This is a little clip from my story that I just wrote, a little romance i guess. Anyway, I would like some feed back please. But be nice, to be honest, I'm not good with harsh criticizes. I am aware that there might be any spelling/grammar errors, but keep in mind, I'm young and I am working on it!
“Kal!” Bree called down the улица, уличный as Kal rushed away. The rain fell hard, soaking her in less then a minuet, but she did not have time to worry about the rain. As soon as she saw that Kal was not going to turn around, she bolted into a sprint. He may be a Healer, but she was much faster then him. Kal’s body tensed as Bree gained on him. It took a few seconds, but he finally slowed into a stop.
But Bree did not want to speak first, she stared at him, but he would not allow their eyes to meet. She did not understand, they worked so hard to train her for the final battle, and now he was running away, ready to face it himself. That was unacceptable, he new damn well that Bree was to finish it. She had her full powers, and she could find the inner strength to control him, which was why he ran, but she never would. She knew all to well what it was life to live without free will, she was not going to take it away because things were not going her way.
Yet, he was insane to think she would become a power freak monster, he knew her better then anyone else.
“Bree?” Kal сказал(-а) after what seemed like years. “I’m sorry,”
“Kal, I’m not going to hurt you,” He was still not looking at her, his eye were to the ground watching the rain splash on the ground. Both of there hair was wet and dripping, all Bree wanted to do was go inside, but she did not want to force Kal into anything.
“That’s not why I’m running,” Confusion covered Bree’s face, if that was not the reason then why did he bolt when she protested. “I – I can’t be around Ты anymore, I can’t force Ты to run, but I’m not going to watch Ты die.”
“Kal I don’t understand you!” She did not mean to yell, but it was to late and she had repressed rage that was now being unleashed. “I thought this is what Ты wanted? I know what I have sighed up for, and believe me, I’m okay with dying.”
“But I’m not! I don’t want Ты to die, I have a feeling,” He paused, and took a deep breath, and then he lifted his head. As their eyes met, Bree’s breath was stolen from her; there was something dark about them, something that was never there before. “Things are not as they seem. Something is wrong, and not with the demons … with my fellow brothers.”
Bree stepped forward, he was a few inched taller then him, she looked up at him as he looked down, the darkness in his eyes had faded but there was a tint of it still there. It frightened her, what little evil lurked inside him could blossom bigger at any time. “I know that, we have know that for a long time,”
Water welled up in Kal’s eye, which washed the darkness away, for now. “I – I don’t want Ты to get hurt. All I have done since I have met Ты was protect you. And – “ A tear fell from his eye and ran down his cheek, “knowing that I might not be able to save you,” he shook his head, “I can’t do it.”
Carefully, Bree lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek, with her thumb she whipped his tear away, “Kal, I’m not a little girl that needs protecting,” she smiled at him a little, “But I want Ты at my side, hell, I need Ты with me. You’re my lucky charm!” Kal smiled at that remark. Then his face went serious as he stared deeply at her face, studying it. Their eyes were locked, and Kal did his creepy, thing where once your locked in his eyes, Ты can’t move.
“Don’t move” He whispered, еще tears had fallen down his face, but he did not bother to whip them away. He slowly leaned down and brushed Bree’s lips with his own. He heisted then pushed his lips against hers, At first Bree was shocked, what had brought this on, but she let her mind go blank and deepened the kiss. His face was wet from both his tears and the rain, which had lightened to a sprinkle, but no one cared to notice.
Kal was the one who pulled away, he smiled at her; Bree loved seeing him smiled; he never did it enough. “I’m sorry,” He сказал(-а) but Bree just shook her head. Kissed in the rain, every girls dream.
So What Ты think? I'd really appreciated it if Ты прокомментировал(-а) it.
Please and Thank you!