Best TV Цитаты of the Week for Nov. 22, 2015 

"Nothing signals the arrival of the holiday season like a balloon of... Maggie Gyllenhaal!"

"Yep, you\'re gonna want to make sure your kids are in the room for this, because Maggie Gyllenhaal is comin\' to town! And of course, many of you out there know Maggie\'s brother Jake Gyllenhaal, who once f—ed my friend Liz!"

Katie Couric and Billy Eichner couldn\'t be more chipper as they describe the bizarre spectacle that is Billy\'s Macy\'s Thanksgiving Day Parade

"Wherever she is sending you.... I know what you\'re capable of. You don\'t be a warrior.

Clara (Jenna Coleman) issues a plea to the Doctor, before taking (a big) one for the team

"So, where\'s everybody from? You! Where are you from? Say somewhere good. Someplace funny. Say... Nantucket!"

Mr. Fischoeder (Kevin Kline) dabbles in some dirty jokes while waiting for the Belcher kids\' performance to continue

"Son, I could fill a steamer trunk with the amount of stupid I think you are."

Sheriff Larson (Ted Danson) deems Dodd to be dim

"Thank you. You know what it\'s made out of?"

How can Zayday (Keke Palmer) resist Boone (Nick Jonas) when he\'s being punny?

Richard (James Pickens, Jr.), after Arizona asks him to find out if a pretty patient likes her

"Breakup sex is… well, it feels sad-happy. It\'s an emotional potpourri."

Callie (Sara Ramirez), after learning that Jackson slept with estranged wife April

"McDonald\'s this week unveiled a successor to its Dollar Menu that will allow customers to pay $2 for two items, which include a double cheeseburger, a chicken sandwich, small fries or mozzarella sticks. They\'re calling it the \'Type 2 Dollar Menu.\'"

"I had a donut! Yeah, it fell on my face. I had to eat it, or I would suffocate to death!"

After being busted for cheating on her green diet, Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge) explains that she didn\'t want to, she

"I can\'t hate him. He\'s great. Why else would you fall for him? He did everything right."

Simmons (Elizabeth Henstridge) puts Fitz\'s envy of Will in perspective — and receives a first kiss for her effort

"The Chans don\'t like Valencia. Because Asians don\'t like dumb people."

Chris (Jacob Guenther) drops some real talk on Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) and Greg (Santino Fontana)

"You think I\'m scared to do battle with you? Oh, Kevin, I am so desperate to do battle. So let\'s go. Let\'s go back. Right now. Let\'s go f—in\' die!"

Patti (Ann Dowd), more than just accepting Kevin\'s challenge

"Are you saying Grodd wants kids? Because I\'m pretty sure that one telepathic Grape Ape is more than enough for this city."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) has no sympathy for Grodd\'s loneliness

"Red licorice vodka? Were you expecting Chris Hansen?"

Jimmy (Chris Geere) is perplexed by Gretchen\'s choice of afternoon drink

"I know everything there is to know about Superman."

"I sleep on my stomach, which is not good for wrinkles, it\'s not good for my boobs. One day I\'m gonna wake up and one of them will be deflated."

Wendy isn\'t afraid to throw some of her "Hot Topics" shade at herself — specifically her implants

"I\'m an acquired taste, like gazpacho or that free U2 album."

Blaine (David Anders) brings up a difficult time for all of us while describing his own appeal

Dev\'s friend Anush (Gerrard Lobo) doesn\'t know what to believe after learning that the "Indian Guy" in

— aka Fisher Stevens — isn\'t actually Indian

Louis (Randall Park) makes the case for cornish game hens for Thanksgiving dinner

"Who pets a deer? What is she, Snow White?"

Jessica (Constance Wu) doesn\'t understand how her sister contracted Lyme disease

"Ah, this thing? I\'ve had worse cuts itching my nose with the wrong hand."

Hook (Colin O\'Donoghue) shrugs off the nick he got from Arthur\'s sword — for now, at least

"For those of you keeping track at home, that\'s now three children for Rafael and zero sex."

The narrator (voiced by Anthony Mendez), after it\'s revealed that Rafael\'s ex Petra is pregnant with twins

"I think the Russian red-haired lady in the kitchen is trying to poison me."

Petra\'s mom Magda (Priscilla Barnes) might just be serving time with the ladies of

"Wherever she is sending you.... I know what you\'re capable of. You don\'t be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor."