Can Ты make me laugh?Post The Funniest Thing Ты can and if Ты can make me laugh Ты win a prize!i am NOT saying the prize!The game ends on June 5,2010.1 еще thing,No Pictures или Видео allowed!if Ты put 1,your disquilified!Good Luck!

Today, in my english class we spent a good twenty минуты to pronounce the word facetious. Finally a girl in my class сказал(-а) "Wow, thats a mouthful!" I swear to god I hear my 60 год old teacher mutter "thats what she said." Made my MONTH. MLIA.
(Credit to link)

Do Ты like bananas? EVERYBODY likes bananas! If it weren't for the mystical банан of mysteries, we wouldn't have any radios или toothpaste! PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY BANANA!!! And don't forget to drink your гуанако, лама, ламы milk!

Never insert трусы, кальсоны into a toaster. No good things come from it. I have much experience with this.

Two Динозавры were sitting on an island when they saw Noah's ark pass by. One looks at the other and says, "Oh shit! That was today?!"

If яблоко made an iTouch for kids, it would be called iTouch Kids.

Here's a joke:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my Друзья encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One день little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make Любовь to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if Ты want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was Холодное сердце in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the вверх she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that Ты have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

when life gives Ты lemons....
1. throw them at people
2.make виноград сок and watch as people wonder how Ты did it
3. throw them at your doctor because Ты are out of apples
4. go to a hannah montana концерт and throw them at her and yell "to keep the doctor away"
5. keep them. Эй, free lemons
6. squirt the сок at life. that will teach him!
7. throw them back
8.say DAAAAANG i ordered apples.
9.make a лимон farm then use the money to make a лайм, известь farm and have a citrus monopoly
10.go find someone who life gave shrimp. have a party
11.if life gives Ты melons, you're dreaming

"Everyone can make mistakes", сказал(-а) the pedophile to the dwarf.
***
If a man talks in the forest and no woman can hear him

is he still wrong?
***
What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?

Having to go to постель, кровати at seven o'clock.

My friend Peter went into Wallgreen's and his куртка zipper got stuck at the bottom. So he's in a corner trying to fix it (and he kind of looks a bit inappropriate, like he's doing something he really shouldn't be doing in public), and a saleslady comes up to him and says:

"What do Ты think you're doing?"
Peter: "I'm trying to get it up!"
Saleslady: "NOT IN MY STORE YOU'RE NOT YOUNG MAN!"

Another thing with my friend Peter:

Eein: "Yes! Ten еще dollars and I'll have enough money for a longboard!"
Peter: "Well, if I get a million еще dollars I'll be a millionaire"
Eein: "Wow dude, you're that poor?"
Peter: "It's not my fault! I spend money on important things, like clothes and video games and hooker- Um, I mean, hooks. Hooks for my pirate costume."

And one of my personal favorites:

Lev: I'm bisexual.
Paul Z. You're joking.
Lev: No, really dude, I'm not. I'm seriously bi.
Claire who is walking by overhears
Claire: OMG LEV DO YOUR MOM AND DAD KNOW Ты LIKE GAY BOYS?!

NOTE: Names have been changed to protect my friend's identities.

a teacher stood up and сказал(-а) stand up if ur stupid and none of the kids stood up and then one of the kids stood up and the teacher сказал(-а) y did u stand up and the kid сказал(-а) i didnt want u to say ur stupid alone

there was a blonde, she was driving and she pulled over by a cop and he сказал(-а) maam u have been swerving for the last 10 mins. and she сказал(-а) im trying to not to hit the trees and he сказал(-а) maam thats ur air freshener (lik the pine air fresheners u get for ur car)

yo mama is so old when god сказал(-а) let there be light she turned on the switch

no offense to blondes/yo mama either или yo blonde mama

hfdehwfueshuafheUHfguehUhguEHUAFUIEWHAJHJHGEHWAjehawuhuehrguhuhuhtureusgushhughrueshwurghuehsw9grheaouhgruahgroeh8grhwth8rhyuerhsuhguraehg8urehaugrhaweo(( I cant make Ты laugh:())hfewuathuiwhguhryeswygreiwuhgurheswiuhgruewhgrehwguirhguirhuiwghruiwghureghuierghuirhgiuerhgurehguirheguirehurehgurehgurheigurheuighreuighureghrughure

2 muffins ae in an oven.
оладья, кекс, маффин 1:is it getting hot in here?
оладья, кекс, маффин 2:ahhhhh! a talking muffin!

Help! I'm drowning!
I got butt cramps,
I want ice cream,
AND NOW IT'S DARK!

I'll give my epic quote again, I don't remember where it came from...

"People are like slinkies. They're not really good for anything, but Ты can't help but smile when Ты push one down a staircase."

OMG POOP'S COMING OUT MY MOUTH

like a joke или something?
#1
-mom, mom, is my brother an angel?
-no, why?
-cause i threw him by the window and he didn't fly.

#2
-mom, mom, in school they say i'm so distracted
-stupid boy, your house's Далее door

#3 (last one)
they sai money can't buy happiness,
if this true,
i'll rather cry in a ferrari :D

when it's not friday i seriously feel like i'm in a box and i sing this Барби song when it isn't friday: link and i absolutely hate school my teacher is so mean

Ever played Scrable?You probably have, am I right?Anyways their is this girl in my class, Ally.And guess what her hobby is!?LLaughing.So anyway in class we were playing Scrable in groups.So it was me,Hannah,Anne,and Ally(who Hannah hates)all playing together.We were messing around and making funny words up and Ally was laughing like heck.And all of a sudden we hear something and Ally still giggling-Anne looks over and screams, "SHE FARTED" so we all frickin burst out laughing like heck falling on the floor,rolling on it too-Anne ended up telling the teacher...

Now Ты know Ally,right?
Okay so Another day(short memory loss)somehow we got ally laughing so hard at lunch she peed her pants.Shhe was still laughhing and stuff...

Okay,enough Ally,now meet my mom.
This is when I was a little kid and me and my grandma and my mom were taking a walk down the road(well,i was riding my bike)And my mom had this problem where when she laughs alot she pees...so we must've gotten her laughing so she started peeing(my mom was holding MY soda)so she dropped my soda,my grandma was laughing,my mom was laughing,but I was crying-she dropped my soda...

My mom still had this peeing prob so we were at the outlets and my mom was laughing and she peed-so she had to run to the bathroom and wait for us to find her a sewet of jeans-well,that took an half hour,i bet she was still laughing in the stall-or possibly crying.

Okay take a dandelion and do this to your friends:
Sister went down the slide,mommy went down the slid,Brother peed down the slide-rub it then-you're yellow!

Okay,I have another one about my little cousin,Cally.Anyways she's 8 and she has spelling words s she asks me to help her practice-one of her words was 'six' and she was om a roll and she spelled-S.e.x.-She trned bright red and I was laughing so hard i literally could not talk for like ever!But,shhhhhh don't tell her I told you!!

**The Things I Like To Do In My Apartment**

I like to scream "RUB A DUB DUB THREE NUNS IN A TUB AND THEIR DOIN' IT WITH A GARDEN NOME!" in my apartment til they neighbors come knocking on my door and tell me to shut up. x3

I like to go to my neighbors upstairs, knock on the door and wait for them to answer. Then they open the door. I hand them a basket full of banana's and say "Merry Рождество Ты guys!" (its Summer) and I leave, leaving them to be confused for a few minutes. x3

I like to Annoy my neighbors. ^^

Pickles are people too ya know!! just without thumbs and arms and eyes and noses and mouths and legs...fine pick on them!! but you'll be sorry when a соленый огурец, маринованные shows up in your room with a jason mask and a knife!


one день pickles will rules the world!! and you'll be working for them instead of eating them

Now, we all know the wonderful klondike bar, right?... Well, me and my Друзья were sitting at lunch, one comes up to me and sings the little sone. I look at him and say "wana hear a joke?"
he shrugs and says sure

I said" ok, now this is a shit-hole stand up comedy thing, so stand the **** up или it won't be as funny.."
He сказал(-а) "but your suppose to stand up."
I glared and сказал(-а) "you wana hear it или not??"
He shrugged, stood up and I told the joke. It went like this:

"ok, so, I asked a guy what would HE do for one of those yummy ice cream Klondike bars. And he says 'Well ma'am. I would give my soul, but I gave that up for immortality. I would give up my wife, but she is dead... Oh! I know! Ill give my children up!!!... Wait, ****..I don't have any.. Eh, what ever, theyre not that good anyway..'
So I look at him, spit, and say 'Your not good anyway."


So there is my story, and I'm sticking to it...


But, there is еще things my idiot companions and I have done...

So now we're sitting in computers. And were screwing around on the internet and what not.

And we go into this program and I find the most ridiculous thing ever, it says
"Jessica S. <3 Dale Carrier"

I stand up and say, "Who the **** typed this lie, come forth now, and Ты won't die later.."
So Cameron gets up,raises his hand. I look at him and say," really dude???Really??" he nods his head and drops to the ground laughin'..what a douche..

Now for my final story..

It happened today in school. It was a огонь drill, and Dale is looking around, he stared at me, but when I looked at him he сказал(-а) "what are Ты staring at,bitch??" I look at him, and say "someone with poor manners I see.." He goes red in the face and shoves me into Cameron. I laugh, slap him and walk away grinning. He is holding his face, he is calling me a mother ****er and stuff. He is such a failure...

1st story:

There was one of my friends, Jessi, and she asked her best friend, Zana, what the problem was in twilight. so, Zana says; 'Well... She's a human, and he's a vampire... And he wants...to suck...her blood...' And so I was like 'Thats totally not the problem' and so she сказал(-а) 'well bite me' and I сказал(-а) 'I'll leave that to Edward Cullen.' DX sucks!

story #dos:

One день in science class, our teacher was Показ us that trick where Ты put the egg in the bottle with the match; and he said; "Jessi, you're going to push it in, and William, you're going to blow it out." And then William says; "BLOW WHAT OUT?!"
XP

story #3:

Have Ты heard? There's a bird turd on the curb! банан shows that anything is possible with toothpaste, duct tape, and 63 gallons of galvanized concrete. 45 bottles of пиво on the wall, 45 bottles of beer, Lindsay Lohan comes down, takes them all, 0 bottles of пиво on my wall! txt t4lk is k3wl 4nd 4LL but d@mn is it h4rd t0 r34d! WEEWOOWEEWOO I HATE DR PEPPER! WEEWOOWEEWOO SAY IT WITH ME! Popcorn. Popcorn. HELP MY огонь DEPARTMENT IS ON FIRE! CALL 911! соленый огурец, маринованные juice, соленый огурец, маринованные juice. People don't appriciate fine art. ZHUZHUZOOM!

joke #1:

Girl: Mommy why are Ты so smart?
Mom: Because all Moms have to take a test before the аист comes to bring the baby.
Girl: And so the ones who fail are the daddys?
Mom: thats my girl...

To be honest, idk how to swim, ride my bike without training wheels, tie my shoes, или even hold a pencil right

omg.the.cookie.monster.ate.me.becasue.i.look.and.smell.like.cookies.wtf?the.phone.just.rang.omg.whats.
with.all.the.slang.justin.bieber.cries.and.sings.like.a.girl.i.went.to.the.bathroom.today.it.smelled.bad.and.was.brown.i.feel.like.a.dumbnut.you.feel.like.a.dooshbag. : )

Hmm...
Well, how about a conversation I had with Cleverbot consisting of me using Цитаты from my Избранное Показать

User: Go ahead, impress me.

Cleverbot: I feel wonderful, because I see the Любовь light in your eyes.

User: It's the outfit, not exactly a standard issue Westchester Футбол mom.

Cleverbot: Oh really? How about the conversation Ты had with Jessica Almendares?

User: или don't remember? We can fill in the holes for you.

Cleverbot: How sweet! I'd like to go to New York too.

User: Buy and sell land and water, pretty much covers everything.

Cleverbot: Ты must be the пиво holder?

User: I don't know where that match was made, but it wasn't heaven, what a snake oil merchant.

Cleverbot: Live is a palindrome of eviL.

User: Neat and tidy, everything in it's place and a place for everything.

Cleverbot: What is your favourite fish?

User: Some guy dressed up like a big nickel?

Cleverbot: I think Ты are talking about James Bond.

User: That's how they met, over some dusty papers?

Cleverbot: Ты are very random. Muffins are very good.

User: Big trouble for Big Louie.

Cleverbot: Big trouble for monkeys.

My friend Kylie was coming Главная from a store with her little brother - who is only five - with her dad in the car in front of them. She takes a pad out of a box they just bought, and she told her little brother that he had a big boo-boo on his forehead, and that the pad was a bandaid. So he puts the "band aid" on his head. When they got out of the car, her brother ran up to their dad and told him he had a boo-boo on his head. Obviously, her dad was not very happy about this :D

I like this - it is cute and funny (:

Justin Bieber works with oompa lumpas.

Oh wait, SHE works FOR oompa Lumpas...

i am madonna...johnny cash gave me a spanking
im justin beiber!!!ohh hee hoo i a girl!! i have 100 tubes of lipstick and take 3 hours to put it on!!!
i am Эмо boo hooooooo i wanna stab u
i got farted on by a cat(tru)
a бабочка named hairbow peed on me
oh noooes a venus flytrap is eating my head... N WHY THE HELL IS IT SOOO BIG?!?

I’m not really good at telling jokes, but this is the only one I remember (I know it’s not funny):

Teacher: Peter, if I say ‘I was pretty’, it’s past tense, if I say ‘I’ll be pretty’, it’s future tense, and if I say ‘I’m pretty‘, it is…
Peter: A lie!

I have another one: In the city, Ты must fight to survive, he sold tortillas at the corner, and the mob wanted him. "I don't know who this guy is, but i want him and his tortillas....DEAD!!! On man had a chance...and his chance was to fight back! Arnold schwarcanhimer..(However Ты spell his last name) "Listen to me, these are my tortillas and im not letting them out of here."..."Get out of here they are trying to kill you!!!!SOUND TRACK BY AARON KORKI:(Singing) "Hot вверх Ты better watch out!! The're gonna take your tortillas!! Ты better guess who!! "Migeto! Who are these men and what do they want!?!?! "Listen to me and just dont..Listen to me!!! You've gotta get out of here they are gonna take my tortillas!!...One man, one solution.....Arnold Schwarmanhimer this summer is: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!! ......Little Tortilla boy...

Credit to the Real Houswives for:

"You сказал(-а) Alex was a kabooki with black eye makeup and that Bethenny was gonna kill Ты with a масло, сливочное масло knife" -Sonja

This one's mine:
So there's this kid who thinks he's all that and has really long hair. We were playing kickball, and the lineup was boy-girl order, and he was sitting in between two guys. After confronting him about this...I stated that he had "gender issues".

Submission one: My art таблица (a true story...)

Okay, so the fact of the matter is, I hate president Obama. Please don't bother posting nasty Комментарии about that, it's not going to change my mind (and dont even think about calling me racist)...

Ok, so my art class was working on clay sculptures... when Ты get your clay, Ты have to pound it really hard to get the air bubbles out. I'm usually the only one who considers this to be fun (violence can be fun...). My Друзья asked why I was having so much fun pounding the clay, I told them it was because I was pretending it was Obama's head...

Somehow, it went from this to my Друзья deciding that I'm having an affair with the president... apparently, my nickname for him is big O.

the following is what a typical art class will go like at my таблица now...

friend 1: so, do Ты and big O have any plans for tonight?

me: *bites lip* we were going to... but he can't get rid of Michelle...

friend 2: If Ты want, I can pretend to be a terrorist... that'd probably distract her long enough for Ты to have some fun ;)

Me: Aww, you'd do that for me? I'll have to invite Ты Далее time we feel like having a threesome ;)

friend 2: really? How often do Ты have threesomes?

me: maybe once или twice a month?

friend 3: Ты three... are so gross...

me: you're just jealous... I bet if I invited Ты to Присоединиться in, you'd be fine with it

friend 3: . . .

Submission two: My little brother (true story)

My little brother (5 years younger) is a pedo in the making... Who knew so much perversion could fit into an 11 год old???

He knows pretty much every dirty joke, and he makes rapist faces at me pretty much all the time... what is a rapist face Ты ask? Trust me, Ты DON'T want to know...

Whenever he walks into a room (and he knows that us two are the only ones there), he has a tendency to shout "MERMAID SEX FIGHT!!!"

One день when I came Главная from school, I walked up stairs to find him waiting for me to come up... he was shirtless, and as soon as he saw me, he pressed play on his iPod, and Ke$ha's "Blah Blah Blah" came on, right at the point where she's like, "I wanna get naked!"

Yesterday we were eating ice cream cones, a seemingly innocent activity... except he kept on making sexual references, and licking his cone as if it was something else.

The sad thing is, my mom is thoroughly convinced that he's a totally innocent kid...

okay one день in lunch my bff got a банан for lunch. and банан is my other friend (kaityln) and mine word for penis. and nicole found out. so nicole was like "I like my bananas with whip cream!" so i interupted her and сказал(-а) "Ya but its the nice thick and creamy cool whip thats the best, not the watery reddi whip!" we bursted out laughing cuz no one knew wat we were saying!

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 секунды AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The Далее morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her халат, одеяние and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Bramble: how do u find the circomfrence of a circle

Star: pi r squared

Ash: pi r not squared, pi r round!

Can Ты make me laugh?Post The Funniest Thing Ты cand and if Ты can make me laugh Ты win a prize!i am NOT saying the prize!The game ends on June 5,2010.1 еще thing,No Pictures или Видео allowed!if Ты put 1,your disquilified!Good Luck!

I have 2 jokes

1) why did the police officer go to bed

2) what did the girl become when she spilled the box of cereal

Eh might as well post this. I was at my Друзья house one time and it was like one или two in the morning. We were giggling for no reason and all of a sudden she informs me that "you can't drown someone under water."

Another time me and her were playing a dice game and she was losing. She dropped her dice and when she bent down to get them she fell out of her chair and started throwing a tantrum. Since I was eating кислый gummy Конфеты when I started laughing I also started choking while she laughed. Laughing and choking I went across the кухня and got some water which made it worse so I ended up choking for about five минуты while we both laughed.

what to do when you're bored:
1. Argue with the wall
2. Go to McDonalds and ask for KFC
3. Go to a neighbors, ring the doorbell, throw a pie at them and scream " aliens are coming"
4. Roll down aisles as stores
5. Hide in clothing racks and yell " pick me" whenever someone passes
6. Pretend you're a baby bird learning to fly
7. 20 минуты into an exam, slam down your paper and scream "I can't take this anymore" and runaway.
8. Stalk people at the mall
9. Go in a changing and sing "I see Лондон I see France I see someone underpants"
10. Make a Список of things to do when you're bored.


So over the weekend, me and 3 other kids broke our phones :(

I have a friend named broccoli

My friend calls mt. Fuji , mt. Fudgie

I fell off the trampoline and my neighbor made fun of me. Then he fell off and broke his wrist.

My friend almost hit the дерево with my go kart

My teacher is germaphobic

I am eally random

LOL please follow me and I will try to post my full Список of things to do when you're bored.

I'll post some good/funny websites:

link
link

meh I'm bored...MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Ima cow!!!!!

Sweet memories of Rubii...NOT IN A GAY WAY!!!

Your mom is your face!!

Your mom is your Kanji!!

Dib's your mom!!

Your mom is your mom!!

MAMA!!!

There were some docters doing surgery on an elephant. It was lunch break, and they were almost done. While the other docters were eating lunch, one of the docters jumped in the huge cut "GERONIMOO!!!" The other docters finished their lunch and stiched up the cut, with the docter inside.

a few days later...

The docter punches himself out of the elephant. the elephant: AAAAAHHH!! I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!

I'm done now.

PS. MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I taught a гуанако, лама, ламы how to drive!! muahahahahaha!!! they сказал(-а) I could never teach a гуанако, лама, ламы to drive!!!..... NO гуанако, лама, ламы NOO!!! *llama drives off cliff*




There's a frog in my closet that stares into your soul.At night, he comes out and pokes me... I hug the Стена and say It's gonna be alright. The frog says if I tell where his secret hiding place is, he'll feed on my colin.




I live in the planet of Tacoville where chickens roam and bagels fly freely in the mountains of fdsjfhdlsui.




ORANGES ARE NOT INCLUDED




When a гуанако, лама, ламы knocks on your door and says he's jefferson, don't answer.

when life gives Ты shrimp, Ты make taco-ade!




Thank Ты for listening.

If a hobo asked yoda for money he would say slap Ты сука i will

when life gives Ты lemons, Ты put it in текила and get shitfaced

when the world gave Ты cheese Ты say where the fuck is the macaroni

how much do Ты think bella's period bothers edward?

nope i can't go to hell satin still has a resraining order on me


OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Wait i forgot

A kid in my class asked if we where going to learn about the male human body and my teacher replied "Im not even going to touch that..."

My friend сказал(-а) "I can use my right and left hand to write so Im anorexic"

Another friend сказал(-а) iv сказал(-а) gullible slow 5 times now and and it doesn't sound anything like goldfish

Another friend "wait they have a president in Africa?"

"Did Ты know dolphins are just gay sharks?"

OMG, I DIED

When life gives Ты skittles, throw them at Болталка people and say TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!!!

Okay, grab two chickens. Number them one,two,and four and release them in your school's campus. Obviously, the staff of your school will catch all the chickens, but they're going to go crazy looking for chicken #3!

okii...this is a nasty joke:
3 pigs fellin the mud.

THE END

Ты may laugh really hard at this one, this is from a fosters Главная for imaginary Друзья video from Youtube with the character cheese in it and the video has over 1 million Просмотры and each time someone leaves a Комментарий they either think cheese says "I FUCKED A CARROT" или "I FUCKED UP KAREN" from spongebob, planktons wife, but really he's saying "I FOUND A CARROT"!!.
so heres a little joke i find is extreamly funny.

Plankton: "What have Ты done to my wife, Ты brute?"
Cheese: "I fucked up Karen!"
Karen: "Data uploaded."

i gotta few

This is what happens when Ты take away my sugar

"NOT MAH SUGAR MWHAHAHAHAHAHA I NOW HAVE ME HOSTAGE FOR ME! THE WORLD WILL BE FILLED WITH BBQ MCNUGGETS FORM WONDERLAND AND JUNE WITH BE EATEN BY A DOUGHNUT WHILE CARLO THE ICE CREAM MAN DIGS UP MICHEAL JACKSONS BODY FROM HIS GRAVE WICH I, A.C KILLED MICHEAL JACKSON NOW IF Ты WILL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO PICK UP SOME PEANUTBUTTER WINKIES FROM THE AIRPORT

MWHAHAHAHA THIS IS WHAT Ты DO WHEN Ты TAKE AWAY MAH SUGAR!"-dont ask all Ты need to know is that i like sugar...alot

I was suprised one день to come to school and find my friend smelling of smoke and his hair sticking upwards, like he had just had and electric shock
"I didnt realise that the тостер was on" was all he managed to say


The other день I was in court for murder as I aproached the judge who asked me "Why did Ты kill this man ***** *******?" I responeded "Cuz i was bored"

not that funny but I got more!


My friend Miriam was getting scared thinking that the world was going to end in 2012, somehow the conversation ending with me saying "OH NO! MRS TREVET IS WARING NO CLOTHES, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"wev'e not talked of it scince

Amazing what people will belive wont they *gets text* OH NO! Katie just texed me saying that Abercrombie сказал(-а) it was uncool to belive! *hold breath*
Later that day
A news reporter was on tv "And 92% of american teen's have died today,rumor has it of a prank text going around"


yeah, i got nothing

Its past the дата but i wanna put this

This dad takes his son hunting. He tells his son," Okay, if Ты say a word while we're out here I'm gonna spank you." So the first день passes and the little boy doesn't say a thing. секунда день passes and the little boy doesn't say a thing. Then the third день comes, and they found a big бык elk. The dad takes aim and just as he's about to squeeze the trigger the little boy begins screaming. The бык runs off and the dad turns around and says," Now I'm gonna spank you!!" The little boy looks up at his dad and says," But dad, the first день that the mountain lion chased me I didn't say anything, the секунда день when the rattle snake crawled across my boot I didn't say a word I just couldn't stand it when the two squrrals ran up my pants and says," lets eat one now and save one for later."

(true story and it happened to me XD)
ok so i choked on a vegetable and i gagged so loudly buy the time i pulled it out of my throat my cousin his grandpa and baby sister were staring at me so the lesson here is: VEGETABLES ARE EVIL!!!!!!!! XD

okay a coup;e of months назад me and a frieend whent to wal-mart and when we decided Далее time the intercom came on we would start screaming and so when is dis i fell on the ground holding my knees yellin plz dont kill me plz plz dont hurt me amd crazy stuff like that so then a worker ccame and asked what waz going on my friend forgot to sscream but anyway she oh this is my sister she has issues and the lady сказал(-а) oh and got a piece of gum and i decideed to play along so i acted like a dor begging untill she gave me the pack of gum

...pickles...

1 день in the forest, 3 guys were just hikin along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attacked them & knocked them out. When they woke up, tey were at the leader of the tribes throne. The cheif then сказал(-а) "All of ur lives mayB spared if U can find 10 of 1 Фрукты & bring it bac 2 me." So after a while,1st man returned wit 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him 2 stick them all up 2 his butt w/out makin an expression on his face. He had a litle bit of trouble wit the 1st 1 and started cryin while tryin 2 put th Далее 1 in. He ws soon killed.
Later, the Далее guy came in wit 10 grapes. The cheif ordered him 2 do the same as the 1st guy. After th 9th виноград he started laughin so hard 4 no apperant reason, and was killed. The 1st guys soon met in heaven and the 1st guy asked the 2nd, "Why did U start laughing? U only needed 1 mor виноград and U'd hav gottn away!" The 2nd guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the 3rd guy walkin in wit pineapples."

once upon a time, there was a вишня pie. this вишня pie was a kind and generous вишня pie. he spent his time feeding Дети to old people to restore their youth. but one day, the pie failed me. i was so outraged that i was led to throw a pie in his face. the pie was shocked and hurt, so he cried out, "WHY HAVE Ты SOILED THE MONKEY BOOTS?!" ignoring his tears i cried, "YOU FOOL! DON'T Ты KNOW Лошади ARE ALLERGIC TO THE MACARANA?! NOW WHO WILL WATER OUR VEGETARIANIOUS VENUS FLY TRAPS?!"