'This Is Us' continues to tackle adoption with heartbreaking honesty 

We\'re using cookies to improve your experience. Click Here to find out more.

Season 1, episode 9, titled "The Trip." To refresh your memory of where we left off, check out

has two kinds of trips for our enjoyment and enlightenment: a road trip to the cabin the family used to visit when the Big Three were kids, and an unexpected trip down memory lane with the help of magic mushrooms. 

Randall is still processing his feelings about Rebecca not telling him about his birth father, William, for all these years, and he makes a detailed list about all his bruised feelings. In flashbacks, we see Jack try to convince Rebecca to find Randall’s birth father so Randall can have a better sense of himself, but Rebecca is against it because she’s afraid of what could happen if his birth parents have rights and try to take Randall back. Jack promises her he’d never let that happen. 

Then we see Rebecca visiting William at his apartment, where she learns he’s been clean for five years. When Rebecca admits that Randall\'s been asking about his birth father, William suggests Rebecca bring Randall by the store he works at. He gets so excited about the idea, she gets cold feet and rushes off without a word, later sending him a letter with a photo of young Randall, but basically closing the door on any further contact. 

SEE ALSO: \'This Is Us\' just revealed why Jack and Rebecca aren\'t together anymore

Meanwhile, Jack starts taking Randall to a karate class where the students, fathers and instructor are all African-American, hoping the exposure to more of the black community will help Randall find some sense of identity.

In the present, Olivia shows up at the cabin with playwright Sloane and Ash, a guy with a man-bun, who also happens to be someone Olivia once dated. Kate has a chat with Olivia, ostensibly as a protective sister, but Olivia flips the script on her and analyzes Kate with startling clarity, telling her she sees how scared Kate is that if she has the weight surgery and nothing changes in her life, what then? A shaken Kate tries to talk to Kevin about the chat, but Kevin says he wants her to finally deal with her breakup with Toby.  

Never Drink a Smoothie Made By a Guy with a Man-bun

Randall drinks half a smoothie that has magic mushrooms in it (Man-bun Ash brought it, of course) and starts to trip. He sees Jack on a ladder, cleaning the cabin’s gutters. Randall says to imaginary Jack that he knows he was a replacement kid for the dead baby. 

Imaginary Jack vehemently denies this, insisting, “You were a choice,” and then apologizes to Randall for Rebecca not telling him about William. Jack points out that there\'s nothing they can do to change what Rebecca did now, “So what do you want to do?” 

Randall says, “I want her to hurt as much as I do.”  

Kate takes a walk and calls Toby. After telling him how awful Olivia is, he asks if they’re still broken up and when she says yes, he (fairly) tells her, “I can’t be this person for you. Sorry.” Kate is stunned and hurt, but the mixed signals she\'s sending him are pretty baffling.

Speaking of mixed signals, Kevin, Olivia and Ash are watching one of the family’s home movies. Olivia and Ash are snuggled together on the couch and an irritated Kevin finally snaps at her, accusing her of not being able to handle anything real. Olivia cooly responds with, “That’s our cue to leave.” Olivia and Ash drive off, stranding playwright Sloane at the cabin with the siblings.  

Kevin and Kate are talking in the woods. He apologizes to her and she tells him Olivia was right about her:  what if she has the lap band surgery and nothing changes? Kevin asks her to do the surgery on the east coast and says he really needs her there.  

At the cabin, a still-tripping Randall sees the family in their younger days playing a game in the living room. He tries to vent to Rebecca about lying to him but she doesn’t see or hear him. Then Randall sees her locking several locks on the cabin door, running from room to room as she tries to keep unseen threats from breaking in. Imaginary Jack explains to Randall that Rebecca had a lot to deal with: three very different kids, a marriage that wasn’t always perfect, but she did the best she could to lock out the bad stuff.  

It\'s all fun and games until somebody loses a father.

The next morning, Kate finds Kevin in bed with Sloane. On the way home, Randall stops at Rebecca’s house and tells her he’s angry, but acknowledges that he realizes how lonely it must\'ve been for her to keep that kind of secret from everyone for so many years. She starts crying, and he restrains himself from going through his exhaustive list. She tries to hug him, but he walks away and tells her, “Not yet. See you at Christmas.”  

The episode’s final flashback shows Jack and Rebecca at karate class with Randall. In front of the entire class, the instructor asks Jack to lie on the floor and has Randall lie on top of Jack. As the instructor asks if Jack will support and raise Randall to be the best man he can be, Jack does push-ups and answers every question with a definitive “Yes” as an emotional Rebecca looks on. 

How many times were we punched in the feels this week?

Just a few, which is less than usual — but I defy anyone to make it through the push-up scene and not mist up. Milo Ventimiglia continues to give one of the best performances of his career as Jack, and a tip of the hat has to go to the show’s writers, because Jack is a flawed guy who

he’s flawed. He tries so hard to be the best dad and the best man he can be in spite of his shortcomings. 

Another big cheer to the writers for handling the issue of identity with intelligence and nuance, resulting in some realistic, honest conversations that convey how important representation is and how that plays into kids needing role models they identify with, relate to and look up to. 

The show also did an admirable job of exploring Jack and Rebecca\'s insecurities as parents of an adopted child; just as Randall was afraid he might never be good enough for his parents, it\'s clear that they were just as terrified that he might decide they were never enough for him, when compared to his idealized fantasies about his birth parents. This is where the show really shines: the stories often follow a formula, but the writing never shies away from truth, which gets us all, right in the feels. 

BONUS: Wes Anderson’s H&M Christmas ad is what we need this holiday season