build high tech robots and work in a beet field?

Mose: Actually, I've only built two robots so far. Robo-Mose, which you destroyed, and Robo-Todd Packer!!!

(A robot Todd Packer walks out of a nearby shed.)

Robo-Packer: (Faces Jim) Whassup, Halpert? Still Queer? (Turns to Angela) What's cookin', Good lookin'? (Turns to Kevin) Hey, you're so fat, that whenever you wear a raincoat, people mistake you for a taxi!!!

(Jim grabs Dwight's Spud Gun and begins firing shots into Robo-Packer's head.)

Robo-Packer: (As Jim fires spud after spud to his head)OWWW!!!! Must... say... funny... last words... (Turns to Andy) What's the capital of Thailand?

Andy: Um... I don't know...

Robo-Packer: (While Jim continues firing potatoes at his head, Robo-Packer punches Andy in the privates) Bangkok! (Laughs maniacly before his head is knocked off by all the shots to his head)

Andy: (Falls to the ground, clutching his privates) I don't like him...

Jim: (Put's away Spud Gun) I've always wanted to do that!!!

Angela, Oscar, and Kevin: Us too!!!

Pam is driving around in her car, killing time. She feels bad for leaving Jim behind, so she calls him on his cell phone.

(Jim's phone rings)

Jim: Hello?

Pam: Hey, its me.

Jim: Where are you? I've been looking all over...

Pam: Sorry. I had to get out of there.

Jim: But you're missing all the Pobeet-y fun.

Pam: Oh....damn...

Jim: Speaking of beets....we know have exactly two pocket-full of beet seeds.

Pam: This day just keeps getting better and better... Okay, I'm gunna come back and pick you up. Is everything ok there?

(Jim looks around at Merideth and David making out, twitching Robo-Packer on the ground and Dwight rushes around, trying to fix everyone's beet-mistakes.)

Jim: Okay....I dont know if I'd put it that way. But hey, fun fact, Mose was never really dead.

Pam: Oh my gosh!

Jim: What?

Pam: Ryan's wandering down this road. Hold on, I'll pick him up, then come get you...then we'll figure out what to do with our beet seeds.

(Pam and Jim hang up, and Ryan, exhausted, gets into Pam's car.)

Pam: Are you all right, Ryan?

Ryan: ...I think I'm in love with Kelly...

Pam: Oh God.

Ryan: I don't know i mean ive just been thinking about it and i have realized that i really love her.

Pam: Well get im going back to the farm anyway...

Ryan: Ok...

(Pam arrives at the farm and ryan gets out of the car and kelly and jim come over to the car)

Kelly: Oh my god ryan!!! you're here! i missed you so much! Its been so annoying here with dwight! OOOOOOH i love you so much ryan!

Ryan: I love you too.

(Pam and jim look at eachother in astonishment)

Kelly: MMM ryan!! you're so cute! hey pam can you take us back to the building so ryan can take me back to new york with him?!!

Ryan: well i dont know if we'll go back right away...

Kelly:Oh dont be silly ryan!! I can move up there with you and we can get married in new york and everything!!!

Ryan: Well i havent thought about marriage yet...

Pam: Well we can go now...i really want to leave before dwight notices that we arent working...

Jim: ok lets go

(They all get in the car and head towards the office)

Jim: Hey im hungry do you guys want to go to lunch?

Pam: How about chilis?

Kelly: Um i dont think we can go there remember pam? 8th annual dundies?

Pam: oh ya sorry...

Ryan: Benihana's?

Pam: that sounds good.

(they arrive at benihana's)

Back at the farm.

The Robo-Todd Packer gets up.

Packer: (to Michael) Hi, you gay nerd.
Michael: Stop that.
Packer: That's not what your mother said, ya gay nerd.

Michael picks up the spud gun and shoots Packer in the head. His head turns into liquid a la Terminator.

He frantically jumps around saying, "Queer, Queer, Queer, Queer, Queer, Queer..."

Dwight walks up to Creed, who has been spending the last several hours digging a really large hole.

Dwight: What the hell are you doing?

Creed: Digging.

Dwight: That hole is like 10 metres deep! Why are you still digging? How do you expect to get out?

Creed: With that ladder in the corner!!!

Dwight: Oh...

Creed stops digging and begin climbing out of the hole. He also pulls the ladder out of the hole and sets it on the ground.

Dwight: Still, why, on earth, would you dig that hole?

Creed doesn't answer. Instead he walks up to Robo-Packer.

Packer: Have you seen a gay nerd named Michael Scott?

Creed: He fell in that large hole!

Packer: Figures! (Walks over to the hole) Whassup, you queer... Hey... wait a minute...

Creed runs up behind Robo-Packer and throws him in. Robo-Packer's arms and legs snap off as he lands.

Packer: Damn, Mose and his removeable arms and legs. How am I supposed to get out of here?!?

Creed: You aren't!!! (Starts piling dirt onto Packer)

The rest of the office proceeds to help Creed until Robo-Packer is completely buried.

The Office characters and millions of Packer-haters around the globe: Yay!!!

that's a happy ending. i think personally.
i think we should now refer to make your own office episode three.