Ash
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I hate going home. Knowing that when I get there, my mom’s gonna be trying to set her hair on огонь to keep the goblins away или something. Having to drag the lighter out of her hands, hearing her wail and dash to her room.
But this time was different. It was completely silent in the house. Completely silent. I couldn’t hear a thing expect the muffled whir of the air conditioning and the creaking floorboards when I stepped.
I hurried into her room. No one was there. She wasn’t in the bathroom either, или the kitchen, или the living room. I couldn’t find her anywhere.
Quickly, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed my dad’s cell number. I held the phone to my ear. After three rings, Dad’s voice came through:
“Hello?”
“Dad, I looked through the whole house, and I can’t find Mom anywhere.”
“She’s in the car with me,” he said. “I’m taking her to the Psychiatric Hospital.”
“The nut house?”
“If you’d prefer to call it that. Listen, Ash, I need to go. I’ll be Главная in about an hour. Okay?”
“Sure. Yeah…yeah. Okay.” I felt like I was choking.
“Good. Okay. I Любовь you,” he said.
“Love Ты too.”
“Goodbye.”
“Bye.” I closed the phone, slipped it into my pocket, and hurried up the stairs into my room.
When Dad came home, he found me laying on the bed, staring at a crack in the ceiling.
“Ash?” he said.
I didn’t answer. He came over and sat down Далее to me. The постель, кровати creaked.
“Ash, I know this is hard on you. It’s hard on me, too. And…” he hesitated here, then kept going: “and, Ash, if there’s anything Ты need to talk about, I’m right here, okay?”
“Why can’t I have a normal mom like everyone else?” I blurted out. Tears stung my eyes.
Dad pulled me into sitting position and wrapped his arms around me. “Ash, your mother wasn’t always like this. She was a charming young woman when I first met her. Pretty, smart, loved a good joke…” he trailed off, blinking hard. “But she…she changed a little,” he went on, pushing hard on the words. “And changing a little went to changing a lot. And changing a lot went to her condition right now.”
“Why did Ты marry her, then?” I asked.
He stood up. “Because I still loved her. Even then, I still loved her. I do today.” He walked over to the door, opened it, and went out into the hall. “Do Ты want this open?” he asked.
I shook my head, not looking at him. I heard the door click shut.
I lay back down on the bed.
I woke up to the alarm clock beeping. It was six a.m. I turned off the alarm and slid out of bed.
I looked outside. In the gray morning light, I could just make out the sun peeking out over the horizon. The sky was streaked with pink.
Normal school day. Normal sky. Normal sunrise. Why did it feel like something was wrong?
Then I remembered: Mom was at the nut house.
I sat down on the постель, кровати and stared Tim, who was dashing back and forth in his cage. His eyes looked wild, terrified, like he was picking up on my stress.
Being with еще nuts is gonna make her even worse, I thought. Why does Dad think it’s gonna help her? Why does she have to be a nut in the first place? Why can’t she just be a regular mom? Is that too much to ask, God?
I jumped to my feet, threw open the window, and shouted up at the sky: “Huh, God, is it? Is it too much to ask that my mom be able to tie her shoelaces without having to make some fancy knot to protect herself? Is it? ‘Cause I don’t think Ты pay attention to what goes on down here, God! I think the earth would be a way better place if Ты actually took care of people!”
I collapsed back on my bed, my voice hoarse. I was panting hard.
Suddenly I remembered: it was a school day. I needed to get ready.
I scrambled off of the bed, glancing over at the alarm clock. 6: 47. I was gonna be late.
I got ready as fast as I could and hurried down into the kitchen. I found some cereal in a cabinet and poured it into a bowl.
I opened the fridge to Поиск for the milk, coming up with nothing. I debated not having the cereal at all или having it with оранжевый juice, eventually coming to the conclusion of having the cereal plain.
I ate and dashed out the door, snatching my backpack up from its place on the shoe rack.
The bus was driving away.
“Dammit,” I muttered. Now I was definitely going to be late.
I took off up the driveway. Maybe if I ran to school, I’d get there in time. I don’t know, I think that’s what was running through my mind. That and the thing about my mom…in the mental hospital…the happy house…what do they do to people there? Is she going to become a normal person? So I can actually have a normal family, a normal life, at least at home?
By this time, I was gasping for breath. My chest ached. But I didn’t stop. It was better, just to run, then to think. Maybe I could get away from the thoughts, run away from them. They were chasing me.
A few of them got me: You’re dad doesn’t really care about you. Why else would stay at work all day, and then when he comes home, go straight to your mother’s room? Sure, he loves about you, but he doesn’t know who Ты really are. Would he Любовь Ты if he really knew you?
Yes, I told myself—and kept running.
By the time I reached school, I was sweating so hard I felt like I had taken a душ with my clothes on. My face felt warm, and I was gasping. I staggered into the school and into the bathroom.
I went into a stall and threw up until there was nothing left in me. The knot, that knot that was always there when I came Главная and Mom was doing some crazy thing, или Dad сказал(-а) hi to me and instantly went away, to be with the crazy person, that lump in my stomach that was always there, was relived for a moment.
But then it came back, and I wished it hadn’t left, because at least then I wouldn’t know how good it felt not to have it.
______________________________________________________________________________
I hate going home. Knowing that when I get there, my mom’s gonna be trying to set her hair on огонь to keep the goblins away или something. Having to drag the lighter out of her hands, hearing her wail and dash to her room.
But this time was different. It was completely silent in the house. Completely silent. I couldn’t hear a thing expect the muffled whir of the air conditioning and the creaking floorboards when I stepped.
I hurried into her room. No one was there. She wasn’t in the bathroom either, или the kitchen, или the living room. I couldn’t find her anywhere.
Quickly, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed my dad’s cell number. I held the phone to my ear. After three rings, Dad’s voice came through:
“Hello?”
“Dad, I looked through the whole house, and I can’t find Mom anywhere.”
“She’s in the car with me,” he said. “I’m taking her to the Psychiatric Hospital.”
“The nut house?”
“If you’d prefer to call it that. Listen, Ash, I need to go. I’ll be Главная in about an hour. Okay?”
“Sure. Yeah…yeah. Okay.” I felt like I was choking.
“Good. Okay. I Любовь you,” he said.
“Love Ты too.”
“Goodbye.”
“Bye.” I closed the phone, slipped it into my pocket, and hurried up the stairs into my room.
When Dad came home, he found me laying on the bed, staring at a crack in the ceiling.
“Ash?” he said.
I didn’t answer. He came over and sat down Далее to me. The постель, кровати creaked.
“Ash, I know this is hard on you. It’s hard on me, too. And…” he hesitated here, then kept going: “and, Ash, if there’s anything Ты need to talk about, I’m right here, okay?”
“Why can’t I have a normal mom like everyone else?” I blurted out. Tears stung my eyes.
Dad pulled me into sitting position and wrapped his arms around me. “Ash, your mother wasn’t always like this. She was a charming young woman when I first met her. Pretty, smart, loved a good joke…” he trailed off, blinking hard. “But she…she changed a little,” he went on, pushing hard on the words. “And changing a little went to changing a lot. And changing a lot went to her condition right now.”
“Why did Ты marry her, then?” I asked.
He stood up. “Because I still loved her. Even then, I still loved her. I do today.” He walked over to the door, opened it, and went out into the hall. “Do Ты want this open?” he asked.
I shook my head, not looking at him. I heard the door click shut.
I lay back down on the bed.
I woke up to the alarm clock beeping. It was six a.m. I turned off the alarm and slid out of bed.
I looked outside. In the gray morning light, I could just make out the sun peeking out over the horizon. The sky was streaked with pink.
Normal school day. Normal sky. Normal sunrise. Why did it feel like something was wrong?
Then I remembered: Mom was at the nut house.
I sat down on the постель, кровати and stared Tim, who was dashing back and forth in his cage. His eyes looked wild, terrified, like he was picking up on my stress.
Being with еще nuts is gonna make her even worse, I thought. Why does Dad think it’s gonna help her? Why does she have to be a nut in the first place? Why can’t she just be a regular mom? Is that too much to ask, God?
I jumped to my feet, threw open the window, and shouted up at the sky: “Huh, God, is it? Is it too much to ask that my mom be able to tie her shoelaces without having to make some fancy knot to protect herself? Is it? ‘Cause I don’t think Ты pay attention to what goes on down here, God! I think the earth would be a way better place if Ты actually took care of people!”
I collapsed back on my bed, my voice hoarse. I was panting hard.
Suddenly I remembered: it was a school day. I needed to get ready.
I scrambled off of the bed, glancing over at the alarm clock. 6: 47. I was gonna be late.
I got ready as fast as I could and hurried down into the kitchen. I found some cereal in a cabinet and poured it into a bowl.
I opened the fridge to Поиск for the milk, coming up with nothing. I debated not having the cereal at all или having it with оранжевый juice, eventually coming to the conclusion of having the cereal plain.
I ate and dashed out the door, snatching my backpack up from its place on the shoe rack.
The bus was driving away.
“Dammit,” I muttered. Now I was definitely going to be late.
I took off up the driveway. Maybe if I ran to school, I’d get there in time. I don’t know, I think that’s what was running through my mind. That and the thing about my mom…in the mental hospital…the happy house…what do they do to people there? Is she going to become a normal person? So I can actually have a normal family, a normal life, at least at home?
By this time, I was gasping for breath. My chest ached. But I didn’t stop. It was better, just to run, then to think. Maybe I could get away from the thoughts, run away from them. They were chasing me.
A few of them got me: You’re dad doesn’t really care about you. Why else would stay at work all day, and then when he comes home, go straight to your mother’s room? Sure, he loves about you, but he doesn’t know who Ты really are. Would he Любовь Ты if he really knew you?
Yes, I told myself—and kept running.
By the time I reached school, I was sweating so hard I felt like I had taken a душ with my clothes on. My face felt warm, and I was gasping. I staggered into the school and into the bathroom.
I went into a stall and threw up until there was nothing left in me. The knot, that knot that was always there when I came Главная and Mom was doing some crazy thing, или Dad сказал(-а) hi to me and instantly went away, to be with the crazy person, that lump in my stomach that was always there, was relived for a moment.
But then it came back, and I wished it hadn’t left, because at least then I wouldn’t know how good it felt not to have it.
And all I find is pain
I remember that in the darkest nights
There is still hope
I've been through the deepest waters
The darkest nights
Even when I couldn't see
I fought through it all....and survived
Ты know it isn't easy
Just fighting through it all
Trying to survive when Ты know there's barely any hope
And it was clear to me what a difficult world this is
People never сказал(-а) it would be an easy life
All they сказал(-а) was that it'd be worth the time
So I came into this world one dark night
And saw for myself how amazing it could be
Through the nights, through the days
Through the triumphs, through the pain,
We saw through it all
And believed
Through the nights, through the days
Through the triumphs, through the pain,
We saw through it all....
And survived.