"I'm fine, just help me up," replied Princess Pea. "That damn carpet did that on purpose. It's probably halfway back to Agrabah by now."
"Where?"
"Oh just a land, a faraway place where the caravan cammels roam. Wow, this room sucks. Ты don't even have a Шоколад fountain...I'm Princess Pea, by the way."
"My name's Cinderella."
"Well, nice meeting Ты whatever-you-just-said-your-name-was-but-it's-too-freaking-weird-for-me-to-remember. I gotta go."
"I'm afraid that's impossible," answered Золушка sadly. "You see, my stepmother locked me in here. The Grand Duke is going door to door to find the girl the prince wishes to marry...and I'm that girl! My stepmother somehow found out and is keeping me from ending my long life of suffering that I've been living since my father's death!"
"That's rough...do Ты by any chance have some lip gloss?" answered Pea. "I could use a little розовый glimmer."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Listen Cindy, can I call Ты Cindy?" began Pea. "If Ты want to reach this Grand Duke guy on time, you've gotta get out of here."
"But what can I do? It's hopeless."
"Oh, yeah why didn't I think of that? Because it's STUPID! Ты can't just sit on your жопа, попка waiting for things to fall into place! Далее you're going to expect a fairy to come along and magically solve your problems-"
"Well, actually," Золушка smiled slightly.
"You've gotta stop being a whiny victim! Do something with ya life, FOOL! Okay, I didn't mean to go all ghetto-fabulous on Ты with that last part. Here, I'll Показать you. Does this door look particularly strong to you?"
"I suppose not..."
"Then why not do this?" Princess гороховый, горох kicked the door with all her might and it fell out of the doorway. "Now let's go get Ты your man!"
"Oh, how can I ever thank you? Oh, Ты darling-"
"Cindy?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and go."
On the way down the attic steps, Princess гороховый, горох noticed two mice working their way up while carrying a key but decided to ignore them.
"Your grace, your grace!" called Золушка from the вверх of the main staircase. "Please, wait! May I try it on?"
"Oh, pay no attention to her!" сказал(-а) some grey-haired lady with a stick up her ass.
"It's only Cinderella!" added a fugly redhead in a magenta dress.
"Would Ты bitches shut up?" гороховый, горох rolled her eyes. "Let the girl try on the damn shoe."
"Yes, my orders were to try it on every maiden!" answered the Grand Duke. "Come, my child..."
Just as the royal assistant came scurrying towards Золушка with the glass slipper on a pillowcase, the bitchy old hag put out her walking stick and tripped him, thus the shoe came smashing to the ground in pieces.
"You bitch!" yelled Pea. "She did that on purpose!"
"Are Ты gonna let her speak to Ты that way, Mother?" asked an even fuglier black-haired girl in a lime-green drss.
"How dare you!" replied Lady Tremaine. "I did no such thing! Who are Ты and what are Ты doing in my house?"
"She's a friend of mine," Золушка replied calmly.
"Cindy, why are Ты so calm? Ты just Остаться в живых your one shot at freedom."
"But that's just it, I didn't...you see," Золушка reached into her фартук pocket. "I have the other slipper!"
The Grand Duke was filled with joy and placed the shoe on Cinderella's foot...a perfect fit.
"Oh, how can I ever thank you, Pea?" Золушка hugged the princess. "Why, if it weren't for you, I'd still be in the attic crying...oh, would Ты be my bridesmaid?"
"Well...I guess I...why not?" answered Pea. And though she was not usually one to tell people her true feelings, гороховый, горох was grateful to have finally made a true friend.
(End Of Part 7)
