I realized I loved Ashley a while ago. We were onstage and my microphone cut out. I was forced to use Ashley’s until mine was fixed. For just a moment our lips brushed together and I realized I loved him.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe Далее год I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do Ты need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask Ты something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I Любовь you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell Ты for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If Ты had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of постель, кровати and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I Остаться в живых weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My сердце was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a постель, кровати with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I сказал(-а) no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any Еда so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss Ты Ash. I hope Ты don’t miss me too much because I want Ты to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, Ты didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch Ты and keep Ты безопасно, сейф if I can. I would have told Ты but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever Ты need to, Ты can be with whoever Ты want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll Kiss Ты before I go. I Любовь you.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe Далее год I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do Ты need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask Ты something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I Любовь you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell Ты for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If Ты had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of постель, кровати and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I Остаться в живых weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My сердце was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a постель, кровати with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I сказал(-а) no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any Еда so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss Ты Ash. I hope Ты don’t miss me too much because I want Ты to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, Ты didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch Ты and keep Ты безопасно, сейф if I can. I would have told Ты but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever Ты need to, Ты can be with whoever Ты want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll Kiss Ты before I go. I Любовь you.