I have a secret: I'm afraid. I'm terribly afraid that I AM GOING TO DIE. I didn't ask for leukemia. Nor did I expect it. Especially not chronic myelogenous leukemia. Especially when chronic myelogenous leukemia tends to affect the OLDER males, and I'm only what, 14?
But do Ты know why it has to be a secret? I have a family: my dad and Jae, my youngest sister. [Yeah, I have two more, but, they're out of my life at the moment.] They cried their hearts out once I was diagnosed. They were afraid that they'd lose another family member--after all, my mother passed away after a car accident. I promised to be strong. For Dad. For Jae. For Mom.
But if being strong means that I have to hold back all these tears, that I have to surpress all my fear in order to comfort my family, sometimes I wish I didn't make that promise.
But do Ты know why it has to be a secret? I have a family: my dad and Jae, my youngest sister. [Yeah, I have two more, but, they're out of my life at the moment.] They cried their hearts out once I was diagnosed. They were afraid that they'd lose another family member--after all, my mother passed away after a car accident. I promised to be strong. For Dad. For Jae. For Mom.
But if being strong means that I have to hold back all these tears, that I have to surpress all my fear in order to comfort my family, sometimes I wish I didn't make that promise.
when i just have been through the worse in my life
my eyes turn black,my skin turns white
i'll be like a ghost
life has been sucked right from me
i feel my skin tearing apart like it's going to shred
i'm shaking and lonely and cold
but it's funny that my only savior is just a little sharp metal thing
just a small razor can heal me that much?!
better than anybody i have ever known
i slide my left arm just a little as a start and i feel like i need еще and еще and more...
until i can not get enough
but then i feel so good,almost satisfied
watching my blood spilling on the floor,drop after drop very slowly
that's just the hottest painful pleasure i have ever experienced
i feel so unbalanced,so numb
i don't know if i need someone to touch me или to shoot me to know that i'm still alive
but i know i won't stop
i'll cut myself and fuck the wound
i'll lick my blood for all my pain
my eyes turn black,my skin turns white
i'll be like a ghost
life has been sucked right from me
i feel my skin tearing apart like it's going to shred
i'm shaking and lonely and cold
but it's funny that my only savior is just a little sharp metal thing
just a small razor can heal me that much?!
better than anybody i have ever known
i slide my left arm just a little as a start and i feel like i need еще and еще and more...
until i can not get enough
but then i feel so good,almost satisfied
watching my blood spilling on the floor,drop after drop very slowly
that's just the hottest painful pleasure i have ever experienced
i feel so unbalanced,so numb
i don't know if i need someone to touch me или to shoot me to know that i'm still alive
but i know i won't stop
i'll cut myself and fuck the wound
i'll lick my blood for all my pain
i dindnt say anything for a minute,then i spoke.
'do Ты know why?"
'well,she сказал(-а) something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come by my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
'do Ты know why?"
'well,she сказал(-а) something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come by my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
Sobriety is beyond a horizon for you,
One Ты won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific Обои replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do Ты do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why Ты mess around,
just let yourself be!
One Ты won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific Обои replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do Ты do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why Ты mess around,
just let yourself be!
this is just somthing that describes me :)
