tell me a joke

Justin Bieber and One Direction actually have talent!

Okay! XD

*refrains from telling perverted joke*

I was wondering why the frisby was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

Two people walked into a bar.
Ouch.

I dunno. :/

i had a ploughmans lunch yesterday.




he wasnt happy about it.


this is one of my fave jokes, for all u people who sont know, a ploughmans lunch is a type of meal, i know the joke isnt that funny, but it doesnt take much to make me laugh XD

What shall we do with the drunken sailor?

сука please,

How shall we do the drunken sailor? XD



weak, I know... I'm not good with jokes XD

Only think that i thought of. But Ты have heard it a million times i am geussing

Why couldn't the kid get into the pirate movie?
Why?
because it was rated Arrrgh!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! jk,jk

LOL XD

Random

is a joke.

"Is he alright?"
"I don't know. Does he normally lie on the floor like that without moving?"


YOU-NO-POO
Why are Ты worried about Ты Know Who?
Ты should worrying about YOU-NO-POO
The constipation sensation
that's sweeping the nation!
Harry Potter Joke from the Half Blood Prince

Sorry but that's all i can think of at the moment. Have a funny pic!

Have Ты ever heard of a movie called "Constipation?"
























































That's 'cause it hasn't come out yet. :D

an englishman irishman and scotsman were talking in a bar and were talking about their kids names the englishman сказал(-а) i called mine george after saint george the irsh man сказал(-а) he called his daughter valitine after snt vaentine and the irishman сказал(-а) he caalled his son PANCAKE

[]Two Peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
[]mammy mammy what`s for dinner...... Shut up and get back in the oven

Okay, here's one: and hold your fan! I'm not feeling hot.

Рождество Eve

A man is about to jump off Лондон Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus.
"Why do this? It's Рождество Eve?" Santa says.
"Because I've Остаться в живых my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids."
"Ah, I can grant Ты 3 wishes, " replied Santa, "So when Ты get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there'll be presents for the children."
"Oh Santa - however can I repay you?" gasped the man.
"Well - not a lot of people know this, " came the reply, "But old Santa is gay, Ты could bend over for me, the elves aren't much good at it."
"Dunno 'bout that, " the man said.
"Oh, go on, " Santa urged, "After all - I granted Ты 3 wishes, don't be so ungrateful."
"Ok, " the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers.
Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up.
Santa looks at the man and asks "How old are you?"
"47, " came the reply.
"What? And Ты still believe in Santa Claus?"

...........

THE ART OF TELLING JOKES HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS~~!!<3

"Who's this little guy?"

"AUUGH!!! WHO Ты CALLIN A TINY LITTLE PIPSQUEEK THAT'S SO SMALL HE CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFINE GLASS?!?!"

"That's not what he сказал(-а) Edward -_-"

(Only few will get it)

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One день the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF Ты STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE еще TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Emmy Rossum's career.