For those of Ты who didn't see my pick, I'm trying to decide whether I should reveal at the beginning of my book, that a main character is going to die at the end. These are three versions of opening paragraphs that I've written. If there's one that Ты like the best, let me know in the Комментарии или in the pick.
1. This one gives away the most information, including when she dies and how she's killed:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that on October 22, 2009, sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, huddled together with my colleagues for warmth, my life would be changed forever. I had no idea that every день after that day, image of a halo of blood, an arc of red hair strewn about, around the freckled face of someone I had long regarded as almost a sibling, would be the first thing I saw every morning after I woke up, and the last I saw every night before I went to sleep. I had no idea, that for the rest of my life after that day, for the rest of my life, the sound of a single shot would ring in my head. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to lose a sister.
2. This one is a happy middle ground, it hints at the fact that someone dies but doesn't say who:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that after that fateful Tuesday evening, a series of Обои would flash in front of my eyes every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep: a drying pool of blood, a halo of tousled hair partially obstructing a pale and Холодное сердце face, a look of anger and terror forever captured in dark, lifeless eyes. I had no idea that sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, my life would be changed forever with a single sound, a loud pop. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to cry until Ты had no tears left.
3. This one gives away almost no information:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill that my life would be changed forever in a single instant, sitting against the shelves in the walk-in refrigerator, a loud sound echoing through the store. I had no idea that something Ты heard only for a second, could ring in your ears for weeks. I had no idea what it was like to lose what mattered the most.
If there are certain elements, stylistic или otherwise that Ты really like in a particular one, but Ты don't think that one as a whole is the best, let me know. I'm flexible. I'm open to making changes
If Ты want еще background about what the story's about, it's on link, fifth Комментарий down
link
1. This one gives away the most information, including when she dies and how she's killed:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that on October 22, 2009, sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, huddled together with my colleagues for warmth, my life would be changed forever. I had no idea that every день after that day, image of a halo of blood, an arc of red hair strewn about, around the freckled face of someone I had long regarded as almost a sibling, would be the first thing I saw every morning after I woke up, and the last I saw every night before I went to sleep. I had no idea, that for the rest of my life after that day, for the rest of my life, the sound of a single shot would ring in my head. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to lose a sister.
2. This one is a happy middle ground, it hints at the fact that someone dies but doesn't say who:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that after that fateful Tuesday evening, a series of Обои would flash in front of my eyes every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep: a drying pool of blood, a halo of tousled hair partially obstructing a pale and Холодное сердце face, a look of anger and terror forever captured in dark, lifeless eyes. I had no idea that sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, my life would be changed forever with a single sound, a loud pop. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to cry until Ты had no tears left.
3. This one gives away almost no information:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill that my life would be changed forever in a single instant, sitting against the shelves in the walk-in refrigerator, a loud sound echoing through the store. I had no idea that something Ты heard only for a second, could ring in your ears for weeks. I had no idea what it was like to lose what mattered the most.
If there are certain elements, stylistic или otherwise that Ты really like in a particular one, but Ты don't think that one as a whole is the best, let me know. I'm flexible. I'm open to making changes
If Ты want еще background about what the story's about, it's on link, fifth Комментарий down
link
Give away to the morning
Light is here
Look away from the mourning
Is she gone, is she still...?
And let the день go ahead
Without you
Find a place, a dark space
To hide you
What’s a day, a sunny day
To you?
Fade away, let the your rainclouds
Guide you
There goes the downpour
Long gone your hello...
Find it in you
To make that last stand
It’s a silent drive
It’s her very last one.
Here come the clear skies
There goes your fare well...
Light is here
Look away from the mourning
Is she gone, is she still...?
And let the день go ahead
Without you
Find a place, a dark space
To hide you
What’s a day, a sunny day
To you?
Fade away, let the your rainclouds
Guide you
There goes the downpour
Long gone your hello...
Find it in you
To make that last stand
It’s a silent drive
It’s her very last one.
Here come the clear skies
There goes your fare well...