soliloquy, a kawoshin fanfic 

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<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2816510"><strong>Soliloquy</strong></a> (9395 words) by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/lellyphant"><strong>lellyphant</strong></a><br />Chapters: 11/11<br />Fandom: <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Neon%20Genesis%20Evangelion">Neon Genesis Evangelion</a><br />Rating: General Audiences<br />Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply<br />Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu<br />Characters: Ikari Shinji, Nagisa Kaworu, Ikari Yui, Ikari Gendo, Katsuragi Misato, Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ayanami Rei, Aida Kensuke, Horaki Hikari, Akagi Ritsuko<br />Additional Tags: Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Nonbinary Character, Deaf Character, Autistic Character, Nonverbal Communication, Sign Language, Trans Female Character, Abuse, Child Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, selective mutism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Homophobia, Transphobia, Bullying, Dorks in Love<br />Summary: <p>Human AU where Kaworu, a Deaf foster kid, and Shinji, an autistic nonverbal abuse victim, bond over their shared usage of JSL. Also, everyone is trans.</p>

Human AU where Kaworu, a Deaf foster kid, and Shinji, an autistic nonverbal abuse victim, bond over their shared usage of JSL. Also, everyone is trans.

For clarification: I am an autistic HoH person who does not use hearing aids and who has minimal knowledge of ASL (and very little knowledge of the various Japanese sign languages). This is partially based on my + Deaf friends’ experiences. However, I wasn’t raised in the Deaf community, so if you’re Deaf and want to add on to this fic or correct something, please do.

I am also an abuse victim, so if this fic updates sporadically, it\'s because I got too triggered to continue writing for a while. Apologies in advance.

Kaworu fidgeted as they sat on the park bench, absentmindedly watching the children playing and adults arguing. They had gone to the local park for an excuse to get away from their guardians, who were fighting

(this time over the grocery bill). It was such a nice day that it had seemed a pity to stay inside, anyway.

They were daydreaming again, this time of living with their real parents (not that they had ever met them, but they was sure they were good people, and Deaf like them, a whole family of Deaf people, now wouldn’t that be something?). Kaworu bet they didn’t wear hearing aids, either, just like them. They didn’t bother with hearing aids. They were too obtrusive, made their stand out too much. Besides, they liked it when the world around them was quiet.

They couldn’t read lips worth a damn, and none of their guardians knew JSL, so communication between them was mostly limited to hastily scribbled notes and the occasional gesture. At school they had an interpreter, Kiko, but she wasn’t there at lunchtime or after-school activities to translate things, which meant that more often than not, they were left out of the majority of their classmates’ conversations. This left them with a lot of time to daydream, just the way they liked.

But suddenly, something bumped them out of their reverie: a boy about his age who, while running, accidentally tripped over their outstretched legs.

Kaworu jumped to their feet and offered the boy a hand up. “Are you all right?” they asked in their odd, clunky voice; it was hard to speak when they couldn’t hear themself, and they preferred not voicing at all, but sometimes it was necessary.

The boy stood up and said something they couldn’t hear. “I’m sorry, I’m Deaf and I can’t hear you,” Kaworu said, waiting for the inevitable look of pity that they loathed so much. But it never came. He never looked at Kaworu at all. Why wasn’t he making eye contact? Was he hurt?

The boy squirmed and began flapping his hands. Then the flapping became something else.

” he asked. (Truthfully the syntax of sign language was much different than spoken Japanese—closer to

—but that made little sense when translated.)

Kaworu was startled. No one besides Kiko had ever used sign language with them before. “

,” they signed with clumsy, anxious fingers. “

That’s wonderful! I’ve never met anyone my age who uses JSL! How long have you been learning it? Do you take classes at school? I had to teach myself, it was really hard but it’s worth it—”

The boy interrupted shyly with stilted signs of his own. “

.” Kaworu took pains to sign slowly enough for him to comprehend. “

How long have you been learning JSL? I’ve never met anyone my age who knows it.

About three years. Oh, but my mother is learning it with me now that she has custody! It’s fun! Like talking in a secret language no one else knows.

” He shrugged off the question, but Kaworu could sense something below the surface, something raw. They decided not to push it.

” they began to ask, but the boy’s head jerked up then, and Kaworu realized he must have heard something.

,” he said, and sure enough, there soon appeared a woman who looked just like him. She began to speak, and Kaworu could lip-read just enough to catch the name “Shinji.” Hmm. That was an interesting name.

” Shinji said eagerly. “We have to go home now because the social worker’s coming.”

,” Shinji signed with a smile, and they felt the tips of their ears turn red.

Kaworu watched the two leave with a strange fluttering sensation in their chest. They missed Shinji already. Hopefully, they’d get to see each other again soon. It was nice having a conversation in sign with someone other than Kiko. Maybe they could even become friends! They couldn\'t wait.

“What a nice young man,” Yui Ikari remarked. “Is he a friend of yours, Shinji?”

Shinji began signing too quickly for her to follow—something about “

“Oh, tomorrow’s a school day, dear, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for the weekend. You’ll be starting a new school and everything, so let’s go home and get ready for it, okay?”

He nodded eagerly and grasped her hand, then tugged her forward into a run.

“Oh! Slow down, dear!” she called, but she was laughing along with him.

The next morning at school was fairly typical for Kaworu: ignored by their hearing classmates, interacted with by Kiko only when absolutely necessary, and stared at by teachers who couldn’t get over the novelty of a real, live Deaf kid in their school. Nothing terribly exciting.

That changed when the teacher made an announcement during homeroom. “

” Kiko translated in her usual crisp, impersonal style. “

His name is Shinji Ikari. Please give him a warm welcome.

Shinji…? Kaworu’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be the same Shinji from the park?

Class, please welcome transfer student Shinji Ikari. Shinji, you may sit in the empty seat by Hana-chan. Would you please introduce yourself?

However, the new student didn’t say a word. Instead, he turned and began writing on the blackboard.

Then he sat down in the seat assigned to him, right next to Kaworu. But he didn’t acknowledge them at all. He didn’t acknowledge anyone. He seemed dead to the world…

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