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There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
Freddie's there. He doesn't turn his eyes right away from her, afraid of seeing her disappear, seeing her fly away as suddenly as she did earlier in the day, behind that fucking door that didn't open. And Effy wasn't answering…
He knows he has to protect her, he has to build a Стена between her and the others. Those others whose she's always feeling attacked by. For her he would have defeated the whole world. He already did it. He pushed a lot of people away, people they know and some they don't, people that she thought she had met them in her nightmarish hallucinations.
At that time, when they laughed together as though they were all alone on earth, letting the anxiety that locked their сердце go, he should have guessed it. That insanity he could have heard from her ringing laugh, the same one that sounded in her voice when he asked her about which "end" she was talking about after he found her in her mom's room, cutting up cataclysm, war and death pictures. That fucking insanity that is eating up her mind, making her get paranoid, echoing in the tone she had when she said: "Mine, Freddie". And at that moment, he should have known it. He should have recognised that damned insanity which was torturing her!
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
Not even through the Любовь she perfectly knows he feels for her. No, that Любовь isn't enough to her. It made her weak, so it won't save her. Freddie feels so guilty that he would slap himself. His Любовь could bring her to an end. He can't help her even if he'd like it. He'd fucking like it!
Having not understood everything earlier, having played with огонь and let things last, getting Главная one night to finally realise that everything's gone worse than he thought. He should have understood, he should have known! He should have prevented it. He's her boy-friend, isn't he? They were happy, weren't they? She looked happy… Nevertheless her depression appeared at the moment they were both at the height of their happiness. It really happened.
It's far from the end of all this, although it came pretty close to a stop earlier in the day.
When they laughed up together in the park he brought her to, lying on the grass, far from other people, far from the shadows haunting her, he must have had that bad feeling fore warning what would happen. It was probably the case: he surely saw that awful bullshit coming that he's not able to understand. That fucking bullshit that made him lose his hope, lose his future since there's no use to discover it without her by his side. He must have seen it coming. He had to! He just wanted to act as if it wasn't real and it wasn't happening to him. That kind of bullshit only happens to the others, to his neighbours, to his classmates. It only occurs to people he doesn't know and doesn't even give a shit about. He couldn't believe this even though it was right in front of him.
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
The bandages on her wrist prove it. The image of the blood patch staining the white tiles is still appearing in his mind. He closes his eyes hoping that it will disappear but it doesn't. The bands have the colour of a perfect white but he can stop seeing them as red in spite of their cleanliness. His eyes are red too because of the tears. But it doesn't matter really much. Effy opens hers.
"Go… away."
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
Freddie's there. He doesn't turn his eyes right away from her, afraid of seeing her disappear, seeing her fly away as suddenly as she did earlier in the day, behind that fucking door that didn't open. And Effy wasn't answering…
He knows he has to protect her, he has to build a Стена between her and the others. Those others whose she's always feeling attacked by. For her he would have defeated the whole world. He already did it. He pushed a lot of people away, people they know and some they don't, people that she thought she had met them in her nightmarish hallucinations.
At that time, when they laughed together as though they were all alone on earth, letting the anxiety that locked their сердце go, he should have guessed it. That insanity he could have heard from her ringing laugh, the same one that sounded in her voice when he asked her about which "end" she was talking about after he found her in her mom's room, cutting up cataclysm, war and death pictures. That fucking insanity that is eating up her mind, making her get paranoid, echoing in the tone she had when she said: "Mine, Freddie". And at that moment, he should have known it. He should have recognised that damned insanity which was torturing her!
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
Not even through the Любовь she perfectly knows he feels for her. No, that Любовь isn't enough to her. It made her weak, so it won't save her. Freddie feels so guilty that he would slap himself. His Любовь could bring her to an end. He can't help her even if he'd like it. He'd fucking like it!
Having not understood everything earlier, having played with огонь and let things last, getting Главная one night to finally realise that everything's gone worse than he thought. He should have understood, he should have known! He should have prevented it. He's her boy-friend, isn't he? They were happy, weren't they? She looked happy… Nevertheless her depression appeared at the moment they were both at the height of their happiness. It really happened.
It's far from the end of all this, although it came pretty close to a stop earlier in the day.
When they laughed up together in the park he brought her to, lying on the grass, far from other people, far from the shadows haunting her, he must have had that bad feeling fore warning what would happen. It was probably the case: he surely saw that awful bullshit coming that he's not able to understand. That fucking bullshit that made him lose his hope, lose his future since there's no use to discover it without her by his side. He must have seen it coming. He had to! He just wanted to act as if it wasn't real and it wasn't happening to him. That kind of bullshit only happens to the others, to his neighbours, to his classmates. It only occurs to people he doesn't know and doesn't even give a shit about. He couldn't believe this even though it was right in front of him.
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
The bandages on her wrist prove it. The image of the blood patch staining the white tiles is still appearing in his mind. He closes his eyes hoping that it will disappear but it doesn't. The bands have the colour of a perfect white but he can stop seeing them as red in spite of their cleanliness. His eyes are red too because of the tears. But it doesn't matter really much. Effy opens hers.
"Go… away."
There will be no cure to Effy's suffering.
