"...May I ask you something?"
There were three slow blinks, very slow blinks, seconds seeming to stretch into an eternity. "..Yes."
"Do you...do you seek solace in death?"
There was more silence, and then an answer. "I don't know. Death seems to be living...until you've died. Many...many...many times. Living...is more horrid...painful...scarring, than death. Until death is seen by eyes that should not witness such a thing. I do not seek solace in death...I seek death in life."
"But...aren't you happy?"
"...It's all of the perspective of what happiness means to you."
"Your family. Your wife...your children, your friends. You were doing so much better, what happened?"
"I've grown tired...tired of myself. Tired of the man labeled as Wiezen. Exhausted of my name being called every corner I turn. Tired of being the one...the one..."
"The...one?"
"The one who's relied upon. The one who has to be responsible for taking care of everything. The one who looks to never do anything through the eyes of people...of vermin...but does everything."
"Everything? Helga cares for your children, you're barel--"
"I keep them alive. I do what I can to make sure they are able to breathe to see another day. I risk my life. No matter how badly I want to see them, I put their wants first. And the wants of Helga. And the wants of other people. Is..that not enough? Of course not...because everyone always wants more. More..more..more. I can never stay. Can never work. Can never relax and play with my children. Can never...get a break."
"......"
"And all this time...out of everything that I've seen...that I've done from the bottom of my heart and from the top of my soul...breaking my body. No one...ever truly asks me for what I want. What I need. I lose everything...my home...people. My life. My purpose. My joy. My honor. My dignity. My pride. My lust. My happiness. I've put myself in the shoes of others...to understand them. To help them. And they burn their bridges on me and dance upon the ashes. I offer my hand, and they bite off my fingers. I attempt to stomp out the evils that spread wildly to ensure their safety, and they nail my feet. I speak on behalves to stick up for people and they split my tongue. I am...lost."
"...Wiezen...what do you want? What do you need?"
Silence filled the pitch black within the garden around them, the trees swaying against the nothingness that they were surrounded by.
"..Peace. Laughter. Helga. My children. Understanding. Authentic understanding. To walk by someones side and not have to lead, nor to follow. To help, but not to be burdened. To...not have everything fold and crumble before my eyes like they always do. To not have to deal with that, face that again. And again. And again. To not be this...person. To be able to heal."
"...To be helped. You've never been helped. Just twisted into thinking that you were. Mind washed into thinking that willing to help others meant that you were helping yourself, even when you tear yourself apart just to do so. Thinking that having responsibility would cure you, help you ease your mind or distract it from this. But the more you've done so...the more things are asked from you. Asked of you. And no matter how hard you try to refuse, guilt eventually eats you alive inside and you cave in. Even with Weiss. You've still been keeping an eye on him from a distance. You can never say no without wanting to say yes. And because of this, you've never been able to realize that you are not responsible for the decisions of other people. Their lives. That you have the power to let things be, and refuse to lend yourself to others. You've never wanted to do things for yourself, only for the sake of other people. Other things. The way you've thought: If I do this, then that person will be satisfied.
It is not your place to make everyone happy, you cannot do so. That happiness you've always tried to bring is supposed to be a luxury only to certain people. You cannot be a savior for everyone, Wiezen. No matter how badly you want to be, or how hard you try. Instead...focusing on what's right in front of you, on yourself for once in your life should be a priority to bring the extensions of yourself out of peril. You've said that you seek death in life, but never have you attempted to reap your own life.
For once...be selfish. Do things for yourself. Love the people that love you. Love yourself."
--
Wiezelsa's eyes flickered open, irises and pupils now flourishing with life and a bright aura, and a breath escaped their lips as they set in their form of meditation, floating about four feet above the ground gracefully. The cycle of self had been completed. At that moment, three of the four cycle were now just upon completion. And there now only one was left. They looked at their hands, still feeling a numbness inside of them where their emotions were suppose to dwell, barely any bits and fragments of them there. It was time for them to be on their way.
~
Ossiana stared into the eyes of her lover, the kiss that had been delivered to her lips bringing a weak half smile to her face. Bags of exhaustion layered under her eyes, her hair wild and unkempt in a manner that made it look as if it has not been tended to or washed in weeks. Her skin was a pasty pale. She tried to reach up to touch his face, to feel more of him--to know that he was something that was really there in front of her to be her crutch. But she could feel the affects of her broken mind and body taking its tole, rendering her to weak to even do that.
Her ears lowered, and the arm of aura suddenly just fell down from his back, swaying back and forth as it hung at her side. The aura dispersed, and where her arm was missing began to bleed, her injuries no longer being delayed.
There were three slow blinks, very slow blinks, seconds seeming to stretch into an eternity. "..Yes."
"Do you...do you seek solace in death?"
There was more silence, and then an answer. "I don't know. Death seems to be living...until you've died. Many...many...many times. Living...is more horrid...painful...scarring, than death. Until death is seen by eyes that should not witness such a thing. I do not seek solace in death...I seek death in life."
"But...aren't you happy?"
"...It's all of the perspective of what happiness means to you."
"Your family. Your wife...your children, your friends. You were doing so much better, what happened?"
"I've grown tired...tired of myself. Tired of the man labeled as Wiezen. Exhausted of my name being called every corner I turn. Tired of being the one...the one..."
"The...one?"
"The one who's relied upon. The one who has to be responsible for taking care of everything. The one who looks to never do anything through the eyes of people...of vermin...but does everything."
"Everything? Helga cares for your children, you're barel--"
"I keep them alive. I do what I can to make sure they are able to breathe to see another day. I risk my life. No matter how badly I want to see them, I put their wants first. And the wants of Helga. And the wants of other people. Is..that not enough? Of course not...because everyone always wants more. More..more..more. I can never stay. Can never work. Can never relax and play with my children. Can never...get a break."
"......"
"And all this time...out of everything that I've seen...that I've done from the bottom of my heart and from the top of my soul...breaking my body. No one...ever truly asks me for what I want. What I need. I lose everything...my home...people. My life. My purpose. My joy. My honor. My dignity. My pride. My lust. My happiness. I've put myself in the shoes of others...to understand them. To help them. And they burn their bridges on me and dance upon the ashes. I offer my hand, and they bite off my fingers. I attempt to stomp out the evils that spread wildly to ensure their safety, and they nail my feet. I speak on behalves to stick up for people and they split my tongue. I am...lost."
"...Wiezen...what do you want? What do you need?"
Silence filled the pitch black within the garden around them, the trees swaying against the nothingness that they were surrounded by.
"..Peace. Laughter. Helga. My children. Understanding. Authentic understanding. To walk by someones side and not have to lead, nor to follow. To help, but not to be burdened. To...not have everything fold and crumble before my eyes like they always do. To not have to deal with that, face that again. And again. And again. To not be this...person. To be able to heal."
"...To be helped. You've never been helped. Just twisted into thinking that you were. Mind washed into thinking that willing to help others meant that you were helping yourself, even when you tear yourself apart just to do so. Thinking that having responsibility would cure you, help you ease your mind or distract it from this. But the more you've done so...the more things are asked from you. Asked of you. And no matter how hard you try to refuse, guilt eventually eats you alive inside and you cave in. Even with Weiss. You've still been keeping an eye on him from a distance. You can never say no without wanting to say yes. And because of this, you've never been able to realize that you are not responsible for the decisions of other people. Their lives. That you have the power to let things be, and refuse to lend yourself to others. You've never wanted to do things for yourself, only for the sake of other people. Other things. The way you've thought: If I do this, then that person will be satisfied.
It is not your place to make everyone happy, you cannot do so. That happiness you've always tried to bring is supposed to be a luxury only to certain people. You cannot be a savior for everyone, Wiezen. No matter how badly you want to be, or how hard you try. Instead...focusing on what's right in front of you, on yourself for once in your life should be a priority to bring the extensions of yourself out of peril. You've said that you seek death in life, but never have you attempted to reap your own life.
For once...be selfish. Do things for yourself. Love the people that love you. Love yourself."
--
Wiezelsa's eyes flickered open, irises and pupils now flourishing with life and a bright aura, and a breath escaped their lips as they set in their form of meditation, floating about four feet above the ground gracefully. The cycle of self had been completed. At that moment, three of the four cycle were now just upon completion. And there now only one was left. They looked at their hands, still feeling a numbness inside of them where their emotions were suppose to dwell, barely any bits and fragments of them there. It was time for them to be on their way.
~
Ossiana stared into the eyes of her lover, the kiss that had been delivered to her lips bringing a weak half smile to her face. Bags of exhaustion layered under her eyes, her hair wild and unkempt in a manner that made it look as if it has not been tended to or washed in weeks. Her skin was a pasty pale. She tried to reach up to touch his face, to feel more of him--to know that he was something that was really there in front of her to be her crutch. But she could feel the affects of her broken mind and body taking its tole, rendering her to weak to even do that.
Her ears lowered, and the arm of aura suddenly just fell down from his back, swaying back and forth as it hung at her side. The aura dispersed, and where her arm was missing began to bleed, her injuries no longer being delayed.
last edited Больше года