Post A Joke Here!

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a joke here

a skeleton is walking down the street. a thief speaks to the skeleton: "money или life!"
the skeleton: "take what Ты find"

^.^ it may be stupid but i Любовь it

One день little Johnny went 2 school, and his homework was to find the first 4 lettrs of the alphabet. So he goes Главная & asks his mom, "wuts da 1st lettr of the alphabet?" & she says "bequiet!" so he rites it down. Then he goes 2 his sister & asks her da same thing, but shes listening 2 Музыка & sez "oh yeah!" so he rites it down. логово, ден he goez 2 his bro & asks HIM, but hez watchin TV & sez "nananana BATMAN! nananana BATMAN!" so he rites it down. Then he asks his dad, but hes takin out the trash singin "in the garbage" so he rites it down.

then his teacher asks johnny, "what the 4 lettrs of da alphabet?"-"bequiet!" 'wannaa go 2 the principals office?'-"oh yeah!" so there he is wit da principal, 'who do u think u r?!'-"nananana Batman!nananana Batman!"-'im calling your parents! where do u liv?!'-"in the garbage" haha. XD

Dust came out from a man's mouth because he told an old joke xd

A man and woman are in a court getting divorced and were fighting over the custody of the child. The mom tells the judge, "I gave birth to the child as well as took care of him, while the dad did nothing". Since the dad really did not do anything for the kid, the only thing he could tell the judge is, "If Ты put a coin in a Конфеты machine, is the Конфеты yours или the Конфеты machine's?".
It might be hard for some of Ты to understand it. So, here's the hint- 'Think the bad way!'

Two turtles went camping for the weekend and they took some пиво and sandwiches for when they got there. The only trouble was,the campsite was a weeks trip away. So the turtles set off with their пиво and sandwiches,and a week later,they arrived at the campsite. Sitting down for a rest,one of the turtles suddenly says "Oh no! We've forgotten the пиво opener!" The other one says "We can't have sandwiches without beer! You'd better go back and get it." The other replies,"No way! If I go back and leave Ты here,you'll eat the sandwiches without me!" The first one says "I promise I won't,now just go back and get it." So the other черепаха trudges off. 2 weeks later,the first черепаха is starving hungry and the only thing he has to eat is the sandwiches. He opens the basket to take one out when the other черепаха jumps out from behind a rock and shouts "I KNEW IT! I'M NOT ****ING GOING!"

I'm not afraid of the cops in Santa Ana, there on bicycles. I mean, how intimidating is this: "Alright Buddy, pull it over" *chine chine* *honk honk*? What do they do when they arrest somebody?: "alright, in the basket."

Inb4AmeliaBediliaresponse.

Q-If ur state is a куртка were would da black ppl be (not 2 be mean if u are 1 n not 2 b racies)
A-in da капот, худ

docter docter i think im blind

i do to Ты came in through the window

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb. Only two. The hard part is getting them in the lightbulb

Q: How can Ты tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: Ты can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If Ты are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and Ты have a gun with only two bullets, what do Ты do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What do Ты call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can Ты tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do Ты have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

A command was дана to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog сказал(-а) in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Ok so There r 2 Zebras 1 зебра Says "i dont know if im Whit With blk Strips, или blk With Whit Strips.The Other зебра Says Y dont u Ask god. So The frist зебра Asked God Th Same Question. God сказал(-а) u are Wat u Are. He Gose bakk The секунда зебра Says "Wat Did he say" The frist зебра Replied "he сказал(-а) U r Wat u r" The секунда зебра sad " u r White Wit Blk Strips или God Woulda сказал(-а) U iz Wat U iz" Lol

KK...

Q: How do Ты get Lady Gaga pissed at you?

A: Ты poke her face (Poker Face)!!!