January, 22, 2010,
I was in Frank's car and we were on our way to the release party/CD signing because my album "Legacy" was released this morning. I looked out the window and then back at Frank as I сказал(-а) "these crowds of Фаны just keep getting bigger and bigger!" The line of Фаны stretched all the way around the Dunkin' Пончики Далее to the Музыка store where the CD signing is being held. Frank got a worried on his face and I unbuckled my seatbelt.
There were some poorly built metal gates that separated the main entrance to the store and the fans. I walked alongside Frank as we made our way down the path to the front doors. I stepped a little closer to the gate so I could wave to the fans. Before I could walk away, one of the 13-year-old girls grabbed the strings on my фуфайка, толстовки and tried to pull me closer. A teenage boy grabbed my arm and yanked me over the вверх of the gate. Frank obviously didn't notice as he continued to walk up to the doorway. I screamed "FRANK" at the вверх of my lungs. He turned around to see me lying on the ground having everything ripped away from me by the crazed fans!
Frank literally had to pick me up and свинг, качели me over his shoulder. He carried me inside to a back room of the store where they put all the extra inventory. He put me down and looked at me as I stood there with giant rips in my sweatshirt! He asked "ARE Ты OKAY?" I сказал(-а) with a shaking voice "I think so! I've never seen people like that before; they are like savage animals! I think one of them ripped off one of the ремень, пояс, пояса loops on my pants!" He took a sigh of relief and asked "are Ты sure you're okay?" I сказал(-а) as my hands shook "yeah, it just freaked me out!" He сказал(-а) "I didn't think Ты were at the point that Ты needed to travel with security guards; I guess I was wrong! I was going to wait until a few days before Ты go on tour to Поиск for a bodyguard but; I'm going to have to Переместить that up a little bit! Do Ты think you're okay enough to go through with the CD signing?" I сказал(-а) "of course, I'm not going to let down all those Фаны out there!"
I took off my фуфайка, толстовки revealing my plain white T-shirt and followed Frank down the hallway. As we got closer to the main room, the two of us heard the Фаны chanting "ALANNA, ALANNA, ALANNA!!!" I сказал(-а) "it's so weird hearing that because for years I was used to hearing people chanting dad's name!" He сказал(-а) "this is just the beginning kid! Ты better get ready for your tour because that's going to be 10 times worse; I promise Ты that!"
I walked into the room and thousands of Фаны were waiting in a LONG line. I sat down at the таблица in the front of the room with a backdrop of my "legacy" album cover behind me. The store security guided Фаны through the line just long enough for me to sign their CD. After about four hours, everyone had had their CDs autographed and it was time to clear the store of customers so we could start the release party.
After waiting around for about an час and playing with an application on my cell phone while the staff members set up for the party; people started to arrive. The first people to come were some of my family members, Prince, Paris, Blanket, my Aunt Latoya and grandma. They walked up to me and Prince sat down in the chair nearest to me. I looked up from my phone and asked "where's my uncles?" Aunt Latoya сказал(-а) "they сказал(-а) that they were too busy to come!" I сказал(-а) "seriously, all they ever do is sit around and they couldn't come for three hours to support my new album being released?"
Then a whole crowd of Знаменитости walked into the room and I think that's what I realized that I was one of those celebrities. Paris was definitely taking advantage of the opportunity to hang out with some of her role Модели like the Jonas Brothers. As I was talking to Adam Sandler I felt someone tap my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. I was shocked to see Damien's mother Kate standing there. I hugged her with a smile on my face and asked "what are Ты doing here? I didn't expect to see you!" She motioned for me to follow her outside because the Музыка was so loud indoors.
We walked outside and the two of us sat down on the curb. She сказал(-а) "I had come down here to Показать my support! I listened to the album the whole ride down here and it's amazing; especially man in the mirror!" I сказал(-а) "thanks for the compliment; did Ты see Carter yet?" She сказал(-а) "yeah, he was sitting on Prince's lap and eating some potato chips off of his plate. Oh my gosh; he's getting so big!" I сказал(-а) "I know, he's walking and talking now!" She сказал(-а) "Damien told me that he came down here around Carter's birthday; how did that go?" I was debating in my mind whether или not to tell her how it actually went but, I сказал(-а) "it was okay; I wasn't expecting it but it was okay."
I took a deep breath as I adjusted my backwards facing hat and сказал(-а) "so… I heard he has a girlfriend!" She сказал(-а) "yeah he does and he lives with her in her parent’s basement." I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he's living in some dusty old basement and I asked "what's her name?" She сказал(-а) "Amber I think." I looked at her confused and asked "you're not sure what her name is? Haven't Ты met her?" Kate сказал(-а) "yeah I met her; she seems kind of snobby if Ты ask me! I think her parents probably spoil her! Damien tried to convince me to let the two of them Переместить into my house and I told him that he needs to start growing up and being there for the baby! Did he spend time with Carter when he came to your grandmother's house?" I сказал(-а) "I tried to get him to but, he doesn't really want to interact with him!" She сказал(-а) "I hate to say this about my own son but, I don't think you're ever going to get through to him AJ; he's a Остаться в живых cause! I wouldn't waste your time on trying to fix him because I've tried and it doesn't seem to work! He's just in his own little world where he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything that he does; he's immature and that's all there is to it!"
I saw someone walking towards the building and сказал(-а) "oh my gosh, I think that's Jesse McCartney!" I started blushing and Kate clutched her side in laughter as she squeezed out the words "I don't think I've ever seen Ты blush before! Ты really think he's that cute?" As he got closer I whispered "not cute but damn sexy!" She started laughing hysterically as he was just a few feet away from us. Jesse walked up to me and hugged me as he сказал(-а) "longtime no see! I haven't seen Ты since Ты went to my tour in 2005!" I сказал(-а) while trying to play it cool "yeah, I Любовь your new album! It's in my truck right now!" He сказал(-а) "I can't stay too long but I just wanted to stop by and congratulate Ты on your first album!" I сказал(-а) "that means a lot coming from you; thanks!" He сказал(-а) "no problem" and turned to go back the way he came. As he walked away, Kate сказал(-а) something but I wasn't paying attention. She snapped me out of it and asked "will Ты stop checking out his butt?" I сказал(-а) as I blushed "sorry, I can't help it! He's just so perfect looking!"
January 31, 2010,
Frank had gone to go pick up my new tour bus while I spent an час with my family before we left to go make our way to the first концерт on my "Legacy" tour; which is in Maine. I was helping Blanket with a videogame while Carter sat on my lap. I asked as I quickly glanced over at Prince "you haven't сказал(-а) much today; that's not like you! What's on your mind?" He stood up and сказал(-а) arrogantly "like Ты care anyway!" He stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him and I looked at grandma confused. I took Carter off my lap and passed the PlayStation controller to Blanket. Grandma сказал(-а) "I wonder what's got into Prince!" I grabbed my truck keys off the counter in the кухня and сказал(-а) "I don't know but, I'm going to find out!" She asked "do Ты need help finding him?" I сказал(-а) as I opened the front door "no, I have a pretty good idea of where he is!"
After driving around for 15 минуты yelling his name out the window, I spotted Prince sitting down in front of the Lake. I pulled the truck in and сказал(-а) as he turned around to look at me "I figured Ты might be here!" I shut the truck off and hopped out. I walked up to him and sat down in the grass. I asked "what's going on with you? What was that whole thing back at the house about?" He сказал(-а) something that I definitely wasn't expecting to hear "I don't want Ты to leave!" I сказал(-а) "I thought Ты would be excited that I'm going to be gone pretty much nonstop for eight months! Ты and I are always arguing about something so, I figured Ты would be excited to have a break from me!" He сказал(-а) "I was… Until today because it's finally hitting me that you're going to be gone for a while!" I сказал(-а) "you know that if Ты ever need to talk all Ты have to do is call my cell phone! The only time that I won't pick up is if I'm on stage but, I'll always return your calls afterwards. He сказал(-а) "it's not that, it's just that when you're here in makes me remember what it's like to have dad around again! I just keep picturing him lying on the ground and me knowing that he was already gone!"
I сказал(-а) as I put my arm around him "I know how Ты feel because the same thing happens to me all the time! Ты just have to remember the good times we had with dad when he was here!" Prince сказал(-а) "I just don't want to forget those memories because that's all we really have left of him now!" I asked as I started laughing "remember that time at Neverland when Ты and I decided to have a submarine adventure in the bathtub when I was six and Ты were three?" Prince сказал(-а) with a smile on his face "oh yeah, dad went to go get our towels and the two of us flooded the whole bathroom in a matter of minutes!" I laughed as I asked "remember, dad came back in with the towels and was slipping all over the place because of all the water and soap we got on the floor?" He сказал(-а) as he started to laugh "yeah, daddy was so frustrated with us because he had to spend hours mopping up the water that was 3 inches high!" I сказал(-а) "I don't think he ever left us alone to go get something ever again after that!"
Prince сказал(-а) "then there was that time when Ты and I were fighting all день and he tied the two of us together so we would have to get along? I сказал(-а) "yeah; I remember how much I hated Ты that день because Ты didn't want to do anything that I wanted to! What about the sleepover's you, dad, and I used to have together right after Paris was born!" Prince сказал(-а) "I remember that! We would watch cable или Фильмы and drink Шоколад milk!" Prince squinted his eyes and started laughing with an evil tone. He looked at me with a mischievous look on his face and I asked "what?" He сказал(-а) "now I remember! One time when you, dad, and I had fallen asleep watching a movie, Ты had had four glasses of Шоколад молоко and when we had gotten up the Далее morning Ты had wet dad's bed!!!" I got defensive and сказал(-а) "I did not; you're imagining things!" He laughed and сказал(-а) "no, no I'm not! I remember cause Ты сказал(-а) 'I'm sorry daddy! I didn't mean to!' Then I remembered dad saying 'it's no big deal! It happens sometimes! I'm not mad at you!' The Далее time he didn't let Ты drink anything!" The memories came flooding back to me and I сказал(-а) trying to change the subject "alright, let's go Главная and see my tour bus!”
Prince teased "okay, whatever Ты say tomboy tinkler!!!" I playfully threatened as we climbed into the front сиденье, место, сиденья of my truck "you better not tell anyone about that Шоколад молоко incident! What do Ты expect? I was only five years old when that happened!" He didn't give me an answer as he stared down at my truck keys. He asked "how come Ты have three keys? What are the other two for?" I сказал(-а) "I've been trying to figure that out since I got the truck! Nobody else knows what they're for either! I've tried them in every lock I own but neither of them works! At this point, I really don't think they belong to anything! I just think they are fake and just pretend!"
I pulled into the driveway at Havenhurst and caught my first glimpse of my tour bus. I opened my truck door and ran towards the bus. Blanket, Paris, Carter, and grandma stood outside and I сказал(-а) "wow the outside of the tour bus looks awesome!" I stared at the giant decal of what appeared to be dad's hand passing my hand his signature sequin glove; with the words "Alanna Jackson Legacy tour" written underneath it in Золото lettering. Grandma started crying and сказал(-а) "the image is so symbolic! In a way when your dad signed Ты to his record label he pretty much did pass that перчатка, перчатки onto you!" I сказал(-а) "I never thought about it like that before. Please don't start crying; at least not yet because I don't have to leave for another 15 minutes!"
All of us walked onto the bus and I was starstruck! Prince сказал(-а) "wow, this is crazy!" I looked around and there was a leather диван, мягкий уголок with a huge flatscreen TV and an Xbox 360 mounted on the table. I walked towards the back of the bus and there was a pretty good-sized room with a full-size bed. Then there were four bunkbeds that could be folded up to reveal еще living space. I went back into the room with the full-sized постель, кровати and noticed the medium-sized bathroom. Frank сказал(-а) "I don't mean to glorify myself but, I think I did a pretty good job picking out this tour bus as your Главная away from home!" I сказал(-а) "that's an understatement!"
Frank looked at his watch and сказал(-а) "I hate to tear Ты away from your family AJ but, we have to get going because we have to pick up your new bodyguard in 10 minutes!" I sighed and сказал(-а) "this is so bittersweet because on one hand I'm getting to live out my childhood dream and on the other hand I don't want to leave Ты guys behind; especially Carter!" Prince hugged me and сказал(-а) "I'm going to miss you! Ты better come back and visit as often as Ты can!" I сказал(-а) "of course I will!" Paris сказал(-а) "you better prepare yourself because now that I have a cell phone I'm going to text Ты a lot!" I hugged her and сказал(-а) "I'm looking вперед to it!" I looked down and Blanket and he started crying. I picked him up so his legs were wrapped around my waist and asked "what's wrong?" He сказал(-а) as he cried into my shoulder "I don't want Ты to go! Eight months is too long!" I сказал(-а) "I'll see Ты as much as I can during those eight months!" He сказал(-а) "I know but, it's not the same as having Ты here every day!" I сказал(-а) "I'll be back before Ты know it! My Los Angeles Показать is in two months and I'm going to stay here the night after the show! I kissed the вверх of his head and put him down. I looked over at grandma who was visibly upset and I сказал(-а) "I'll be back; I Любовь you!" She сказал(-а) as she hugged me "I Любовь Ты too! Please be безопасно, сейф AJ!" I сказал(-а) "I will; I promise!" I looked at Carter with a halfhearted smile on my face and сказал(-а) "here comes the hardest part! I took Carter out of grandma's arms and сказал(-а) "I Любовь Ты Carter! I'm going to miss you!" I don't think he knew how long I was going to be gone for because he's only 14 months old! I сказал(-а) as I kissed him "be good okay?" I passed him back to grandma and Frank сказал(-а) "okay, we'll see Ты guys in April!" All of them walked off the bus and I stared out the window as the bus driver drove away.
February 1, 2010,
I woke up in my room inside the tour bus and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was 7 AM. I didn't technically have to be up for another two hours because we wouldn't reach Maine until then. I sat up on the edge of my постель, кровати and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and looked in the mirror at my blonde hair that was sticking up in every direction.
After I took a shower, I walked out into the living room area and sat down on the leather couch. I looked over at Frank to see him lying on one of the twin size bunkbeds with his mouth wide open and snoring. I looked across from me and a tall athletic looking man was sitting down in a chair. I сказал(-а) "you must be my new bodyguard, my name is AJ and I'm sorry I was asleep by the time they picked Ты up; или else I would've introduced myself yesterday." He сказал(-а) "that's no big deal; my name is Jeff." I laughed at Frank's obnoxiously loud snoring and сказал(-а) "it doesn't sound like he's getting up anytime soon! Ты must not have slept really good last night because Ты were in the Далее постель, кровати over from him." Jeff сказал(-а) "it's not that bad as long as Ты put a подушка over your head!"
While the bus driver drove us to the arena, I worked on my homeschooling. If dad didn't make it mandatory for me to finish high school I would've already dropped out by now. Being famous means еще to me right now than being forced to do all this awful history paper work! History has always been my least Избранное subject in school but, ironically it's probably the one that I understand the most! I'm obviously capable of getting all A's on my Сообщить card but, I've fallen so far behind since giving birth to Carter that I'm down to a D-. Looking back at it now, I definitely could've been еще motivated and applied myself!
2 1/2 hours later, we pulled up in front of the Portland Civic Center and I looked out the window at the thousands upon thousands of Фаны that crowded the streets. The Показать doesn't start until seven but some of those Фаны have been waiting a while because they had tents and sleeping bags laid out on the sidewalk. Jeff looked out the window while Frank made a business call in my bedroom. Jeff сказал(-а) "those Фаны must be freezing out there!" I сказал(-а) "we should buy some of them some hot chocolate!" He сказал(-а) "okay" and we walked to the nearby Dunkin' Donuts.
A few минуты later, we walked out carrying a giant container of hot Шоколад and hundreds of Styrofoam cups. Jeff and I went back to the sidewalk where all the Фаны were lined up. I passed out a few cups of hot Шоколад and then the chaos started. Once they realized that it was really me passing out the cups, they started freaking out! Some of them actually started crying and then I felt something touching my feet. I looked down and backed up as a boy attempted to steal my shoelace. I asked "do Ты mind? That is my shoe Ты know! I'm trying to do something nice for Ты guys and Ты just want to rip me to shreds!" Jeff сказал(-а) "hey, what do Ты think you're doing boy? Get away from her shoes!" Jeff gently forced him backwards and I sighed with relief because I knew with Jeff here there wouldn't be a repeat of the CD signing!
As I sat backstage waiting for the opening acts to finish, Frank put his hand on my shoulder and сказал(-а) "get ready for this kid! This is just the beginning and don't forget… Every день creates your history!" Those words stuck to me like glue as I bent down in the stage тостер that's going to shoot me onto the stage for the opening song. The Музыка to "another part of me" paused in suspense as I shot onto the stage. Ты could hear my feet slam on the ground as I landed and stood there in silence. I didn't move, didn't flinch, nothing, as I stood there in a Золото suite like the one my dad wore in his "history" tour. If there's one thing that I was able to pick up from watching my dad perform when I was three years old, it was the power and importance of using suspense to captivate the audience.
I stood there still in silence and waited for a full минута before making a быстрый, стремительный, свифт movement to the rim of my sunglasses. I slowly ran my fingers across the lenses as the crowd exploded into an uproar of screams. I yanked my sunglasses off and the Музыка started playing again.
After a few songs, it was time for a costume change and I rushed backstage dripping with sweat. As the crewmembers helped me quickly and efficiently put on my Далее outfit, Frank сказал(-а) "you're killing it out there kid! They Любовь you!!! I smiled as I drank from a water bottle that was дана to me. I сказал(-а) "I'm happy to be out of that suit because it's really hot!"
Before leaving the stage after I had performed the last song of the show, I started talking to the audience "I want to say thank Ты to all of Ты for coming out to see me perform today! I appreciate all of Ты that slept on the sidewalk days in advance!" I looked up at the ceiling and сказал(-а) "I hope I made Ты proud tonight dad!" I looked back at the audience and сказал(-а) "thank Ты all for coming from the bottom of my heart!" I left the stage and confetti fell from the ceiling onto the thousands of fans.
I walked backstage and sat exhausted on the couch. Before I even have the chance to catch my breath, Frank, Jeff, and the rest of the crew came running over to me. Frank сказал(-а) "that was awesome AJ! Your dad would be so proud of you!" They all showered me with compliments and then I heard my phone ringing. I put it up to my ear and сказал(-а) "hello." Grandma asked excitedly "how did it go?" I сказал(-а) "it was awesome! Now I know what dad was talking about when he сказал(-а) stuff about having an adrenaline rush when Ты go out there!" Prince interrupted "we miss Ты AJ!" I сказал(-а) "I miss Ты guys too! How is my little munchkin doing?" Grandma сказал(-а) "he's doing well; I think he's a bit confused about why you're not here with us." I asked "can I talk to him?" She сказал(-а) sympathetically "I would go get him but, Paris is getting him to fall asleep and if he hears your voice right now he'll be up all night!" I сказал(-а) with disappointment in my voice "okay, I understand. I'll talk to Ты guys tomorrow I guess." I hung up the phone and tossed it down Далее to me on the couch. I didn't like the idea of not being able to talk to Carter. I wasn't mad at my grandmother; I was mad at myself in a way for not being able to call him before his bedtime! This is the longest amount of time that I've spent away from him since he's been born and it's going to take some getting used to!
February, 8, 2010,
Today was my день off and we were in Virginia. We rented a hotel room and I wanted to go get something to snack on. Jeff and I walked into a family-run grocery store and I immediately went for the утиль, барахло, мусор Еда aisles. I picked out everything from gummy bears to cheddar cheese potato chips and followed Jeff safely to the checkout line. There were quite a few people ahead of us so; I decided to look at a magazine that was on the rack Далее to me.
I searched for one and saw something that caught my eye. I picked up the latest issue of "people magazine" and looked at the cover. I couldn't believe it; there right in the center was a huge picture of Prince carrying Carter into Walmart. That part didn't bother me but, then I read the title. It сказал(-а) "which Jackson family member has a secret child? Turn to page 70 to find out!" I frantically flipped through the pages and there was a whole Статья about Carter! I looked at the pictures and they were personal pictures that I had taken of him. I read as I bit my lip angrily:
“I bet you're all wondering who this cute little guy is; well we finally found out! According to Jermaine Jackson, he is surprisingly Michael Jackson's firstborn daughter Alanna Jackson's son Carter Shawn Jackson. I know; that's surprising! Apparently, AJ had Carter in November 2008 when she was only 14 years old. I would've expected better of Michael's extremely sheltered children than to become a teenage mother. Jermaine says that the extended Jackson family has never met the baby's father and he is unsure if AJ still keeps in contact with him. We'll keep Ты Опубликовано about any new information on the baby. In the meantime, Ты can see Alanna Jackson on her 'Legacy’ tour. I wonder who's watching her son while she's traveling?"
I quickly threw the money for the magazine on the counter and dashed to the tour bus that was waiting outside for us. Frank looked at me as I stormed onto the bus and sat down at the table. I dialed uncle Jermaine's phone number and put it up to my ear. He сказал(-а) "hello AJ; it's nice to have Ты call me!" I snapped back "don't bullshit me!" He asked "what's wrong?" I сказал(-а) "what's wrong? What's wrong is that Ты sold a story about Carter to the press! I know Ты did because Ты were the only one that had the Пароль to my computer where they got those pictures I took of him! I can't believe that Ты would sell my sons opportunity to have a normal life! That's so low of Ты and I hate Ты for that! I'll never forgive you! Ты may be able to manipulate grandma into getting what Ты want but, Ты sure as hell aren't going to do it to me! Are Ты that desperate for attention? Go to hell; Ты jerk!"
I hung up the phone as Frank sat there shaking his head in disbelief. I ripped the magazine and half and stomped on it. Jeff сказал(-а) "I can't believe your uncle would do that to Carter! Now for the rest of Carter's life the press will be all over him!" I сказал(-а) "I was planning to raise Carter as normal as possible but I guess that's not going to happen now! What a lot of people don't know is that half of my family is money hungry, egocentric, asses and the other half are loving, selfless, genuine people! The messed up thing is that he doesn't even care if he destroys Carter's chances of having a normal life! The only thing he cares about is the 20 grand that he got for selling the story to the press! All my uncles were always hitting dad up for cash and I'm not about to let that happen with me! Frank, I don't trust any of my extended family with the money that I've been sending to buy Еда and diapers for Carter! From now on, I'm going to physically buy that stuff myself and mail it to them because I have a feeling the money is not going where I intend it to go! Grandma is too easily manipulated by my uncles for money and I think she's giving them the money I've been sending to put towards Carter! My family is so dysfunctional it's ridiculous!"
February 9, 2010,
I was sitting backstage after performing and thinking. Frank сказал(-а) "okay kid; we can go back to the hotel room I rented for the night.” My bodyguard Jeff got up from the chair he was sitting in and followed me to the back door of the концерт arena. He opened the door and I definitely wasn't prepared for what was on the other side. 30 paparazzi people immediately crowded me and started asking questions. "AJ, do Ты miss your son? Are Ты still in a relationship with Carter's father? When will Ты be going back to the Havenhurst compound to see the baby?" I was blinded by all the flashing from their cameras as Jeff gently pushed me onto the tour bus.
Once we arrived at the hotel, Jeff, Frank, and I each went to our own hotel rooms. I sat down on the постель, кровати and took out my cell phone. I dialed Paris's number and waited for her to pick up. She сказал(-а) "hi AJ how was your концерт tonight?" I сказал(-а) "it went okay; is Carter still awake?" She сказал(-а) "yeah, he eating SpaghettiOs but; I'll put the phone on speaker so Ты can talk to him." Paris сказал(-а) "mommy's on the phone Carter!" I smiled as I heard Carter сказал(-а) "hi mommy!" I сказал(-а) "I miss Ты buddy!" Paris coached "say I miss Ты too!" I laughed at his attempt to copy her because it sounded nothing like what she said. Paris сказал(-а) "he's so cute; he's always asking 'mommy come Главная today? Mommy went bye-bye?'" I сказал(-а) "oh, that's adorable! I miss him so much! Okay, I'm going to go to постель, кровати now before I get too sad! I Любовь Ты guys and I'll call Ты tomorrow!"
March 3, 2010,
Frank, Jeff, and I walked into Tiger beat magazine headquarters and were greeted by a photographer. There were racks of clothes and baseball Трофеи on a nearby table. The photographer asked "are Ты excited to be in the magazine again?" I сказал(-а) "yeah; I can't believe that kids actually want to hang posters of me up in their rooms!"
By now, I was so used to фото shoots because pretty much every teen magazine has me right in the center of their cover; usually right Далее to Justin Bieber. The good thing about being a female artist is that I don't really see him as a threat because males have a whole different game plan and appeal. Whereas with me, I opened up the idea in today's culture that being a tomboy is just as good as being feminine!
After posing for hundreds of different possible posters, I signed some of the Обои so they could be photocopied and blown up into poster sized. The magazine also had me autograph a few copies of my CD so they could use them as part of some of their monthly contests.
April 29, 2010,
I'm in Los Angeles and I just finished my concert. I jumped into the back сиденье, место, сиденья of the car that was waiting for Jeff, Frank, and I. We drove to Havenhurst and Frank сказал(-а) "I'm not going to go in! I hope Ты have fun with your family during your break! We'll be back to pick Ты up in a week!" I waved goodbye and ran down the driveway as fast as I possibly could.
I swung open the front door and casually walked into the living room waiting for my family to notice me. After five minutes, Prince looked up from the TV and shouted "AJ; your back!" Blanket ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I kissed the вверх of his head. He squeezed me and сказал(-а) "I missed Ты so much!" I сказал(-а) "I missed Ты too!" Grandma asked as she hugged me "how long are Ты back for?" I сказал(-а) "only for a week but; I'm going to make the best of it! Where are Carter and Paris?" Prince сказал(-а) as he hugged me "Paris was giving him a bath last time I checked."
I ran upstairs and looked in the bathroom but nobody was there. I walked into my room to find Paris carrying Carter who was wrapped in a blue towel. Paris hugged me and сказал(-а) "I'm so glad you're back! I was just about to get him ready for bed." I playfully shoved her out of the room and сказал(-а) "don't worry about it; I'm back now! That's my job!"
I walked over to the постель, кровати where Carter sat still wrapped up in the towel and shivering. He smiled and сказал(-а) "mommy come home!" I smiled and сказал(-а) as I started to get him dressed "I missed my munchkin so much!" I sat down on the постель, кровати Далее to him as he flopped down on a pillow. I playfully put my hand up in the air and imitated a claw as I сказал(-а) "oh no; do Ты know what this means?" He smiled and I noticed that all his baby teeth had finally come through. I сказал(-а) "the tickle monster is going get you!"
As I tickled his stomach, he laughed innocently as he looked up at me. I stopped so he could catch his breath and he climbed onto the подушка Далее to me. He сказал(-а) "I need ba-ba!" I got off the постель, кровати and passed him the baby bottle that was on the nightstand. I shut off the light and put the TV on SpongeBob SquarePants. He rested his head on my shoulder and I kissed his forehead. There was a moment of silence as he looked up at me and сказал(-а) something that warmed my heart. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and asked "mommy?" I asked "huh?" He brushed my cheek with his tiny hand and сказал(-а) "mommy, I Любовь you!"
I looked at him in the eyes and сказал(-а) "I Любовь Ты еще Carter!" The way he сказал(-а) that being only almost 18 months old made me want to cry! I could tell that he missed me just as much as I missed him! It's going to be so much harder to leave him at the end of this week!
April 30, 2010,
I walked through the door with Carter in my arms after taking him to the store to run a few errands. I noticed that there was someone sitting on the диван, мягкий уголок Далее to grandma as I looked at the back of their heads. I put Carter down and he ran into the play room. Grandma turned around and сказал(-а) "it's good that you're back because I want to sort of introduce Ты to someone!"
I sat down on the диван, мягкий уголок and сказал(-а) as I looked at the blonde haired woman sitting Далее to grandma "Debbie; is that you?" She shook her head in agreement and I asked curious "what are Ты doing here?" Grandma asked "you know how Prince and Paris have already met your mother?" I сказал(-а) "yeah but; what does that have to do with Debbie?" Debbie smiled and сказал(-а) "it's nice to officially meet my daughter for the first time!" I asked "what do Ты mean your daughter?" She smiled and сказал(-а) "I'm your mother AJ!
I sat there stunned for about three минуты then I said" wait… You're…" Before my mind could process what I just heard, I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. Debbie followed me and сказал(-а) "Alanna; just let me talk to you!" I tried to get away from her unsuccessfully as I tripped on my shoe and fell to the ground. She put out her hand so she could help me up but I just looked at her and pushed myself off the ground. She grabbed my sleeve stopping me from running away and forced me to sit down on a bench.
Debbie сказал(-а) "I want to know what you're thinking?" I asked irritated "you really want to know what I'm thinking? Okay; I'll tell you! I'm thinking that I hate you! I'm a mother now and I don't understand how Ты could just leave all three of us and never see us again! I haven't seen Ты since early 1999! I know that I could never leave Carter for that long!" She сказал(-а) "it wasn't meant to be the typical mom and dad relationship! Your father and I never wanted it to be like that!" I сказал(-а) "I don't understand why Ты didn't want visitation with us!" She сказал(-а) "I wanted your father to get the chance to be a dad! Ты guys were my gift to him! It wasn't my job to raise you!" I сказал(-а) angrily "it would've been nice to have known Ты were my mother this entire time! Do Ты know how difficult it was for me growing up without a mom around?" She asked "in what way?" I сказал(-а) "it was extremely awkward for me when I had to say 'ummm dad; I think I'm having my first period!' Then have him run to the store to get tampons!" She looked down feeling guilty and сказал(-а) "I wasn't thinking about that kind of stuff when I decided not to play a role in your life." I snapped back "yeah well; Ты should of! Dad wasn't much help when it came to woman things! He was completely freaked out and wanted nothing to do with it! I had to learn everything on my own!" She сказал(-а) "I'm sorry about that; I really am! I hope you'll forgive me!" I сказал(-а) "it's going to take a lot еще than just saying you're sorry! Just give me my Космос and I'll come to Ты eventually when I get used to the idea of having a mom! Just don't force it on me because I'm not ready yet!" Debbie сказал(-а) "I completely understand and I don't want Ты to feel obligated to spend time with me! Just know that I'm here for Ты if Ты ever need me for anything!"
The mood between us calmed down and I looked at Debbie and she burst out laughing. She сказал(-а) "I'm sorry but, I just have to know; how did your dad ever figure out what tampons to buy?" I chuckled as I remembered and сказал(-а) "he bought 10 different brands and basically threw them at me!" She сказал(-а) "I can totally picture your dad being like that!" I сказал(-а) "you should have seen the look on his face when I told him the first time that I started my period! His eyes were as big as saucers and he just stared at me for 15 минуты straight only blinking a few times!" Debbie held her side as she continued to laugh and her eyes began to water. I сказал(-а) as I started to laugh just as hard "it took me an час just to get dad to go to the store and get them! He just kept pacing back and forth in the кухня saying 'oh my gosh, oh my God! Are Ты sure you're not just seeing things AJ? Please tell me it's not that!!!' Then I сказал(-а) 'it's definitely my period dad!' He was in denial about it! Looking back at it now, it was actually pretty funny!"
I was in Frank's car and we were on our way to the release party/CD signing because my album "Legacy" was released this morning. I looked out the window and then back at Frank as I сказал(-а) "these crowds of Фаны just keep getting bigger and bigger!" The line of Фаны stretched all the way around the Dunkin' Пончики Далее to the Музыка store where the CD signing is being held. Frank got a worried on his face and I unbuckled my seatbelt.
There were some poorly built metal gates that separated the main entrance to the store and the fans. I walked alongside Frank as we made our way down the path to the front doors. I stepped a little closer to the gate so I could wave to the fans. Before I could walk away, one of the 13-year-old girls grabbed the strings on my фуфайка, толстовки and tried to pull me closer. A teenage boy grabbed my arm and yanked me over the вверх of the gate. Frank obviously didn't notice as he continued to walk up to the doorway. I screamed "FRANK" at the вверх of my lungs. He turned around to see me lying on the ground having everything ripped away from me by the crazed fans!
Frank literally had to pick me up and свинг, качели me over his shoulder. He carried me inside to a back room of the store where they put all the extra inventory. He put me down and looked at me as I stood there with giant rips in my sweatshirt! He asked "ARE Ты OKAY?" I сказал(-а) with a shaking voice "I think so! I've never seen people like that before; they are like savage animals! I think one of them ripped off one of the ремень, пояс, пояса loops on my pants!" He took a sigh of relief and asked "are Ты sure you're okay?" I сказал(-а) as my hands shook "yeah, it just freaked me out!" He сказал(-а) "I didn't think Ты were at the point that Ты needed to travel with security guards; I guess I was wrong! I was going to wait until a few days before Ты go on tour to Поиск for a bodyguard but; I'm going to have to Переместить that up a little bit! Do Ты think you're okay enough to go through with the CD signing?" I сказал(-а) "of course, I'm not going to let down all those Фаны out there!"
I took off my фуфайка, толстовки revealing my plain white T-shirt and followed Frank down the hallway. As we got closer to the main room, the two of us heard the Фаны chanting "ALANNA, ALANNA, ALANNA!!!" I сказал(-а) "it's so weird hearing that because for years I was used to hearing people chanting dad's name!" He сказал(-а) "this is just the beginning kid! Ты better get ready for your tour because that's going to be 10 times worse; I promise Ты that!"
I walked into the room and thousands of Фаны were waiting in a LONG line. I sat down at the таблица in the front of the room with a backdrop of my "legacy" album cover behind me. The store security guided Фаны through the line just long enough for me to sign their CD. After about four hours, everyone had had their CDs autographed and it was time to clear the store of customers so we could start the release party.
After waiting around for about an час and playing with an application on my cell phone while the staff members set up for the party; people started to arrive. The first people to come were some of my family members, Prince, Paris, Blanket, my Aunt Latoya and grandma. They walked up to me and Prince sat down in the chair nearest to me. I looked up from my phone and asked "where's my uncles?" Aunt Latoya сказал(-а) "they сказал(-а) that they were too busy to come!" I сказал(-а) "seriously, all they ever do is sit around and they couldn't come for three hours to support my new album being released?"
Then a whole crowd of Знаменитости walked into the room and I think that's what I realized that I was one of those celebrities. Paris was definitely taking advantage of the opportunity to hang out with some of her role Модели like the Jonas Brothers. As I was talking to Adam Sandler I felt someone tap my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. I was shocked to see Damien's mother Kate standing there. I hugged her with a smile on my face and asked "what are Ты doing here? I didn't expect to see you!" She motioned for me to follow her outside because the Музыка was so loud indoors.
We walked outside and the two of us sat down on the curb. She сказал(-а) "I had come down here to Показать my support! I listened to the album the whole ride down here and it's amazing; especially man in the mirror!" I сказал(-а) "thanks for the compliment; did Ты see Carter yet?" She сказал(-а) "yeah, he was sitting on Prince's lap and eating some potato chips off of his plate. Oh my gosh; he's getting so big!" I сказал(-а) "I know, he's walking and talking now!" She сказал(-а) "Damien told me that he came down here around Carter's birthday; how did that go?" I was debating in my mind whether или not to tell her how it actually went but, I сказал(-а) "it was okay; I wasn't expecting it but it was okay."
I took a deep breath as I adjusted my backwards facing hat and сказал(-а) "so… I heard he has a girlfriend!" She сказал(-а) "yeah he does and he lives with her in her parent’s basement." I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he's living in some dusty old basement and I asked "what's her name?" She сказал(-а) "Amber I think." I looked at her confused and asked "you're not sure what her name is? Haven't Ты met her?" Kate сказал(-а) "yeah I met her; she seems kind of snobby if Ты ask me! I think her parents probably spoil her! Damien tried to convince me to let the two of them Переместить into my house and I told him that he needs to start growing up and being there for the baby! Did he spend time with Carter when he came to your grandmother's house?" I сказал(-а) "I tried to get him to but, he doesn't really want to interact with him!" She сказал(-а) "I hate to say this about my own son but, I don't think you're ever going to get through to him AJ; he's a Остаться в живых cause! I wouldn't waste your time on trying to fix him because I've tried and it doesn't seem to work! He's just in his own little world where he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything that he does; he's immature and that's all there is to it!"
I saw someone walking towards the building and сказал(-а) "oh my gosh, I think that's Jesse McCartney!" I started blushing and Kate clutched her side in laughter as she squeezed out the words "I don't think I've ever seen Ты blush before! Ты really think he's that cute?" As he got closer I whispered "not cute but damn sexy!" She started laughing hysterically as he was just a few feet away from us. Jesse walked up to me and hugged me as he сказал(-а) "longtime no see! I haven't seen Ты since Ты went to my tour in 2005!" I сказал(-а) while trying to play it cool "yeah, I Любовь your new album! It's in my truck right now!" He сказал(-а) "I can't stay too long but I just wanted to stop by and congratulate Ты on your first album!" I сказал(-а) "that means a lot coming from you; thanks!" He сказал(-а) "no problem" and turned to go back the way he came. As he walked away, Kate сказал(-а) something but I wasn't paying attention. She snapped me out of it and asked "will Ты stop checking out his butt?" I сказал(-а) as I blushed "sorry, I can't help it! He's just so perfect looking!"
January 31, 2010,
Frank had gone to go pick up my new tour bus while I spent an час with my family before we left to go make our way to the first концерт on my "Legacy" tour; which is in Maine. I was helping Blanket with a videogame while Carter sat on my lap. I asked as I quickly glanced over at Prince "you haven't сказал(-а) much today; that's not like you! What's on your mind?" He stood up and сказал(-а) arrogantly "like Ты care anyway!" He stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him and I looked at grandma confused. I took Carter off my lap and passed the PlayStation controller to Blanket. Grandma сказал(-а) "I wonder what's got into Prince!" I grabbed my truck keys off the counter in the кухня and сказал(-а) "I don't know but, I'm going to find out!" She asked "do Ты need help finding him?" I сказал(-а) as I opened the front door "no, I have a pretty good idea of where he is!"
After driving around for 15 минуты yelling his name out the window, I spotted Prince sitting down in front of the Lake. I pulled the truck in and сказал(-а) as he turned around to look at me "I figured Ты might be here!" I shut the truck off and hopped out. I walked up to him and sat down in the grass. I asked "what's going on with you? What was that whole thing back at the house about?" He сказал(-а) something that I definitely wasn't expecting to hear "I don't want Ты to leave!" I сказал(-а) "I thought Ты would be excited that I'm going to be gone pretty much nonstop for eight months! Ты and I are always arguing about something so, I figured Ты would be excited to have a break from me!" He сказал(-а) "I was… Until today because it's finally hitting me that you're going to be gone for a while!" I сказал(-а) "you know that if Ты ever need to talk all Ты have to do is call my cell phone! The only time that I won't pick up is if I'm on stage but, I'll always return your calls afterwards. He сказал(-а) "it's not that, it's just that when you're here in makes me remember what it's like to have dad around again! I just keep picturing him lying on the ground and me knowing that he was already gone!"
I сказал(-а) as I put my arm around him "I know how Ты feel because the same thing happens to me all the time! Ты just have to remember the good times we had with dad when he was here!" Prince сказал(-а) "I just don't want to forget those memories because that's all we really have left of him now!" I asked as I started laughing "remember that time at Neverland when Ты and I decided to have a submarine adventure in the bathtub when I was six and Ты were three?" Prince сказал(-а) with a smile on his face "oh yeah, dad went to go get our towels and the two of us flooded the whole bathroom in a matter of minutes!" I laughed as I asked "remember, dad came back in with the towels and was slipping all over the place because of all the water and soap we got on the floor?" He сказал(-а) as he started to laugh "yeah, daddy was so frustrated with us because he had to spend hours mopping up the water that was 3 inches high!" I сказал(-а) "I don't think he ever left us alone to go get something ever again after that!"
Prince сказал(-а) "then there was that time when Ты and I were fighting all день and he tied the two of us together so we would have to get along? I сказал(-а) "yeah; I remember how much I hated Ты that день because Ты didn't want to do anything that I wanted to! What about the sleepover's you, dad, and I used to have together right after Paris was born!" Prince сказал(-а) "I remember that! We would watch cable или Фильмы and drink Шоколад milk!" Prince squinted his eyes and started laughing with an evil tone. He looked at me with a mischievous look on his face and I asked "what?" He сказал(-а) "now I remember! One time when you, dad, and I had fallen asleep watching a movie, Ты had had four glasses of Шоколад молоко and when we had gotten up the Далее morning Ты had wet dad's bed!!!" I got defensive and сказал(-а) "I did not; you're imagining things!" He laughed and сказал(-а) "no, no I'm not! I remember cause Ты сказал(-а) 'I'm sorry daddy! I didn't mean to!' Then I remembered dad saying 'it's no big deal! It happens sometimes! I'm not mad at you!' The Далее time he didn't let Ты drink anything!" The memories came flooding back to me and I сказал(-а) trying to change the subject "alright, let's go Главная and see my tour bus!”
Prince teased "okay, whatever Ты say tomboy tinkler!!!" I playfully threatened as we climbed into the front сиденье, место, сиденья of my truck "you better not tell anyone about that Шоколад молоко incident! What do Ты expect? I was only five years old when that happened!" He didn't give me an answer as he stared down at my truck keys. He asked "how come Ты have three keys? What are the other two for?" I сказал(-а) "I've been trying to figure that out since I got the truck! Nobody else knows what they're for either! I've tried them in every lock I own but neither of them works! At this point, I really don't think they belong to anything! I just think they are fake and just pretend!"
I pulled into the driveway at Havenhurst and caught my first glimpse of my tour bus. I opened my truck door and ran towards the bus. Blanket, Paris, Carter, and grandma stood outside and I сказал(-а) "wow the outside of the tour bus looks awesome!" I stared at the giant decal of what appeared to be dad's hand passing my hand his signature sequin glove; with the words "Alanna Jackson Legacy tour" written underneath it in Золото lettering. Grandma started crying and сказал(-а) "the image is so symbolic! In a way when your dad signed Ты to his record label he pretty much did pass that перчатка, перчатки onto you!" I сказал(-а) "I never thought about it like that before. Please don't start crying; at least not yet because I don't have to leave for another 15 minutes!"
All of us walked onto the bus and I was starstruck! Prince сказал(-а) "wow, this is crazy!" I looked around and there was a leather диван, мягкий уголок with a huge flatscreen TV and an Xbox 360 mounted on the table. I walked towards the back of the bus and there was a pretty good-sized room with a full-size bed. Then there were four bunkbeds that could be folded up to reveal еще living space. I went back into the room with the full-sized постель, кровати and noticed the medium-sized bathroom. Frank сказал(-а) "I don't mean to glorify myself but, I think I did a pretty good job picking out this tour bus as your Главная away from home!" I сказал(-а) "that's an understatement!"
Frank looked at his watch and сказал(-а) "I hate to tear Ты away from your family AJ but, we have to get going because we have to pick up your new bodyguard in 10 minutes!" I sighed and сказал(-а) "this is so bittersweet because on one hand I'm getting to live out my childhood dream and on the other hand I don't want to leave Ты guys behind; especially Carter!" Prince hugged me and сказал(-а) "I'm going to miss you! Ты better come back and visit as often as Ты can!" I сказал(-а) "of course I will!" Paris сказал(-а) "you better prepare yourself because now that I have a cell phone I'm going to text Ты a lot!" I hugged her and сказал(-а) "I'm looking вперед to it!" I looked down and Blanket and he started crying. I picked him up so his legs were wrapped around my waist and asked "what's wrong?" He сказал(-а) as he cried into my shoulder "I don't want Ты to go! Eight months is too long!" I сказал(-а) "I'll see Ты as much as I can during those eight months!" He сказал(-а) "I know but, it's not the same as having Ты here every day!" I сказал(-а) "I'll be back before Ты know it! My Los Angeles Показать is in two months and I'm going to stay here the night after the show! I kissed the вверх of his head and put him down. I looked over at grandma who was visibly upset and I сказал(-а) "I'll be back; I Любовь you!" She сказал(-а) as she hugged me "I Любовь Ты too! Please be безопасно, сейф AJ!" I сказал(-а) "I will; I promise!" I looked at Carter with a halfhearted smile on my face and сказал(-а) "here comes the hardest part! I took Carter out of grandma's arms and сказал(-а) "I Любовь Ты Carter! I'm going to miss you!" I don't think he knew how long I was going to be gone for because he's only 14 months old! I сказал(-а) as I kissed him "be good okay?" I passed him back to grandma and Frank сказал(-а) "okay, we'll see Ты guys in April!" All of them walked off the bus and I stared out the window as the bus driver drove away.
February 1, 2010,
I woke up in my room inside the tour bus and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was 7 AM. I didn't technically have to be up for another two hours because we wouldn't reach Maine until then. I sat up on the edge of my постель, кровати and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and looked in the mirror at my blonde hair that was sticking up in every direction.
After I took a shower, I walked out into the living room area and sat down on the leather couch. I looked over at Frank to see him lying on one of the twin size bunkbeds with his mouth wide open and snoring. I looked across from me and a tall athletic looking man was sitting down in a chair. I сказал(-а) "you must be my new bodyguard, my name is AJ and I'm sorry I was asleep by the time they picked Ты up; или else I would've introduced myself yesterday." He сказал(-а) "that's no big deal; my name is Jeff." I laughed at Frank's obnoxiously loud snoring and сказал(-а) "it doesn't sound like he's getting up anytime soon! Ты must not have slept really good last night because Ты were in the Далее постель, кровати over from him." Jeff сказал(-а) "it's not that bad as long as Ты put a подушка over your head!"
While the bus driver drove us to the arena, I worked on my homeschooling. If dad didn't make it mandatory for me to finish high school I would've already dropped out by now. Being famous means еще to me right now than being forced to do all this awful history paper work! History has always been my least Избранное subject in school but, ironically it's probably the one that I understand the most! I'm obviously capable of getting all A's on my Сообщить card but, I've fallen so far behind since giving birth to Carter that I'm down to a D-. Looking back at it now, I definitely could've been еще motivated and applied myself!
2 1/2 hours later, we pulled up in front of the Portland Civic Center and I looked out the window at the thousands upon thousands of Фаны that crowded the streets. The Показать doesn't start until seven but some of those Фаны have been waiting a while because they had tents and sleeping bags laid out on the sidewalk. Jeff looked out the window while Frank made a business call in my bedroom. Jeff сказал(-а) "those Фаны must be freezing out there!" I сказал(-а) "we should buy some of them some hot chocolate!" He сказал(-а) "okay" and we walked to the nearby Dunkin' Donuts.
A few минуты later, we walked out carrying a giant container of hot Шоколад and hundreds of Styrofoam cups. Jeff and I went back to the sidewalk where all the Фаны were lined up. I passed out a few cups of hot Шоколад and then the chaos started. Once they realized that it was really me passing out the cups, they started freaking out! Some of them actually started crying and then I felt something touching my feet. I looked down and backed up as a boy attempted to steal my shoelace. I asked "do Ты mind? That is my shoe Ты know! I'm trying to do something nice for Ты guys and Ты just want to rip me to shreds!" Jeff сказал(-а) "hey, what do Ты think you're doing boy? Get away from her shoes!" Jeff gently forced him backwards and I sighed with relief because I knew with Jeff here there wouldn't be a repeat of the CD signing!
As I sat backstage waiting for the opening acts to finish, Frank put his hand on my shoulder and сказал(-а) "get ready for this kid! This is just the beginning and don't forget… Every день creates your history!" Those words stuck to me like glue as I bent down in the stage тостер that's going to shoot me onto the stage for the opening song. The Музыка to "another part of me" paused in suspense as I shot onto the stage. Ты could hear my feet slam on the ground as I landed and stood there in silence. I didn't move, didn't flinch, nothing, as I stood there in a Золото suite like the one my dad wore in his "history" tour. If there's one thing that I was able to pick up from watching my dad perform when I was three years old, it was the power and importance of using suspense to captivate the audience.
I stood there still in silence and waited for a full минута before making a быстрый, стремительный, свифт movement to the rim of my sunglasses. I slowly ran my fingers across the lenses as the crowd exploded into an uproar of screams. I yanked my sunglasses off and the Музыка started playing again.
After a few songs, it was time for a costume change and I rushed backstage dripping with sweat. As the crewmembers helped me quickly and efficiently put on my Далее outfit, Frank сказал(-а) "you're killing it out there kid! They Любовь you!!! I smiled as I drank from a water bottle that was дана to me. I сказал(-а) "I'm happy to be out of that suit because it's really hot!"
Before leaving the stage after I had performed the last song of the show, I started talking to the audience "I want to say thank Ты to all of Ты for coming out to see me perform today! I appreciate all of Ты that slept on the sidewalk days in advance!" I looked up at the ceiling and сказал(-а) "I hope I made Ты proud tonight dad!" I looked back at the audience and сказал(-а) "thank Ты all for coming from the bottom of my heart!" I left the stage and confetti fell from the ceiling onto the thousands of fans.
I walked backstage and sat exhausted on the couch. Before I even have the chance to catch my breath, Frank, Jeff, and the rest of the crew came running over to me. Frank сказал(-а) "that was awesome AJ! Your dad would be so proud of you!" They all showered me with compliments and then I heard my phone ringing. I put it up to my ear and сказал(-а) "hello." Grandma asked excitedly "how did it go?" I сказал(-а) "it was awesome! Now I know what dad was talking about when he сказал(-а) stuff about having an adrenaline rush when Ты go out there!" Prince interrupted "we miss Ты AJ!" I сказал(-а) "I miss Ты guys too! How is my little munchkin doing?" Grandma сказал(-а) "he's doing well; I think he's a bit confused about why you're not here with us." I asked "can I talk to him?" She сказал(-а) sympathetically "I would go get him but, Paris is getting him to fall asleep and if he hears your voice right now he'll be up all night!" I сказал(-а) with disappointment in my voice "okay, I understand. I'll talk to Ты guys tomorrow I guess." I hung up the phone and tossed it down Далее to me on the couch. I didn't like the idea of not being able to talk to Carter. I wasn't mad at my grandmother; I was mad at myself in a way for not being able to call him before his bedtime! This is the longest amount of time that I've spent away from him since he's been born and it's going to take some getting used to!
February, 8, 2010,
Today was my день off and we were in Virginia. We rented a hotel room and I wanted to go get something to snack on. Jeff and I walked into a family-run grocery store and I immediately went for the утиль, барахло, мусор Еда aisles. I picked out everything from gummy bears to cheddar cheese potato chips and followed Jeff safely to the checkout line. There were quite a few people ahead of us so; I decided to look at a magazine that was on the rack Далее to me.
I searched for one and saw something that caught my eye. I picked up the latest issue of "people magazine" and looked at the cover. I couldn't believe it; there right in the center was a huge picture of Prince carrying Carter into Walmart. That part didn't bother me but, then I read the title. It сказал(-а) "which Jackson family member has a secret child? Turn to page 70 to find out!" I frantically flipped through the pages and there was a whole Статья about Carter! I looked at the pictures and they were personal pictures that I had taken of him. I read as I bit my lip angrily:
“I bet you're all wondering who this cute little guy is; well we finally found out! According to Jermaine Jackson, he is surprisingly Michael Jackson's firstborn daughter Alanna Jackson's son Carter Shawn Jackson. I know; that's surprising! Apparently, AJ had Carter in November 2008 when she was only 14 years old. I would've expected better of Michael's extremely sheltered children than to become a teenage mother. Jermaine says that the extended Jackson family has never met the baby's father and he is unsure if AJ still keeps in contact with him. We'll keep Ты Опубликовано about any new information on the baby. In the meantime, Ты can see Alanna Jackson on her 'Legacy’ tour. I wonder who's watching her son while she's traveling?"
I quickly threw the money for the magazine on the counter and dashed to the tour bus that was waiting outside for us. Frank looked at me as I stormed onto the bus and sat down at the table. I dialed uncle Jermaine's phone number and put it up to my ear. He сказал(-а) "hello AJ; it's nice to have Ты call me!" I snapped back "don't bullshit me!" He asked "what's wrong?" I сказал(-а) "what's wrong? What's wrong is that Ты sold a story about Carter to the press! I know Ты did because Ты were the only one that had the Пароль to my computer where they got those pictures I took of him! I can't believe that Ты would sell my sons opportunity to have a normal life! That's so low of Ты and I hate Ты for that! I'll never forgive you! Ты may be able to manipulate grandma into getting what Ты want but, Ты sure as hell aren't going to do it to me! Are Ты that desperate for attention? Go to hell; Ты jerk!"
I hung up the phone as Frank sat there shaking his head in disbelief. I ripped the magazine and half and stomped on it. Jeff сказал(-а) "I can't believe your uncle would do that to Carter! Now for the rest of Carter's life the press will be all over him!" I сказал(-а) "I was planning to raise Carter as normal as possible but I guess that's not going to happen now! What a lot of people don't know is that half of my family is money hungry, egocentric, asses and the other half are loving, selfless, genuine people! The messed up thing is that he doesn't even care if he destroys Carter's chances of having a normal life! The only thing he cares about is the 20 grand that he got for selling the story to the press! All my uncles were always hitting dad up for cash and I'm not about to let that happen with me! Frank, I don't trust any of my extended family with the money that I've been sending to buy Еда and diapers for Carter! From now on, I'm going to physically buy that stuff myself and mail it to them because I have a feeling the money is not going where I intend it to go! Grandma is too easily manipulated by my uncles for money and I think she's giving them the money I've been sending to put towards Carter! My family is so dysfunctional it's ridiculous!"
February 9, 2010,
I was sitting backstage after performing and thinking. Frank сказал(-а) "okay kid; we can go back to the hotel room I rented for the night.” My bodyguard Jeff got up from the chair he was sitting in and followed me to the back door of the концерт arena. He opened the door and I definitely wasn't prepared for what was on the other side. 30 paparazzi people immediately crowded me and started asking questions. "AJ, do Ты miss your son? Are Ты still in a relationship with Carter's father? When will Ты be going back to the Havenhurst compound to see the baby?" I was blinded by all the flashing from their cameras as Jeff gently pushed me onto the tour bus.
Once we arrived at the hotel, Jeff, Frank, and I each went to our own hotel rooms. I sat down on the постель, кровати and took out my cell phone. I dialed Paris's number and waited for her to pick up. She сказал(-а) "hi AJ how was your концерт tonight?" I сказал(-а) "it went okay; is Carter still awake?" She сказал(-а) "yeah, he eating SpaghettiOs but; I'll put the phone on speaker so Ты can talk to him." Paris сказал(-а) "mommy's on the phone Carter!" I smiled as I heard Carter сказал(-а) "hi mommy!" I сказал(-а) "I miss Ты buddy!" Paris coached "say I miss Ты too!" I laughed at his attempt to copy her because it sounded nothing like what she said. Paris сказал(-а) "he's so cute; he's always asking 'mommy come Главная today? Mommy went bye-bye?'" I сказал(-а) "oh, that's adorable! I miss him so much! Okay, I'm going to go to постель, кровати now before I get too sad! I Любовь Ты guys and I'll call Ты tomorrow!"
March 3, 2010,
Frank, Jeff, and I walked into Tiger beat magazine headquarters and were greeted by a photographer. There were racks of clothes and baseball Трофеи on a nearby table. The photographer asked "are Ты excited to be in the magazine again?" I сказал(-а) "yeah; I can't believe that kids actually want to hang posters of me up in their rooms!"
By now, I was so used to фото shoots because pretty much every teen magazine has me right in the center of their cover; usually right Далее to Justin Bieber. The good thing about being a female artist is that I don't really see him as a threat because males have a whole different game plan and appeal. Whereas with me, I opened up the idea in today's culture that being a tomboy is just as good as being feminine!
After posing for hundreds of different possible posters, I signed some of the Обои so they could be photocopied and blown up into poster sized. The magazine also had me autograph a few copies of my CD so they could use them as part of some of their monthly contests.
April 29, 2010,
I'm in Los Angeles and I just finished my concert. I jumped into the back сиденье, место, сиденья of the car that was waiting for Jeff, Frank, and I. We drove to Havenhurst and Frank сказал(-а) "I'm not going to go in! I hope Ты have fun with your family during your break! We'll be back to pick Ты up in a week!" I waved goodbye and ran down the driveway as fast as I possibly could.
I swung open the front door and casually walked into the living room waiting for my family to notice me. After five minutes, Prince looked up from the TV and shouted "AJ; your back!" Blanket ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I kissed the вверх of his head. He squeezed me and сказал(-а) "I missed Ты so much!" I сказал(-а) "I missed Ты too!" Grandma asked as she hugged me "how long are Ты back for?" I сказал(-а) "only for a week but; I'm going to make the best of it! Where are Carter and Paris?" Prince сказал(-а) as he hugged me "Paris was giving him a bath last time I checked."
I ran upstairs and looked in the bathroom but nobody was there. I walked into my room to find Paris carrying Carter who was wrapped in a blue towel. Paris hugged me and сказал(-а) "I'm so glad you're back! I was just about to get him ready for bed." I playfully shoved her out of the room and сказал(-а) "don't worry about it; I'm back now! That's my job!"
I walked over to the постель, кровати where Carter sat still wrapped up in the towel and shivering. He smiled and сказал(-а) "mommy come home!" I smiled and сказал(-а) as I started to get him dressed "I missed my munchkin so much!" I sat down on the постель, кровати Далее to him as he flopped down on a pillow. I playfully put my hand up in the air and imitated a claw as I сказал(-а) "oh no; do Ты know what this means?" He smiled and I noticed that all his baby teeth had finally come through. I сказал(-а) "the tickle monster is going get you!"
As I tickled his stomach, he laughed innocently as he looked up at me. I stopped so he could catch his breath and he climbed onto the подушка Далее to me. He сказал(-а) "I need ba-ba!" I got off the постель, кровати and passed him the baby bottle that was on the nightstand. I shut off the light and put the TV on SpongeBob SquarePants. He rested his head on my shoulder and I kissed his forehead. There was a moment of silence as he looked up at me and сказал(-а) something that warmed my heart. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and asked "mommy?" I asked "huh?" He brushed my cheek with his tiny hand and сказал(-а) "mommy, I Любовь you!"
I looked at him in the eyes and сказал(-а) "I Любовь Ты еще Carter!" The way he сказал(-а) that being only almost 18 months old made me want to cry! I could tell that he missed me just as much as I missed him! It's going to be so much harder to leave him at the end of this week!
April 30, 2010,
I walked through the door with Carter in my arms after taking him to the store to run a few errands. I noticed that there was someone sitting on the диван, мягкий уголок Далее to grandma as I looked at the back of their heads. I put Carter down and he ran into the play room. Grandma turned around and сказал(-а) "it's good that you're back because I want to sort of introduce Ты to someone!"
I sat down on the диван, мягкий уголок and сказал(-а) as I looked at the blonde haired woman sitting Далее to grandma "Debbie; is that you?" She shook her head in agreement and I asked curious "what are Ты doing here?" Grandma asked "you know how Prince and Paris have already met your mother?" I сказал(-а) "yeah but; what does that have to do with Debbie?" Debbie smiled and сказал(-а) "it's nice to officially meet my daughter for the first time!" I asked "what do Ты mean your daughter?" She smiled and сказал(-а) "I'm your mother AJ!
I sat there stunned for about three минуты then I said" wait… You're…" Before my mind could process what I just heard, I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. Debbie followed me and сказал(-а) "Alanna; just let me talk to you!" I tried to get away from her unsuccessfully as I tripped on my shoe and fell to the ground. She put out her hand so she could help me up but I just looked at her and pushed myself off the ground. She grabbed my sleeve stopping me from running away and forced me to sit down on a bench.
Debbie сказал(-а) "I want to know what you're thinking?" I asked irritated "you really want to know what I'm thinking? Okay; I'll tell you! I'm thinking that I hate you! I'm a mother now and I don't understand how Ты could just leave all three of us and never see us again! I haven't seen Ты since early 1999! I know that I could never leave Carter for that long!" She сказал(-а) "it wasn't meant to be the typical mom and dad relationship! Your father and I never wanted it to be like that!" I сказал(-а) "I don't understand why Ты didn't want visitation with us!" She сказал(-а) "I wanted your father to get the chance to be a dad! Ты guys were my gift to him! It wasn't my job to raise you!" I сказал(-а) angrily "it would've been nice to have known Ты were my mother this entire time! Do Ты know how difficult it was for me growing up without a mom around?" She asked "in what way?" I сказал(-а) "it was extremely awkward for me when I had to say 'ummm dad; I think I'm having my first period!' Then have him run to the store to get tampons!" She looked down feeling guilty and сказал(-а) "I wasn't thinking about that kind of stuff when I decided not to play a role in your life." I snapped back "yeah well; Ты should of! Dad wasn't much help when it came to woman things! He was completely freaked out and wanted nothing to do with it! I had to learn everything on my own!" She сказал(-а) "I'm sorry about that; I really am! I hope you'll forgive me!" I сказал(-а) "it's going to take a lot еще than just saying you're sorry! Just give me my Космос and I'll come to Ты eventually when I get used to the idea of having a mom! Just don't force it on me because I'm not ready yet!" Debbie сказал(-а) "I completely understand and I don't want Ты to feel obligated to spend time with me! Just know that I'm here for Ты if Ты ever need me for anything!"
The mood between us calmed down and I looked at Debbie and she burst out laughing. She сказал(-а) "I'm sorry but, I just have to know; how did your dad ever figure out what tampons to buy?" I chuckled as I remembered and сказал(-а) "he bought 10 different brands and basically threw them at me!" She сказал(-а) "I can totally picture your dad being like that!" I сказал(-а) "you should have seen the look on his face when I told him the first time that I started my period! His eyes were as big as saucers and he just stared at me for 15 минуты straight only blinking a few times!" Debbie held her side as she continued to laugh and her eyes began to water. I сказал(-а) as I started to laugh just as hard "it took me an час just to get dad to go to the store and get them! He just kept pacing back and forth in the кухня saying 'oh my gosh, oh my God! Are Ты sure you're not just seeing things AJ? Please tell me it's not that!!!' Then I сказал(-а) 'it's definitely my period dad!' He was in denial about it! Looking back at it now, it was actually pretty funny!"