The Royals recap: 'Welcome Is Fashion and Ceremony' 

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There was more scandalous drama packed into this single episode than there are in the entire seasons of some shows, with a murder, a sick yacht party, a reunion between former lovers, a sex scene, and a crazy cancer reveal. #Loyals, let’s get into it, shall we?

“Welcome Is Fashion and Ceremony” kicked off by diving into Jasper’s is-he-or-isn’t-he-British story line, with he and Liam joking about his fake accent in a car outside the palace. The only thing worse than Jasper’s fake American accent is Liam’s fake American accent. (It’s really, really bad.) But their buddy-buddy time in the car is for a greater good, and Jasper clues Liam in on the fact that that Cyrus is using a body double for public appearances. 

But the intrigue doesn’t end there. Jasper leads Liam to a secret room where Cyrus is sleeping in a wacko chamber outfitted with red velvet — the kind I imagine Kim Kardashian sleeps in to keep old age and wrinkles at bay. What the heck?

Liam confronts Cyrus about the lie. “You’re lying in some tub, like Michael Jackson.” But Cyrus responds with an explosive reveal: He has testicular cancer and offers up a convincing alibi. “I was getting treatment the night my brother died,” he tells Liam. He warns Liam that he doesn’t want anyone to know about his diagnosis because “people are such dicks.” Takes one to know one, Cyrus.

While Liam is playing the part of detective — looking particularly chesty in a tight sweater, I should add — Eleanor and Beck are enjoying the bliss of a night reconnecting. That is, actual connecting. (No sex.) For the record, that wasn’t Eleanor’s choice…which means Beck is a bit of a gentleman. I like the sound of that, so consider me on board for this relationship. Eleanor’s appropriately enamored, and to celebrate, she’s purchased him all kinds of pricey clothes, which he tries on while revealing why he left his wife. “She should have known, ever since Monaco,” he tells Eleanor. “It’s been you. It’s always been you.”

Although Eleanor’s love life is definitely on the up and up, Liam’s investigation into the king’s death is going nowhere. That said, Jasper seems kind of brilliant when he proposes expanding the search area where the king was murdered. He drops some impressive-sounding terms like “security” and “surveillance” and convinces Liam it’s a good idea. Then — because he has Liam all buttered up and thoroughly on his side — he complains about Eleanor not forgiving him. Liam’s response? He’s not too enthused about Jasper hooking up with his sister but clues him in about an upcoming yacht party, where Jasper can approach Eleanor. (‘Cause nothing says romantic reunion like a boat party where there’s sure to be lots of coke.)

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