Follow the spiders

Me, Myself, and I

By Rita Skeeter

Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange

Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s еще to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!

RS: Hello!

BL: *growls*

RS: Do Ты mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?

BL: What’s that?

*fingers wand handle threateningly*

RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call Ты Bella?

BL: No.

RS: How would Ты describe your relationship with the man known as...

1.A lot of trees have been sacrificed for Twishit
2.It's deathly boring
3.Sparkling vampires?Really?
4.Edward is a pedophile and a stalker.To every girl who thinks Edward's the perfect boyfriend: a guy who watches Ты when Ты sleep,is not romantic,but creepy.
5.There are a lot of plotholes
6.Bella has as much personality as the spoon I'm looking at right now.
7.Quotations like 'liquid topaz eyes' (since when are eyes liquid???)and 'it's an optional choice'(Where does Smeyer live,because it's obvious they don't have a dictionary there)
8.Bella is the stereotype of the woman before feminism.She's completely...

Ron just wouldn't can it. We were all at the table, while Ron was blabbing about how Professor Snape had gave him detention. For crying out loud, if he just payed attention in class he wouldn't have!
"'Mione, can Ты pass the butter?" he сказал(-а) with mouth full of chicken. I scowled at him and passed him some. "'Mione, Ты don't look so good are Ты ok?" Harry whispered in my ear. I shook my head. After riding a метла and falling off because of stupid Malfoy hadn't done wonders on the headache i already had. "You want to go to the infarmery, im pretty sure the med-witch has." he began but Ron...