He loved her. That much he knew. That much he was sure about. But really, it was the only thing he was sure about. Of course, if he had to be sure about one thing, he was happy it was that. The only problem was that there was so much to be unsure about. She сказал(-а) she would always Любовь him. And he believed that. He knew she’d Любовь him forever to some degree. It just probably wasn’t the degree he’d like.
They’d had something great. They talked continuously. Text messages, late-night phone calls, and weekly trips to her house kept them constantly in contact. They talked about everything except the weather; she hated it when he’d try to avoid a real conversation by talking about the weather. But it was еще than just the talking. They understood each other. They knew how to pick each other up. And they needed to be picked up еще than either of them cared to admit. She cried every night when he would try to hang up. She got jealous over his former crushes. She always thought excessively about the stupid things he’d say. Sometimes he thought it was too much for him. But he never went away mad. He always apologized and did everything he could to make it better.
He was selfless with her. He never really knew why. He always put her happiness above his own. And that’s why he was in the position he was now. He knew he could never give her a normal life. The life she had always dreamed about. The life she deserved. He knew it. And that’s why he let her go. He let her walk away. He still didn’t know how he’d managed to do it. He just chalked it up to the hope. The hope that one day, just maybe, she’d find her way back to him. The hope that she’d see that she gave up the best thing that she’d ever have and that no one would ever be able to Любовь her like he did. He still held onto that hope. Because it was all he had.
He sat there now, alone in his room, thinking about that last night. The night he let her go. It started out like every other time he’d been there. They went up to her room and talked for a while as he held her. He loved to hold her. She felt so right in his arms, and he felt like he could take on the world with her there. All his worries and troubles faded away when his arms were wrapped around her and he held her close to him. He never wanted to let go. He wanted time to stop right there. But it didn’t. Pretty soon they were talking about the future. He never liked that. He knew the chances were slim that he could be a part of hers, as a friend или otherwise. Because truth be told, he didn’t know if he could handle just being her friend. But if that was what she wanted, he would find a way to do it. All he wanted was to make her happy.
Making her happy, though, turned out to be the toughest thing he’d ever had to do. She cried into his shoulder as she broke his heart. And even as the words were cutting him like switchblades, all he wanted to do was stop her tears. But that only made her cry more. She kept saying he was too good for her, that he was perfect, and it made him crazy. How could she give him up if she thought that? He didn’t ask. He didn’t need to. He knew it was the right thing for her to do. At least right now. If it was really meant to be, she’d come back. She’d figure it out. She was a smart girl. That was one of the millions of things he loved about her.
Looking back on it now, the bad thoughts started to creep in. The thoughts that maybe she’d never come back. The thoughts that he should have fought harder, should have been a little selfish for once. Maybe he could have changed her mind. But he pushed those thoughts away. He had no use for regrets. Regretting something doesn’t change what Ты did. What he did…
He let his mind drift back to that night again. He had kept on holding her, just as tight as he had before, if not tighter. And he stared out the window. It had been raining. That thought brought a bit of a smile to his face. He hated the rain until she came along. But as with everything else, she had changed him. She made him see how peaceful it was, how soothing and cleansing. He loved it now. And every time it rained, he could feel her again. She was right there in his arms just like that night. It was the last time he had her in his arms. He had held her in silence for a long time after she told him what he always knew she would. Part of him thought that if he just didn’t let go then it didn’t have to happen. Like she had so many times before, she asked what he was thinking. He simply shook his head. He couldn’t put into words what he was feeling, so he just held on tighter. She looked up at him and brought her gentle hand to his face. Then she kissed him softly and he felt the tears come to his eyes.
“I’ll always Любовь you. Ты know that, right?” she’d said.
“Yeah…I know”
And with one last sweet kiss, they got up. The rain had stopped and he stood with her outside the front door trying to figure out how to say goodbye. He lifted his head, his sorrowful eyes looking right into hers. And he smiled. It was a sad, tired smile, but a smile nonetheless, and it melted her heart. He kissed her one last time, a long kiss, made to make her feel how much he loved her and that he wasn’t mad at her. He could never be mad at her. He took her by the hand and kissed it as well. Then he looked back into her eyes and uttered the most heartfelt words he could find.
“I’ll always wait for you. Just in case.”
He saw her still, from time to time. A few times it was in person, but mostly she found her way into his dreams. They still talked occasionally as well, when she was having a particularly bad день and needed his understanding ear. It made him happy to hear her voice. And his dwindling hope was restored each time that happened.
He loved her. That much he knew. That much he was sure about. He wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back to him. But if she did, he’d be there. Waiting. Just in case.
They’d had something great. They talked continuously. Text messages, late-night phone calls, and weekly trips to her house kept them constantly in contact. They talked about everything except the weather; she hated it when he’d try to avoid a real conversation by talking about the weather. But it was еще than just the talking. They understood each other. They knew how to pick each other up. And they needed to be picked up еще than either of them cared to admit. She cried every night when he would try to hang up. She got jealous over his former crushes. She always thought excessively about the stupid things he’d say. Sometimes he thought it was too much for him. But he never went away mad. He always apologized and did everything he could to make it better.
He was selfless with her. He never really knew why. He always put her happiness above his own. And that’s why he was in the position he was now. He knew he could never give her a normal life. The life she had always dreamed about. The life she deserved. He knew it. And that’s why he let her go. He let her walk away. He still didn’t know how he’d managed to do it. He just chalked it up to the hope. The hope that one day, just maybe, she’d find her way back to him. The hope that she’d see that she gave up the best thing that she’d ever have and that no one would ever be able to Любовь her like he did. He still held onto that hope. Because it was all he had.
He sat there now, alone in his room, thinking about that last night. The night he let her go. It started out like every other time he’d been there. They went up to her room and talked for a while as he held her. He loved to hold her. She felt so right in his arms, and he felt like he could take on the world with her there. All his worries and troubles faded away when his arms were wrapped around her and he held her close to him. He never wanted to let go. He wanted time to stop right there. But it didn’t. Pretty soon they were talking about the future. He never liked that. He knew the chances were slim that he could be a part of hers, as a friend или otherwise. Because truth be told, he didn’t know if he could handle just being her friend. But if that was what she wanted, he would find a way to do it. All he wanted was to make her happy.
Making her happy, though, turned out to be the toughest thing he’d ever had to do. She cried into his shoulder as she broke his heart. And even as the words were cutting him like switchblades, all he wanted to do was stop her tears. But that only made her cry more. She kept saying he was too good for her, that he was perfect, and it made him crazy. How could she give him up if she thought that? He didn’t ask. He didn’t need to. He knew it was the right thing for her to do. At least right now. If it was really meant to be, she’d come back. She’d figure it out. She was a smart girl. That was one of the millions of things he loved about her.
Looking back on it now, the bad thoughts started to creep in. The thoughts that maybe she’d never come back. The thoughts that he should have fought harder, should have been a little selfish for once. Maybe he could have changed her mind. But he pushed those thoughts away. He had no use for regrets. Regretting something doesn’t change what Ты did. What he did…
He let his mind drift back to that night again. He had kept on holding her, just as tight as he had before, if not tighter. And he stared out the window. It had been raining. That thought brought a bit of a smile to his face. He hated the rain until she came along. But as with everything else, she had changed him. She made him see how peaceful it was, how soothing and cleansing. He loved it now. And every time it rained, he could feel her again. She was right there in his arms just like that night. It was the last time he had her in his arms. He had held her in silence for a long time after she told him what he always knew she would. Part of him thought that if he just didn’t let go then it didn’t have to happen. Like she had so many times before, she asked what he was thinking. He simply shook his head. He couldn’t put into words what he was feeling, so he just held on tighter. She looked up at him and brought her gentle hand to his face. Then she kissed him softly and he felt the tears come to his eyes.
“I’ll always Любовь you. Ты know that, right?” she’d said.
“Yeah…I know”
And with one last sweet kiss, they got up. The rain had stopped and he stood with her outside the front door trying to figure out how to say goodbye. He lifted his head, his sorrowful eyes looking right into hers. And he smiled. It was a sad, tired smile, but a smile nonetheless, and it melted her heart. He kissed her one last time, a long kiss, made to make her feel how much he loved her and that he wasn’t mad at her. He could never be mad at her. He took her by the hand and kissed it as well. Then he looked back into her eyes and uttered the most heartfelt words he could find.
“I’ll always wait for you. Just in case.”
He saw her still, from time to time. A few times it was in person, but mostly she found her way into his dreams. They still talked occasionally as well, when she was having a particularly bad день and needed his understanding ear. It made him happy to hear her voice. And his dwindling hope was restored each time that happened.
He loved her. That much he knew. That much he was sure about. He wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back to him. But if she did, he’d be there. Waiting. Just in case.
