Is this any good?

Prologue
2 weeks before in a dark forest
"Have Ты found?"
"No. She has not even been identified. How do Ты know she is even real?"
"She is real!"
"Okay sir, but is she alive?"
"She has to be. No. She is! Get back to searching!I want to see my baby sister. If Ты fail to bring me good news Далее time you're dead."
"Yes sir."
Evan walked to the door afraid for his and Aron's younger twins life. Before he could reachg the Aron calmly, almost evlliy stated "Evan, how about Ты enroll in in her school. When Ты find her, tell her."
"Sir! That could kill her!" Evan shouted.
"Then before Ты tell her , gain her trust. To be honest, I don't care how Ты do it. Just tell her!"


Chapter 1:New Student (in Elena's point of view)
"Oh my god! Elena did Ты hear we are going to have a new student coming today? Only one student can Показать him around, I wonder if it's going to be me? I hope he is cute!" Selena shouted to Elena.




 MattxAliceNine posted Больше года
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Письмо Ответы

StarWarsFan7 said:
Yeah! But in the prologue, I didn't really understand who was talking. Was it a man, woman? What are they searching for? Who are they talking about?

Just fix those things and it would be awesome!
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posted Больше года 
*
In the prologue it is two men. I also rewrite ch.1 trying to clear some things up there to. The porolgue is also еще for suspence.
MattxAliceNine posted Больше года
2dolphn97 said:
i would say some of the tings jump around and i dont understand alot of it but i probly would later so... yeah
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writer67 said:
cool start, without light into a pine forest/ woe awe, breath/dead\alive
threat- of life[imagine placements mirrored]
postman hired to become еще personal
oh mo gosh/gander\gossebumps=oh my dishwasher,omg
remember the ten commandments within everything Ты do,even writing;-]
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gleekout4ever said:
Sounds good.
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