50 Things you learn from Erik the Phantom
1. Music is ethereal, uncompromising, and eternal, not to mention a great way to lure out unsuspecting hot young girls.
2. Attraction is in the mind, I mean it. Because it isn't anywhere else.
3. Stalkings okay if you wear a mask, are dark, mysterious, and alone.
4. Murders also okay, you can just denied it all later.
5. Any and all obsessions you have with anything (or anyone for that matter) should follow one simple rule, GET IT.
6. Living underneath your obsession is very convenient.
7. Especially when its time to play naughty teacher...
8. Don't be afraid to ask the older people around for help, their the easiest to buy off and manipulate.
9. If you can't get a job (legitimately) all you need to do is blackmail the owners and extort them for more money than they would have had to pay if they just hired you.
10. Threaten to cut down their light fixtures as well.
11. Then say it will get worse if the pay stops...
12. Like rats...
13. Don't make it too obvious to your obsession about the way you feel, use pseudonyms like “angel of music” to keep them in the dark.
14. Or any other tid bits you learn about their childhood when your stalking them.
15. Remember, your not being creepy when you stalk. Your stalking them for information that you can use later when your “teaching”.
16. Young girls love being swept of their feet, onto a boat, and into underground layers... just not generally with a walking skeleton.
17. When your rival stalks almost as much as you do, you have to step up your game and go full time to the point were your obsession thinks you live in their brain!
18. Now that's past the point of no return...
19. Traps are a necessity to keeping your privacy from those undesirables, which is just about everyone.
20. Even if the other person pulls a gun on you, your old school you pull the punjab lasso, then wrap it around their neck before they can pull the trigger.
21. Why eat when you can drink?
22. You can't just talk to your obsession oh no, you must yell and scream words at them to a tempo, then beg them for forgiveness in “c” minor.
23. There's nothing like seeing your rival reeling in pain as your obsession (who's tied to a chair) watching you laugh like a mad man.
24. Persians are boobies.
25. There's nothing like making people choose between some death and a lot more death.
26. Always endure till the end, because your obsession will most likely pity you and give you a pity kiss before breaking your heart forever.
27. Or at least till the sequel...
28. Where magically they will love you, even though a week before they could barely stand looking at you and were in love with your rival.
29. Lets sing about sex! Unfortunately not Rkelly style.
30. Don't worry about planning for things you'll forget most (if not all of them) once your obsession is near.
31. Honesty is not your policy.
32. A promise to you is as fleeting as your mood swings.
33. When proposing marriage to your intended, its not a good idea to spend the first hour and a half freaking them out by kissing their feet and telling them you love them when they don't even know your name.
34. The relationship isn't going well when you literally have to play the “role of the father.”
35. You make simple requests for people to keep their hands off your stolen attire, I mean does it have to be spelled out?
36. Your house could be on episode of cribs.
37. Mardi Gras is by far the best holiday ever created.
38. Your past is sketchy and dark, and full of murder. The bad kind of murder, not the “I do this for you” kind.
39. Even your barely, nonexistent friend is afraid of you, could be because you tried to kill him, again.
40. Even though your rival acts all brave in front of everyone, they pee their pants once their alone with you.
41. People of your acquaintance are always meddling in your plans. Whether it be mangers, bad soprano singers, love rivals, and perverted stage hands... but on the other hand they all make for a good night out.
42. Your mother complex is always creepy, especially to your obsession.
43. Your idea normal is wearing a flesh tone mask, blackmailing a girl into marrying you by threatening to kill everyone she knows, and going out for strolls on Sunday. Perfectly normal.
44. Being a phantom means never having to fully explain the “safety pin” indecent.
45. Having bad handwriting is underscored with red ink.
46. You fancy yourself a Don Juan.
47. You can somehow do everything and be everywhere at the same time, yet you can't get a date without putting them in a dream-like trance with your voice first.
48. Box 5 is yours dammit! When will they learn that?
49. You wonder what trance you were in when your obsession (who isn't really being quite) rips your mask off, and fucks up all your plans... well if there were any...
50. You think playing the piano and singing for five days is an appropriate courting time and afterward your intended will be as mad for you as you are for them and then your life with be rainbows and butterflies and you'll live happily ever after, unfortunately realities a bitch.