Emmett

-Edward bought Bella a small silver phone. The kinds everybody has when there's an emergency. I wonder what's so special about the small silver phone.

Bella holds small sliver phone by it's edge. Almost dropping it.

Bella: Euw. It's small. and silver. and it's a phone. Omg its a small silver phone!!

Edward: Silver is sexy. Would Ты prefer a green giant phone instead, Bella?

Bella: No. Not green. I hate green. Green is wet. Green is damp. Green is Forks. I hate Forks.

Edward: If Ты haven't come to Forks then Ты wouldn;t have met me, your sexy, gorgeous, perfect boyfriend who's also a vampire...

Edward and Carlisle in a hospital approx. 107 years ago. Edward dying in the bed. Carlisle walks over.
Carlisle: Ты ready?
Edward: For what?
Carlisle takes his wrist and bites him
Carlisle: For the wicked awesome parody!!
Edward yelps and pulls away
Edward: What the fuck! I thought Ты were a doctor!!
Carlisle frowns and bites him on the neck, Edward starts flinching in pain, and the screen goes blank. Twilight is born flashes across the screen followed by three days later. Edward waking up confused remembers being bitten and sees Carlisle standing over him, Edward frowns gets up, and hits Carlisle...

" Are Ты really going to jump?" Rosalie asked quietly.

I sighed," Yeah, im gonna jump." I сказал(-а) softly.

"But why? Why would Ты jump, Em? We might be able to find a way to fix you. Find a way to get Ты back to-" she сказал(-а) before I inrerupted.

"Look, Rose.You heard Carlisle. He сказал(-а) I had two weeks at the most, and already a week has passed." I said, solemly," If...if I just do it myself, it'll all be over. Nice and quick. Plus, since im human, er kind of human. I wont be able to survive the impact." I explained.

"But that doesnt make it right Emmett!" She сказал(-а) angrily." What about the rest of us?!"...