(Cut to the office. Michael is sitting at his desk. Dwight is standing behind him)

Michael: (To the camera) So, everything seems back to normal. Conan is no longer running the camera. In fact, I've hired him to work here. He is now in Meredith's position and seems to be taking to it very well.

(Camera cuts to Conan, who is sitting at Meredith's desk, drinking from a vodka bottle. He looks over at reception. Camera pans over to reception. Pam is sitting there, listening to Michael talk. She glances over at Conan and sees him staring at her. She rolls her eyes and smiles at him. Conan smiles back. Camera cuts to Jim, who looks slightly rattled by this)

Conan: (TALKING HEAD) You know, Pam is cute. I know she's dating Jim and all, but I'm Conan O'Brien. Women have killed over me...so I've heard.

(Cut to annex, where Ryan and Kelly are sitting)

Ryan: Kelly, about you being pregnant...

Kelly: Oh my god, Ryan. I'm so excited. So, when should we set the wedding for?

Ryan: Wedding? What wedding?

Kelly: Ryan, we have to get married before the baby comes. If we don't, my father will kill you.

Ryan: Um... can I not marry you yet and take my chances?

(Cut to Dwight and Jim)

Dwight: No!!! I will not accept Sika Deer urine! Sika Deer urine is disgusting and way too expensive. I just want twelve pounds of Red Brocket urine. That is all I want!!!

Ryan: (Screams from in the background) OUCH!!! DEAR GOD! ALRIGHT, KELLY, I'LL MARRY YOU!!!! JUST, PLEASE, STOP DOING THAT TO ME!!! IT REALLY HURTS!!! BY THE WAY, YOU ARE SURPRISINGLY STRONG!!!

Dwight: (Turns to Jim) Huh, I wonder what that's all about! (Turns to the phone again) Anyways, I... You don't sell Deer Urine? Well, then why am I talking to you? (hangs up the phone) God, some people are just so weird.

Jim: I hear you! Say Dwight?

Dwight: Yeah?

Jim: (Gets down on his knee and pulls out an engagement ring) Will you marry me?

Jim: (Talking head) Actually, the engagement ring is for Pam. But I felt that it'd be kind of fun to mess with Dwight just a little bit first!

Dwight: (Begins sputtering nonsense words while Pam, Dawn, and Phyllis are attempting not to laugh)

Tim: (Walks up to Dwight) Hey mate! Could you just ccome with me for a second? (Grabs Dwight and pulls him off to the side) Listen, you need to accept Jim's proposal!!!

Dwight: What?

Tim: Jim is just toying with you! He doesn't really want to marry you! But if you accept, then you can beat him!!! Whatever you do, do not back down, just make him think that you may actually want to marry him back and you'll be the one who is toying with him for a change!!!

Dwight: Hey, yeah!!! That's sound great!!! Thanks, Tim!!! (Walks up to Jim) You know what, Jim, yes, I will marry you!!!

Jim: Oh, thank you, Dwight, you have made me the happiest man in the world!!! Let's get married tonight. I'll go call the minister right away!!!

Dwight: (Begins sputtering nonsense words again and heads into the bathroom)

Jim and Tim high five eachother and then begin laughing uncontrollably.

Tim: (Talking head) Me and Dawn went on a double date with Jim and Pam last night, there we realized that the four of us all enjoy pulling pranks on certain co-workers. So, the four of us decided that we should all team up to humiliate Dwight.

Jim: (Talking head) I'm thinking that with a little bit of work, the four of us could actually get Dwight in a wedding dress and on the altar, but... we'll just see...

(Dwight is pacing in the kitchen. Angela stands near him)

Dwight: I think he might be serious. It would explain why he turned down the corporate job. He wants to be near me. And, he probably left to go to Scranton because I kept rejecting him, but he couldn't stay away.

Angela: Even if it is true, that doesn't mean you have to marry him. That's a sin, you know.

Dwight: But I said yes!

Angela: Why would you do that?

Dwight: Tim told me to. (stops and looks at Angela) Wait. We can get married. That's perfect. (Stanley walks into the kitchen) We can get married and then I won't have to marry Jim.

(Stanley stops and stares at Dwight. He slowly walks back out and sits at his desk)

Stanley: (TALKING HEAD) I really don't want to get involved in this.

Kevin: (TALKING HEAD) If Dwight and Jim do get married, I hope they'll let Scrantonicity play at the wedding. We've never done (giggles) a gay wedding before.

Angela: I'm sorry, Dwight, but I cannot marry an engaged man. That is betrayal, which is involved with Greed, one of the mortal sins. Which is why you can't break off the engagement. If you do, you will end up going to hell!!!

Dwight: But... I thought that Gay Marriage was also one.

Angela: Basically everything is.

Dwight: Well, then, I'm just going to break off the engagement. There is no other way out.

Pam: Actually, there is!!!

Dwight and Angela turn around to see that Pam has been listening to their conversation.

Pam: Look, if you were to tell Jim a bunch of embarressing secrets about yourself, maybe he wouldn't love you anymore and would want to break off the engagement himself.

Angela: And that way, Dwight doesn't have to commit any sins!!!

Dwight: That is brilliant!!! (Runs out of the room and up to Jim) Say, Jim, I was talking to Pam, and she brought up a very good point. If we're going to get married, then I think that there are a few rather embarrassing things about myself that I need to let you know.

Jim: Okay, Dwight, just let me grab a few things and I'll go join you in the conference room.

Dwight enters the conference room and takes a seat while Jim grabs a notepad and a pen and runs up to Pam

Jim: I have never loved you more!!! (Follows Dwight into the conference room) Okay Dwight, what do you have to tell me?

Dwight: Well, for starters, when I was little, my mother use to dress me up like a girl and take me to beauty salons so that we could spend more time together... (Doesn't notice that Jim is writing down what he has said)

Dwight: And then there was the time my cousin Mose and I got drunk on beet wine and streaked through our neighbors yard. The police were called---(Dwight notices that Jim looks doubtful) There are pictures! I could bring them in tomorrow.

Jim: (smiles) You should absolutely do that. (stands up) Dwight, I'm glad we did this. It makes me feel so much closer to you.

(Dwight looks shocked)

Dwight: Closer? But... (sputters)

Jim: Dwight, put all these embarrasing things behind you and focus on the wedding. I want a big affair and as the bride, it's up to you to plan all the details.

Dwight: The bride?

Jim: Yea, and maybe Pam can throw you a shower. You'll get lots of gifts.

Dwight: Gifts? (hesitantly) I like gifts. Maybe some more bobbleheads?

Jim: Sure, anything you want.

(Jim walks out of the conference room and to reception. He hands Pam his notebook. She reads all the things Dwight told him and tries not to laugh. Just then, Michael walks up)

Michael: Hey, queer. I heard you and Dwight are getting hitched. You know, I did plan Phyllis's wedding and would be happy to plan yours.

Jim: Thanks Michael. Dwight's in charge of all the arrangements, so...

Michael: Awesome!

(Cut to the conference room where Dwight, David, Gareth, Andy, and Creed are.)

Dwight: Alright! I have assembled this group of Office Pariahs because I need your helps!!!

Creed: What's a Pariah?

David: I dunno!!! I think it's a compliment!!! Why would anyone want to insult us?

Dwight: Anyway, I accidentally agreed to marry Jim, and I need to get out of it. But if I actually break off the engagement, then I fear that my girlfriend may dump me. So I need to trick him into dumping me. Any ideas?

Creed: This is just me brainstorming. If he's gay, then you could get a Sex Change!!! Then you'd be a woman, and he wouldn't want you anymore!!!

Dwight: ...Right... That's the right kind of thought... But we aren't doing that!!! We need a different plan where I don't end up becoming a female!!!

Gareth: Maybe, you could marry him. After all, he does have really pretty eyes... (Everyone stares at him) What? He does!!!

Andy: I find that Pig Latin works. I was also dumped when I mentioned that my latest girlfriend was still in highschool, so you could try that...

David: Ooh!!! You could sing to him!!! That always gets me dumped. It also works if you talk about his dead mom's breasts, dance for him, bring your guitar on a date...

Dwight: Great ideas, David and Andy!!! I'll try all of them. Does anyone know where I can find a guitar?

David: Oh, I have one under my desk!!! Just in case somebody requests an impromptu concert!!!

David: (Talking head) Has anyone ever requested an impromptu concert? (Laughs for a bit) ...No...

(Cut to Jim, who is sitting at his desk. Dwight comes up to him with David's guitar)

Jim: Hi, Dwight!!!

Dwight: (Starts dancing, playing guitar, and singing simultaneously) Avehay Iay everay oldtay ouyay aboutay ymay eventeensay earyeay olday ex-girlfrienday ooway adhay reastsbay ustjay ikelay youray eadday othermay? (Stops, bows, and walks away with a smile on his face)

Dwight: (Talking head) That obviously worked!!! It's only a matter of time before I'm dumped.

Jim: (Talking head) I don't even know what just happened!!! But it was still one of the greatest experiences of my life!!!

Jim sees Dwight and Angela fighting in the kitchen. Dwight starts to cry. JIm looks at the camera regretfully

(Cut to Dwight and Jim)

Jim: Dwight, I do not want to marry you any more.

Dwight: ( Smirks) Why?

Jim: You are too feminine. I like my men MEN. Sorry. Maybe I'll go for Andy.

Dwight: (Sputters).. I..uhhhh

Jim: I knew you would do this. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO! I just do not love girly-men! sorry.

Dwight talking head- Okay, so Jim was obviously kidding about me being a girly man. I once skinned a wolf with my bare hands. The endangered kind too. I bet he's never done that.

Jim: I can't marry Dwight... It would be embarressing to be seen in public with him. (Smiles)

<THE End>