Have Ты ever beaten a Monkey at chess?

No. Monkeys are really good at chess. Ive been beaten by then. He украл, палантин the prize from me.

If I say yes will I get a Золото star, a pat on the back and the destruction of all my enemies?......If that's the case... then yes. Yes I have beaten a monkey in a game of chess.

Why I have and I have beaten Sherlock Holmes at chess. Pls my awesomeness knows no bounds.

No. They never fucking listen though! The pawn can only Переместить double on its first turn, dammit! Stupid monkeys!