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How do I become sarcastic?
"I'm the Queen of sarcasm, Ты don't just suddenly become sarcastic, it takes practice"


My house is on fire, what do I do?
"You get off the fuckin computer and go outside!"


My brother hasn't had his period:
"Yeah. It takes longer for boys"


What's an appropriate site for a 13 год old girl?
"Try Porn-Hub"


Can Ты get pregnant from watching porn?
"Only on wednesdays"


Every time I drink alcohol I feel sad.
"Your not drinking ENOUGH of of it!"


I was having sex with my sister and got a cramp in my leg.
"YOU HAD SEX WITH YOUR SISTER!?"


Why are Дети ugly at first?
"How about Ты stay underwater 9-10 days, and squeeze though a straw, and see how Ты look."


How do I become a Justin Bieber fan?
"You take a large blow to the head. Maybe jump off a cliff as a start."


Is is normal to be in Любовь with your dog?
"... Ты need help"


Do Ты Кошки know when your masterbating? I'm asking for a friend?
"Your friend needs to stop smoking so much weed"


Do they have toliet paper in Canada?
"Coarse not! We use the flag of whatever country your from"


Are their birds in Canada:
"Obviously Ты never seen Alpha and Omega"


What happens if Ты paint your teeth white with nail polish?
"You die!"


How do I test if my черепаха is gay?
"you Показать it your penis, and see if it stares for еще than 20 seconds"


Are there autographs of Иисус Christ?
"No, they were all turned into wine"


How does sex start?
"With human contact!"


How long can a little girl hold her breathe
"3 weeks"


How do I ask a Вопрос on Yahoo Answers?
"YOU JUST DID!!"


How do Ты tell which side of the potato chip is saltier?
"Take it to McDonald's"


Do midgets have night vision?
"Only in Mexico"


Why is canada a безопасно, сейф country?
"Cause the mighty king гусь gives us Еда to eat. And perverts say please ad thank after each rape.."


Every time I get masterbate, I get angry and throw my черепаха against a wall"
"I don't think your masterbating in the RIGHT way"


Хэллоуин falls on a Friday the 13th this год for the first time in 666 years. I’m totally stabbing someone.
"You two huh?"


The devil has five letters and so does weed:
"Good for you, here's a lollipop"


Why are Americans stupid?
"Cause they are close to Canada"


Why are ALL Americans obese, stupid and religious?
"Because ALL Canadians like hockey"


Is America planning to invade Vancouver?
"No, that's Japen"


Do they have trees in America?
"Coarse not, they sold them all for guns"


I caught my son having sex with another guy, I think he might me gay.
"You THINK he might be gay!?"


What another word for being wrong?
"Women"


Is it wrong too Присоединиться a certain race?
"Not if Ты ask the guys dressed as ghosts"


Why does my arm turn bright red when I'm eating dirt?
"Because your a fucking moron"


What's wrong with my boyfriend?
"He's dating you"


How do Ты hide a boner?
"You get a girl to hide it in"


How did the cow milking routine get started?
"I'm guessing there was a cow molester.."


How do I know I'm really my kid's mother?
"Lord help this woman."


How do Ты Присоединиться Facebook.
"I want too be sarcastic.. But I struggled with this myself.. So I feel bad"


"Is evolution true? Why hasn't my dog become an elephant?
"Because he's not a pokeymon."


What happens to people burn on February?
"They get locked up in an asylum."


Why dose South Park make fun of Canada?
"Because they truly believe we are hillbillies living in igloos and all that.."


Why is Korn so awesome?
"Cause Chuck Norris materbates to their songs."
added by Quirnechia
added by crisy93
added by Twilight_Dream
added by ilovehinder
okay im gonna write in a special way

girls that are goth
they hate jocks
they hate it when u talk about sports
they hate it when u talk to much
they never want to do anything when their in a mood
they dont watch american idol
they dont like u to talk about american idol
they hate it when u say "why do u always wear black?"
they hate it when u bring them flowers
they hate it when u try to "make moves"
they hate it when u bring them to parties with people she doesn't know

girls that are smart
they like it when u say "your smartness is cute"
they hate it when u defer her smartness
they dont like it when u...
continue reading...
posted by Cantwait4book5
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn Ты сказал(-а) the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Единороги

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because Вампиры are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Титаник

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your Книги are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous


Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make...
continue reading...
posted by karpach_13
The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. Ты have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin


Even if happiness forgets Ты a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert


If Ты want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy


Happiness is never stopping to think if Ты are. ~Palmer Sondreal


Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony


The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain


If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton


Happiness...
continue reading...
10. Blind People Dream

People who become blind after birth can see Обои in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a seeing person to imagine, but the body’s need for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle virtually all physical situations to make it happen.

9. Ты Forget 90% of your Dreams

Within 5 минуты of waking, half of your dream if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone. The famous poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, woke one morning having had a fantastic...
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1. paint everything in your sisters room black see what happens

2. get your sister или brother a drink put pepper in it....

3. play all your Музыка really load

4. blackmail them O.o

5. act like a cow.

6. lick them O.o

7. give them a хлеб сэндвич, бутерброд

8. set their alrm for two in the morning

9. bite them

10. flush the toilet when their in the shower

11. ding ding ditch their room

12. eat their food

13. be right in their face when they wake up

14 sit on them

15. put your cat или dog on their face see if the animal farts in their face XD
added by TheLefteris24
added by TheLefteris24
added by TheLefteris24
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added by TheLefteris24
added by shaneoohmac13
So I bet'cher thinking all high and mighty in your chair at this very moment something along these lines....

"Pink badass? HAH! Ты couldn't tell the difference between розовый and a barn-sized lightning-rod! :D"

And you'd be right, normally.....

DAMN IT.

But here's the thing, have Ты ever REALLY taken the time to think about it? Like, why розовый has the reputation it does as of right now?

Hell, even SAYING the word, it sounds pretty lame. Pink.

Like, PINK! It sounds like a Барби porno spin-off, LAME!

But once Ты venture a bit deeper into the realm of Pink, you'll find some pretty damn cool stuff.

An...
continue reading...
added by ace2000
added by xwolf19
added by BlondLionEzel
Source: Google
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Source: tumblr