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Source: tumblr, where else?
posted by merlinfanatic
Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four Вопросы to determine the level of your intellect.
Your Ответы must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating или wasting time.
And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: Ты are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in секунда place.
In which position are Ты now?

Answer:
If Ты answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. Ты overtook the секунда runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the Далее Вопрос try not to be so dumb.
2 : If Ты overtake the last...
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posted by JonasLuver1
Why Guys Любовь Girls:

1. The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2. The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our ams
5. The way they Kiss Ты ad make everything alright in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the it’s all worthwhile
8. The way they are always warm even if it’s minus 30 degrees
9. The way the look good no matter what they wear
10. The way she fished for compliments even though Ты both know she’s the most beautiful...
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a дерево and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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Just Чтение some of the Терминатор Цитаты through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash день tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. Ты might get annoyed by it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Супермен pajamas. Супермен wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a сердце attack. His сердце isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first Ты don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on огонь with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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INT. A SHOPPING MALL WE'VE USED BEFORE - DAY.

The mall. Teenage girls bury their heads in piles of clothes and giggle. A Sale Sign goes up and they scream. Mothers drag kids by their heels. As the people pass by, they glance uncomfortably at something off-screen then hurry along. The children point, faces uncomprehending.

Pan over to find ZIM and ГИР in a dark corner, near a waste receptacle, dressed as clowns. ZIM just stares out evilly at the passing people. ГИР simply stares, holding balloons.

ZIM (to GIR)
Look at them, GIR. THEY think we are clowns. But we are not clowns.

GIR gasps in shock....
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posted by KateKicksAss
 This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
Of course, if Ты are TRULY random, Ты shouldn't even need a guide, O_O

Randomness, randomosity, randomology, whatever Ты may call it, is using improvisation to create original humorous phrases или monologues или pine cones on the spot. 'Randomosity' is fun to express in the presence of Друзья или logging companies, but can quickly become extremely obnoxious. Have fun with your randomness, don't force it. Remember, if Ты got it, Flaunt it!

Steps

1. Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and Ты can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays...
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posted by invadercalliope
When Ты turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If Ты have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
Ты cannot turn back anymore

__________________________________________________

furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and by brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in постель, кровати and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse персик was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", персик told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a Kiss and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. маргаритка hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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added by Cantwait4book5
added by EmzLovesCheryl
added by h2o-fen-site
кабина for the Summer
Chapter Ten: Chelsea & Others
(I know this isn’t supposed to be Chelsea’s chapter, but since Chelsea and James broke up something is going to happen!)
By: moolah

    “I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed in his face, tears running down my face. “Stop yelling at me!” He yelled, a fist at his side. “It’s not helping anything!” Tori walked downstairs in her PJ’s and her eyes looking heavy. All the lights downstairs were on and Beth and David were trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. James had come back to the кабина drunk again with...
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"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty или anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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Mysterious love

-chapter five-

As we were walking down the stairs too the lunch room he said"So how was Чтение and math?"
"Boring"I сказал(-а) he kinda smiled and сказал(-а) "Well..." but trailed off
I was going too ask why when rebecca came up and looked at us she sort of examined us ,I guess is a better word.She said"June do Ты no if the librarian has a nother copy of that geometertry book I need it for something?"I just сказал(-а) "Umm I dont think she has one" When mathew сказал(-а) "I bet i have a copy at home,you can borrow"
I looked at him wondering why he was Чтение it in the библиотека when i came in too look...
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Just decided to write something random! My first Статья so Комментарий if Ты want!!! или not!


Why am I Письмо this?
Why is it hot или cold?
Why is the sky blue?
Why, I don't know!
Why does sound so corny?
Why is your name your name?
Why are goldfish orange?
Why is Fanpop fanpop?
Why is this random?
Why are your panrents your panrents?
Why do we like pie/cake?
Why don't we like pie/cake?
Why are there glasses?
Why do we have 10 toes/fingers?
Why do we eat?
Why do we have clothes?
why why why plz tell me why.