All Presidential Candidates On the Daily Показать and the Colbert Сообщить 

With Barack Obama:
Audience: "YOU ROCK, BARACK!"
Jon (laughing): "You rock, Barack."
...Jon: "This is my favorite [headline]: Angry Obama the Pothead is Not How We Remember him. Has the insanity of this precess sunk in on you yet?"
...Obama: "Let's take the example of experience. We try to remind people that no one had a longer resume than Dick Cheyney and Donald Rumsfeld and that hasn't worked out so well." (Applause) "We try to break down these narratives and get to the heart of the question so when people talk about experience is what they really want to know is, 'Does he have good judgment?' And you hope that if somebody has more experience it gives them better judgment. Of course, everybody knows a lot of fifty, sixty, seventy year olds that don't have good judgment because they keep on making the same mistakes over and over again. So what we want to actually try to do is start talking about judgment, how do we actually get stuff done, what's common sense..."
...Jon: "About the lack of experience, have you ever considered maybe running a smaller country first?"
Obama: "Well I haven't considered invading a smaller country first."

With John McCain:
Jon: "Is Romney human?"
McCain: (laughs) "Well, I'll leave that to--"
Jon: "Scientists?"
... McCain: "Let me just tell you, I'd close Guantanamo Bay and I'd declare we would never torture another person in American custody." (much applause)
... McCain: "I love 24... Jack Bauer and I have a lot in common."
Jon: "Are you fictional, sir???"

With Joe Biden
Jon: Are you willing to announce right here right now in front of our viewing audience that you are willing to have your son leave the National Guard and come support America by working for Mitt Romney? Are you willing, sir, right now, or are your family not patriots?
Biden: My son is the attorney general of Delaware and I'm worried if I say yes he'll indite me.
Jon: Is there anything in Delaware the Bidens don't control?
... Jon: And now with the pickle that we're in, and I say pickle because I am the master of understatements. Did I say pickle? I meant exploding cluster****.

(More later.)