10. Never use English around him – instead, bark.

9. Call him a Космос heater.

8. Tell him that Собаки make good pets, not good partners.

7. Ask him if he has RSVPed to the wedding yet.

6. Inform him that real men sparkle.

5. Walk up to him and claim Ты have imprinted. Say Ты Любовь him and demand his paw in marriage.

4. Tell him that even though he may run at a boiling 108.9 degrees, Bella doesn’t find him hot.

3. Inquire as to how Leah is… and if he dreams about Sam the way Leah dreams about Bella.

2. Ask him if he likes to do things… doggy style.

And the Number One way to annoy Jacob Black?

1. Make him a day-by-day flip calendar, counting down the amount of time Bella will remain human.

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