Can anyone post a joke that can literally make me LOL? XD

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one еще time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one еще time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna сэндвич, бутерброд one еще time, I'm jumping too!"

The Далее день the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a буррито and jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have дана it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have дана him tacos или enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

Are Ты ready for it....................
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"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as Ты please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks. " The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere. In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck. Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man. Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, "for stepping on a duck, Ты have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man. " The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man. The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man. He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says "I don't know what I did to deserve this. " The man replies, "I don't know what Ты did lady, but I stepped on a duck. "

My personal fave. I heard it in French class.

idk if its any good

WHEN A GUY TRIED 2 пересекать, крест THE BORDER THE GUARD сказал(-а) ``IF U CAN USE GREEN розовый N YELLOW IN THE SAME SENTENCE U CANE PASS`` N THE GUY сказал(-а) ``THE PHONE GOES GREEN GREEN GREEN N I розовый IT UP N SAY YELLOW``

Two guys are driving down a road and they saw a hitch-hiker and picked him up, a few miles ahead the driver farts so the guy in the backseat rolls down the window.
A few минуты later the passenger farts so the guy rolls down the window again.

Then both the driver and passenger look at eachother and say virgin.

why can't ms. piggy count to 70? because when she reaches 69 there's a frog in her throat.



a woman is looking fo a guy who won't abuse her, won't run away, and is good in bed. she knows she's found the perfect man when the doorbell rings and she Ответы to see a man with no arms или legs. "i won't abuse Ты because i've got no arms. i won't run away because i've got no legs." "well, how do i know you're good i bed?" asks the lady. "i rang the doorbell, didn't i?" replied the man.




superman's flying around metropolis when he sees wonderwoman lying naked on вверх of a building. thinking, "now's my chance!" he swoops down, does his business, and flies away. wonderwoman, shocked, asks "what was that?" the invisible then climbs off her and says "i don't know, but it sure was hard."



sorry these all dirty. my friend told them to me. i thought they were pretty hilarious.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 секунды AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The Далее morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her халат, одеяние and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

a mom, a grandmother, and a 5 год old boy were sitting at the таблица having breakfast. The mom asks the boy, "Do Ты know what today is?"

"Yes mom! It's president's day!"

The grandmother smiles and says, "Do Ты know what president's день is?"

"It's when president Obama comes out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have two еще years of unemployment."

Sorry if you're an Obama fan.

LOL this made me laugh

How about this video?

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

alright, this is the best i can cpme up with right now.
the boy hears his mom yell "FUCK" he goes in the кухня when shes cutting a turkey and ask "Mommy, whats fuck mean?" "its how i Ты carve a turkey" he hears his daf yell "SHIT" and his dad is shaving his face and the boy ask "Daddy, what does shit mean?" "its a type of shaving cream." he goes Далее door and the neibors are yelling "you bitch! Ты bastard!" he ask "what does сука and bastard mean?" they say men and women. later the boy anwsers the door and says "bitches and bastards! my dad is rubbing shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey, leave your coats by the door."
*shrugs* couldn't think of anything else.